Copy critique - please critique my landing page

[Daniel LaRusso]

I am about to launch my e-book package on creating iPhone apps and Droid apps, and this is what I have so far:

Unbeatable App Development

I'm doing something a little different and using this landing page on a Wordpress blog, and I will continue to update and migrate the posts over from the old blog. I also will be adding a page for speaking/events, where I'll show a calendar of when I'm doing speaking at things like local chamber of commerce or doing workshops.

Also, I'll do an affiliate page after I get this set up on Clickbank.

What do you think?

[Ross James]

You should make a few sales with it but likely not enough to cover your advertising costs. If you want to triple or even quadruple your advertising costs, hire a copywriter. You'll get a lot of different opinions here, some things you'll be able to change right away but if you really want to take advantage of this hungry market I would really hire a copywriter. If you need someone that can work right away on this contact me. I have a few cash sucking ideas up my sleeve and my marketing EEG machine just arrived(kidding).

-Ross

P.S. Here is a tip, since it's a web 2.0 style page, when they go to your blog, have a funnel setup with a free report or something in exchange for subscribing to your list. That way, you can try to hype them up on the backend.

[Daniel LaRusso]

Originally Posted by Ross James

You should make a few sales with it but likely not enough to cover your advertising costs. If you want to triple or even quadruple your advertising costs, hire a copywriter. You'll get a lot of different opinions here, some things you'll be able to change right away but if you really want to take advantage of this hungry market I would really hire a copywriter. If you need someone that can work right away on this contact me. I have a few cash sucking ideas up my sleeve and my marketing EEG machine just arrived(kidding).

-Ross

P.S. Here is a tip, since it's a web 2.0 style page, when they go to your blog, have a funnel setup with a free report or something in exchange for subscribing to your list. That way, you can try to hype them up on the backend.

Definitely! I am about finished with a report on the Top 5 questions about app development that I would offer as a free download with opt-in, not sure where to put the box for that though.

Thank you!

[Ross James]

Put it back on the blog.

If you're advertising with adwords, I think you'll need it on the landing page for a better quality score. but if you do that, the freebie seekers will gravitate toward your free report and not your offer.

Best,

Ross

[OutOfThisWord]

This is your headline...


YOU can have your own Mobile Phone App...

WITHOUT EVER DOING ANY PROGRAMMING!


Keep it simple... the header section makes the reader work too hard, when in fact they don't like to work at all.

[Ross James]

...sorry the previous headline isn't specific enough for me, how about..

Looking to cash in on iTunes and Droid apps?

I'm Finally Lifting The Veil On My Little-Known Cash Sucking Secrets Of A Lonely Computer Nerd That Effortlessly Siphons Cash Directly From iTunes and Droid Accounts.

...and I did it all from my parents basement with no programming knowledge whatsoever.

It's not perfect by any means and does need improvement, but that sounds a little bit more specific and tells the reader more of who you are and what you're selling.

Best,

Ross

[Collette]

Originally Posted by Daniel LaRusso

I am about to launch my e-book package on creating iPhone apps and Droid apps, and this is what I have so far:

Unbeatable App Development

...
What do you think?

I think you'll be lucky to sell a few, if any.

Look at your prospect market. They're going to be:

- Sophisticated Internet users
- Experienced Internet users
- Sophisticated smartphone users
- Most likely avidly involved in social networks
- Probably aged between 15 - 30, most likely skewed younger
- Probably predominantly male
- May have experimented with building their own web sites and such

Granted, I'm just guessing at those demographics, but I suspect I'm pretty damn close.

Now look back at your landing page - through the eyes of someone in that demographic. What do you see?

A very, very rough page. Crude design, crude copy, unevolved proposition, no crediblity elements...

In fact, this landing page has NONE of the elements needed to sell effectively to this (or most) markets.

I have NO idea if your product is any good. I am positive there IS a market - a large market - for such a product. However, you need to accept that design and copy are not your strengths. Assuming you want to actually sell this product and not haemorrhage sales.

Do what you're good at. Find alternative answers for the rest.

There are plenty of resources on the WF, both in design and copy, for you to organize a JV for this launch. I would strongly suggest you spend your time looking for compatible partners, rather than waste your time messing about with this page.

[kdockins]

You've already received some pretty hard-nosed criticism of your landing page, so I'll be a bit more gentle here. Essentially, what people are trying to tell you is that the buying audience in just about EVERY new niche market is becoming more educated or sophisticated. Thus, you as an expert seller will have to STEP up into a new league of online presentation performance.

You can elect to accomplish this goal in either of two basic ways:

1. Research, assemble, and utilize some of the TOP-NOTCH presentation software products online even in the FREE capacity; or

2. Bite the bullet and PAY for outright DYNAMIC graphics and sales presentation layouts.

Perhaps it may help if you keep in mind that you need to have your visitors, prospects, and yes, even your CRITICS... say "Wow" when they see your pages, presentations, and sales copy pieces.

In your favor, I can say one or two helpful things...

-- Although your page seems to be "missing something" at its very head (for example, the banner does not extend fully across the top of the page like a normal banner should)... some of the elements at the very bottom and even in the middle of your landing page capture much more attention and seem far more professional.

-- You have managed to capture some of the bullet points nicely. However, they do not yet come across like you TRULY understand their unique value.

Another idea to remember about landing page presentation is that such sales pages neither need to be necessarily LONG or SHORT. Meaning, only three basic things need to be existent, but they need to be TOTALLY convincing and prominent:

1. The big sales advantage that you are advertising.

2. Three basic bullet points that tell your visitor EXACTLY how they benefit from buying it (but don't actually use the word "buy.")

3. A prolific CALL TO ACTION, meaning, tell them what YOU want them to do, and how to do it, with nearly no other choice but to do it, if they want what you are offering!

As you might already see, designing or using a landing page with such a DIRECT layout will be one that is much SHORTER, but goes right to the point. Then you can spend your extra dollars purchasing the expert work of a landing page designer or appropriate high-end software that produces "A-1" sales page graphical layouts.

Please reply back and let me know if you find this information helpful.

Thanks,

K e n

[Daniel LaRusso]

Kenneth, I ABSOLUTELY find your feedback helpful. I have found all the responses here to be spot on, and I am not going to run and get my feelings hurt. You folks here are the pros, and I am aspiring to be that way.

I know that the page is bush league right now, and I want to get it, like you said, to where people will say "WOW", and then say "I NEED THAT - I MUST HAVE THAT!".

I'm on sort of a shoestring budget right now, but I know that you can't cut corners and be professional. I know that I can't totally do this all myself, but I guess what I'm trying to do is to get some of the groundwork laid out so that whoever I get to step in and polish this turd up won't have as much work to do!

Thank you thank you thank you!

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by kdockins

You've already received some pretty hard-nosed criticism of your landing page, so I'll be a bit more gentle here.

What's with all the softies around here, no critique should ever be a day at the beach. And I was being nice earlier. LOL

-Ross

[kooldesigning]

To design a good converting landing page design draw your attentions to these modifications
1)- Modify the header to make it very attractive
2)- You Need to have "Money Back Guarantee Seal" on the header
3)- Put picture of book on header if possible
4)- Put "Add To Cart" button above the fold, in the middle of page and at the bottom of page
5)- If you can put every different details in it's own section with with Section header that would even great.

[Daniel LaRusso]

I just want to thank you all for your feedback. I take these critiques very seriously, and I am definitely not going to run and get my feelings hurt. Y'all are the pros at this, not me.

I think that I may have a really good idea and project here that could make me a good deal of money, but I need to fine tune how the offer reads and looks, and I need to let a professional do what they're best at doing - one of the main points of my e-book!

Once I get this page finalized, how about I post a link again, and THEN let you see what the new page looks like?

I'd LOVE to be able to get this to the point where I can do a WSO with it!

[ramonthomas]

You should also add one or two testimonials, and use a photo of the customer if they allow that because it ads more credibility.

[clickstrength]

You've got to change that font you're using, too. On a Mac it's nearly impossible to read. I haven't checked it on a Windows machine yet. Even if your copy was amazing (which from what I can tell so far, it's not), if your font makes it illegible, you'll never sell anything.

[Daniel LaRusso]

Originally Posted by clickstrength

You've got to change that font you're using, too. On a Mac it's nearly impossible to read. I haven't checked it on a Windows machine yet. Even if your copy was amazing (which from what I can tell so far, it's not), if your font makes it illegible, you'll never sell anything.

Should be fixed now, but this is just a work in progress while I'm working with a copywriter. When we get the wording and layout right, then it will go over to a graphics person to have it looking, well, WOW!

[Daniel LaRusso]

OK, take a look now if you will.

Unbeatable App Development

[ewenmack]

Hi Daniel,

You have 2 powerful forces working against you...

#1 Your market has more supply than demand,
meaning prices are on a downward spiral...

#2 There's nothing in your offer that cuts through the
clutter of me-too offers in the marketplace.

Having a first class copywriter won't help you with those 2
negatives.

Time to preserve your cash and time by abandoning it.

All the best,
Ewen

[JasonParker]

My quick Video Critique: TechSmith | Screencast.com, online video sharing, 2011-02-06_2208

[Daniel LaRusso]

Originally Posted by JasonParker

My quick Video Critique: TechSmith | Screencast.com, online video sharing, 2011-02-06_2208

Thank you very much to Jason, and to all the rest of you. It's because of your feedback that I decided to get a good copywriter to rework my site. It's taken time, because I think it was done right.

If you want to see the new and improved version, go to Unbeatable App Development | iPhone Application Development | Droid Apps and you can see what you think. FYI, I launched this a month or so ago, and would basically sell maybe 1 or 2 a week, max. Some weeks was zero. I put this new website up last night around 10:30, and had 2 sales when I checked my email this morning at 7:30 am.

I have a little bit of split testing to do with graphics, layout, and possible video, but, overall, I am very very pleased with what the copywriter did.

The big point that I want to get to anyone reading this who may have a product or a launch like I did, DO NOT try to struggle and think that you can craft and design a good sales letter. There are a lot of pros that can do it for you, many of them are right here in this thread, and there are offers in the WSO area.

I cannot begin to tell you all how much I appreciate your input with this. I hope that the good karma that you have given to me returns to you tenfold!