Give me your best shot!

[igorhelpsyousucceed]

Hey Copy Geeks

Give me your best shot!

What's wrong with this salesletter?

Shocking Announcement!

Igor

[Ross James]

“Puts List Building On Auto-Pilot So You Can Go Play Call Of Duty!” - headline doesn't really appeal to me, not that I'm your market - I stopped playing video games when I got serious about making money- it might do well with a specific demographic but either way, just keep testing / changing things until you find something that's working for you.

Also it might help to use a lead character in the headline like this - lead character plays call of duty while doing something amazing in some measurable metric while eliminating pain in the prospect.

Best,

Ross

[igorhelpsyousucceed]

Originally Posted by Ross James

“Puts List Building On Auto-Pilot So You Can Go Play Call Of Duty!” - headline doesn't really appeal to me, not that I'm your market - I stopped playing video games when I got serious about making money- it might do well with a specific demographic but either way, just keep testing / changing things until you find something that's working for you.

Also it might help to use a lead character in the head line like this - lead character plays call of duty while doing something measurable in x amount of time while eliminating pain

The headline talks specifically to the reader, the story comes later.

Igor

[Ross James]

Originally Posted by igorhelpsyousucceed

The headline talks specifically to the reader, the story comes later.

Igor

Yes. Usually that's what a good headline does. Usually. Notice how you said specific, yet your headline isn't at all. It's important

Ross

[wcmylife]

1. Nothing shocking about the announcement - if its being used merely to get attention you can do better...
2. I would scrap the green...
3. The video took a little too long to load and I do not think it was my connection - as other videos were good.
4. You got way too many colors on the page - it distracts the reader from the copy..