Newb Here - Please Critique This E-Mail Blast

[CopyAcolyte]

Hello all,

I'm writing an e-mail blast pro bono for a client's website for some experience.

In this e-mail, I'm selling the main benefit of this dish-reviewing website and announcing something special for the month. Overall I want to inform the readers of the special for the month and then push them onto the site.

I'd like to know how well you think my copy reads and how compelling you think it is. I'd appreciate any help! Thank you.

p.s. I haven't developed a subject line yet. Was going to get to that later.

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Do you love Italian cuisine? Do you think you know how the perfect lasagna is prepared and what it should taste like?




If you’re like most foodies, then you probably have a more discerning tongue, one that can tell the difference between Italian cuisine that’s cooked with love versus food posing as Italian cuisine.

And with that said, we at [website name/link] want to give your good taste a home!

That’s why we’reannouncing [MONTH] as Italian Cuisine Month!

That’s right. This month will be dedicated to Italian Cuisine!

What is Italian cuisine?

You might be familiar with:

· Fettucine Alfredo
· Spaghetti Alla Marinara
· Pesto Linguini
· Neopolitan Pizza & many other dishes!

Dishes like these are what Italian Cuisine Month is all about!

And what do you get out of participating in this month’s theme?

It means that you’ll receive double points for every Italian dish you review and upload to [website name/link]. More points means you’ll race to the top of our leader board faster; and the first to reach the top five by the end of the month will win a free meal at a designated restaurant.

And if you’re new to Italian cuisine, then this is the perfect opportunity to win double points for trying out new food and critiquing it!

In a nutshell, now is the chance for you to eat Italian food, write about it, and win points faster so you increase your chances of winning more food.

It’s a good month to be a foodie.

But that’s just it; we’re focusing on Italian cuisine for only a month. We’ll send out another newsletter on the 15th to show the current top five reviewers, and announce the final winners on the last day of the month.

So be sure to take pictures of your dishes so you can upload and review them on ADD A DISH [LINK]! The more you upload, the faster you climb the leader board, and the closer you get to winning more food.

And to get you started . . .

• Read our blog that’s especially made for Italian Cuisine Month, which explains [blog title/reference/LINK]. It sheds a lot of light on different pasta sauces.

And . . .

• Visit our new Cuisine Of The Month section [LINK] to remind and inform yourself of this month’s sponsored cuisine and for some helpful information about the contest.

We can’t wait too see and read what you eat!

[Alex Cohen]

The headline is terrible. To get a reader's attention, a headline should include a benefit and have an element of curiosity. This headline has neither.

The hook, "Italian Cuisine Month" isn't very good either. It's ho-hum. Who cares?

The first transition, "And what do you get out of participating in this month’s theme?" doesn't work. The reader will ask himself, what does "participating in this month's theme" mean? If he sticks around long enough, he'll figure it out. He has to eat himself silly for a month to get on some leader board and possibly win a free meal. Big deal.

Oh, and he has to "take pictures".

I suggest you go back to the drawing board.

Alex

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi CopyAcolyte,

That's not bad for someone who, I guess, is just starting out copywriting.

In order to write any sort of powerful copy you need to have your ideal prospect firmly in the front of your mind.

You obviously know who they are, so can you tell us, please?

We need to know who they are and how they came to be on the list. For example, are they existing customers? Probably not, judging from the way the message is written.

Once we have the propect, we then need to know about the product. So can give us a little more on how the website operates, please?

Food is a very emotional subject, so we need to find your prospect's emotional sweet spot and tickle it into a frenzy.

Thanks.

Paul.

[wcmylife]

CopyAcolyte - I would scrap this email and start afresh....you would have a very low open rate and its really not convincing.....might want to get a warrior to do the copy....as there's quite a few things you need to change...including the fact that this is an email blast and not a letter ....