Feedback on my first ever squeeze page?

dilnaj · 01-29-2011, 08:54 PM

I'm a noobie at IM and especially at copywriting. I can count on my fingers how many days I've been working at it. I put together a quick squeeze page on my site:
Sign up at LivePassive.com for free reports and special offers!

Is it any good? What could I approve on? Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Oh and what incentives could I offer to sweeten the deal?

edit:
I put in h**p://livepassive.com and it came back with the title of the page automatically so I'm not trying advertise or anything, I just wanted to put that out there

chardee42 · 01-29-2011, 09:05 PM

I liked the design.

I also like the fact that you included 3 good reasons in bullet points to sign up.

However for some reason the phase "massive passive" sounded a bit over the top to me.

That my 2 cents. I hope it helps.
Chris

Ross James · 01-29-2011, 09:11 PM

2 out of hire a copywriter

ASCW · 01-29-2011, 09:24 PM

You're new at IM, but you're selling in the make money online niche?

dilnaj · 01-29-2011, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASCW

You're new at IM, but you're selling in the make money online niche?

Is that bad? I saw so many other websites in this same niche that have so much BS and what not I thought I could do better. The past few free squeeze pages I signed up for within 2-3 days all I got was offer, offer offer. I mean if I keep it clean and BS free, I'm hoping make a good reputation in the field. I just wanna grow the list in the make money online niche right now so I can advertise my product, whenever that will be, or a product that's actually worth buying when the trust is built up.

@chardee, Thanks for pointing that out. I thought that might be bit much as well but I kept it in there thinking it would make me look better. Sounds pretty cheesy now that I look at it lol

travlinguy · 01-29-2011, 09:30 PM

You're going to need to be more specific about your offer. There are many people out there that have no idea what passive income is. If you want sign-ups you're going to need to at least give your prospects an idea of what they'll be doing. You should also include a brief explanation of passive income. Consider hiring a copywriter as well. Good luck.

dilnaj · 01-29-2011, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travlinguy

You're going to need to be more specific about your offer. There are many people out there that have no idea what passive income is. If you want sign-ups you're going to need to at least give your prospects an idea of what they'll be doing. You should also include a brief explanation of passive income. Consider hiring a copywriter as well. Good luck.

Wow I really did leave out what my prospects would be doing or what I would want them to do.. that is huge. Thanks for pointing that out!

OutOfThisWord · 01-30-2011, 08:10 AM

Now... Yours FREE...
Proven Methods To Earn Big On The 'Net

BradBergeron · 01-30-2011, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASCW

You're new at IM, but you're selling in the make money online niche?

ASCW, everybody does this.

donk · 01-30-2011, 02:37 PM

Good start, congratulations on doing way more than most other folks and actually taking action!

Now just a bit of clarity, and it can be even better.

Am I to earn massive passive income just for signing up? Or do I have to do something else?

"Sign up today for these powerful reports..." what reports? and why are they powerful?

What are the special offers and why would I want them?

Why multiple reports, why not just put the info all in one report? Or if you really are giving 3 away, then my suggestion would be to title them.

"Google pays you" - for what?

"this is essential to know how to do" - why? why should I care about Google and their keywords?

What market are you aiming this at?

If this is aimed at newbies, then you need to explain things a bit more so they can understand why it is important for them.

If this is aimed at internet marketing vets, then you need to explain things in a way that tells them:
a) you actually know where they are coming from,
b) that you are somewhere better,
c) that they really want to join you where you are, and
d) that you really can show them how to get there.

And you have to be believable in the way that you tell them.

That's because, this latter market is actually pretty jaded and cynical because they think they already have all the info they need, though they keep acquiring more just in case they don't, and they have seen way too many grandiose promises come up with nothing to be turned on by your pitch that has no support for your claims.

This market is also split into two subgroups:

1) those who are successful, or at least have been and know what it takes to get back to that state, and

2) those who are not successful yet and haven't figured out the "missing ingredient" to be so.

Either way, you will want to offer proof of some sort that you know what you are talking about, and that what you are offering truly is worth being put on one more list of spam.

You might not think your emails to them are spam since they will be "requesting" them, but they will unless you can deliver real value that they don't get from the 800+ other emails they get that day.

No, that number is not an exaggeration, in fact, it can actually be quite low for those who have been around the internet marketing block a few times.

Besides, by blatantly telling them that you will be sending them special offers, you are in fact, telling them that you will be sending them more spam and adding to their workload as they have to open your email, read your offer, decide what to do with it, and then take more action if they actually want what you are offering to them. This is rather ironic don't you think as the topic you are wanting to tell them about is "PASSIVE" income?

Veteran internet marketers already know that when they add their email to a list that they will be getting "special offers" you don't need to tell them.

So, figure out who you are really targeting then write your copy to answer their concerns.

Hope this helps.

01-29-2011, 08:54 PM	#1
dilnaj Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Minnesota Posts: 61 Thanks: 43 Thanked 17 Times in 12 Posts	Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? I'm a noobie at IM and especially at copywriting. I can count on my fingers how many days I've been working at it. I put together a quick squeeze page on my site: Sign up at LivePassive.com for free reports and special offers! Is it any good? What could I approve on? Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Oh and what incentives could I offer to sweeten the deal? edit: I put in h**p://livepassive.com and it came back with the title of the page automatically so I'm not trying advertise or anything, I just wanted to put that out there
	www.adilnajmuddin.com

01-29-2011, 09:05 PM	#2
chardee42 Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 49 Thanks: 27 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? I liked the design. I also like the fact that you included 3 good reasons in bullet points to sign up. However for some reason the phase "massive passive" sounded a bit over the top to me. That my 2 cents. I hope it helps. Chris

01-29-2011, 09:11 PM	#3
Ross James Meta Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Boston Suburbs, USA Posts: 487 Thanks: 96 Thanked 80 Times in 71 Posts Contact Info	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? 2 out of hire a copywriter

01-29-2011, 09:24 PM	#4
ASCW Andy Wilson War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 259 Thanks: 59 Thanked 94 Times in 60 Posts	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? You're new at IM, but you're selling in the make money online niche?

01-29-2011, 09:30 PM	#6
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,937 Thanks: 1,310 Thanked 1,632 Times in 955 Posts Contact Info	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? You're going to need to be more specific about your offer. There are many people out there that have no idea what passive income is. If you want sign-ups you're going to need to at least give your prospects an idea of what they'll be doing. You should also include a brief explanation of passive income. Consider hiring a copywriter as well. Good luck.
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| 2941 Power Swipes To Improve Your Writing!

01-30-2011, 08:10 AM	#8
OutOfThisWord HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: New Orleans Posts: 142 Thanks: 2 Thanked 38 Times in 31 Posts	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? Now... Yours FREE... Proven Methods To Earn Big On The 'Net

01-30-2011, 02:37 PM	#10
donk Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 9 Thanks: 6 Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts Contact Info	Re: Feedback on my first ever squeeze page? Good start, congratulations on doing way more than most other folks and actually taking action! Now just a bit of clarity, and it can be even better. Am I to earn massive passive income just for signing up? Or do I have to do something else? "Sign up today for these powerful reports..." what reports? and why are they powerful? What are the special offers and why would I want them? Why multiple reports, why not just put the info all in one report? Or if you really are giving 3 away, then my suggestion would be to title them. "Google pays you" - for what? "this is essential to know how to do" - why? why should I care about Google and their keywords? What market are you aiming this at? If this is aimed at newbies, then you need to explain things a bit more so they can understand why it is important for them. If this is aimed at internet marketing vets, then you need to explain things in a way that tells them: a) you actually know where they are coming from, b) that you are somewhere better, c) that they really want to join you where you are, and d) that you really can show them how to get there. And you have to be believable in the way that you tell them. That's because, this latter market is actually pretty jaded and cynical because they think they already have all the info they need, though they keep acquiring more just in case they don't, and they have seen way too many grandiose promises come up with nothing to be turned on by your pitch that has no support for your claims. This market is also split into two subgroups: 1) those who are successful, or at least have been and know what it takes to get back to that state, and 2) those who are not successful yet and haven't figured out the "missing ingredient" to be so. Either way, you will want to offer proof of some sort that you know what you are talking about, and that what you are offering truly is worth being put on one more list of spam. You might not think your emails to them are spam since they will be "requesting" them, but they will unless you can deliver real value that they don't get from the 800+ other emails they get that day. No, that number is not an exaggeration, in fact, it can actually be quite low for those who have been around the internet marketing block a few times. Besides, by blatantly telling them that you will be sending them special offers, you are in fact, telling them that you will be sending them more spam and adding to their workload as they have to open your email, read your offer, decide what to do with it, and then take more action if they actually want what you are offering to them. This is rather ironic don't you think as the topic you are wanting to tell them about is "PASSIVE" income? Veteran internet marketers already know that when they add their email to a list that they will be getting "special offers" you don't need to tell them. So, figure out who you are really targeting then write your copy to answer their concerns. Hope this helps.