Not your Ordinary Copy Critique

MikeTheBuilder · 02-16-2011, 07:58 AM

Hello Fellow Warriors,

I'm a general contractor looking for some advice on my web copy. I'm looking to see where and what could be changed to improve conversions. What better place than the Warrior forum!

I know some of you are really good at web copy, I've seen some really good sales pages that sometimes compel me to BUY NOW! Hahahaa...

So, if anyone cares to offer up some advice, many thanks to you.. Please don't hold back!

Thanks in advance,
MIke..

Here's the website: *removed*

Ross James · 02-16-2011, 08:06 AM

Your business is right next door to me. I could literally shoot a nail right through your window... kidding... but I'm from Boston...do you have skype?... I could help you with generating more leads.

Ross

travlinguy · 02-16-2011, 08:37 AM

Your page is as vanilla as they come. You headline is a yawn. I've done some writing in this niche and discovered a great hook. It's actually no secret because most people needing contractors have expereinced the same thing. That is:

FLAKY CONTRACTOR SYNDROME

You know. You hire a company of a guy and they seem really qualified... at first. But right away you notice they're late in showing up, they have under-bid the job and are almost immediately over budget and then the nightmare begins.

I'd develop the copy to remedy flaky contractor syndrome because there are plenty of people who will relate to it. You also need a proofreader. Good luck.

02-16-2011, 07:58 AM	#1
MikeTheBuilder Active Warrior Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 54 Thanks: 17 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts Contact Info	Not your Ordinary Copy Critique Hello Fellow Warriors, I'm a general contractor looking for some advice on my web copy. I'm looking to see where and what could be changed to improve conversions. What better place than the Warrior forum! I know some of you are really good at web copy, I've seen some really good sales pages that sometimes compel me to BUY NOW! Hahahaa... So, if anyone cares to offer up some advice, many thanks to you.. Please don't hold back! Thanks in advance, MIke.. Here's the website: removed
	Last edited by MikeTheBuilder; 02-17-2011 at 10:39 AM. Reason: Don't need further help...

02-16-2011, 08:06 AM	#2
Ross James Meta Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Boston Suburbs, USA Posts: 487 Thanks: 96 Thanked 80 Times in 71 Posts Contact Info	Re: Not your Ordinary Copy Critique Your business is right next door to me. I could literally shoot a nail right through your window... kidding... but I'm from Boston...do you have skype?... I could help you with generating more leads. Ross

02-16-2011, 08:37 AM	#3
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,937 Thanks: 1,310 Thanked 1,632 Times in 955 Posts Contact Info	Re: Not your Ordinary Copy Critique Your page is as vanilla as they come. You headline is a yawn. I've done some writing in this niche and discovered a great hook. It's actually no secret because most people needing contractors have expereinced the same thing. That is: FLAKY CONTRACTOR SYNDROME You know. You hire a company of a guy and they seem really qualified... at first. But right away you notice they're late in showing up, they have under-bid the job and are almost immediately over budget and then the nightmare begins. I'd develop the copy to remedy flaky contractor syndrome because there are plenty of people who will relate to it. You also need a proofreader. Good luck.
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