If you have a sec, could you help with my first squeeze page?

GhostWriter · 01-06-2009, 11:53 AM

Jude, it's a great approach, but may I suggest a couple of changes?
I think both headline & subhead are still too long.
I'd say something like:

More People Got Super-Rich during the Great Depression
than at Any Other Time in US History!

Do you want to know WHY?

“This FREE report uncovers 10 of the secrets that will empower you
to prosper online, even in today's rotten economy!” — Jude Knight

Then I'd delete the second paragraph from the body copy, & I'd tighten up
ALL of it (yep, the writing is still not as clean as it could be).

~ Kat

UnityinAustralia · 01-06-2009, 06:27 PM

Just looked at the squeeze page.

All the text... i just phase it out. The only thing that grabbed me was watching the video with the text zooming towards me. I was kinda interested in watching it, but pressed for time I let it pass.

Images to add color?

01-06-2009, 11:53 AM	#51
GhostWriter Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Cincinnati OH, USA Posts: 44 Thanks: 5 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Contact Info	Re: If you have a sec, could you help with my first squeeze page? Jude, it's a great approach, but may I suggest a couple of changes? I think both headline & subhead are still too long. I'd say something like: More People Got Super-Rich during the Great Depression than at Any Other Time in US History! Do you want to know WHY? “This FREE report uncovers 10 of the secrets that will empower you to prosper online, even in today's rotten economy!” — Jude Knight Then I'd delete the second paragraph from the body copy, & I'd tighten up ALL of it (yep, the writing is still not as clean as it could be). ~ Kat

01-06-2009, 06:27 PM	#52
UnityinAustralia Looking for JV partners Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: If you have a sec, could you help with my first squeeze page? Just looked at the squeeze page. All the text... i just phase it out. The only thing that grabbed me was watching the video with the text zooming towards me. I was kinda interested in watching it, but pressed for time I let it pass. Images to add color?