Sales Page Feedback Please

Phalanx · 03-04-2011, 05:08 AM

Hi fellow warriors!

I will be launching my first e-book, called Unleash Your Confidence, in a few days, and I would very much appreciate your feedback on my sales page.

http://vladdolezal.com/blog/unleash-your-confidence/

My traffic will be coming primarily from other bloggers' recommendations and from my own blog (as opposed to cold traffic), if that makes any difference.

Also, I am currently working on getting more reviews and testimonials. There will be more of them by the time I launch.

Thanks!

davehilary · 03-04-2011, 05:14 AM

I would test a more intriguing headline and remove the nav links at the top, and all other outbound links to start

Paul Hooper-Kelly · 03-04-2011, 05:45 AM

Hi Phalanx,

The word 'unleash' in your headline is excellent. Beyond that, you need to enlarge on the situations in which they can unleash their new-found confidence.

So what about ...

Unleash Rock-Solid Confidence In ANY Situation . . .
. . . No Matter How Tongue-Tied You've Been Before
- Starting TODAY!

I normally write about 30 headlines, so that one's just off the top of my head. I suggest you write at least a dozen, sleep on it and then pick a few to split-test.

Sales are made by people whom the buyer knows and likes. So your first task is to establish some common ground with your reader. And a photo of you would go a long way to doing this.

In your salutation on this thread: "Dear fellow warriors", you've done what you should do in your letter. I agree it's a little harder here to find some fellow feeling, so play around with "Dear fellow confidence seeker". As your traffic is coming well targeted that should give you some clues as to what to use.

After you've described the problem, you say "Luckily, it doesn't have to be this way.", which is good.

Then I feel you should move into some details about how you also lack confidence (building the fellow feeling) and found a formula to overcome your shyness, which you are now going to share with them.

Then you should drop the next section, which is very interesting, but should be in the introduction to the actual book, but doesn't have a place here, because what the prospect wants to know is what the product will DO for them.

And that's explained in the two yellow Johnson boxes, so you need to move straight to those.

The testimonials are good.

Then you should end the letter by pointing out the prospect faces a stark choice:

* Either carry on as before, missing out on the opportunities that being ultra-confident will give them ...

OR

* They can make this tiny (totally risk-free) investment in a brighter, confident filled future, where they move effortless through life, making new friends easily, impressing their boss and their clients and forging better and deeper realtionships with their loved ones ... [in other words a glowing picture of how their life will be - once they own the product].

You should also give a reason why the price is being reduced.

And you should sign your letter in blue ink. After all, it's a personal letter from you to the prospect.

And that will allow you to add a couple of post scripts. After the headline, these are the most read part of the letter. One should reinstate the guarantee and the other should remind them of the need to order whilst it's fresh in their mind, so they don't lose the time-sensitive discount.

That's just a start. I'm sure others will have other thoughts.

Warmest regards,

Paul

Phalanx · 03-04-2011, 05:49 AM

Thanks for the feedback so far, guys.

The reason I have the domain and the navigation links at the top is because it's a part of my blog (though I did take out the header), and I don't want to dump my readers on a page from my blog with no obvious way back.

I do own the domain name UnleashYourConfidence.com, and I will put up a separate page there later with no external links.

Any feedback on the rest of the sales page?

Phalanx · 03-04-2011, 05:51 AM

And thanks to you Paul, as well, I will go and come up with some more intriguing headlines.

Ken_Caudill · 03-04-2011, 09:17 AM

Lose "dear reader."

I like the layout. Very Joe Sugarman.

Consider turning your problem points into vignettes your readers may identify with.

Some video wouldn't hurt.

Phalanx · 03-06-2011, 05:28 AM

Okay, thanks a lot for the feedback, guys!

I went ahead and came up with a (slightly) better headline. I'll keep working on that.

I also re-wrote the bit after the opening bullet points and then dropped the section after that to get to the benefits faster. I found a way to scan my signature (never did that before) and put it on the page in blue ink, and threw in two P.S. bits as suggested by Paul.

I'll keep thinking about finding an angle to be a "fellow confidence seeker" with the reader. If I find one, I'll try a different version of the sales letter with that in mind.

And I'll see if I can get some video recorded. That's a good idea.

Any further suggestions would of course be welcome, but I'm already really happy with all the feedback. Thanks, guys!

03-04-2011, 05:08 AM	#1
Phalanx Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 30 Thanks: 35 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Sales Page Feedback Please Hi fellow warriors! I will be launching my first e-book, called Unleash Your Confidence, in a few days, and I would very much appreciate your feedback on my sales page. http://vladdolezal.com/blog/unleash-your-confidence/ My traffic will be coming primarily from other bloggers' recommendations and from my own blog (as opposed to cold traffic), if that makes any difference. Also, I am currently working on getting more reviews and testimonials. There will be more of them by the time I launch. Thanks!

03-04-2011, 05:14 AM	#2
davehilary Warrior Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please I would test a more intriguing headline and remove the nav links at the top, and all other outbound links to start

03-04-2011, 05:45 AM	#3
Paul Hooper-Kelly $1.33 MILLION Marketer War Room Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: King William's former royal hunting forest, Hampshire, England, UK Posts: 456 Thanks: 9 Thanked 75 Times in 54 Posts Social Networking	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please Hi Phalanx, The word 'unleash' in your headline is excellent. Beyond that, you need to enlarge on the situations in which they can unleash their new-found confidence. So what about ... Unleash Rock-Solid Confidence In ANY Situation . . . . . . No Matter How Tongue-Tied You've Been Before - Starting TODAY! I normally write about 30 headlines, so that one's just off the top of my head. I suggest you write at least a dozen, sleep on it and then pick a few to split-test. Sales are made by people whom the buyer knows and likes. So your first task is to establish some common ground with your reader. And a photo of you would go a long way to doing this. In your salutation on this thread: "Dear fellow warriors", you've done what you should do in your letter. I agree it's a little harder here to find some fellow feeling, so play around with "Dear fellow confidence seeker". As your traffic is coming well targeted that should give you some clues as to what to use. After you've described the problem, you say "Luckily, it doesn't have to be this way.", which is good. Then I feel you should move into some details about how you also lack confidence (building the fellow feeling) and found a formula to overcome your shyness, which you are now going to share with them. Then you should drop the next section, which is very interesting, but should be in the introduction to the actual book, but doesn't have a place here, because *what the prospect wants to know is what the product will DO for them.* And that's explained in the two yellow Johnson boxes, so you need to move straight to those. The testimonials are good. Then you should end the letter by pointing out the prospect faces a stark choice: * Either carry on as before, missing out on the opportunities that being ultra-confident will give them ... OR * They can make this tiny (totally risk-free) investment in a brighter, confident filled future, where they move effortless through life, making new friends easily, impressing their boss and their clients and forging better and deeper realtionships with their loved ones ... [in other words a glowing picture of how their life will be - once they own the product]. You should also give a reason why the price is being reduced. And you should sign your letter in blue ink. After all, it's a personal letter from you to the prospect. And that will allow you to add a couple of post scripts. After the headline, these are the most read part of the letter. One should reinstate the guarantee and the other should remind them of the need to order whilst it's fresh in their mind, so they don't lose the time-sensitive discount. That's just a start. I'm sure others will have other thoughts. Warmest regards, Paul
	Have you claimed your Unfair Advantage yet?

03-04-2011, 05:49 AM	#4
Phalanx Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 30 Thanks: 35 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please Thanks for the feedback so far, guys. The reason I have the domain and the navigation links at the top is because it's a part of my blog (though I did take out the header), and I don't want to dump my readers on a page from my blog with no obvious way back. I do own the domain name UnleashYourConfidence.com, and I will put up a separate page there later with no external links. Any feedback on the rest of the sales page?

03-04-2011, 05:51 AM	#5
Phalanx Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 30 Thanks: 35 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please And thanks to you Paul, as well, I will go and come up with some more intriguing headlines.

03-04-2011, 09:17 AM	#6
Ken_Caudill Here for the Beer War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chicago burbs Posts: 2,053 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 800 Thanked 1,280 Times in 795 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please Lose "dear reader." I like the layout. Very Joe Sugarman. Consider turning your problem points into vignettes your readers may identify with. Some video wouldn't hurt.
	Sales Copy That Converts *Miracle Sales Copy Cures Cancer*

03-06-2011, 05:28 AM	#7
Phalanx Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 30 Thanks: 35 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Sales Page Feedback Please Okay, thanks a lot for the feedback, guys! I went ahead and came up with a (slightly) better headline. I'll keep working on that. I also re-wrote the bit after the opening bullet points and then dropped the section after that to get to the benefits faster. I found a way to scan my signature (never did that before) and put it on the page in blue ink, and threw in two P.S. bits as suggested by Paul. I'll keep thinking about finding an angle to be a "fellow confidence seeker" with the reader. If I find one, I'll try a different version of the sales letter with that in mind. And I'll see if I can get some video recorded. That's a good idea. Any further suggestions would of course be welcome, but I'm already really happy with all the feedback. Thanks, guys!