Need Help Please

wmc19872010 · 03-11-2011, 04:46 AM

Hey warriors i need help with a sales page i am not very good at writing them but i have one here, can you rate it and tell me if this is something you would want to buy if i sold the products. PLEASE HELP.

★ Xtreme Earnings 7 days a week plan★
Would you like to earn $5000+ every week?

I have been using a simple plan to make $5000 per week, but I will warn you straight up this will involve some work and small start-up cost of $40-$60.

But when you consider how much you will make from this complete course then you will see $40 as loose change.

If you are afraid to do some work then don’t bother with this course, just go back to working at Walmart because to make real money online you have to work.

If you are still interested then good lets continue.

Ok so I HATE article writing and list building so you can be sure that this is not in the course and I won’t be talking about sitting for 7 days a week building back link’s and filling you head with a load of useless nonsense.
This will be straight to the point 100% of what I do every day of every week, even today as you are reading this I have been working.

When I say, this will involve some work, by this I mean you will have to work on this everyday but you won’t be sitting glued to your keyboard for 15 hours a day, this will only take you around 1 or 2 hours per day.

Now I will enlighten you on how my income works.

• $3500
• 750+
• 800+

This is perweek.

Once you have this running after the 1st week you will be able outsource 90% of this work.

Ok let recap here’s some basic questions -
Would you like to earn $5000+ per week?

1. Are you fed up watching all these products and getting nowhere?

2. Would you like a full 7 day plan on what to do every day?

3. Would you like to run a successful business with a complete business plan?

4. How does it sound to have employee’s doing 90% of the work for you ?

Then………….

Then Lets Get Started

Please any feed back would be really really appreciated

Thank you

AdwordsMogul · 03-11-2011, 12:59 PM

Hi,

There are some basic elements that are OK - although you have placed them in the wrong order.

The bit about not bothering if they are scared of work - I would put that later and then rework it.

Here is the thing: even after you write stronger copy you will be faced with a major problem: proof.

People simply won't believe what you are saying because there are so many similar options available.

So you need to get testimonials from people who have used your product successfully.

You will need a really strong guarantee as well.

Now, it's really unclear what exactly you are selling.

You list several figures of what you make per week - that makes it look very inconsistent.

In your position, I would start from scratch using what you've got as part of my notes.

And write your headline again - after you have finished the copy.

rockinsnipe159 · 03-12-2011, 06:59 PM

What AdsWord Mogul said sounds about right. lol. It is still good though. Just needs some fixing.

shabbirbhimani · 03-13-2011, 08:35 PM

The only thing I hate about any sales letter is using the larger than normal font. Yes things should be highlighted but the complete content cannot be a highlight and so use bold/underline where you want user's attention in the middle of a page scroll.

Ross James · 03-13-2011, 08:42 PM

If you are really making that much money a week - hire a copywriter so you can really make 5,000 a week... If not to write the letter, hire one to teach you the science of salesmanship.

P.S you letter needs a lot of work... from the headline down.

OnlineMasterMind · 03-13-2011, 09:52 PM

Your letter needs work. The whole flow is pretty jagged, and it's also way too short.

Here's a tip: read your letter out loud. You'll quickly notice it sounds robotic. Ideally, you want it to flow as if you are having a conversation with someone.

Write like you speak. You'll also find that to be a lot easier and less time consuming.

03-11-2011, 04:46 AM	#1
wmc19872010 Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: scotland Posts: 24 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Need Help Please Hey warriors i need help with a sales page i am not very good at writing them but i have one here, can you rate it and tell me if this is something you would want to buy if i sold the products. PLEASE HELP. ★ Xtreme Earnings 7 days a week plan★ Would you like to earn $5000+ every week? I have been using a simple plan to make $5000 per week, but I will warn you straight up this will involve some work and small start-up cost of $40-$60. But when you consider how much you will make from this complete course then you will see $40 as loose change. If you are afraid to do some work then don’t bother with this course, just go back to working at Walmart because to make real money online you have to work. If you are still interested then good lets continue. Ok so I HATE article writing and list building so you can be sure that this is not in the course and I won’t be talking about sitting for 7 days a week building back link’s and filling you head with a load of useless nonsense. This will be straight to the point 100% of what I do every day of every week, even today as you are reading this I have been working. When I say, this will involve some work, by this I mean you will have to work on this everyday but you won’t be sitting glued to your keyboard for 15 hours a day, this will only take you around 1 or 2 hours per day. Now I will enlighten you on how my income works. • $3500 • 750+ • 800+ This is perweek. Once you have this running after the 1st week you will be able outsource 90% of this work. Ok let recap here’s some basic questions - Would you like to earn $5000+ per week? 1. Are you fed up watching all these products and getting nowhere? 2. Would you like a full 7 day plan on what to do every day? 3. Would you like to run a successful business with a complete business plan? 4. How does it sound to have employee’s doing 90% of the work for you ? Then…………. Then Lets Get Started Please any feed back would be really really appreciated Thank you
	Greed Is Good

03-11-2011, 12:59 PM	#2
AdwordsMogul Still... War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 1,006 Thanks: 379 Thanked 420 Times in 205 Posts	Hi, There are some basic elements that are OK - although you have placed them in the wrong order. The bit about not bothering if they are scared of work - I would put that later and then rework it. Here is the thing: even after you write stronger copy you will be faced with a major problem: proof. People simply won't believe what you are saying because there are so many similar options available. So you need to get testimonials from people who have used your product successfully. You will need a really strong guarantee as well. Now, it's really unclear what exactly you are selling. You list several figures of what you make per week - that makes it look very inconsistent. In your position, I would start from scratch using what you've got as part of my notes. And write your headline again - after you have finished the copy.
	"No, the CEO is over there. I'm just the guy who pays him." Jean Paul a.k.a The Mogul

03-12-2011, 06:59 PM	#3
rockinsnipe159 Warrior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 14 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need Help Please What AdsWord Mogul said sounds about right. lol. It is still good though. Just needs some fixing.

03-13-2011, 08:35 PM	#4
shabbirbhimani Warrior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 17 Thanks: 3 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Need Help Please The only thing I hate about any sales letter is using the larger than normal font. Yes things should be highlighted but the complete content cannot be a highlight and so use bold/underline where you want user's attention in the middle of a page scroll.
	Internet Marketing Tips

03-13-2011, 08:42 PM	#5
Ross James Meta Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Boston Suburbs, USA Posts: 487 Thanks: 96 Thanked 80 Times in 71 Posts Contact Info	Re: Need Help Please If you are really making that much money a week - hire a copywriter so you can really make 5,000 a week... If not to write the letter, hire one to teach you the science of salesmanship. P.S you letter needs a lot of work... from the headline down.

03-13-2011, 09:52 PM	#6
OnlineMasterMind Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 530 Thanks: 62 Thanked 52 Times in 30 Posts	Re: Need Help Please Your letter needs work. The whole flow is pretty jagged, and it's also way too short. Here's a tip: read your letter out loud. You'll quickly notice it sounds robotic. Ideally, you want it to flow as if you are having a conversation with someone. Write like you speak. You'll also find that to be a lot easier and less time consuming.