"Faster than" Metaphor?!

[UndeniableSpirit]

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to think of a metaphor for "faster than".

Example: "...this method will get you there faster than __________."

So far I've come up with

"Faster than a fighter jet"

"Faster than a freight train"

"Faster than Charlie Sheen can say winning after 3 lines of coke"

"Faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck"

The last two don't really work for me because I'm trying to convey "speedy results" rather than injecting my copy with humor at this point (it's near the call to action).

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!

[UndeniableSpirit]

I'm thinking "greased lightning" would be a solid one!

[colmodwyer]

...a speeding bullet?

Colm

[travlinguy]

Howz about a melting snow cone in hell. Hey, I likes it.

[Michael D Forbes]

Faster than...

... a hornet with 'roid rage

... a rocket full of monkeys

... a buttered bullet

[UndeniableSpirit]

Thanks for the suggestions guys! I wanted to stay away from the cliche "faster than a speeding bullet" but I'm just doing some research and commonly used metaphors are recommended by some of the greats!

[Alex Barboza]

"Faster than Garfiled finds pizza" It was on The Simpsons once

[TracyNeedham]

Originally Posted by UndeniableSpirit

Thanks for the suggestions guys! I wanted to stay away from the cliche "faster than a speeding bullet" but I'm just doing some research and commonly used metaphors are recommended by some of the greats!

Yep, because they're so familiar to people it can help "speak their language."

Also, you don't want people thinking, "Oh, what a cool analogy!" as much as you want them thinking, "Oh, what a cool product!" LOL

[writeandreview]

Faster than a speeding bullet works because it's cliche and instantly recognizable.

After seeing "Faster than a ..." I bet many readers guess what's coming and some would even skip reading the full sentence. That could be exactly the behavior you want.


I like to use "relevant metaphors".

That is, metaphors that are in context with whatever's being promoted. These type of metaphors can trigger a reader's memories and thoughts.

If I can anchor my pitch to something already "inside" of a reader, my job gets a lot easier.

For example, assuming I know my target and/or demographic:

A book on dealing with jerks at work:
Faster than sh@t rolls downhill after a major project goes belly up.

A set of self hypnosis audio files to help nursing mothers sleep:
Faster than an exhausted newborn drifts into a dreamland of mommy's hugs and kisses.

Running shoes/sprinter's spikes:
Faster than superhuman Usain Bolt can sprint 100 meters.

Relevant metaphors are a "sneaky" way to toss in a few credibility boosters, associate your product with important icons and pin your product's benefits to a prospect's experiences.

Good luck with your metaphor hunt! (if you're a hunter)
Good luck on your voyage for the perfect metaphor! (sailor)
Good luck boldly going where no other metaphor has gone before! (Trekkie or Shatner groupie)

[rammonster]

Faster than light or maybe lightning fast?

Faster than a politicians promise on election day (not an original)

-kunal