Review my sales letter please!

[landonwiggs]

Hey guys,

I've put a lot of hard work into making my site, and the final pieces are coming together..

first off, please take a look at my sales letter and let me know what you think.. The Dog Grooming Guide

would you promote it as an affiliate?

also, my index page is an optin page, please check that out too and let me know your thoughts!

that address is The Dog Grooming Guide - "Dog Basics' Special Offer!


I have it set up so once they optin, theyre taken to my sales page. is there a better way to do this?

ANY advice would help. this is my first info product so any advice would help.


thanks,
Landon

[Colin Palfrey]

Landon,

You would be better to post these questions in The Copywriting Forum

Cheers,
Colin Palfrey

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by landonwiggs

would you promote it as an affiliate?

For myself, no. And that's without even scrolling down at all, to be honest.

Simply because of the "As seen on ..." line across the top. That's implying an imprimatur of authenticity in a not-too-legitimate way, and very sadly in a way which the reader can see is implying something not-quite-jusitified.

That understandably makes people suspicious of you before they even read the page.

When I'm trying to sell something to someone, the last thing I want them suspecting is that I'm trying to fool them in any way. It's not something I want plastered across the top of the sales page.

Many internet marketers use this sort of stuff simply because they see so many others using it, and many are gullible and naive enough to imagine that "it's only there because it works", so they copy it.

The reality, of course, is very different. If you split-test two otherwise identical versions of that sales page, one with that stuff there and one without it, the one without it will convert more. In my opinion (that's my opinion because it's been the result every time I've seen that tested).

(Are you glad I didn't scroll down at all? ).

[landonwiggs]

so what youre saying is even IF my site is on all of those websites, that isnt considered social proof or maybe a way of building trust with potential buyers?

Im not offended at all, I'd prefer you read the whole thing. like I said, this is my first product and i need all the help I can get.

[RentItNow]

OK, personally I think you are approaching the customer wrong with the headline but then again, my "save money" headline is 10x the sales of the benefit headline.

To me, I hate brushing my dog, she doesnt sit still and her fur looks like crap even after I brush her. Upon scrolling the site quick I do not see you addressing that problem. I would pay maybe $20 if you could tell me how to make her look amazing at the dog park, sit still for me to do it.

The other problem you can address savings wise is my dog has to be 100% up with her shots to take her to be groomed anywhere. Thats like $200 itself!

Best on the site.

PS: Without even lookin at the testimonials, i can tell they do not apply and were likely bought on fivrr. You need a dog in the background and not done on blank backdrops. Looks too contrived. Even your pic above should be brushing a dog.

[maddyiipm]

this forum is great...nice work guys.

[Christian Little]

Just a few thoughts:

1) Drop Shadows + Stroke = gah! This was done pretty heavily a few years ago because it was "the cool thing to do", but it's not really a good practice these days.

I'd suggest taking the white stroke out of it and just have the drop shadow.

2) Footer links

One thing that would make me suspicious as an affiliate are all the links in your footer, specifically the Store link which takes you to a store that sells grooming products. That store uses Amazon's cart, which means if I'm promoting your site as a clickbank affiliate and somebody clicks that link, I won't get any credit for them buying any of the stuff you have for sale there.

3) Terms of Service - this is mostly a design suggestion - wrap a div around the content and set the text-align to left. Right now it's centering the entire page and it looks really weird.

4) Homepage "Offer expires..." - maybe it's just me, but seeing those kinds of things bugs me. Maybe it's the marketer in me, but I know your offer doesn't expire today and that it's just a way to pressure somebody in to giving up their email address, but that actually turns me away.

5) CSS - As an seo suggestion, move your CSS code to an external .css file. Right now all your CSS is appearing in the head of your page, which looks bad to the search engines.

6) As mentioned by Alexa, the "As Seen On" bit bugs me. I don't know if that will actually help your conversion rate or hurt it by listing social networking and social bookmarking sites. You listed WordPress? That's a strange one.

Would I promote it as an affiliate? Probably not, but that's more because I don't do animal products. If I were going to get into it, I'd certainly consider it but the Amazon store would be a huge turn off for me.

[RichBeck]

Landon,

To me, there were some questions that need to be emphasized. Such as the following:

What if your dog doesn't like the groomer?
What if your dog is one of the ones that doesn't like car trips?
Wouldn’t that be better for everyone?

I would also shorten some of your text. For example:

What if your dog is one of the ones that doesn't like car trips?

Could be:

What if your dog doesn't like car trips?

Wishing You the Best,

Rich Beck

[glchandler]

I must agree with that "As seen on" is a deal breaker from the get-go. Why go with another marketer's approach if you are going after a market that is not already skeptical of this type approach.

Another is the salutation. "Dear" is too personal for me. I would rather see something like "Good Morning Dog Lovers".

Also, you need to proofread your copy. These are just one of the errors I found....

I'd be willing to bed that it's in the $100s if not more...
..................................

Another is in your guarantee but I could not copy/paste that.

Also, and this is a personal dislike, statements like these chase me away from a page......

I'm not sure when the hosting and bandwidth costs will go up, but I do know that the only time I can guarantee this low price is right now. So if you want to be sure you get all the free bonuses along with your purchase, you need to buy today!
.....................................
P.P.P.S. If you want to get the special bonus guides, you'll need to act fast. Once the hosting and bandwidth costs for the website go up on have to raise the prices, so order today and get the absolute best price for everything!

I doubt if your customers will care if your costs go up. This approach always seems to me a scare tactic. BUY NOW OR, GEE WHIZ, I MIGHT HAVE TO CHARGE YOU MORE OR PULL THE OFFER. This does not instill confidence that you will be around for future help or questions on your product.

These are just a few thoughts on a quick read of your page.

[clever7]

Your text is a little bit boring. You should write your sales letter as if you had a magical solution, something really special. The way you wrote it, it seems that you have a kind of solution that perhaps would help the user somehow. This is the impression I have when I read it. You don’t seem to be really confident.

I also don’t like videos because you have to waste your time watching them, while when you can simply read something, you can skip many things you don’t want to follow.

I personally don’t like any testimonials in sales letters, but this is my personal opinion. Whenever I see them, I feel that the seller wants to make me believe that these people are not his/her friends, but ‘real customers’… what is quite offensive to my intelligence.

Testimonials are very good when you present authorities in your field, and they approve your products. In other words, known people, important people who recommend your products. This is convincing. Otherwise, nobody knows who are the people who pretend to be your customers…

I think that average internet users are intelligent enough in order to understand that if all sellers would really annoy their real customers this way, and expose them in their sales letters only in order to make more sales, their customers would ask for a certain compensation for accepting being exposed like that…

I never bother my customers to ask for their testimonial. I think that this is ridiculous.

[Gaz Cooper]

Hey Landon

Its a tough crowd here and that can be good but I dont agree with everyone since you are marketing to the layperson, you have to remember most here know about marketing and have there own feeling on whats right and wrong and what works and what does not work and the only way your going to be able to see for yourself is test.

Now there is one well known marketer that I see his ads all over the Internet and they are excellent, and I admire them many times knowing the inside scoop in IM and seeing thru the ads but they are excellent as he is marketing to people who dont now the tircks of the trade so to speak.

He has AS SEEN ON on a lot of his ads and he is a Multi Millionaire so I know who I am going to listen to first and try to emulate.

TEST TEST TEST and see what works for you , lots of great advice here but its not all right you have to sift thru it and see what you agree with then TEST

regards

Gaz Cooper

[landonwiggs]

hey guys thanks so much for all your reviews, as i said before i need all the help i can get from experienced marketers like yourselves! I will test test and test some more to find out what works best, and i appreciate the thought provoking suggestions!

thanks
landon

[esk]

the testimonials look fake to me... i don't know if there real, but i get the impression

[jaiganeshv]

the email text box (form) looks so different and unique for me...

thx

[Collette]

Originally Posted by landonwiggs

hey guys thanks so much for all your reviews, as i said before i need all the help i can get from experienced marketers like yourselves! I will test test and test some more to find out what works best, and i appreciate the thought provoking suggestions!

thanks
landon

Have you asked dog owners? It's all very well asking a bunch of Internet marketers to give random opinions, but the only opinions that matter are those of your target market.

As an Internet marketer/affiliate/copywriter I've got lots of issues with this page.

As the owner of 4 dogs of varying shagginess, this copy misses the mark completely.

People aren't going to buy this product just to save money. Because that's not why dog owners take their dog to the groomers.

And you DON'T have to wait around for your dog to be groomed. Every groomer I know has holding kennels or crates for the pets to wait in. People drop their dog off, go do some errands or whatever, and come back later to pick up the dog.

I don't know a single dog owner who has their dog groomed, and who waits around for the groomer to finish.

I don't care what you're selling; you need to know your market. Throwing up a bunch of PLR and calling it done isn't going to cut it. You're supposedly a dog owner talking to dog owners. But your copy approach makes me doubt that you even own a dog that has to be groomed regularly.

So why do dog owners take their dog to the groomers?

Go to your local dog park and ask 'em.

[landonwiggs]

My ebook is original content, not plr but you bring up some good points about asking the market instead of the WF.

thanks!

[Christophe Young]

I actually like the overall layout and look of the sales page.

But yah, I don't see the purpose of putting, "As seen on Twitter, Facebook, Wordpress, etc."

That's about as impressive as saying, "As seen on the Internets."

The testimonials don't really say anything. Can you really buy fake video testimonials on fiverr now?

[R Hagel]

I agree with the other points already mentioned, such as the copy missing the mark overall.

I am a dog lover. I even have a dog that needs to be groomed (a poodle), but your copy didn't grab me. You need to GRAB me with a great headline. Then you need to suck me in with a powerful opener.

The headline has already been addressed. So let's look at the opener...

Dogs are a wonderful addition to anyone's family.

You're not telling the dog lover anything new. It's just a blanket generalization that doesn't tell the prospect anything -- certainly it doesn't give the prospect any reason to keep reading.

Next, you say...

They are loving and loyal, and they always give back so much affection to everyone in the household.

At this point the prospect is gone.

They already have a dog -- you don't need to sell them on ithe benefits of dog ownership. You need to remind them of their grooming problem and then sell them your solution. You need to get them to raise their eyebrows and start nodding as they read. You need to whack 'em with a benefit that will leave their mouth hanging open just a little.

This opener does none of that.

HTH

Becky

p.s. Yes, this does belong in the copywriting forum.

[Christian Little]

Originally Posted by Christophe Young

Can you really buy fake video testimonials on fiverr now?

You can buy anything on fiverr these days.

[ago]

• What made you think I'll save me money and time if I stop taking my dog to the groomer?
• Am I saving money, time or learning how to groom my dog?
• Why should I buy YOUR e-book? What's special about it? I could get the same info somewhere else
• I want to see testimonials

YOUR HEADLINE SUCKS! but don't you worry, here's a link where you could get some ideas for a winning headline, and it is totally free...by one of the greatest copywriter of all time, Eugene Schwartz


Hope it helps

[landonwiggs]

i went into some forums and asked around about why people groom their dogs at home, the benefits, why they dont like to and questions like this... and i got a lot of common answers like "because im cheap and dont want to spend the money" and "because i like to spend time with my dog."

So i think I DID get my sales letter headline correct. I think you guys that have given me 'advice' just like to point out whats wrong with my sales letter in YOUR opinion. You gusy being other internet marketers, its easy to spot the faults in some other internet marketers work, but at the end of the day both IM's are still making money. I'm not saying I'm the best at what I do, or that i cant learn a thing or two, I'm just saying for my first product, I did a damn good job at market research and putting my product, website, sales letter and content together. A lot of the stuff you guys tell me to change are things I've heard other people say are good to have.. people a lot more successful than most of the IM's on these forums..

and AGO, my headline doesnt SUCK. youre a copywriter yourself... of course youre gonna try to make my sales letter look like **** because you don't want to admit that youre not the best out there.

R hagel... IDK about you but I dont really even read the first little sentences of a sales letter... I read the major bolded headlines, some checkpoints and if I'm interested then I'll read a little more.. and i think a lot of other people are like this too. I believe most people are lazy and dont care about the first couple sentences of my sales letter. The headline catches their attention, not my short two sentence greeting and opening.dog grooming isnt exactly interesting anyways.

like I said, im new at this, but I am not new to psychology and studying these concepts..

I agree with the ****ty testimonials, they are complete **** and I'm working on getting some real ones so im not concerned with those now. I took them off because I do agree they'd hurt more than help.



the 'as seen on' header graphic is staying for now. a lot of internet users dont even know wtf web 2.0 is. I have the amazon logo (which my book IS on), the youtube logo, facebook logo and a few others and those names are trusted. and i firmly believe that products associated with those names will gain more trust. you see it in infomercials all the time, and if it didnt work or have some sort of value, then there would be no reason why TONS of commercials have this "as seen on' **** on their commercial/website.

COLLETTE: no, People WILL buy this product. They groom their dogs at home because they WANT TO SAVE MONEY. they take their dogs to the groomers because they probably have too many pets to do it themselves, or they have such a busy schedule that they cant do it themselves... but those people arent the majority of dog owners.

GAZCOOPERONLINE: Youre pretty much the only one here who had some decent comments and advice and I thank you!!


GLCHANDLER: steve clayton uses the "offer ends soon" date on his websites and I'd rather believe what he says rather than what you say. you sound like an internet marketer giving advice, rather than the average joe looking to buy something that will help him who doesnt have a clue about ANY of the **** were talking about. AGAIN, another concept we see in so many different places, a sense of urgency.. so I don't care what you have to say about the time on my optin page. I've read a lot about how to create a good optin page and I believe my optin page is better than a whole ****load i've seen around here...


CHRISTIANLITTLE: I changed my footer links, good point and I will try to get my CSS on a seperate file so i dont confuse the big G when they send their minions to crawl. thanks for the advice!


anyways i left alot out but to all of you who just want to bash on my site or sales letter, this is my first one and im damn proud of it, no matter what your opinions of it are. I'll share my stats and profits and results when I launch.

later

[maximus242]

Gotta love it when you have warriors post for critiques and then b*tch about having their work critiqued.