Sales letter advice

[JonWebContent]

Ok, so I'm not exactly what I would call a "sales copywriter". Just not my deal. I can pick up the phone and close a deal with no problem. I can write an editorial, product review, etc very well.

But now I must write a sales letter. Not for myself. It's for a friend. He's short on funds and he sucks at writing. I think he would probably screw up bathroom stall fodder. So he begged me to do it and I'm charging him a small fee (not doing it for free even if it sucks!).

Anyway, I ask this board for just some basic pointers. The letter is being mailed out to service industry businesses such as print brokers, attempting to sell them on using my friend's (mediocre) delivery service to deliver their projects to the customer.

I would greatly appreciate a few basic pointers (ie how long should it be, introduction advice, should I include photos of naked women, etc). If nothing else, could you at least give me some encouragement that the letter will definitely sell if I just "apply myself to it". Lie to me if you have to, I don't really care.

(as you can see, I'm really taking this project very seriously )

[Pusateri]

Bruce Wedding has the best nutshellization I've seen on making a good ad. Read it at copywritingmaniac.com.

If you really want to help your friend though, you need to take him out back and beat the mediocrity out of him.

[JonWebContent]

Originally Posted by Pusateri

Bruce Wedding has the best nutshellization I've seen on making a good ad. Read it at copywritingmaniac.com.

If you really want to help your friend though, you need to take him out back and beat the mediocrity out of him.

I will take a look at that, thanks.

And yeah, I agree....... but....... I'm just happy he's FINALLY motivated to do something other than smoke the hippie lettuce and booze. Baby steps!

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi Jon,

I can pick up the phone and close a deal with no problem. I can write an editorial, product review, etc very well.

If you can 'sell' a deal by talking on the phone, then you already have what you need to become a 'Salesman in Print' - which is what copy writing really is.

And the most practical way to accomplish this is for you to do exactly what any decent copywriter does: imagine you are sitting in a bar, telling your buddy all about this great new product you've just discovered.

Then simply record your words and then transcribe them on to paper. And - just as you'll vary your tone of voice to emphasize important parts of your telephone pitch - use sub headlines, bold, italic and ... to add color to your written narrative. That way, you'll instantly get the conversational tone that works very well in a sales letter.

As for the most important part of the letter - the headline: that will be what your opening gambit is on the phone, if you were selling your buddy's service that way. In both cases, you simply want to stop the prospect in their tracks and be intrigued enough to want to know more.

And, as you already sell by phone, you have had excellent training for copy writing, because you can't see the reaction of the prospect and adjust your pitch accordingly. Of course, on the phone you can - at least - ask questions to get feedback and 'take the prospect's temperature', which is the one major disadvantage copy writing has.

So, for that reason, your letter needs to cover all the objections your prospect might have. As an experienced salesman you'll know what they are and you must cover every one fully in the letter. That will dictate how long your letter has to be.

One of the major (unspoken) objections on your prospect's mind will be: "Can I rely on this guy?". Well, that's more of a 'buying signal' than an objection, but you still need to cover it.

From what you said that might be a problem. So you need to get your pal to come up with some convincing customer testimonials.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[JonWebContent]

Thanks Paul, great advice.

He does have some good customers that I'm sure would give him a solid testimonial. In fact, one of his clients is one of mine, and I know she's quite happy with his services. Would you include them AFTER the letter or scatter them within the letter?

[schttrj]

Look, all I can suggest you - NEVER follow the rules! It cramps your originality and creativity.

Rather, try to get into the head of your customers - that's the secret.

Know the formula - AIDA (hope you know what it stands for!). All those kicker, head, deck, intro...

Just know them but don't follow them. Use your own common sense. What would have done if you read the sales letter?

[Ken_Caudill]

Here is the structure to a basic sales letter.

Internet Business Tips: The 12-Part Sales Letter: What It Is & Why You Need It

If you cover those and add a touch of creativity, you'll probably be fine.

[JonWebContent]

Ok, here's my rough draft. What do you guys think? Could use some improvement? It's the first ever real sales letter I have written, so not sure just how well it sounds!

How much money would your company save if we could decrease your courier expenses by 10%...20%...or more?

Dear Mr/Mrs Name,

Doorstep Direct wants to help your printing business save up to 25% on courier delivery expenses. We have been servicing the entire Des Moines metro for the past 2 years. When you need packages delivered on-time to your clients, why pay more for a delivery service that isn’t reliable when you can hire Doorstep Direct?

As a full-service delivery company, we help businesses decrease costs without sacrificing superior customer service. When you do business with us, we GUARANTEE delivery to your customers quickly, securely, and we will have a smile on our face when we greet them.

To receive a FREE quote, please call us today at (515) 255-8646 or visit us online at Doorstep Direct, Des Moines Delivery, Des Moines Restaurants, Des Moines Food Delivery, Des Moines Catering, Des Moines Courier Service. Our website includes a description of our services as well as a company profile.

Here is a small list of our many satisfied clients:

• * Cookies By Design
  
• * Academy Trophies
  
• * Image Solutions
  
• * The Wild Orchid Florist

Please feel free to contact any of the above great Des Moines businesses and ask them what they think of our services. We are confident you will receive nothing but positive feedback. Our focus is on building strong business relationships with our clients, and providing superior customer satisfaction. We look forward to showing you why so many Des Moines businesses are trusting Doorstep Direct with their courier needs.

Warmest Regards,

(Edit: didn't mean to include contact info when copying and pasting!)

[Avesel]

Overall, I say it's good (especially include the person's name and not "Dear Sir/Madam").
If you could include some testimonials from customers, then even better.
Also, I would try to highlight how you are DIFFERENT from your competitors.