Start to my copy...

[Hoodyy]

Hey warriors,

I've recently wrote my first ever ebook which I'm fairly proud of. I've tested it in my target market and made around 40 sales of $16.99 each with all of my customers appreciating what was inside the book and thanking me for writing it. This, for me, is exciting.

So the next step is obvious. Make a website and launch the product on clickbank, start recruiting affiliates etc.

Because I am just starting up and am a complete noob I'm trying to do as much as this process as possible. I am however saving around $80 for a complete mini-site design package from semmy on the warriors for hire forum.

I've made a start to my copy, which I will be using on the website. I've never wrote copy before so it's probably awful. I'd like some general tips that you may have when looking over the copy or whether I should just delete it all and try again. Any comments are welcome!

Here's what I've come up with so far:

RUNESCAPE BILLIONAIRE REVEALS SECRET METHODS THAT WILL HELP INCREASE YOUR CASH PILE BY OVER 30M EVERY DAY!

Dear Future Runescape Billionaire,

How do they do it?

I’m going to guess that you‘re struggling to find that extra GP you need to buy the Whip or Bandos Armour that you've always wanted. You’re sick and tired of how easily wealth seems to come to some people.

SO WAS I

I wanted to be the player who was boasting to his friends that he only needed to make 1M more to buy a Blue Partyhat, not begging my friends if they could spare 100K so I can finally buy a whip.

In short, I wanted to be rich.

Not just slightly rich, or even quite rich... but SUPER RICH.

I set off on my own personal quest to find out just exactly what are the secrets the wealthy elite are keeping from us? What is the undoubtedly complex formula to making ridiculous amounts of money on Runescape?

I tried many different methods to make money, using things I learnt from random Google searches, trusting merchant clan leaders and even pestering every rich person I met on the game with a million questions asking how they did it only to be laughed at and being told “it’s simple”.

Eventually I found out where the BIG money was made - The Grand Exchange. After weeks of testing I was astonished by what I had found. It really IS simple!

“I had found an IDIOT PROOF method that was making me MILLIONS of GP EVERY DAY!”

I mean seriously, it’s almost impossible to lose money with the method I came up with! And what’s more, this method will always work!

That's what I've come up with so far. I'm thinking of going on further next with a proof pic (or maybe I should have a proof pic before?) and then listing a few bonuses and the benefits of each etc and then writing all the more traditional copy like the money back guarantee's etc.

I literally have no clue what I am doing... I think that first part I was trying to grab in the reader using empathy and then try to make them... almost jealous, like they are missing out. Perhaps I need to add more lines such as "be the envy of your friends"? Perhaps everything I've currently done is absolute garbage, who knows? I'm new to writing copy.

Let me know your thoughts, they'd be greatly appreciated.

Hoodyy.

[OutOfThisWord]

Maybe a little too unbelievable... write something people would believe... and want to find out more.

[MissLauraCatella]

Well! After figuring out what RuneScape is, I rather like what you've got so far. You've got a good sense of what you want to accomplish and you accomplish it. Well done.

The one thing that sort of lost me was your "I tried many different methods to make money..." paragraph, which I think is due to the busy formatting. It may look better on your site with whatever spacing you've got going there, but if it's single spaced like this then I'd suggest putting only one or two phrases in bold per paragraph.

Really, though, I'm nitpicking on you with that; the copy is quite good so just keep writing.

[Bill Jeffels]

" Runscape Insider Reveals Tactics That Will Increase Your Cash-Flow
Each And Every Day ... Like Clock Work "

Here's how you can apply these money making
tactics literally... over-night!

From The Desk Of: Hoodyy
March 30 , 2011


How do they do it?


I’m going to guess that you‘re struggling to find that extra GP you need to buy the Whip or Bandos Armour that you've always wanted.
You’re sick and tired of how easily wealth seems to come to some people.

Well, guess what? So am I and I'm pissed about these losers and posers. This is the real deal. Let's get started

" I Have Found A Guaranteed Way To Make
Cash Money... Day In And Day Out! "

There's a start. It's not all the bell's and whistles of my buddy , Kevin Roger, LOL. Try it out , dude.


Best,


Bill Jeffels



.

[Ken_Caudill]

You have a good start. You seem to know your market. Run it by an editor/proofreader before you start testing.

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi Hoodyy,

I hope you remembered to get some testimonials from your 40 delighted buyers, because you can use them throughout your sales letter (NOT in a big block!) to support every claim you make.

Raplh Waldo Emerson once said: "The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons."

And that applies very much to a sales letter. But, if your claims are supported by OTHER folks saying how great you and your product are, that will go a very long way to breaking down the mistrust that every copywriter has to overcome.

Because, unless your prospects trust you, they will never buy from you.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[alsoforum]

Are there similar products/services being successfully sold/promoted?