Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website

SethLarrabee · 04-27-2010, 02:50 PM

Hey Guys.

***I'm not promoting myself here, I just need some honest feedback!***

I just finished my first website targeted at local business marketing online. I would really like some unbiased reviews of layout and copy. Not afraid to get my feelings hurt. I welcome all constructive criticism! Here is the link:

Internet Marketing Florida's Marketing Mindshift

Thanks a lot for your help!

Seth Larrabee
Atomic Warrior

Sue McDonald · 04-27-2010, 02:51 PM

Be aware -This may be consider advertising yourself

travlinguy · 04-27-2010, 03:07 PM

Sorry, but it's awful or worse. I studied the page for more than a minute (far longer than any prospect would) and had no idea what it was about. Everything from your formatting to your bullets to your copy is terrible. I'd suggest you hire a writer.

Rezbi · 04-27-2010, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Sorry, but it's awful or worse. I studied the page for more than a minute (far longer than any prospect would) and had no idea what it was about. Everything from your formatting to your bullets to your copy is terrible. I'd suggest you hire a writer.

Got to agree with this.

mr2020 · 04-27-2010, 04:21 PM

Hi Seth,

I wish I had some good news. Lots of sizzle, not much steak to be seen.

Opt in forms at the top.... having to keep scrolling to just discover if I want to read...

Congratulations on completing something, most people never do that.

Congratulations too, on asking for honest opinions from people who won't kiss your behind trying to be nice.

Now shoot it, and begin again!

SethLarrabee · 04-27-2010, 04:36 PM

Thanks for the replies! So far so not-so-good, but I need all the feedback I can get. Back to the drawing board!

SethLarrabee · 04-27-2010, 08:56 PM

Hey Sue. Thanks for the heads up! Still wish you would have give some kind of opinion since you were already here...

Boadicea · 04-30-2010, 07:43 PM

Seth, I so agree with the others.

Safest way to go is with a white or almost-white page. It works for Google, Problogger and the Warrior forum, so something must be right with it

That top section is so in-your-face that it's frightening.

Find a few really successful sites that are promoting similar things as your site. Then model your site on theirs (I don't mean copy them, but use them as guidelines). Then you can alter things bit by bit as time goes on.

I haven't a clue what you're selling. What the site's about should be clear and above the fold ("above the fold" meaning what you see on your monitor screen when you visit the site). Because otherwise people will just leave straight away.

I hope this helps.

DeanRichards · 05-01-2010, 02:43 AM

I think you're making a fundamental mistake in your whole approach. Most people new to sales think that what they're doing is selling a product, but they couldn't be more wrong. What you're always really doing is selling yourself.

People can buy products anywhere, so it isn't about the product. What matters is that they buy the product from YOU. And the only way you're going to convince them to do that is by building confidence and trust. A messed up website, for example, doesn't build trust because it looks like you don't know what you're doing. If you can't be bothered to put up a decent looking website, why should they believe you can deliver on the promises you're making?

The other trust and confidence killer is that you're being phony. You're trying to emulate a high powered professional sales letter, and you're obviously not a high powered professional writer. I'm not saying that to be a jerk, I'm saying it because it is obvious to everyone and if you want people to trust you and buy from you, you have to be real.

So you don't have to hire a professional writer, you just need to change your approach and talk to your visitors as who you really are. They have a problem (they need to promote their business) and you have the solution to that problem. So instead of trying to "sell" them, be a friend and help them out. They're "regular people" so you should talk to them like the regular guy you are. Don't try to be a salesman, try to be a friend.

You could make the whole site into a personal testimonial. "I had a business that I needed to promote" or "My Dad/friend/wife/whoever had a business they wanted to promote and so I went looking for the best way to do that and I found the perfect answer."

My basic "story" type post pretty much always follows the same pattern: I had a problem. This is how it was making me feel. I tried this solution and I tried that solution and nothing worked. Then I discovered this other thing and everything started working. This good result happened, this other good result happened and now I am happy. If you want to be happy, then do like I did and try (the product).

By "opening up" about your problems and how crappy they made you feel, it encourages them to identify with you because they have the same problem and they feel crappy and they want to feel better too.

waywardsister · 05-01-2010, 06:39 PM

I would add, to Dean's post above, that you're not selling a product...you're selling a solution to a problem/challenge (as well as selling you as the person to buy that solution from).

What are the problems your prospects are having? What are the symptoms of those problems?

What have they been doing RIGHT so far?

What have they tried already to solve their problem/challenge? Why didn't those solutions work?

How does the solution you offer differ from the solutions they have already tried? (why is it better?)

Another way to think about it (and establish credibility with prospects) is this:

What does the prospect have going for them right now? What are their biggest strengths?

What challenges and weaknesses do they face?

What happens if they don't address those challenges? What are the implications?

On the other hand, if they do fix those issues, what are the implications for them? How will their business/life etc improve?

If prospects feel that you understand their challenges, fears, who they are and what they need etc, then you go along way in establishing credibility with them. They will be far more likely to trust the solution that you offer.

And plain, everyday language goes a LONG way...especially on the net! Be real. People appreciate it more than you might think. You don't have to write to 'sell' them so much as you have to communicate that you get where they're coming from and what they need. Ppl look for the 'what's in it for me' bits.

If you're really stuck, write a letter/email to a friend telling them about the product you're selling. No, you don't have to send it. Write to a friend, and just tell them about it. When you tell them about a feature, ask yourself 'so what?' (as in 'why does this matter, why is this important?') and then answer it, plainly and honestly.

(and yes...I am a professional B2B and B2C copywriter)

04-27-2010, 02:50 PM	#1
SethLarrabee Atomic Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South Florida Posts: 176 Thanks: 286 Thanked 218 Times in 40 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Hey Guys. *I'm not promoting myself here, I just need some honest feedback!* I just finished my first website targeted at local business marketing online. I would really like some unbiased reviews of layout and copy. Not afraid to get my feelings hurt. I welcome all constructive criticism! Here is the link: Internet Marketing Florida's Marketing Mindshift Thanks a lot for your help! Seth Larrabee Atomic Warrior
	Last edited by SethLarrabee; 04-27-2010 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Put in non-promotion clause

04-27-2010, 02:51 PM	#2
Sue McDonald HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Gold Coast Queensland Australia Posts: 358 Thanks: 4 Thanked 37 Times in 32 Posts	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Be aware -This may be consider advertising yourself
	Read Fast Tract Internet Mastery right here "Internet Marketing With Sue" Alternative Therapies.

04-27-2010, 03:07 PM	#3
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,937 Thanks: 1,315 Thanked 1,634 Times in 955 Posts Contact Info	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Sorry, but it's awful or worse. I studied the page for more than a minute (far longer than any prospect would) and had no idea what it was about. Everything from your formatting to your bullets to your copy is terrible. I'd suggest you hire a writer.
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| 2941 Power Swipes To Improve Your Writing!

04-27-2010, 04:21 PM	#5
mr2020 HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Melbourne Posts: 210 Blog Entries: 3 Thanks: 120 Thanked 49 Times in 34 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Hi Seth, I wish I had some good news. Lots of sizzle, not much steak to be seen. Opt in forms at the top.... having to keep scrolling to just discover if I want to read... Congratulations on completing something, most people never do that. Congratulations too, on asking for honest opinions from people who won't kiss your behind trying to be nice. Now shoot it, and begin again!
	Almost Free NLP My life is a non stop adventure. Enjoy!

04-27-2010, 04:36 PM	#6
SethLarrabee Atomic Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South Florida Posts: 176 Thanks: 286 Thanked 218 Times in 40 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Thanks for the replies! So far so not-so-good, but I need all the feedback I can get. Back to the drawing board!

04-27-2010, 08:56 PM	#7
SethLarrabee Atomic Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South Florida Posts: 176 Thanks: 286 Thanked 218 Times in 40 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Hey Sue. Thanks for the heads up! Still wish you would have give some kind of opinion since you were already here...

04-30-2010, 07:43 PM	#8
Boadicea Active Warrior Join Date: May 2008 Location: London UK Posts: 61 Thanks: 15 Thanked 17 Times in 10 Posts Social Networking	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website Seth, I so agree with the others. Safest way to go is with a white or almost-white page. It works for Google, Problogger and the Warrior forum, so something must be right with it That top section is so in-your-face that it's frightening. Find a few really successful sites that are promoting similar things as your site. Then model your site on theirs (I don't mean copy them, but use them as guidelines). Then you can alter things bit by bit as time goes on. I haven't a clue what you're selling. What the site's about should be clear and above the fold ("above the fold" meaning what you see on your monitor screen when you visit the site). Because otherwise people will just leave straight away. I hope this helps.
	Market Samurai In-Depth Glossary Market Samurai Resources and Reviews

05-01-2010, 02:43 AM	#9
DeanRichards Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website I think you're making a fundamental mistake in your whole approach. Most people new to sales think that what they're doing is selling a product, but they couldn't be more wrong. What you're always really doing is selling yourself. People can buy products anywhere, so it isn't about the product. What matters is that they buy the product from YOU. And the only way you're going to convince them to do that is by building confidence and trust. A messed up website, for example, doesn't build trust because it looks like you don't know what you're doing. If you can't be bothered to put up a decent looking website, why should they believe you can deliver on the promises you're making? The other trust and confidence killer is that you're being phony. You're trying to emulate a high powered professional sales letter, and you're obviously not a high powered professional writer. I'm not saying that to be a jerk, I'm saying it because it is obvious to everyone and if you want people to trust you and buy from you, you have to be real. So you don't have to hire a professional writer, you just need to change your approach and talk to your visitors as who you really are. They have a problem (they need to promote their business) and you have the solution to that problem. So instead of trying to "sell" them, be a friend and help them out. They're "regular people" so you should talk to them like the regular guy you are. Don't try to be a salesman, try to be a friend. You could make the whole site into a personal testimonial. "I had a business that I needed to promote" or "My Dad/friend/wife/whoever had a business they wanted to promote and so I went looking for the best way to do that and I found the perfect answer." My basic "story" type post pretty much always follows the same pattern: I had a problem. This is how it was making me feel. I tried this solution and I tried that solution and nothing worked. Then I discovered this other thing and everything started working. This good result happened, this other good result happened and now I am happy. If you want to be happy, then do like I did and try (the product). By "opening up" about your problems and how crappy they made you feel, it encourages them to identify with you because they have the same problem and they feel crappy and they want to feel better too.
	Free Market Samurai Niche Finding Tips

05-01-2010, 06:39 PM	#10
waywardsister Warrior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Please, need unbiased copy review of my first website I would add, to Dean's post above, that you're not selling a product...you're selling a solution to a problem/challenge (as well as selling you as the person to buy that solution from). What are the problems your prospects are having? What are the symptoms of those problems? What have they been doing RIGHT so far? What have they tried already to solve their problem/challenge? Why didn't those solutions work? How does the solution you offer differ from the solutions they have already tried? (why is it better?) Another way to think about it (and establish credibility with prospects) is this: What does the prospect have going for them right now? What are their biggest strengths? What challenges and weaknesses do they face? What happens if they don't address those challenges? What are the implications? On the other hand, if they do fix those issues, what are the implications for them? How will their business/life etc improve? If prospects feel that you understand their challenges, fears, who they are and what they need etc, then you go along way in establishing credibility with them. They will be far more likely to trust the solution that you offer. And plain, everyday language goes a LONG way...especially on the net! Be real. People appreciate it more than you might think. You don't have to write to 'sell' them so much as you have to communicate that you get where they're coming from and what they need. Ppl look for the 'what's in it for me' bits. If you're really stuck, write a letter/email to a friend telling them about the product you're selling. No, you don't have to send it. Write to a friend, and just tell them about it. When you tell them about a feature, ask yourself 'so what?' (as in 'why does this matter, why is this important?') and then answer it, plainly and honestly. (and yes...I am a professional B2B and B2C copywriter)