Critique before I start revamping my copy

NateSimms · 03-30-2011, 03:00 PM

Hey everybody:

Let me first say that I'm very interested in "breaking into" the copywriting field. I already have a passion for writing and believe that I'm more than capable of producing excellent sales copy with a little bit of knowledge and work.

With that, I'm looking for a critique of the sales copy on my new CB item. You can find it here: Claim Back Your Ex. The package was a PLR product, meaning I didn't write the copy -- it was included with the purchase. I've already gone through the actual product and revamped it from a technical and grammatical viewpoint, but am now left with pumping up the copy.

I figured having this board critique the present copy would set me in the right direction in terms of where to begin solidifying it.

So, please, have at it with the current copy. I'm hoping I can take all the suggestions and ideas generated through this thread and come back in about a week's time with brand new (and high-converting) copy to show all of you.

Thanks in advance for the help.

Take care!

Kevin Rogers · 03-30-2011, 04:49 PM

Here you go, Nate. Some tips just for you.

Hope this helps...

NateSimms_Crit - KevinRogers23's library

Kevin

NateSimms · 03-30-2011, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin Rogers

Here you go, Nate. Some tips just for you.

Hope this helps...

NateSimms_Crit - KevinRogers23's library

Kevin

Kevin. Wow.

I can't thank you enough for that. Precisely what I was looking to get out of this thread.

I'm going to spend the next couple days writing down all of my mental notes and getting everything organized. Hopefully I'll be able to report back with the updated copy this weekend.

Thanks, again!

Bill Jeffels · 03-30-2011, 05:05 PM

Kevin,

Amazing!

You always over deliver.

Best,

Bill Jeffels

.

Ross Bowring · 03-30-2011, 05:38 PM

Hey again Nate...

Great stuff from Kevin above.

I'll just add that when I was dumped by an old-flame back in the day (what was her problem, huh?) for weeks and months afterwards all I saw as I dragged my single azz around town were couples... endless frikin' couples. Happy, holding hands and reeking of contentment. And it cut deep Nate... deep I tell you.

Just a little observation to add to Kevin's, "Every song you hear reminds you of them."

Take care,

--- Ross

Bill Jeffels · 03-30-2011, 05:57 PM

"Every Rose Has It's Thorn...."

I wish I wrote that song... " Damn You Bret Michaels " lol. Actually he's a cool dude. Yes, Ross, what was her problem...?

Anyway, good luck to all you cool dude's. Anyway , I'm on my way with a few buddies to drink some "Pabst Blue ribbon"... and talk about "the old times."

Hope I can remember some.

Later, dudes,

Bill Jeffels

.

Kevin Rogers · 03-31-2011, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NateSimms

Kevin. Wow.

I can't thank you enough for that. Precisely what I was looking to get out of this thread.

I'm going to spend the next couple days writing down all of my mental notes and getting everything organized. Hopefully I'll be able to report back with the updated copy this weekend.

Thanks, again!

My pleasure, Nate. Let us know how it turns out.

Kevin

Scott Murdaugh · 03-31-2011, 11:23 AM

Wow Kevin.

You just injected everyone who watches that video with a brain dump of how a world-class copywriter thinks about and approaches a project.

That's a knowledge bomb you can't put a price on.

Awesome stuff man.

-Scott

Dexx · 03-31-2011, 11:24 AM

Kevin you have an awesome voice to listen to! (never heard you speak before)

You should do more videos! "Kevin's Copy Corner" (alliteration ftw, lol)

Do ittt!

~Dexx

03-30-2011, 03:00 PM	#1
NateSimms I write. War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: GBurg Posts: 242 Thanks: 29 Thanked 112 Times in 48 Posts	Critique before I start revamping my copy Hey everybody: Let me first say that I'm very interested in "breaking into" the copywriting field. I already have a passion for writing and believe that I'm more than capable of producing excellent sales copy with a little bit of knowledge and work. With that, I'm looking for a critique of the sales copy on my new CB item. You can find it here: Claim Back Your Ex. The package was a PLR product, meaning I didn't write the copy -- it was included with the purchase. I've already gone through the actual product and revamped it from a technical and grammatical viewpoint, but am now left with pumping up the copy. I figured having this board critique the present copy would set me in the right direction in terms of where to begin solidifying it. So, please, have at it with the current copy. I'm hoping I can take all the suggestions and ideas generated through this thread and come back in about a week's time with brand new (and high-converting) copy to show all of you. Thanks in advance for the help. Take care!

03-30-2011, 04:49 PM	#2
Kevin Rogers HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 308 Thanks: 156 Thanked 306 Times in 86 Posts Social Networking	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy Here you go, Nate. Some tips just for you. Hope this helps... NateSimms_Crit - KevinRogers23's library Kevin
	The Conversion Kings

03-30-2011, 05:05 PM	#4
Bill Jeffels Copywriter / Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 377 Thanks: 143 Thanked 92 Times in 82 Posts	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy Kevin, Amazing! You always over deliver. Best, Bill Jeffels .
	Copywriting WSO:FINALLY, YOU CAN NOW DISCOVER THESE AMAZING COPYWRITING SECRETS TOO! Bond Halberts Bad Ass Blog " You Are One Sales Letter Away From Being Rich " --Gary Halbert

03-30-2011, 05:38 PM	#5
Ross Bowring Cash Creating Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Philadelphia, USA Posts: 722 Thanks: 589 Thanked 637 Times in 220 Posts Social Networking	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy Hey again Nate... Great stuff from Kevin above. I'll just add that when I was dumped by an old-flame back in the day (what was her problem, huh?) for weeks and months afterwards all I saw as I dragged my single azz around town were couples... endless frikin' couples. Happy, holding hands and reeking of contentment. And it cut deep Nate... deep I tell you. Just a little observation to add to Kevin's, "Every song you hear reminds you of them." Take care, --- Ross
	PLUS... X-Rated Copywriting Secrets EXPOSED.

03-30-2011, 05:57 PM	#6
Bill Jeffels Copywriter / Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 377 Thanks: 143 Thanked 92 Times in 82 Posts	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy "Every Rose Has It's Thorn...." I wish I wrote that song... " Damn You Bret Michaels " lol. Actually he's a cool dude. Yes, Ross, what was her problem...? Anyway, good luck to all you cool dude's. Anyway , I'm on my way with a few buddies to drink some "Pabst Blue ribbon"... and talk about "the old times." Hope I can remember some. Later, dudes, Bill Jeffels .
	Copywriting WSO:FINALLY, YOU CAN NOW DISCOVER THESE AMAZING COPYWRITING SECRETS TOO! Bond Halberts Bad Ass Blog " You Are One Sales Letter Away From Being Rich " --Gary Halbert

03-31-2011, 11:23 AM	#8
Scott Murdaugh ResultsCopywriting.com War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: San Diego, Ca Posts: 916 Thanks: 296 Thanked 600 Times in 218 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy Wow Kevin. You just injected everyone who watches that video with a brain dump of how a world-class copywriter thinks about and approaches a project. That's a knowledge bomb you can't put a price on. Awesome stuff man. -Scott
	Done-For-You Offline Client Attraction System By Top Copywriter... How I Consistently Produce Double-Digit Conversion Rates For My Copywriting Clients...

03-31-2011, 11:24 AM	#9
Dexx Offline Consultant War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 1,900 Thanks: 612 Thanked 613 Times in 318 Posts Social Networking	Re: Critique before I start revamping my copy Kevin you have an awesome voice to listen to! (never heard you speak before) You should do more videos! "Kevin's Copy Corner" (alliteration ftw, lol) Do ittt! ~Dexx
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