Can you improve this sales copy - I'm sure you can.

[kenj]

I have done really well with my Mega Article System that is in my sig file.
I think that I could do a lot better however.

Go here to see the sales page Mega Article System

This is my only product in the IM niche.

Can you expert writers have a look at the sales page and hit me with any improvements.

My current conversion rate is .5%. I.E. 1 visitor in 200 orders.

No refunds so far (I shouldn't have said that)

I am thinking of commissioning a sales page writer so if you think you can revolutionise my conversion rate let me know.

I am currently working on version 2 of the system for launch in the new year

[gcjmarkets]

Hi Ken,

After reviewing your sales page my observations are

Headline - Your headline is somewhat generic; you product is in a very competitive niche so you may want to try and get your usp in the headline. What makes your product better than other article marketing products? What will it do for me that others can't

Video - If your going to have a video on the sales page you want to have it on the page instead of having people click away from the page and if you are going to offer a sample video it should be closer to the end of the page in the context of overcoming objections. Something like "Still on the fence check out the first video here" or something along those lines

Body -You Said "Once you have written your first Mega Article you can post it in the knowledge that it is going to work for you for years to come". This statement could use some work; whats it going to do for me in years to come.

Your body also lacks P.A.S. (problem, agitation, solution) what is the problem? Then agitate the problem; and provide a solution.

It also lacks a story that flows and keeps the readers attention; you only have about 10 seconds to keep your readers attention throughout the whole copy not just the headline.

You also need to arouse curiousity when you are listing the features and benefits

Ex. (The Biggest mistakes marketers make when rewriting plr articles; This one mistake is the difference between attracting a mob of ready to buy customers, or hurting your search engine rankings)

Last you want to give an indepth overview of what is in each video without giving away your system.

If you would like a complete review and a qoute you can contact me at gcjmarkets@aol.com or pm me.

[Loren Woirhaye]

It needs a little formatting help because the text is squashed
against the left side of the screen. 30px of padding is good.

Your free opt-in offer is stated vaguely and without enthusiasm.
Putting it in a box or pop-in with a headline that gets people
excited about what is in the email series would probably
boost your opt-ins.

Regardless of whether or not the message in your headline
is good (I think it tells "what it is" - so that's good in my book)
it's stated in a roundabout way:

"Discover the secrets of how to write hugely successful articles that will turn your writing into a money making machine"

"Get massive numbers of visitors to your website with brilliant articles you have written yourself"

I would rewrite the above to read:


"Discover The Easy Way To Write Articles Which Get YOU Lots Of Website Traffic And Make YOU Money!"

That's a cleared message and it's stated more succinctly. If you want to
hype it up you can try something like:

"At Last! - The Easiest Way To Write Magnetic Money-Making Articles Which Pull Buyers To Your Website And Fill Your Pockets With Cash"

The rest of the copy is dull and set in too-small a font - but if you capture
a person's interest with the headline and promise you'll make more sales
despite the unenergetic copy.

[kenj]

These are very helpful comments thanks guys.

The only thing I would come back on is the copy not being hype (Unenergetic)

I find that over hype type sales pages make me click away so I didn't want to have that effect on my visitors.

Thanks again

Anyone else??

[Loren Woirhaye]

It's not the same in my book. You have to write in a way that
conveys excitement. You don't have to lie to be energetic.
I find your body copy flat. That's what I meant.

Maybe you need a copywriter if that's a big challenge for you.
Technical articles shouldn't have the same enthusiastic tone
good copywriting needs to succeed. Hyperbole and enthusiasm
are not the same thing.

[Justin Mandel]

The autoresponder just hanging out near the top looks strange to me.

If your going to keep it there at least make this pop to get the reader to take action:

"How To Rewrite a PLR Article in 7 Minutes"
Your free copy will be sent as soon as you sign up below"

[Fred_Acker]

I find that over hype type sales pages make me click away so I didn't want to have that effect on my visitors.

Urgency doesn't always have to be hyped. I just took a look at your page (in firefox and opera it's sitting to the left and in e it's centered)

I didnt see anything that required me to take that leap of faith into your mega article system.

Honestly, after reading the page it seems that all you really care about is you (no offense). I didn't see what's in it for me. After 15 "I"s I stopped counting.

[Andy Catsimanes]

Good observations above. I'd add a couple things.

Your "blink" rating is low. In the 1/2 second or so after first clicking on the page - before I have time to consciously assimilate the content, the overall design doesn't give me enough confidence this is worth my time.

(Of course everything I'm saying is subject to testing)

You should test without the header or with a different header graphic. Generally, we find no header often gets better response. If you do use a header graphic, make sure it coaxes the eye down into the headline instead of stalling on the header.

Also, make sure it serves a purpose. The graphic on your page doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the page. It's going to cause confusion as the reader tries to reconcile the image with what he's reading. (This is mostly unconscious, but the effects will be real).

I agree with gjc the headline isn't compelling. It lacks specificity, for one thing. Can you quantify your benefit? Can you put a little twist on it that differentiates it from your competition?

I understand you don't like hype, and I'm not suggesting you use hype; but what's lacking is a sense that this is in any way unique. Find a hook or angle that makes people want to find out more.

Remember, "the only purpose of the headline is to get people to read the deck copy. The only reason for the deck copy is to get them to read the lead, and the only purpose of the lead is..." You get the idea.

You should change the font color and underline on your subheads. The look like links and you're causing confusion and frustration for people who will no doubt try to click on them.

There's a lot more to work on, but if you'll start with the suggestions you've got so far, and do a little testing, you should see improvement in your conversions.

Good Luck!

[BrianMcLeod]

You've gotten some really excellent advice, Kenj.

Heed.

(BTW, welcome Andy!)

Good luck,

Brian

[kenj]

OK

That's plenty of help to be going on with. I will spend some time rewriting the sales page and looking at the page layout in general.

I will post back when it is done.

[Michael G Perry]

Try this - It should get you to about a 1.7% conversion rate on Thursdays, Fridays and Weekends.

Here you go:

Learn Some Simple, Heavily Guarded Secrets You Can Start Using Immediately, That Will Teach You Exactly How To Convert Your Articles Into Cash Literally Overnight – Guaranteed!




"Leverage These High-Impact Secrets to Drive Thousand of Visitors to Your Website 24 Hours a Day and Finally Get the Real Results You’re Looking For!”

[Nick Doyle]

You definitely need formatting and some stronger colors in there. Go for WHITE background with RED HEADLINES + SUBHEADLINES. Maybe your Banner can be improved as well (spend 100 bucks on a graphic designer).

But then again I don't know how well this has been converting for you so I'd definitely split-test this with Googles Website Optimizer and see which one REALLY makes a difference.

But always Split-Test!

[mr.steve]

Hi Kenj

You have a lot of good points in there, but you could easily get a better conversion rate.

Overall the sales copy just doesn't do enough to convince. No real mention of the problems that the product solves, no real information as to how your product is different (no USP), not enough copy to push all the right emotional buttons.

But it has some good info in there. Just beef it up, and see what happens. Test, test, test....

Steve