Critique needed of Ebook Sales Page

[upgradereality]

Hi,
I'm out of ideas for my sales page and I'd love to get some critique.
It's converting at 1% and I'm not happy with that

Upgrade Reality - Self improvement Books & Personal Growth Guide

Feel free to be as harsh as you want, but if you say something is crap please tell me why it's crap so I can learn and make changes.

Thanks in advance!
Diggy

[Dean Dune]

It's pretty rough overall.

You should study some other sales letters to get a better feel for it.

As an example, check out the ad for 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'

Victor Schwab Ad # 7: “How To Win Friends And Influence People”

You should also consider ditching the fake vid.

By the way, 1% isn't all that horrible. The traffic you're getting is a factor also.

Two words of advice: complete rewrite.

[OutOfThisWord]

1% is not a bad conversion rate... you would do well to get percentages by traffic source.

Before you began any major revisions, try something simple.

Take the beginning video out where the word 'awesome' is repeated at least twice... and move the headline up so it's the first thing the visitor sees.

[upgradereality]

Thanks for the feedback, I'm also thinking it's a bit messy and needs a rewrite!
Cheers

[davemiz]

study how a sales letter is written... the structure and flow isn't here.... honestly, you need a good copywriter.... cuz this copy pretty much sucks.

sorry dude.

1% is good with the copy i just read... i'm surprised its selling at all with that copy.

and the cooking ebook as a bonus? wtf does this have to do with your product?

totally in left field. remove it and use something that has to do with your product.

[RickDuris]

I agree with others regarding this piece. Assuming you've got a product that delivers results, it needs:

1. A solid structure.

2. It needs passion. Emotion. Right now, it's too abstract and analytical. In other words, you're going to have to dig deep.

3. While your own story is personal, it's not all that compelling.

The good news is all you need is ONE experience which people can relate to when it comes to turning their life around. I'm sure you have many you can draw upon.

But the one that will make the most difference, is the one you can get most emotional about. The one which caused you, almost forced you to make the change you wanted to make.

4. The big thing that's missing in the context of what you've written, is that you've positioned yourself as a "role model initially." But while you share your struggle, you do not share the fruits of your labor and transformation.

In other words, with words paint a before and after picture.

What do you now have that you didn't have before? What have you accomplished? Who have you become? People will want to know what you have done with the information you've accumulated.

- Rick Duris

[upgradereality]

Thank you all for your helpful replies!

I totally agree, the copy sucks and I need to start from scratch. This was my first sales page I ever wrote and it's really of poor quality.

I'm going to study some sales letters and redo this one.

[Johnny12345]

There are many problems with your sales page.

Here are a few of them...

* You have no story. You go straight from headline to a few general bullets to asking for money. You have to sell them on the value of what you're offering BEFORE you ask for the sale.

* In this short sales page you ask them to buy THREE times. It's as if you're begging them to buy. It seems desperate. And making the buy button HUGE isn't going to do the trick, either. You need compelling copy. (See my comment above.)

* Your copy talks about "Diggy." If I hadn't read your post, I'd be wondering who the heck "Diggy" is. Since you're trying to establish credibility, it might be best to avoid the use of your nickname.

* Your attempt at fake price scarcity is rather transparent. People are skeptical. They're also starting to catch on to these sorts of ploys.

* The testimonials read like they're from friends -- not customers. (Am I mistaken?)

* In your copy, you say...

‘Upgrade Reality’ is the collection and summary of my entire life’s experience of dealing with and overcoming personal obstacles

... however, in your picture, you don't look old enough to have had all that much "life experience." (Maybe you really HAVE -- but I'm talking about "the perception.") It might be best, in this particular case, to omit the picture.

I hope that wasn't too harsh. But I DO like your e-book cover.

Regards,

John

[upgradereality]

Originally Posted by Johnny12345

There are many problems with your sales page.

Here are a few of them...

* You have no story. You go straight from headline to a few general bullets to asking for money. You have to sell them on the value of what you're offering BEFORE you ask for the sale.

* In this short sales page you ask them to buy THREE times. It's as if you're begging them to buy. It seems desperate. And making the buy button HUGE isn't going to do the trick, either. You need compelling copy. (See my comment above.)

* Your copy talks about "Diggy." If I hadn't read your post, I'd be wondering who the heck "Diggy" is. Since you're trying to establish credibility, it might be best to avoid the use of your nickname.

* Your attempt at fake price scarcity is rather transparent. People are skeptical. They're also starting to catch on to these sorts of ploys.

* The testimonials read like they're from friends -- not customers. (Am I mistaken?)

* In your copy, you say...

‘Upgrade Reality’ is the collection and summary of my entire life’s experience of dealing with and overcoming personal obstacles

... however, in your picture, you don't look old enough to have had all that much "life experience." (Maybe you really HAVE -- but I'm talking about "the perception.") It might be best, in this particular case, to omit the picture.

I hope that wasn't too harsh. But I DO like your e-book cover.

Regards,

John

Hi John,
thanks for your feedback.

You are right and the sales copy is crap.
The ebook design and content are very good though, so I have something good to sell, I just need to present it properly.

Will be working on this tomorrow!
Cheers!