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02-09-2011, 08:46 PM
| #1 |
| Active Warrior  Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 59
Thanks: 1
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
|  Playing With Words... My Attempt
So... I've been on a learning frenzy as of late, bought a few courses from Jason about copywriting (Thank you J). Anyways... Here's my attempt at making eye grabbing titles for my squeeze page (still in wip, just putting this stuff out before I hit the sack  )100% Free Let Me Show You How It's Possible To Burn All The Fat You Want At Your Command 100% Free 7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets That Melts Fat Off Your Body In Just 14 Days Okay... I should get some sleep. Let me know what ya think. If you feel like giving, please, share your thoughts on the matter on how I can improve my headlines (or make new ones, probably!). Thank you! |
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02-09-2011, 09:15 PM
| #2 |
| Andy Wilson War Room Member  Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 259
Thanks: 59
Thanked 94 Times in 60 Posts
| Re: Playing With Words... My Attempt
"7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets That Melts Fat Off Your Body In Just 14 Days" Not bad at all. |
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02-09-2011, 09:34 PM
| #3 | |
| Copy Champion War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,001
Thanks: 45
Thanked 501 Times in 304 Posts
| Re: Playing With Words... My Attempt Quote:
"7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets... Use Any 1 To Melt Away 10 Pounds In Just 14 Days!" (or whatever the magic number of pounds is) The first headline the OP posted doesn't pass the believability test. Alex | |
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02-10-2011, 12:00 AM
| #4 | |
| www.copy-e-writing.in  Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: India
Posts: 554
Thanks: 31
Thanked 44 Times in 37 Posts
| Re: Playing With Words... My Attempt Quote:
Always minimize the number...play with the words say a week instead of 7 days... So it comes down to - "7 Powerful Fat Loss Secrets...Burn over 10 pounds in ONE week...Get Amazing Results!" But this still needs to be worked on to make it even more persuasive! | |
| Limited Amazon Offer: Grab SEO Tutorial for Beginners by Ron C. today, RIGHT NOW! Want a high conversion, high ROI...Extra engaging & effective marketing copy to leverage your online business? Hire Ron (Copy-E-writing) now! | ||
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02-13-2011, 12:25 AM
| #5 | |
| HyperActive Warrior  Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Beloved ♥ Israel
Posts: 209
Thanks: 25
Thanked 51 Times in 40 Posts
| Re: Playing With Words... My Attempt Quote:
For Melting [your number] pounds Off Your Body In Just 14 Days Sign up for my 7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets NOW! They are 100% Free | |
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02-13-2011, 09:38 AM
| #6 |
| Active Warrior  Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 66
Thanks: 2
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
| Re: Playing With Words... My Attempt
How about: 100% Free Fat Burning Secrets Will Melt [X] Pounds off you in [Y] days The fewer words, the better IMO, and "fat off your body" is too much needless padding. |
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| attempt, playing, words |
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