My first squeeze page - What do you think ?

[1on1piano]

Hey everyone,

I just created my first squeeze page and im desperate for someone to critique it.

There must be like a thousand things i can improve, at least! and it's really important for me to sharpen it up before i start upping the bids on adwords.

I want a list, now!

1on1piano.tvapc.com/?page_id=4

Any help would be much appreciated.

Kasper

Ps: Im not alowed to post links since this is my first post. Hope this is okay though. Good to met you all, will find time to proberly introduce myself as soon as i find the time.

[yankforlife41]

Pretty good.

[rbates]

Really nice work for a first time. I am not sure what the
top-right graphic ("Video-to-Arrows") really adds. I would
also maybe use the free pdf download as an additional
bonus incentive for the opt-in.

One other thing, I would somehow emphasize your bullet
points (Different color, bold, italic, etc.). Make sure that
these are seen.

I still must say that it is a really nicely done page.

[Jacob Jans]

Here's my number 1 rule for a high converting squeeze page. I regularly use it to get 40%+ optin rate. It has served me very well.

#1 rule for a high converting squeeze page: The visitor must 'instantly' know what they're getting if they give you their email address...as soon as they land on the page.

Your page is violating this rule.

Layout is incredibly important. In all the tests I've run, the best layout has been a simple vertical layout. The eye should just slide down the left hand side of the page, and then land on the opt-in form.

The offer has to be crystal clear. The more 'selling' you do, the more you are distracting from the basic premise of an effective squeeze page: "If you give me your email address, I'll give you X."

The success of the squeeze page mostly depends on:

Ease of reading
How well what you're offering is matched by the audiences needs/desires

A squeeze page is not rocket science. Most people will sign up within 30 seconds. You can do the hard selling later, but if you want them to sign up...make it as dead-simple as possible.

Imagine someone's playing darts. They're not very likely to hit the dartboard if they're standing 30 feet away. They're not likely to hit the bullseye if they're standing 10 feet away. But if they're standing just a foot away, they can just press the dart into the center.

High converting squeeze pages should be that easy!

[ASCW]

Pretty good for your first draft.

However there are some pretty glaring mistakes that are certainly losing viewers (I hope you're not spending money to drive traffic yet).

First of all

Certain aspects of the page are confusing.

The picture doesn't do anything. The text under the photo resembles a caption. A large number of your readers will assume it is a caption and thus think that the text directly applies to the image. When the image doesn't do anything interactive (i.e. has nothing to do with the first lesson), then you are leaving your readers out to dry.

the video in the upper right hand corner is very confusing.

As a copywriter who was seen countless squeeze pages, I know what you're trying to do with that video. But the average joe who has never even heard of an opt-in list or a product launch will likely be confuddled.

Having the video just turn into arrows that leads into more arrows doesn't clearly communicate exactly what you want them to do.

You could solve this by having the video start and then pause 3 seconds in with a pop up saying "Please enter your email in the box below for your free blahblahbalbhkasda"


It is not exactly clear what you want the prospect to do and your wording in the headline doesn't help.

For example you say

"Get on my list for..."

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The reader doesn't want on your list. It's possible the reader doesn't even know what getting on your list means.
From a writing perspective it is clear you are writing this with the needs and wants of the writer in mind, not the reader. Which is bad.
The prospect doesn't think "I want to get on a list"
Only the writer does. This is bad. Fix this mentality.

Furthermore

Your bullets are terrible.
They are, they really are.
In fact those bullets are so far off the mark that they aren't even readily fixable.

I don't say this to be mean. I say this because this page is actually close to hitting the mark, which is WAY more than I can say for 99% of the copy submitted here.

The fact that I suspect you will be able to actually put this advice into use is one of the reasons I am taking the time to write this "mini-critique"

Also your language is broken when you say
"If you follow the instructions you will learn to play the song like it sounds on the recording."
What instructions?
Are you talking about the vague "4-step" process?
Are you talking about what's "inside"
Are you talking about the instructions to put the email into the box?
What recording are you talking about?

What are you talking about?
I have no idea and neither does your reader.

"Watch the video, practice, put you heart and soul to it and let me know how you are progressing. See you on the other end"

First fix the typo. You tell them to do way to much here.
First of all the video is confusing and you hardly show them how the get access. Instead you spend way to much stuff filling the page with irrelevent words.

Also what do you mean "let me know how you are progressing?"
Isn't this supposed to be easy?

What does "See you on the other end" mean?
Remember the average person has 0% understanding of lists, opt-in's, or anything that has ANYTHING to do with IM AT ALL.

Also
the signature is confusing, it's not placed well, and you haven't introduced yourself or attached an actual entity to the signature.

The P.S. isn't even a P.S. and isn't even fixable.

Also the note chart is damaging this page by a big margin. Why are you offering different things and trying to get them to take two different actions on the same squeeze page?

Anyways that's all I got for now and that should keep you busy for a while.

You may be able to fix up the squeeze page to where it is "good enough".

But I predict you will have a very hard time putting together a "good enough" long form sales letter, and successful autoresponder sequence.

As those are much larger, and MUCH more intricate endeavors.


IF you need help or want more.

PM me.

-Andy

[1on1piano]

Hey guys, im blown away by your replies here, a lot of great stuff. Really appreciate it.

Andy - Im printing out your post as we speak, still a long way to go, ey.

This was exactly what i was looking for!

Thanks

Kasper

Ps: I have paused my adsense campaign

[1on1piano]

Okay, I reworked my page and came up with 2 new drafts.

Removed the video (Too distracting)

Made the whole thing a lot shorter and more to the point I think.

I also saved the free chart till after they've subscribed and I added some extra graphics to the page layout.

Draft 1: 1on1piano.tvapc.com/?page_id=109

Draft 2: 1on1piano.tvapc.com/?page_id=179

Which is better ?

What needs improvement ?

[mcfur]

i think that was good

[ASCW]

Both squeeze pages need work.

(I hope you've made tweaks and aren't running with these)

But the bullets on the 2nd one are better.

[Stephen Dean]

I'd guess the first one is better because there is continuity between the subhead and the headline.

Continuity is very important in copy. Without it there's confusion and confusion kills sales.

The bullets are better in the 2nd one, however. I'd move those in to the first page and then rewrite them if need be.

Think of the bullets as headlines and I think you'll do a better job writing them.

Cheers!
Stephen

[1on1piano]

Allright. Appreciate all of your feedback guys, I gave it another go:

1on1piano.tvapc.com/?page_id=109

@ASCV: I tried to PM you but im not allowed until i have more post's.

[ASCW]

Email me right now at

AndyWilson22@gmail.com

[GenerousBoy]

Look good to me. In fact I even signed up for my kids! Cheers, Nic

[donsean]

Looks good, if you add a quick video you should see higher conversions in my experience.

[BradCarroll]

Wow, this is such a huge improvement from the first couple of rounds!

There are two very easy things you can do to make this better in record time.

1. Put the first sentence ("Want to learn piano NOW?") in the same (or larger) red font as the words "RIGHT NOW!"

2. Make the "Grab Your Free Video" text or graphic (I can't tell which it is) larger. You might want to test red text vs. blue, as well.

(You might want to change "little know" to "little known", too. But that's not nearly as important as the headline or other offer-text.)

Your bullets are much better and I love the line, "It doesn't get any easier than this."

[scott william]

very nice good job...

[hpgoodboy]

I got hung up on "clocks".

Maybe it's because my music teach told me that I can't sing.

If EVERYBODY in your audience knows what it is: fine.

Another thing: You try to teach piano.
then the picture has to show a piano.

A keyboard is not a piano by any means.

And who wants to play piano in a band???

But here is another VERY IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION:

You can ask questions about your squeeze page all day long and get all kinds of answers.

The best thing to do is: Just send some targeted traffic to it.
And then split test all the good ideas.

Who knows, maybe your squeeze page converts like it is at 54% and proves all the "gurus" wrong.

YouTube - Art Williams - Just do it speech

[marypulido]

Originally Posted by donsean

Looks good, if you add a quick video you should see higher conversions in my experience.

Does video linking or video SEO as we know it, help actually in getting some great traffic or relevant traffic to websites? I am actually looking for some targeted traffic for my website...which shall help my business to increase its profitability.

[Jacob Jans]

1on1piano,

you've made some great progress on this. Keep in mind that eventually you'll reach a point where there is only 1 good way to improve the conversion rate...And that is to do A/B split tests. We all have gut instincts about which version might do better, but eventually we need test them in the real world.

The results are often surprising.

Best,

Jacob

[redlegrich]

This has nothing to do with the conversion aspects of the page but it looks like you are using WordPress. Your page URLs have that page ID string. Change your permalinks so that the title of the page is used (or you can manually change it). Make it so the URL is very SEO friendly. It's not a huge thing but everything helps somewhat in the cause.

[club20coaching]

Hey great page, I'm curious as to what your opt-in rate has been with this page? Let me know...

Jake

[unlimitedmarketing]

Looks good, i would sign up if i wanted to learn that. I really like the header, looks awesome!