My first sales page and I need the input of Experts

[jlmconnection]

I have just finished creating my first sales page. It would be an enormous help if anyone with experience in copywriting would review my sales page and give me their feedback.

Here is the link: index

I know everyone is busy so I appreciate any time that you can set aside to help me.

Thanks in advance.
Jim Cooper

[sethczerepak]

It needs a new headline. No one wants to know why they failed, they want to know how you can help them succeed. That's as far as I got, because until you change that that's probably as far as your readers are going to get.

[Ross James]

the headline reads like a soft sub head, it's basically not worthy of the large over-sized font. and I disagree with seth for the most part, you have to stir up emotions in hopes of increasing response. I for sure would like to know right up front why I may have failed at something.

-Ross

[jlmconnection]

Thanks for the suggestions If possible could you continue reading the sales page and provide further input and suggestions?

[OutOfThisWord]

Coop... here's your headline, it was buried in the bullets...

How To Get The Body Of Your Dreams
Faster And Easier Than You Ever Thought Possible

[jlmconnection]

WOW...you would have seen that since I wrote it..THANKS!!!!!!

[jlmconnection]

actually that was supposed to say, "you would have thought I would have seen that since I wrote it"....DUH

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by OutOfThisWord

Coop... here's your headline, it was buried in the bullets...

How To Get The Body Of Your Dreams
Faster And Easier Than You Ever Thought Possible

A new challenger has appeared...

Hey tubbo butt...

How Would You Like To Drop Your Pants Down A Few Sizes - Rip Off Your Belly Fat And Finally Have Your Reflection Smile Back At You..

Go ahead, claim that new reputation on the dance floor, what are you waiting for?

[Pusateri]

Originally Posted by Ross James

A new challenger has appeared...

Hey tubbo butt...

How Would You Like To Drop Your Pants Down A Few Sizes - Rip Off Your Belly Fat And Finally Have Your Reflection Smile Back At You..

Go ahead, claim that new reputation on the dance floor, what are you waiting for?

Drop your pants?! Is that an NLP embedded command? Be careful, that stuff is powerful.

Please tell me what means, "information is only rumor until you get it in the muscle." I've been pondering that thing like a zen koan, but have yet to achieve enlightenment.

Mark

[Ross James]

It comes from a tribe in new guinea and it means with practice we put the skills we learn into the muscle and only when we do that we get rewarded for the things we learn from the neck up.

Best,

Ross

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

How Would You Like To Drop Your Pants Down A Few Sizes - Rip Off Your Belly Fat And Finally Have Your Reflection Smile Back At You..
Go ahead, claim that new reputation on the dance floor, what are you waiting for?

why not, some tried that before

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

I like the design, and the colours, and the testimonials are specific so that's good. But the copy sounds like some other copies about losing weight, it lacks a story, or uniqueness, I don't know, it's a bit... boring.

I'm not sure if the qualifications - next to the experts photos - should go first, or you should rather start with the benefits. I mean, as a potential client I assume you people have qualifications, so tell me first what you can do for me.

And I find those golden laurel wreaths a bit clip-arty and tacky; they take my attention away from the photos. They may work for other people though.

I hope I don't sound like a nagging you know who

[ewenmack]

Hi Jim,

Your first line is good in that it calls out to a target audience.

Still could be tighter though, by replacing "everyone" with
"every man and woman".

Next you need to go and research what the differences
men and women want.

Put your findings in your headline.

I could tell you, as I have allready done the research...

...but I won't.

Not to be mean, but to show you the process
of coming up with your own blockbuster.

The alternative is to pay a pro to do it for you.

And no, I'm not fishing for the job.

Let's see if you are up to the task.

All the best,
Ewen

[jlmconnection]

Hi Everyone,
First thanks for all the great suggestions and input.

Grazina, you don't sound like a nagging you know who. I asked for your input and you gave it. Since I have no real experience in writing sales pages copy OR web design I have a huge learning curve but that is why I am a member of the WF and I appreciate you taking the time to help.

ewenmack: that is a great distinciton to consider, man v.s. women and obviously I hadn't thought about that. I accept your challenge to do the research...the "quest" begins today..

ross and seth: thanks for the input. Any advice and suggestions you give will increase my understanding of copywriting.

Here is a general question: are their any copywriting seminars, tutorial, guides that would be "required" reading/attending for a novice like me? The old saying "practice makes perfect" obviously applies to copywriting but it is always helpful to understand what you should be practicing.

Again, thanks to everyone for giving their input and suggestions.

Jim Cooper

[Hans Klein]

Hi Jim,

A few comments from taking a quick look:

1. First, how is this different than everything else out there on weight loss? Why is your solution going to work when nothing else did?

2. Don't sell lifestyle changes. Sell a simple plan that fits into the client's existing life.

For instance, your first bullet is, "How You Can Eat Vegetarian and Eat Healthy."

If you haven't lost your target audience before this... this sealed the deal.

This is not to say this is wrong or bad advice. The trouble is that a good chunk of your audience may associate any food that's green as the plague.

Instead, it's going to be much easier to sell that the client gets to still eat their favorite yummy foods and still lose weight -- or some variation of that idea.

For instance, in the nutra-system commercials, they show pictures of favorite dishes, including deserts. So, while the client may really be making a dramatic change... it's not taking away everything he or she knows and loves.

3. Build-up who exactly these experts are. Why can't I just hire any nutritionist or personal trainer? Why do these guys stand-out?

What's more, how exactly does this expertise translate into getting the client results?

For instance, maybe it's a personal trainer who's known for whipping even the most out of shape couch potatoes into shape.

4. Get full names, pictures, and preferably before/after pictures for testimonials.

Finally, consider this a VERY rough draft and either work your butt off to make sure it's done right or invest in a pro. You're in an ultra-competitive market and you're not just competing against other info products with top level copy, but you're competing against major supplement sellers, nutrasystem, and on and on. Traffic isn't gonna' come cheap or easy.

Study weight-loss infomercials. Talk one-on-one with friends or family who are overweight. See how they respond to your claims.

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by Pusateri

Drop your pants?! Is that an NLP embedded command? Be careful, that stuff is powerful.

Please tell me what means, "information is only rumor until you get it in the muscle." I've been pondering that thing like a zen koan, but have yet to achieve enlightenment.

Mark

It's not really intended to be embedded, however it does look it. More playing off ambiguity and I will admit, is a tiny bit punchy, not that it's a bad thing to be punchy at times. The classic embedded command would play off of words like NOW, click here, usually directing them towards taking some action where here it's intended to challenge conventional programming. The only goal is to try and move the readers eyes down the page a bit more.. I hope I made sense.

best,

ross

[Bruce Wedding]

Weak, amateur graphics.
Weak headline.
Weak opening.
Pathetic testimonials.

Boring

[Kev Stevenson]

Don't beat around the bush Bruce. Say what you think!

[DeWayne411]

Originally Posted by jlmconnection

I have just finished creating my first sales page. It would be an enormous help if anyone with experience in copywriting would review my sales page and give me their feedback.

Here is the link: index

I know everyone is busy so I appreciate any time that you can set aside to help me.

Thanks in advance.
Jim Cooper

What I would do, is go to Google and type in the most popular keywords for weightloss and see which sites are on the first page and look at the adword ads to find which sites have the most appeal. Researching and finding the best weightloss sites you can find online will give you better ideas for your graphics and sales copy.

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by DeWayne411

What I would do, is go to Google and type in the most popular keywords for weightloss and see which sites are on the first page and look at the adword ads to find which sites have the most appeal. Researching and finding the best weightloss sites you can find online will give you better ideas for your graphics and sales copy.

You'd be surprised at how many people can't even do that.

But it's a great idea as long as you don't rip people off.

[JonWebContent]

Originally Posted by Ross James

A new challenger has appeared...

Hey tubbo butt...

How Would You Like To Drop Your Pants Down A Few Sizes - Rip Off Your Belly Fat And Finally See Your (Insert Male Genitalia Here) Again..

Go ahead, claim that new reputation on the dance floor, what are you waiting for?

I like that one better

[Bruce Wedding]

"rip off your belly fat"?

I love visceral but I don't think that works.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Here is a general question: are their any copywriting seminars, tutorial, guides that would be "required" reading/attending for a novice like me? The old saying "practice makes perfect" obviously applies to copywriting but it is always helpful to understand what you should be practicing.

Jim, I just got Jason Fladlien's Stopwatch Copywriting and I love it. You can get it here:
Stopwatch Copywriting

I believe that anything by Jason is great - not only my opinion, by the way.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Weak, amateur graphics.
Weak headline.
Weak opening.
Pathetic testimonials.

Boring

Who Else Wants Constructive Criticism?

[Bruce Wedding]

Originally Posted by Grazina Ajana Szewczyk

Who Else Wants Constructive Criticism?

Sorry, but why should I give him any more time than he put into the letter? He obviously never read any of the fantastic books in the sticky here. He obviously wants to do this without spending any money on an expert in graphics or copy. He will fail. No point in softening the blow.

You can't half-ass it in weight loss.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Latest breaking news around the world:
Famous copywriter predicts future

One of the most influential copywriters of our times declared a budding wordsmith a half-ass, Guru Daily reported, citing sources. “He will fail”, the expert said. He added he was sorry.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Since I have no real experience in writing sales pages copy OR web design I have a huge learning curve but that is why I am a member of the WF and I appreciate you taking the time to help.

Jim, here's something you could use to improve your website design skills. I do most of my stuff because I simply can't pay for it yet.
If you need better colour scheme, try these - I put this list a few days ago on WF
great resources if you work with colour

these guys are awesome, I've learned a lot from them
(and they're funny, too):
http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com/

here's, according to them, one of the worst websites ever (one of my favourites)
ACCEPT JESUS, FOREVER FORGIVEN!
and another one
Bad Web Design - webpagesthatsuck's Photos

they have videos on youtube as well

YouTube - Good Web Design - Meet Your Users'...

I have lots of resources, tell me what you need and I'll try to help

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

"rip off your belly fat"?

I love visceral but I don't think that works.

Burn off your belly fat? Would that work? I don't know i'm so used to hearing things like: melt fat - burn fat ... so that's how I came up with it. and I do see the difference now that you mention it.

-Ross

[UKproofreading]

Hey Ross, I think it's looking okay, but you could tidy up some of the graphics (like the people in the crests), some of them don't look the correct size/ratio.

I'd also suggest a bigger headline, one that will whet the appetite and persuade the reader to continue reading.

I would also make it easier for people to actually buy your report, I noticed the link at the bottom of the page, but It blends in with the rest of the text. I'd input PayPal buy it now button there.

Hope this helps,
Jake.

[Ross James]

It's not my optin. Heck, I didn't even spend more than a couple minutes on that headline.

-Ross

[AlexDawson]

What I don't understand is why you have 12 experts. Why do I need 12? Why not just ONE good one?

It seems like you don't really know what you're selling with this product. Most people who are prospects for weight loss products want a "sure-fire" way to lose weight. The last thing they want (or need) is 12 different "systems" to deal with. Plus, the prospect then has to figure out how they're going to integrate all this information so that it works for him or her.

It all sounds like a lot of work. Most prospects in this market don't want to do a lot of work. If they did, they'd be at the gym, not looking for a solution on the Internet.

The copy is really weak. The headline is vague and bland, the testimonials are for the experts' products (not yours) and therefore mostly useless to you, and the body copy is loaded with really boring bullets. The Call to Action is virtually non-existent and barely visible. You address me as "Dear Friend" but never introduce yourself (if I don't know who you are, how the hell can you be my "friend"??).

Also, the layout is very old school and boring. There are weird changes in the font throughout, and the experts' graphics aren't formatted correctly. Their faces are squished up in an odd way that looks completely amateurish.

When you combine all of these problems (and more), the whole thing just doesn't hang together. It comes across like someone cleaning out their hard drive of crappy PLR, and trying to palm off a grab bag of random stuff for $57.

Weight loss is a very, very competitive market. You really need to spend some time researching what the leaders in this field are doing, before you waste any more time.

IMHO, you are just setting yourself up for failure. You have a mediocre product and amateur copy and design, in an extremely competitive market. Doing it this way, you are guaranteed a gigantic belly flop.

Since you say you're a complete copywriting novice, you really should get a pro to write this copy for you, or forget about it for now. However, if you really are serious about learning to write your own copy, for tutorials and such, check out the list in the sticky at the top of this forum.

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by Grazina Ajana Szewczyk

Latest breaking news around the world:
Famous copywriter predicts future

One of the most influential copywriters of our times declared a budding wordsmith a half-ass, Guru Daily reported, citing sources. “He will fail”, the expert said. He added he was sorry.

I don't understand the outcome you were hoping for by writing this, but we're lucky we have bruce here telling us what we're doing wrong for FREE! so if it was a negative one, spare us. As for the class by Jason.. Jason is the reason why I got into copywriting you made a great choice by picking his product. If you want to talk about predictions, Jason will easily be one of the most influential entrepreneurs for years to come; he is an excellent teacher and all of his products are equally amazing and super easy for newbies to get right into the muscle of writing or marketing. No, I'm not his affiliate, he does not pay me to say these things but he has changed my life and someday I do hope to shake his hand.

-Ross

[MAaronMN]

Why do people insist on continuing to produce these types of landing pages? Have you ever met anyone who really makes a purchase from a site like this?

I don't even bother to read any copy on the page, so it doesn't matter what it says.

Regards,
Melanie

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by MAaronMN

Why do people insist on continuing to produce these types of landing pages? Have you ever met anyone who really makes a purchase from a site like this?

I don't even bother to read any copy on the page, so it doesn't matter what it says.

Regards,
Melanie

First off, it's a sales page, the outcome we want is for them to ultimately BUY something.. Melanie, you probably didn't read any of the copy because you're not looking for a health or diet solution.

Ross

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

I don't understand the outcome you were hoping for by writing this, but we're lucky we have bruce here telling us what we're doing wrong for FREE! so if it was a negative one, spare us.

Ross, negative is only part of the story. If you gave that kind of feedback at the Toastmasters meeting, you wouldn’t be welcomed next time.

The important thing from my point of view is that you can’t learn from a comment like that because you still don’t know how to fix the problem you have.

I love baking; my neighbour complained that her bread is always heavy and asked for advice. Maybe she didn’t follow the recipe, I don’t know. But I didn’t tell her “you’ll fail anyway”, she wanted to learn, and she asked for help. She was a beginner, and the first steps are difficult sometimes. If you’ve ever tried to learn another language, you know what I’m talking about. What kind of teacher would say “wrong pronunciation, spelling mistakes, you’ll fail” without correcting the mistakes?

Back to my neighbour, I told her that the dough has to be kneaded until it smooth and not too dry, and it should rise until doubles in size and so on. From that moment on she never had a problem.

I appreciate Bruce’s knowledge, and you can see my thanks under his post, too. But I know that asking for help takes courage, and it makes you vulnerable. Being mean to someone who needs your help and appreciates your knowledge, or skills, or strength is simply not OK. And predicting that someone will fail is wrong.

Even if you say “you are just setting yourself up for failure” and explain why can make a huge difference.

My friend came to one of our Toastmaster’s meetings, and she made a comment on someone’s high-pitched voice; it’s true it was very unpleasant to listen to, but that woman was brave enough to say a few sentences although she was very nervous. It was her first meeting, and the last one, she never came back.

It’s easy to hurt a person, or destroy their dreams. But it takes the same amount of time and effort to support them.

I agree with Calvin, we don’t tell people enough how wonderful they are.

YouTube - Keep A Success Journal!

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Grazina Ajana Szewczyk

these guys are awesome, I've learned a lot from them
(and they're funny, too):
Web Pages That Suck - learn good web design by looking at bad web design - Home Page

here's, according to them, one of the worst websites ever (one of my favourites)
ACCEPT JESUS, FOREVER FORGIVEN!
and another one
Bad Web Design - webpagesthatsuck's Photos

they have videos on youtube as well
YouTube - Good Web Design - Meet Your Users' Expectations

I have lots of resources, tell me what you need and I'll try to help

Bravo! Great resources. You get a BIG goldstar for posting this. And a Gros Bisou (big kiss) from me.
cheers,
that idiot scribbler

[Kev Stevenson]

@Grazina

That site (ACCEPT JESUS, FOREVER FORGIVEN!) made me feel physically sick - literally!
My eyes still feel funny...

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Bravo! Great resources. You get a BIG goldstar for posting this. And a Gros Bisou (big kiss) from me.
cheers,
that idiot scribbler

be careful, Web Pages That Suck - learn good web design by looking at bad web design - Home Page is addictive
PS. pour vous aussi, monsieur

@Grazina

That site (ACCEPT JESUS, FOREVER FORGIVEN!) made me feel physically sick - literally!
My eyes still feel funny...

You're just envious, Kev

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Jim, more resources for you:
Amazon.com: Don't Make Me Think: A Common Sense... a great book on Web usability

I love this website:
Usability News Past Issues
go to
A-Z List
and enjoy
they have fantastic information, for example:

Examining User Expectations for the Location of Common E-Commerce Web Objects
First Impressions and Calls to Action: An Evaluation of Oprahstore.com
How Do Users View a Portal Web Page? An Examination of User Eye Movements
Examining the Legibility of the Letter "e" and Number "0" Using Classification Tree Analysis
Does Color Impact How Users View a Web Portal Page?
Visual Appeal vs. Usability: Which One Influences User Perceptions of a Website More?

and much more. Great reading. Not just reading, because they include examples, graphs and tables. I was facinated by the articles about eye-tracking
Eye Gaze Patterns while Searching vs. Browsing a Website
Using Eye-tracking Data to Understand First Impressions of a Website
Even some older texts are interesting.

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Kev Stevenson

@Grazina

That site (ACCEPT JESUS, FOREVER FORGIVEN!) made me feel physically sick - literally!
My eyes still feel funny...

Mate, I opened that page and went "Jesus H Christ!" ...fair dinkum.

I'm gonna forward it to Bruce Wedding - to spin him out.

Or I might just accept Jesus - haven't made my mind up yet.

But that site is straight out of the book of "No Idea" isn't it?

Come to think of it - I'll send it to Kern. He'll love that.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Mate, I opened that page and went "Jesus H Christ!" ...fair dinkum.

I'm gonna forward it to Bruce Wedding - to spin him out.

Or I might just accept Jesus - haven't made my mind up yet.

But that site is straight out of the book of "No Idea" isn't it?

Come to think of it - I'll send it to Kern. He'll love that.

Frank is a nut, he'll probably enjoy this stuff. It's enough to watch his videos to know he will

I 'm not sure why, but the non-profit and some religious websites tend to be ... well, look at this one, the headline on DIGG was The Most Intense Web Site Intro Ever.
:: International Congress of Churches & Ministers ::
How about this one, "Is a very nice!"
Home

[Ross James]

I appreciate Bruce’s knowledge, and you can see my thanks under his post, too. But I know that asking for help takes courage, and it makes you vulnerable. Being mean to someone who needs your help and appreciates your knowledge, or skills, or strength is simply not OK. And predicting that someone will fail is wrong.

Grazina. If at any point you let your ego get in the way of your writing or salesmanship you're almost certain to hold your sales back too. You just can't mix the two in sales, well that is when you let your ego do the wrong thing for you. I don't encourage putting people down but I sincerely believe that no critique should be a pleasant one. I post headlines, offer advice not only to help people but to also hear what I'm doing wrong with the pros. You think it bothers me when they point out my mistakes? No, not at all. Let it rip, it stays with me longer once I can anchor a negative response about my mistakes or anything in general. As humans we're engineered to want to avoid ever feeling negative vibes, so a negative critique would stick longer with me than a positive one. This is why I think a critique should never be a fully pleasant one, especially if there is something that needs attention.

Best,

Ross

[donk]

Jim,

Congrats on taking action, and on having the courage to ask for help.

There ARE in fact many ways your site and your copy could be improved, and some were suggested already.

But the biggest suggestion I could make to help you would be to suggest that you change either the domain name, or your whole business model.

I say this because you have a great domain name, MyDietingResource.com but your offer does not live up to the promise of it.

So either change the offer to match what one would naturally think of when they hear the words "my dieting resource", or change the domain name to better match what you are currently offering "interviews with fitness experts".

When I think of "My Dieting Resource", my first thought is that I will have access to tools, a searchable database of information, informative articles, accountability partners, support groups, etc. In short, I expect to have a real resource I can turn to again and again to get quick answers and back on track with my diet.

I do NOT expect to be sold a bunch of "me too" interviews from people I have never heard of, telling me things I either think I already know, or could easily get from a few searches on the web, or talking with the folks at the local health food store.

What if you took the information included in the interviews and created a truly useful product package?

What if instead of saying things like "How to develop your weight loss 'game plan'." you took that section of the interview and turned it into a questionnaire that one could fill out online and have their "game plan" automatically generated for them?

What if you posted those "tools to attack and overcome any obstacle" and " key systems that will lead you to succes" inside a membership site that one could access again, and again any time they needed the help?

What if "that Expert took you by the hand and showed you step-by-step exactly what you need to do" in the form of a flow chart or checklist that could be used whenever the member got stuck?

What if you gave away some of the information that enables people to solve their most pressing problems in this area, and then charged them for access to the tools that you know they'll need to effectively implement that info?

What if you had a forum where members could post their own stories and hold each other accountable, and gave each other real world tips to reach the success they are all dreaming of?

My guess is that if you offered these kinds of things, then it really would seem to be a true RESOURCE for dieters, and your copy would be much, much easier to write.

Plus, you would be able to generate a lot more profits because there are multiple revenue streams available with membership sites, whereas there are not as many with just an interview package.



On the other hand, if you just want to talk about your copy, I would suggest that you put the info about the interviewees, and the testimonials in a sidebar. They are much too distracting where they are and actually detract from the momentum you have going rather than help it.


Actually answer 1-3 of the most important questions you raise so that people can get a feel for they type of information they will get from you and your experts. You don't lose anything by doing so, rather you gain credibility as it will set your readers up psychologically to want to know more. Reciprocity and curiosity in action. They'll think "Wow! If this guy is willing to give away information this good for free to total strangers, he must have even better info on the inside, so I'd better take him up on his offer in order to find out what it is.!"

Then make it very easy for them to buy.

Tell them exactly what they are getting.

You don't mention that I noticed what format those interviews are in, or exactly what one would be getting for their money, nor do you even say how much it is.

You also want to add a "Buy Now" button because the link just gets lost visually and the result is that you make it harder for someone to buy rather than easy.


Hope these suggestions help.

[jlmconnection]

Hi donk,
Thanks for all the great advice. I expect to make mistakes and I ecpect that people will alot of experience will think what I am producing at this point will be inferior, poorly constructed and a million other horrible things.. but I have to start somewhere and begin the process.

I wil not fail at this endeavor, it may not be pretty at the moment but it will get better.

Again, thanks for the input.
Regards,
Jim Cooper

[donk]

Jim,

You're right, you will get better if you listen to some of the good advice posted in various places on this forum. Be persistent, make adjustments as you need, but don't let anyone kill your dreams, and eventually you can achieve them.

And yes, we all start somewhere, at least those who are ultimately successful do, the really unsuccessful ones don't even bother to start, so you are already miles ahead of them.

As far as inferior products, we all know that if they are marketed well then lots of them can be sold quite well. Perhaps you know of a few. Just make sure you keep improving your own products, so that you can command premium prices and actually get them.

I think you are on the right track, coming here and asking for help, and so should do just fine eventually, especially if you actually implement some of the suggestions people here have made.


Speaking of suggestions, here is another one for your site:

INCORPORATE SOME FUN INTO IT!!!

:-b

People on the dieting/weight loss roller coaster already feel bad about themselves for having tried and failed so many times. So if you can help them feel better about themselves even for a little while then they'll also feel better about you by virtue of association and transference.

Let all your competitors try to be the straight/serious/sobersides folks.

You be the fun one, and while you are zagging while the others are zigging, you should be able to pick up a few customers who like your style better.



All the best,

donk

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Speaking of suggestions, here is another one for your site:

INCORPORATE SOME FUN INTO IT!!!

:-b

People on the dieting/weight loss roller coaster already feel bad about themselves for having tried and failed so many times. So if you can help them feel better about themselves even for a little while then they'll also feel better about you by virtue of association and transference.

Absolutely agree with every word
Bigger folks very often have huge sense of humour, too, and they need fun when they lose weight 'cause it's a hard work.

My personal example:
I realised one day that I put on weight and decided to lose some. I put 18 kg in 2 years, and I'm a shortie 1.60m, so it shows.
I went to gym, got myself a half-Italian personal trainer and the fun started. He wants me to do the "lunges" - I didn't even know what the heck that was until he showed me. So I started to call them Monthy Python Walk. Guess what my trainer calls them now?

By the way I don't know how much weight I lost because he didn't let me check yet, but I needed new clothes so I know that I went from 84-86cm in waist down to - watch this numer - 74cm

I wouldn't be able to do that without clowning around.

[donnan]

Jim it convinced me.

I nearly bought the product.

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

Grazina. If at any point you let your ego get in the way of your writing or salesmanship you're almost certain to hold your sales back too. You just can't mix the two in sales, well that is when you let your ego do the wrong thing for you. I don't encourage putting people down but I sincerely believe that no critique should be a pleasant one. I post headlines, offer advice not only to help people but to also hear what I'm doing wrong with the pros. You think it bothers me when they point out my mistakes? No, not at all. Let it rip, it stays with me longer once I can anchor a negative response about my mistakes or anything in general. As humans we're engineered to want to avoid ever feeling negative vibes, so a negative critique would stick longer with me than a positive one. This is why I think a critique should never be a fully pleasant one, especially if there is something that needs attention.

Best,

Ross

It's not my ego getting in the way, it's my heart and my soul, and if I'll lose some sales and add a sparkle to someone's life, so be it.

YouTube - Harry Chapin: FLOWERS ARE RED 81

[Grazina Ajana Szewczyk]

One evening I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum.

From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of the "Don't want to be bothered" times.

"I hope he doesn't ask me for money," I thought. He didn't. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop and he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very nice car," he said. He was ragged but had an air of dignity around him.

I said, "Thanks," and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, 'ask him if he needs any help.' I was sure that he would say yes, but I held true to the inner voice.

"Do you need any help?" I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand.
He spoke three words that shook me.
"Don't we all?" he said.

I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day.

Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos that only you through a torn world can see.

Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.

Author Unknown

[jlmconnection]

Grazina,
I wanted to get in touch with you to let you know that I followed though with your advice and used the Stop Watch Copywriting course to redo my sales page. Here is the link to my new page: The I Wish I Had Known This Last Year Weight Loss and Dieting Interview Series

Thanks for the great input and assistance.
Best Regards,
Jim