Sales page review

[Etienne]

A while ago I posted my sales page and you guys blasted it I'll need to write a new sales page in the next few days for a new product, and before doing that, I'd like to have your feedback on one sales page I rewrote with a better structure.

Sexual Magnetism - Spark Sexual Attraction with Authentic Women

As the objective of a sales page is to be self-explanatory, I won't explain it any further.

Thanks!

[prophetmktg]

Try adding some more sub-heads to break up the text. After the first few paragraphs there is a long block of text (which is a light grey, kind of hard to read). Also, work on the contrast of the page - a lot of it is hard to read...

[jtunkelo]

It's not THAT bad. But before you can even expect people to read and/or critique it, try making it more readable. The light gray font is hard on the eyes, and the lack ot subheads, bullets and other things that give the reader some rhythm.

Your headline needs work. You're assuming too much. All you need is to identify what the people in this market want, and hint at a powerful solution. Also, I'm guessing when people think about sexuality they don't think about being 'fulfilled' or 'abundant' - this is the lizard brain's territory. So think about that when you choose your power words...

[Etienne]

Thanks for the feedback.

I changed the colors to increase the contrast and changed the header.

I also want to put important words in bold, and probably I could add more bullet-points and sub-headers. I'll do that in the new letter first.

What else?

[The Niche Man]

My first impression as a reader is what do you want me to do first? There's
a lot of choices on the page. Newsletter on the right, navigation bar at the top (more choices). Long sales letter(another choice) .

With most people, depending on who you talk to, you only have about 10 seconds to get them to commit to reading something on your page. If you give too many choices people's attention will simply short circuit and click away.

Try to move some of the distractions and try to usher people into doing the one thing you want them to do - above all else. As a prospect with a problem, when I click on this page I should know without a doubt the first thing you want me to do to solve that problem. Why? Because you've given me no other choice.

To Your Success!

[Jamie Lewis]

Yeah its cool, but I think the words you are using in the headlines and sub headlines are too many syllables. (For lack of a better word)

Maybe something like:

"Do you wish women stuck to you like tape when you talk to them?"

Its just very ivy league sounding right now, perhaps a bit more mainstream and I would know exactly what it was about. I hope this helps, sorry for my vagueness.

[Etienne]

I wrote the new sales page here
Attraction Mastery Club - Reach mastery with sexual attraction and women

It has better sub-headings and bold text to make reading easier.

I actually have other version of the sales pages that don't have any navigation which may be more effective for incoming traffic. For example:
Sexual Magnetism - Spark Sexual Attraction with Women

However, these funnel pages will require tweaking. I'll spend time tweaking the pages for conversion once I get more traffic.