I need copy help badly I think....

[beks001]

I have been pushing my landing page hard for a while now. I changed the background from black to white, changed headlines, fonts etc etc. I changed price points as well and still no luck with sales. Can someone help me out here and let me know if it's the copy? The template? etc. I have more original content in ebooks which I had created but I don't want to move onto the next one if I can't even get one conversion out of the first one. Foreplay Methods

[Bruce Wedding]

Yes, you are right. You do need copy help badly.

[Ross James]

DO WANT TO PLEASE YOUR WOMAN IN BED?


DO WANT? That could be killer. the rest of the headline is scary bad.

If nothing else, How To Please Your Woman In Bed

[Aj Wilson]

"ONE Technique To Make Her Orgasm
In Minutes ... Guaranteed"

Want to know this ONE Technique that'll blow her mind
and have her tearing into your pants too?

...

Thread this "ONE Technique", throughout your copy,
dont reveal it (if you dont want to)...

they can get in just minutes from now ... via direct download.
AND get ALL the other techniques too ... worth $XX dollars (Free).

as a bonus.

and well ... that's a start ...

[Danielle Lynn]

Originally Posted by Ross James

DO WANT TO PLEASE YOUR WOMAN IN BED?


DO WANT? That could be killer. the rest of the headline is scary bad.

If nothing else, How To Please Your Woman In Bed

Maybe OP's trying to connect via internet humor

... but as of right now, regarding the copy: Do Not Want.

[aljones]

Ya there's a bit a work there. How is your SEO? Do you know if you're getting any traffic?

You could use smaller fonts for your headlines and sub-heads. It was good to change your background to white with black fonts. It's been tested and is proven to be the most effective. Look at News Papers. Also group your sub-heads closer together into two lines. Stretched out the width of the page makes for more work for the eyes. Most people find reading very tedious. More compact makes it easier and faster to read.

One other thing. And i think this might help alot.

First of all, try substituting the word female for women. Boys want to become men. So tell them what women like. And also, try to write your copy as if you were speaking directly to one person. There's a familiar saying in advertising. "If you can't sell one... you'll never sell alot".

Your copy speaks in the third person. It sounds impersonal. Try writing directly to your target market.(a young man) ...as if you were speaking directly to him in person.

Use intimacy in your copy. Men like that.

i hope it helps

[beks001]

Thank you all for the great advice. It's rather embarrassing how bad my copy is now that individuals have pointed out a the few of many flaws that exist. I have been buying traffic and wasting money with this bad copy. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated as well.

I will certainly share the results once I start getting it converting...if it ever does.

[Sebastion]

Buddy. At least you are doing something. It's more than most.

Keep it up. Keep learning.

[TheTroglodyte]

Chill out on the bold text a little. It's an eye sore.

[beks001]

I've taken the bold text down. I've also changed the text to portray more of an "I" versus 3rd person. I made the font a bit smaller in the headlines and wrapped the second heading in 2 lines. Any other advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time!

[Pusateri]

Having that giant BUY NOW! button above the fold is like sticking your hand down her pants after saying hello. Selling is like seduction, if you skip a step it's assault.

[beks001]

Originally Posted by Pusateri

Having that giant BUY NOW! button above the fold is like sticking your hand down her pants after saying hello. Selling is like seduction, if you skip a step it's assault.

What do you suggest instead? Moving the image up of the couple and pushing the button down? Remove it completely???

[Danielle Lynn]

"WHAT YOU GET FROM OUR E-BOOK?!?!"

I suggest you take that out right away - Aside from saying nothing of value, the combination of ! and ? reminds me of a half crazed drunk man yelling at me in an over-excited fashion.

It also throws off the formatting

I mean... that page needs a complete re-do, but if you do nothing else, change that.

[beks001]

Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy

"WHAT YOU GET FROM OUR E-BOOK?!?!"

I suggest you take that out right away - Aside from saying nothing of value, the combination of ! and ? reminds me of a half crazed drunk man yelling at me in an over-excited fashion.

It also throws off the formatting

I mean... that page needs a complete re-do, but if you do nothing else, change that.

Thank you for the feedback.

Do you offer services? PM a quote for editing and maybe we can talk if you offer services.

[ARSuarez]

Originally Posted by Pusateri

Having that giant BUY NOW! button above the fold is like sticking your hand down her pants after saying hello. Selling is like seduction, if you skip a step it's assault.

Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy

"WHAT YOU GET FROM OUR E-BOOK?!?!"

I suggest you take that out right away - Aside from saying nothing of value, the combination of ! and ? reminds me of a half crazed drunk man yelling at me in an over-excited fashion.

It also throws off the formatting

I mean... that page needs a complete re-do, but if you do nothing else, change that.

Oh man. You two had me in tears. Hilarious.

Best,

Angel

[beks001]

Originally Posted by ARSuarez

Oh man. You two had me in tears. Hilarious.

Best,

Angel

I'm glad my honest efforts are amusing. I guess I have some copy lessons to learn.

[beks001]

I changed the button placement and got rid of the !?!?!?!

[Pusateri]

Sorry you felt picked on.

Here is an outline of how a typical sales page works. Get rid of the double column format and arrange what you have according to that outline.

Here's a short laundry list: Lose the two BUY NOW buttons. Get rid of AND MORE! Keep your ADD TO CART button and the two elements beneath it..

There's more, but that will get you started.

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi beks001,

You've got a style and layout more suited to a squeeze page than a sales letter. And it's a sales letter you need here, to cover in far more detail why the prospect should buy your product.

For example, you need to show why your girls are experts on the subject and you need to work on the headline.

Here's an example (the top sales letter) of a dating letter I wrote. Here you'll see that, right off the bat, I've covered three of the main objections in the mind of the prospect:

1. What the letter is about.

2. What it will DO for them.

3. Who the author is and why the prospect should listen to them.

As you can see, a sales letter doesn't have to be long winded, because - with some writing and rewriting - you can pack a lot of convincing into a very few words.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[beks001]

Thank you for the continued feedback. The layout I had was me taking a try at being different versus other sales pages out there. I guess I need to go with what is proven to work instead.

[ARSuarez]

Originally Posted by beks001

I'm glad my honest efforts are amusing. I guess I have some copy lessons to learn.

Beks,

Sorry if you feel I find your efforts amusing. That is not what I was communicating. My "amusement" was in how the two posters went about giving you their assistance.

All the best,

Angel

[wbdzgnr]

I think that page needs an overhaul. Everything needs to be changed lol

[Danielle Lynn]

Originally Posted by ARSuarez

Beks,

Sorry if you feel I find your efforts amusing. That is not what I was communicating. My "amusement" was in how the two posters went about giving you their assistance.

All the best,

Angel

lol I was happy to amuse What's the fun in being a writer if I can't use my analogy power to brighten someone's day

As to OP, no harm intended, we all have to start somewhere!

[mrenaud]

Maybe ask Janessa Brazil for testimonial, considering you're using her picture

[beks001]

Originally Posted by mrenaud

Maybe ask Janessa Brazil for testimonial, considering you're using her picture

Already a step ahead of you here at least with one part of this ebook.

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi Beks001,

Thank you for the continued feedback. The layout I had was me taking a try at being different versus other sales pages out there. I guess I need to go with what is proven to work instead.

That's right. Sales letters have been honed and perfected over about 100 years now, since the first mail order ads, way back.

So stick to the tried and tested route.

Pioneers usually end up with arrows in their backs.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[ewenmack]

Any single guys, bi-sexual girls or lesbian copywriters wanna swap
hot, sticky words for his ladies?

Best,
Ewen