Is my Sales page good for conversions?

[Reach Fame]

I am looking for good Internet Marketerers who are able to figure out what's missing or what would really improve the conversions even more on my sales page.

I am just looking for some suggestions that you get from the first glance...is it confusing, is it not delivering what's promised, what's missing, etc.

I'd appreciate it very much..Thanks!

Ultimate Musician Package

[Danielle Lynn]

Originally Posted by Reach Fame

I am looking for good Internet Marketerers who are able to figure out what's missing or what would really improve the conversions even more on my sales page.

I am just looking for some suggestions that you get from the first glance...is it confusing, is it not delivering what's promised, what's missing, etc.

I'd appreciate it very much..Thanks!

Ultimate Musician Package

Hi there Reach,

Here's some suggestions

Remove the cluttered graphic/word combo at the top of the page.

Re-work your headline so it's less 'informative' and more 'intriguing' (after all, your headline's primary job is not to inform, its to intrigue/capture the attention of your reader enough that they'll start reading the first of your copy and be guided towards purchase)

Think along the lines of: "I'm going to show you how to get your Demo/music in front of over 45,000 industry professionals Today!" (or however fast your product is able to accurately deliver that result)

Something that appeals to their emotions regarding stardom - and puts it within their grasp.

I'd also take out the part about getting them signed to a record label, or rephrase it as a "chance" to get signed to a record label. Otherwise it comes across as unbelievable.

Without reading further, I'd say changing those 3 things off the bat will make a noticeable impact.

[travlinguy]

Your header graphic is WAY TOO BIG. I have a monster moniter and half of your actual headline is below the fold.

You're trying to address too much in the headline which is pretty weak. Pick one thing and address it in the headline. Maybe something like:

If You're Looking To Ink A Record Deal Really
Fast, Read EVERY Word On This Page

That's probably not a keeper but it's way better than what you've got up there now. You can address music industry insider secrets and the rest in the sub and the paragraph headers. I didn't go past the headline but would suggest you hire a copywriter. This thing probably won't convert very well. Good luck.

[ARSuarez]

The PS's are very, um, weak. I like that you offered the newsletter - that was a good idea.

The guarantee PS (#2) is weak, awkward, and I didn't understand it at first glance.

Instead, try...

"Take this software for a 60-day risk-free test drive. If it's anything but what I've made it out to be in this letter, just say so. I'll promptly refund your entire investment with no hard feelings."

PS #1 is irrelevant. What does it mean? Why not make a fast-response bonus instead. Why not remind them of how quickly they'll reach fame, how easy it'll be, and how all they have to do is invest in this instantly downloadable software?

Why not use it instead to include a video testimonial from one of your clients?

It's better than saying, "Just so you know - again - you're buying some software. You won't need to buy another piece of software ever again.
For real."

PS #3 is the best of the lot. But it could use refinement.

"If- for one reason or another - you're still not convinced this is the best deal you'll ever get on your road to musical fame... Then here's what I'd like you to do: sign up for my free newsletter right here... I'll be giving you free, usable information in every issue. I'll do this just to prove I know of what I speak.

But keep in mind - these are all simply breadcrumbs in compared to the loaf of my software. Again, here's that link: Link"

Remember - the PS is an important part of the copy. It's the straw that breaks the camel's back for some. It's the incentive to go back and read the copy start to finish for others. Don't skimp on it.

Warmly,

Angel

[Bruce NewMedia]

(Its too bad the graphic is so big, cause it's actually nice, in a way.) :-)

I'd make it 20% in size of what it is now, remove the 'REACHFAME' logo entirely and make the remaining sized header 50% transparent....So, its more background, smaller and not so obvious.

But that's not the primary problem, imo.

I have a suspicion that music industry wanna-bees don't read much and would respond much better to a video right on top.

I would write a video script with appropriate background music.

Then re-write a much shorter sales letter with far less dense copy format. New headlines, everything.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but you asked.
_____
Bruce

[Reach Fame]

Hi Bruce,

So, you're suggesting i put the Video inside the huge header right? The video should be showing pictures or stills of the membership product or just simply explaining the product with my voiceover, or just the background music?

I'd make it 20% in size of what it is now, remove the 'REACHFAME' logo entirely and make the remaining sized header 50% transparent....So, its more background, smaller and not so obvious.....I am really confused about all that you mentioned above...i would appreciate if you could provide more details...the REACHFAME logo should not be there?

Can you be specific as to let me know where it is densed and where it needs rewritten? ...Also, new headlines, can you explain please what you meant.

Thanks for your input.

[Reach Fame]

Thanks for your input...Anything else on my sales page that you think could look different?

[Bruce NewMedia]

You could place the video RIGHT BELOW the much-reduced-in-size header. So that when a visitor hit the page he/she would see the narrow header and then the video box.
(Note: you could place a much smaller logo in the header as well)

The video would be either an attractive articulate spokesperson on camera, or a clear, enthusiastic voice over announcer.

Either way the video would introduce the system and describe who its perfect for and what the benefits are etc. Maybe 3 - 4 minutes..depends. If you do this make a longer one and a short one, for testing.

OR you could place it in the existing huge graphic, after it has been toned down (see example below.) ...might be too busy, but TEST IT.

I would still do a major rewrite on the copy and the graphics too.
_____
Bruce



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[ewenmack]

I recently started a thread on how a guy went from $2,000 to $5,000
from one simple change.

That change was to replace his existing buy button with a Belcher Button.

Many others have tested it to increase sales too... in many different markets.

So that would be my first choice in a split test.

Next thing to split test is to have a sales video only
versus just written words.

It has been tested having video and a written sales message took response down
from only video.

By video, I mean having your sales message shown on a slide format
and a voice reading it.

Best,
Ewen

[Reach Fame]

Thanks! I was also thinking of introducing a video there in the header itself. I was going to make the header 1/3 size smaller and included the video....

In regards to rewriting my sales page, what and where exactly do you think it requires rewriting? I have spent money actually on it already...

Originally Posted by Reach Fame

Hi Bruce,

So, you're suggesting i put the Video inside the huge header right? The video should be showing pictures or stills of the membership product or just simply explaining the product with my voiceover, or just the background music?

I'd make it 20% in size of what it is now, remove the 'REACHFAME' logo entirely and make the remaining sized header 50% transparent....So, its more background, smaller and not so obvious.....I am really confused about all that you mentioned above...i would appreciate if you could provide more details...the REACHFAME logo should not be there?

Can you be specific as to let me know where it is densed and where it needs rewritten? ...Also, new headlines, can you explain please what you meant.

Thanks for your input.

Originally Posted by brucerby

You could place the video RIGHT BELOW the much-reduced-in-size header. So that when a visitor hit the page he/she would see the narrow header and then the video box.
(Note: you could place a much smaller logo in the header as well)

The video would be either an attractive articulate spokesperson on camera, or a clear, enthusiastic voice over announcer.

Either way the video would introduce the system and describe who its perfect for and what the benefits are etc. Maybe 3 - 4 minutes..depends. If you do this make a longer one and a short one, for testing.

OR you could place it in the existing huge graphic, after it has been toned down (see example below.) ...might be too busy, but TEST IT.

I would still do a major rewrite on the copy and the graphics too.
_____
Bruce



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[AdwordsMogul]

Your copy lacks credibility.

Your testimonials praise the product instead of demonstrating results. Who got a record deal using your stuff?

With what label?

Why should I buy this not the Indie Bible?

Those things should jump out from the copy. I scanned for several minutes and I couldn't find them.

Your visitor will not last that long to find this information.

[nielsty]

In my opinion your copy is way too long for such an inexpensive product - I had to scroll forever to find out it was that cheap. At least mention the price earlier and write somthing like "see how much you get for just 24.95$!"

But I would make it 75% shorter and instead link to further information. And videos with testimonials from users would be great.

[fscobie]

Your pre-headline "For Every Musician or Artist Seeking Success in Music Business"

shouldn't that be "in THE Music Business"?

Agrree with previous posters on the video. You also might want to experiment with a video and have the Buy Now button appear near the end of your video after you've told them how much your stuff is worth. See Add To Cart Script | Trey Smith Blog

"You’ll find the big names like Warner Brothers, Sony and BMG in the Ultimate Musician Package as well as hundreds of Indie labels that allow you to submit your demo. How many altogether? You might be surprised to know that there are close to 2,000 labels listed for the U.S. and one of those might want to sign you as the next act."

This is just an example, but there is too much feature fucus and the benefit is weak. The prospect needs to be able to picture themselves as achieving what you are selling. Something like:

"Over 1900 labels including Warner Brothers, Sony and BMG - you could be their next big ticket"

[John Breese]

I strongly agree with Bruce & Ewen about video.

It's all about appealing to your crowd and let's face it - you're dealing with the mile-a-minute, fire-and-forget ADD crowd.

If they crave music stardom, speak to them in the exact medium that instilled
that craving in the first place - loud, flashy vignettes.

The best place to insert your video: The upper left hand corner of your screen, just below the header, or if possible, partially overlapping.

[Max Stryker]

I think you should cut down the header, but the rest of it is fine, clear and good graphics.
how are your keywords performing?

[Reach Fame]

Hey Max,

The keywords are performing fine, i guess. Well, i am up on first page of google for some keywords, just head to head with pretty good competitors in the industry...

Surely, i am still not coming up on 1st page of google for a lot of competitive keywords...but working on it....

Have any suggestions or idea about it?

[unlimitedmarketing]

Originally Posted by Max Stryker

I think you should cut down the header, but the rest of it is fine, clear and good graphics.
how are your keywords performing?

I think that the header is way too big. I would reduce the size and ad like a sign-up form above the fold for better conversions or to build your list.

[Jon Steel]

The header is way to big ...

[Reach Fame]

What i am trying to understand here, is why so many people when pressing on my ORDER NOW button register first...and when they are redirected to a Clickbank transaction page, they x out of it and do not complete a sale??

Don't they already know that after registration will come a payment? I think it's clearly indicated there..any ideas?

[jtunkelo]

Quick comment: considering your headline promises so much... the payoff is quite hum-ho... "getting your music out there" doesn't sound believable, at all... Sorry, but if I were looking to break into the music industry, that would turn me off right there. Heard that before, etc. At the very least, I'd bump up the testimonials to much earlier on the page. How's it converting for you anyway, at present?

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by jtunkelo

Quick comment: considering your headline promises so much... the payoff is quite hum-ho... "getting your music out there" doesn't sound believable, at all... Sorry, but if I were looking to break into the music industry, that would turn me off right there. Heard that before, etc. At the very least, I'd bump up the testimonials to much earlier on the page. How's it converting for you anyway, at present?

There are days when it takes about 30 visitors for a sale, other days when it takes 100 or so...I currently do not get much traffic, so that is one of the reasons thus far.

I am working on the sales letter to see what would look best...Thanks for your suggestion! I will certainly make not of it.

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by Jon Steel

The header is way to big ...

Yeah, you're right, i had a bunch of people tell me that already...but it's cool graphics and i will need to put a Video there...once it's done, it should look awesome!

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by Max Stryker

I think you should cut down the header, but the rest of it is fine, clear and good graphics.
how are your keywords performing?

Some are saying i should change the graphics, but i think the graphics are kinda cool....In terms of actual content, yeah, i agree, i need to work on that...it is kind of intimidating and i need to break it up....

[nunugenius]

Originally Posted by Jon Steel

The header is way to big ...

it makes a sense, get the attention

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by jtunkelo

Quick comment: considering your headline promises so much... the payoff is quite hum-ho... "getting your music out there" doesn't sound believable, at all... Sorry, but if I were looking to break into the music industry, that would turn me off right there. Heard that before, etc. At the very least, I'd bump up the testimonials to much earlier on the page. How's it converting for you anyway, at present?

It's converting about 50:1 which is not the best of conversions, but i'm working on the content a lot now...I should be updating with modified content soon.

Thanks

[Quality Copywriter]

hi there

A few suggestions. the headline is week. the into does not connect with the readers pain. and theres a lot more to do.

You can contact me on Work Samples | Creative copy that converts
to talk more if you like

cheers

[BrianMcLeod]

“WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS?”

The secret of success lies in simply getting your music out there!

And thus endeth the reading of the copy by any aspiring artist with half a brain.

If your goal is to sell access to yet another industry list for dreamers, great.

If your goal is to be a credible authority offering genuine advantage? Fail.

But you already know that in your heart of hearts, yes?

Getting some CB affiliates to pike it on their autoblogs might generate a
few shekels for your effort.

But if you brought this offer to the congregation points of the folks who
are actually busting their asses trying to pursue a career in music...

If you had press in all the trades and in-depth reviews from the folks
who've published this type of information for decades now?

How would what you're doing stack up?

So, here's the big question - are you ready to do the REAL WORK of
displacing a TAXI or any of the established sources of industry contacts?

Maybe you are - I hope you are. Indie artists need every advantage
they can get.

Best,

Brian McLeod

[texan]

Smaller Header, Too much info. and might want to adjust the formatting on the images under the subtitles. Other than that, it looks like you put some work into it.

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by Quality Copywriter

hi there

A few suggestions. the headline is week. the into does not connect with the readers pain. and theres a lot more to do.

You can contact me on Work Samples | Creative copy that converts
to talk more if you like

cheers

Check it out, i have changed the content on the site...do you think it's more convertable now? Ultimate Musician Package With Updated Music Industry Contacts

[Reach Fame]

I have modified the content and i hope it looks much better now...any thoughts, people?

[JTzor]

Hi Reach Fame:

What do you want to tell the visitor of your page?

There is a lot going on there:

1) why would they be visiting your page? DO they need your help? Remind them of that

2) whatever theyve been doing thus far has led them to you - they need help - make them Focus on how you can help them

3) Take away some of the quantity and focus on the quality - what are you offering and why is it such a great deal?

4) Are you saving them time, effort? How are they benefiting?

5) You might want to add some kind of supplemental media to the graphics, audio/video. If you opt for video, definitely shorten the length of the page by AT least half

6) Your Copyright Reads 2006 - change that asap

7) Aesthetically the page looks nice - colors wise and such, however that header is kind of big. Use some of that space to effectuate some kind of connection - emotional, etc.

8) Your Order Now button is Right Above your Opt-in form for free information ... Why?
Put yourself in there shoes - would you rather opt-in for free or pay $25?

9) You might want to break this down into 2 pages - opt-in form/page 1st OR after they navigate away from your page Pop-opt-in form (pop up form)

Hope that helps

- JT

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by jtunkelo

Quick comment: considering your headline promises so much... the payoff is quite hum-ho... "getting your music out there" doesn't sound believable, at all... Sorry, but if I were looking to break into the music industry, that would turn me off right there. Heard that before, etc. At the very least, I'd bump up the testimonials to much earlier on the page. How's it converting for you anyway, at present?

Originally Posted by JTzor

Hi Reach Fame:

What do you want to tell the visitor of your page?

There is a lot going on there:

1) why would they be visiting your page? DO they need your help? Remind them of that

2) whatever theyve been doing thus far has led them to you - they need help - make them Focus on how you can help them

3) Take away some of the quantity and focus on the quality - what are you offering and why is it such a great deal?

4) Are you saving them time, effort? How are they benefiting?

5) You might want to add some kind of supplemental media to the graphics, audio/video. If you opt for video, definitely shorten the length of the page by AT least half

6) Your Copyright Reads 2006 - change that asap

7) Aesthetically the page looks nice - colors wise and such, however that header is kind of big. Use some of that space to effectuate some kind of connection - emotional, etc.

8) Your Order Now button is Right Above your Opt-in form for free information ... Why?
Put yourself in there shoes - would you rather opt-in for free or pay $25?

9) You might want to break this down into 2 pages - opt-in form/page 1st OR after they navigate away from your page Pop-opt-in form (pop up form)

Hope that helps

- JT

Thanks for your comments. The site has been in existence since 2006...are you trying to say i should put 2006-2011?

[JTzor]

Originally Posted by Reach Fame

Thanks for your comments. The site has been in existence since 2006...are you trying to say i should put 2006-2011?

yes sir

or at least the most current year of your Copyright.

- JT

[marypulido]

Header plays a very important role in conversion of the sales of your website. You just need to take care of your header feature and ensure that it matches with the rest of the theme.

[Reach Fame]

Originally Posted by marypulido

Header plays a very important role in conversion of the sales of your website. You just need to take care of your header feature and ensure that it matches with the rest of the theme.

Is the header not well designed or you just simply big? Please be a little more specific?

Thanks

[SykkBoy]

I'll chime in on the header is too big chorus

What I would do is add a headline above the header...something like
"Are you looking for that big break in the music business?"
then add your verbiage about "what they don't want you to know..."
then
"Watch this important video as it may well just change your life."

Then use some of the graphics in the header as a design around a video (as mentioned by a few people above). Make a nice 3-5 minute video. Push the glitz and glamour of the music business. Use a slideshow with some fancy video editing tricks and a nice voiceover talking about how tough it is to break into the music business...but how YOU can help THEM.

way too much wording below...

instead of comparing what they offer versus what you offer...I'd get rid of it and add them as bullet points and align them left instead of center...it's kind of jarring

then for the text "why pay for separate directories" area
I would add "Get all of this valuable information for less than thirty dollars"
then
"Tell you what. I'm so confident you'll love the Reach Fame system so much, I'll not only offer you a full moneyback guarantee, I'll throw in some amazing bonuses that are worth well over $300 by themselves."

You need to start hyping your price here, then you can continue to more features...
by this point, you should have asked them for their money twice already....I know it's popular amongst a lot of copywriters to put the buy button at the bottom...but I'm not in that crowd...my feeling is if you want them to give you their money, you need to ask them for it.

Now put the bonuses (move them above that big table of features)...by the way, good use of relevent bonuses. So often I see bonuses offered that have nothing to do with the featured product and seem like filler crap just thrown in for the hell of it (sure, they generally are, but no need to make it blatantly obvious)


Then that big table with all of the graphics, "US record labels, etc." it's too helter skelter...I think you're better off going with more minimalist graphics, and cutting down on the wording...maybe even going with a second set of bulletpoints...and a mini-headline "More Features Of The Reach Fame System"
then cut down those descriptions to a sentence. Otherwise, it's too wordy and overwhelming...as mentioned above, most music focused people are ADHD (including yours truly ;-))

Testimonials are fine
all that "guess the price stuff" scrap it all...all the way down to the risk-free acceptance form

at the bottom, I'd add a second PS "What are you waiting for? The labels aren't going to come knocking on your door. Buy the Reach Fame System now and knock on their doors...armed with KNOWLEDGE"


Sorry, got a little wordy there ;-)
I feel bad that you paid to have it written...I think the author was more worried about cramming as many words in there as he could without thinking of context....