Need Help With Copy with WSO And More

[Ryan Shaw]

http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...ml#post3301098

I just launched this last week and I really need to improve conversions. I'm getting anywhere between 1 and 3% on the WF. I believe it should be around 5 or 6% and I'm sure my copy needs lots of work.

I'm open to working with a copywriter on new projects as well.

[travlinguy]

These are just observations and they do contribute greatly to your conversions.

It's pretty long for a WSO. The price point is also considerably higher than most WSOs. Your pre-header is long and cumbersome and does little for your pitch. WSOs lend themselves for shorter, more to the point headlines.

Then there's competition. On the WF you're up against several offline marketing folks that have been doing it for a long time and have great reputations.

There's more. I would probably never buy a video course unless the entire program was laid out in a text format as well. People like to be able to isolate certain ideas and strategies and go over them slowly - text formatting allows them to do this. Video often makes that hard.

You might want to re-think your entire approach. Good luck.

[TheCopyGirl]

Ok, here are a few first thoughts after a quick scan, more later, I should hope!

- On a WSO, I am not sure the picture of the car offered as evidence of success is really necessary. Since you are selling to the marketing community, you can skip this kind of thing You can, in other words, really cut to the chase and that would help.

- In the spirit of the above, I think the headline is more hypey than necessary. It can be more telling, summarizing what is on offer. Researching other headlines in the offline market niche on the WSO forum should help a bit, I think.

- Dropping a couple of testimonials from the thread somewhere in the beginning would help, rather than pushing them all to the end.

- I agree that having the videos transcribed, and the audio ripped, so you have all the material in three formats, would be really useful.

- I am not sure it's the best idea to start off with a comparison with other WSOs:

"If you are anything like me, you probably have bought a few of the offline courses on the Warrior Forum as of late. Actually, I think I bought mostly all of them!"

It's almost as if you are starting off your sales pitch by demeaning the competition - you hint soon after that the other courses are "lacking", etc. I think this may come across as spoilsport, and I am sure it's not accurate that your WSO is the only comprehensive package out here. And those who bought and liked the other WSOs (and are really those who are the most likely to be interested in yours) might be easily put off by this

- Just get to the point straight away, talk about the stuff that's on offer, sprinkle the rave reviews, and really stress the bonuses - and you can even skip the "story" bit! I think you should be well on your way with this.

Just my two cents, hope this helps

[ARSuarez]

Ryan,

Try cleaning up the layout some. I got here and had no idea where to start.

Make it more organized. Make it easier to lead your reader exactly where you want them in the copy.

Best,

Angel

[Ross James]

Well...the copy sucks...and I mean it... you have no story, no angle, no hooks, weak call to action, your strongest form of proof is down at the very bottom. There we're a couple things that I liked, the picture of you getting in a new car. The fact you're not a robot helps. I was debating on doing a video crit, since I have this nice new shiny piece of software that enables me too but I'm still learning how to use it. I can't have my crazy slam-hound neighbors in the background. Trying to adjust the mic stil.

EDIT: I just saw angels post and it just reminded me how horrible the formatting is. Some fonts are big for no reason, then the font gets smaller... really incongruent.. you need to adjust that RIGHT away.

[Ryan Shaw]

Points Taken; i will shorten it up and work on a new headline.

Also, I can get pdfs made for the course easily.