Sales Copy Critique - I went through the checklist :)

[amrrashad]

Hey everyone,

Just finished my first sales copy, could you please take a look:
stockoptionace.com /Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=46&It emid=53

(Sorry about the broken URL, don't have 15 posts yet)

The site still needs some work; I just set it up this morning. Please take a look at the copy and let me know what you think

Thanks!

[Stephen Dean]

Your headline comes off as unbelievable, not because it's an outrageous claim, but because it's not specific. It doesn't carry any weight, and can easily be ignored.

Get specific. What are you offering? Mention it in the headline...

"...with these 5 miracle stock picks."

Or is there a special way you pick the stocks?

"...with a special stock picking strategy discovered on the back of the US Constitution."

And second, you spend most of the letter teaching about options. That's never good - who will hit your page? Do they not know about options already? If they don't, you can still explain options to them... but do it in less of a classroom way. Instead of explaining the technical details, explain the benefits of investing in options.

Cheers,
Stephen Dean

[hpgoodboy]

I only saw one blue button jumping in my face: buy now.

A sales letter should somehow make the reader read and not be pushed away.

Imagine you want to buy a car and one of these white-shirted but un-showered sales guys approaches you and says all in one string:

Hi-how-you-doing-saw-you-look-at-the-car-buy-it-now.

What would you do? Buy it or leave?

[Danielle Lynn]

Originally Posted by hpgoodboy

I only saw one blue button jumping in my face: buy now.

A sales letter should somehow make the reader read and not be pushed away.

Imagine you want to buy a car and one of these white-shirted but un-showered sales guys approaches you and says all in one string:

Hi-how-you-doing-saw-you-look-at-the-car-buy-it-now.

What would you do? Buy it or leave?

LOL that was a perfect way to describe it Love that.

As to your question amrrashad, part of any purchase decision is getting to reader to get excited about making a purchase. As Stephen pointed out, you seem to spend a great deal of time going over technical aspects.

Take me through the rush that comes with making a good 'option trade' (honestly, not with hype). Right now you throw a lot of facts, figures, and percentages at the reader, but it just gets lost in the technical text.

A good place to start: imagine if you were telling a friend about how awesome it would be for him to start trading options.

Danielle

[AdwordsMogul]

Have you decided who the ideal buyer of your product is?

Is the person experienced with stock options?

The biggest question is "Why should I buy your product?"

Make a list of what the person buying is really looking for and start from there.

Spend some time thinking about why they should buy from you instead of your competition.

[redlegrich]

Maybe it's obvious but get rid of all that Joomla menu stuff on the left. You don't want them going anywhere but your buy page.

[amrrashad]

Everyone, thank you soo much for going through my page!

I'm sorry for my late reply, I thought no one had replied to my thread

Reading your comments; my page obviously needs a lot of work, being my first sales page and all...

Allow me to take you through my logic in developing this sales page, maybe you can help me re-focus the content...

Originally, I wanted to cast a wide net targeting all stock market investors; due to the fact that my ads were more likely to be clicked by beginners, I thought I'd start out by explaining what stock options are and how they're used. Then, I moved on to explaining how my offer would be great for them, with the mathematical break-down and all.

Reading your comments, I think I'll split this into 2 pages; 1 targeted for beginners who know nothing about Stock Options and are trying to make their first option picks. The other page would be targeted at experts looking for stock picks that can help them consistently grow their portfolio.

The plan is to split-test them to find out which one works best for this niche. What do you think? Sounds good?

Will also have to take out some of these in-your-face "Buy Now" buttons cause I obviously took the concept of "multiple places to take action" all the way to 11

Originally Posted by redlegrich

Maybe it's obvious but get rid of all that Joomla menu stuff on the left. You don't want them going anywhere but your buy page.

This stuff will definitely be going out, I won't be keeping it. Thank you for pointing it out though.

You guys just made my day! Thank you!

Amer

[amrrashad]

One last comment, I'm thinking of adding a Testimonials bar to the right or left column; from your experience, is it better to add them there? Or in the middle, after explaining all the details?

Thanks again!
Amer

[amrrashad]

15 posts! I can post links now!

In case you need to take another look, here's a working link:
Stock Option Ace

[P.Sharma]

even though I am not a good or even a mediocre copywriter I have learned many good things from this thread.

Thanks for your contributions

[AdwordsMogul]

It's good that you are seeing the need to separate your target audience.

You may also want to consider which group will make you more money.

I think you are more likely to succeed with experienced investors if you have specific information about specific markets.

The more accurate your info is the more you'll be able to sell higher priced products.

If you are going for beginners find out whether your site's visitors are serious about investing (not likely) or rather people disappointed with their jobs wanting to make some money.

It's up to you to drill down what your market is. Once you've got it you will find it much easier to write your copy and make money.

[travlinguy]

A couple of things. The 5% per month thingy in the headline will have the FTC up your ass lickety split... even if you can prove the claim which I'm sure you cannot because NO ONE consistently makes any percentage every month. Also, this line is confusing:

30 Year Experience Investment Team Shows You How

The rest is okay but, IMO, you're explaining too much about the mechanics of options trading and it's confusing. And a confused mind always says no.

The trick here would be to give a little generic info about options trading and then make it alluring by explaining that your system or picks or whatever you've got increases the seller's odds of winning trades, etc. One more thing. Create a sig file and put the link in it. Good luck.

[ewenmack]

Still got a very long, long way to go before it pays.

Go to this link The Biggest, Most Bad-Ass List of Awesome Marketing Lists...
and scroll down to "financial".

That's a list of proven winners written by professional copywriters
at the top of their game.

Then come back to your promo and see the glaring gap.

Now, your three choices...

#1 You recognize your's will get kicked to the gutter
by the marketplace as is...and it needs life resuscitation

#2 You carry out the resuscitation yourself
or call in a hired gun to get it fully mobilized

#3 You do nothing and get no money...oouch!

Question is, has doing it yourself paid you the big bucks yet?

I'll leave you with that.

Best,
Ewen

[jtunkelo]

You're teaching stock options investing... you're hinting at results... you're trying to win them over by pointing to experience...

Doesn't sound very convincing, I'm afraid.

If you really want someone to take notice, on a web site of all places, you have to STAND UP and clearly state you have something other investment managers don't.

And then you show how your unique method, skill, whatever.. brings in the results. Then you explain part of the method in detail so the reader will see there IS a method they can follow. Then you sell them on the awesome reality of having the FULL method in their hands so they can replicate your results (or your client's).

Easy? It can be. Just stop convincing people, and tell 'em what you got. If you really have something, go big. They're eager to buy from you if you're eager to make them rich.

And lastly: TRUST. In financial services, and first and last thing you need to establish is trust. They need to KNOW they're in good hands, not wish or assume. Tell your own story. Tell a client's story that is just like theirs is going to be. Reveal a flaw. Get real. Whatever you do, you must end up with trust. Then you can stick that blue buy button in their faces and they won't mind - they're waiting for it.