Please Review: Updated Sales Page V.2 :)

willyboy104 · 09-05-2010, 07:15 PM

Hello everyone, looking for feedback/constructive criticism for my second version of my sales page.

Sticky PLR - High Quality Monthly PLR at Affordable Prices

Please excuse the headline, black Sticky PLR bo and bonus item prices waiting for the new graphics/title.

The headline will be

" Unique & Exclusive High Quality Private Label Rights Products (PLR) Every Month!

Skip All The Hard Work of Product Creation, and Focus On What You Really Want To Do: Generate Sales and Make Money!"

How does that sound?

And, overall what do you think of the sales page?

Thank you for taking the time to review it.

Regards.
Will.

Andrew Gould · 09-05-2010, 08:36 PM

Hi Will,

The whole thing reads a little awkward - there's some poor English in there, I had to read some sentences a couple of times to make sure I knew what they meant. For example:

"The Guru's send targeted traffic to there own high quality product that actually converts."

No need for the apostrophe, wrong "there", and while you could say the product converts them, it's normal to reference the sale page.

You say all I need to make money is a quality product and targeted traffic. But on the very next line you add a high quality sales page into the equation without acknowledging it.

You mention, and deride, PLR products before you explain what they are.

You claim your products are proven to convert, that's a massive plus. But you need to show proof or it's just BS.

"Sticky PLR membership site has been created to help other Internet marketers" - I'd hope it was created for me, not other marketers.

You control exclusivity? Then state how many members you'll be letting in.

Your price justification is after you've revealed your price. And your first order button doesn't reveal it's a recurring charge.

A couple of times you say the PLR will be in the health niche but you don't expand on it. I'd want to know why that particular niche.

I'd make your sample images clickable and have them expand into lightboxes.

I could go on nitpicking, but I'm sure if you leave it a day or two then come back you'll pick up on most of the small errors.

Hope this helps you.

P.S. Check out this WSO selling PLR from John Rhodes, it's not 100% relevant to you but his copy does a fantastic job of positioning his product:

NEW! The Amazing Speed Secrets of DESPERATE WRITERS

And I love his Halbert inspired thread title.

09-05-2010, 07:15 PM	#1
willyboy104 SEO & PLR Guru War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: London, Manchester, UK Posts: 774 Thanks: 281 Thanked 113 Times in 55 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Please Review: Updated Sales Page V.2 :) Hello everyone, looking for feedback/constructive criticism for my second version of my sales page. Sticky PLR - High Quality Monthly PLR at Affordable Prices Please excuse the headline, black Sticky PLR bo and bonus item prices waiting for the new graphics/title. The headline will be " Unique & Exclusive High Quality Private Label Rights Products (PLR) Every Month! Skip All The Hard Work of Product Creation, and Focus On What You Really Want To Do: Generate Sales and Make Money!" How does that sound? And, overall what do you think of the sales page? Thank you for taking the time to review it. Regards. Will.
	Sticky PLR - Quality, Affordable PLR Coming Soon Grab You Free PLR Health Articles Now 4 Articles Per Month ***Market Samurai - No.1 Online Marketing Software - Read Review***

09-05-2010, 08:36 PM	#2
Andrew Gould Copy Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Leicestershire, UK Posts: 394 Thanks: 167 Thanked 234 Times in 157 Posts Contact Info	Re: Please Review: Updated Sales Page V.2 :) Hi Will, The whole thing reads a little awkward - there's some poor English in there, I had to read some sentences a couple of times to make sure I knew what they meant. For example: "The Guru's send targeted traffic to there own high quality product that actually converts." No need for the apostrophe, wrong "there", and while you could say the product converts them, it's normal to reference the sale page. You say all I need to make money is a quality product and targeted traffic. But on the very next line you add a high quality sales page into the equation without acknowledging it. You mention, and deride, PLR products before you explain what they are. You claim your products are proven to convert, that's a massive plus. But you need to show proof or it's just BS. "Sticky PLR membership site has been created to help other Internet marketers" - I'd hope it was created for me, not other marketers. You control exclusivity? Then state how many members you'll be letting in. Your price justification is after you've revealed your price. And your first order button doesn't reveal it's a recurring charge. A couple of times you say the PLR will be in the health niche but you don't expand on it. I'd want to know why that particular niche. I'd make your sample images clickable and have them expand into lightboxes. I could go on nitpicking, but I'm sure if you leave it a day or two then come back you'll pick up on most of the small errors. Hope this helps you. P.S. Check out this WSO selling PLR from John Rhodes, it's not 100% relevant to you but his copy does a fantastic job of positioning his product: NEW! The Amazing Speed Secrets of DESPERATE WRITERS And I love his Halbert inspired thread title.
	Andrew Gould