GENIUS... (oops, no)... er, WHAT am I missing here?

[cozandeffect]

I wrote this ad:

Instant Global Traffic

Despite my best efforts, however, it ain't working.

Please, oh pretty pretty please... can ANYONE demonstrate WHY this isn't up to par?

I'm too close. I LOVE this copy. If I could father its children, I would.

Ugh.

Emotions are high. Conversions are low. And I feel like a schmuck.

Please help.

-Coz

[wrcato2]

1. the headline is to much. It doesn't grab my attention. It sounds like you are bragging. Your headline should lead the prospect into the copy or in your case the video.

Here is what I would do:
1. create a squeeze page with an image of the video. Beside the video image I would have an AR form so you can get people on your list.

I would create a different headline: Mind Blowing Video Reveals How I make $3,037. 29 a day on complete Auto Pilot & with no competition!"

Sub head: and how you can too!
They say Seeing is believing? Subscribe today and I'll show you the shocking truth about (whatever it is). And if this isn't the most profitable free traffic method you have ever seen... I'll kiss a pig.

Listen you give up to much above the fold. I would use the sales letter to build Anticipation for the product. I would also get rid of the ticker.
Get rid of the price until close to the end.

The video shouldn't auto play either. I would try the squeeze page and build a list of prospects.

[SShip]

First I want to say, I liked your video.

(This is constructive criticism, please don't take it in a bad way). What turned me off the minute I opened the site was this: "Secret" and then beside live video proof, "forced" and "autopilot". If this was sent to me, I would have opened it and deleted it without reading any of it. But, let me explain why... There are way to many products these days saying the same thing and using those exact words and they aren't delivering on their promise and giving people false hopes. Now, this is my opinion, not sure if others agree, but those are the types of words I'd keep out of the ad.

P.S. Don't feel like a schmuck, you'll get it right and do fine in the end. To your SUCCESS!

[wrcato2]

fruzzlies, Secrets, forced and auto pilot These words are great if used in the right context.

I didn't watch the video and realy do not like auto play videos what so ever. The site gives everything away above the fold with out watching the video.

Wouldn't you agree though, that he should use a squeeze page and collect leads with the video and soft sell the prospect behind the scenes? or at the least create a longer video that create's anticipation for the main product.

You can even send the visitor after the lead in to the sales letter and try to get the sale. However, I think he would make more sales after five or more content rich video's. or at the very least 5 to 7 AR messages pre-selling the prospects.

[Ken_Caudill]

I liked the look of the site -- reminded me of a discount store or flea market. Somehow, the clutter works.

I think you need to pare down. There's no cohesiveness to the copy, no flow. It seems like it was written by committee.

There's a good sales page in there somewhere. You just need to find it. It grabbed my attention, but didn't hold my interest.

[cozandeffect]

Thanks for the feedback guys, I'll redo the headline and attempt more cohesion.

[JJOrana]

It's hypey...

Find an interesting story about your product and use that as lead-in.

[SocialBlasting]

For me personally, when I land on a page that instantly starts pushing me their Clickbank stats, I never buy. Not that they're fake stats or anything, I just know for a fact that there has been a nasty trend lately of "marketers" who rent out their accounts to people so they can shoot videos like the one on your sales-page. Power point videos work great, I've seen my highest conversions when I use this method. I'm under the impression that people like to read what you're explaining, especially if it's a compelling story or report.

[travlinguy]

Your earning claims are pretty substantial. I think that even with the video documentation, which actually appears to legit to me, some will doubt it. Nothing you can do about that other than get a CPA to audit your numbers and verify them. Then post that info along with the name of the CPA on the page. No link to the auditor, just a notice. Put that together with the screenshots and the rest and it's SOLID.

I'm not sure what the stats say on this but to me the 'you and me against the guru' thingy is kinda worn out. I'm not sure why people would buy into the notion that the gurus want to keep secrets from the drones. In reality, there's a pretty big pie out there with enough for everyone and showing people how to earn money online is what this thing is all about, right? If testing shows that this is still a valid hook (not so sure it ever was) then, by all means, run with it.

I don't like auto start video. There was a pretty useful thread on this forum a couple of weeks ago about it and it seems the narrow consensus was that it outperforms the click to start option. You might do you well to check out that thread if you haven't already. There were some excellent suggestions on how to maybe please both the pros and cons of the issue.

Your exit popup says this will be your only chance to get a discount. Nice. The second time I left the site the same message appeared again. Credibility Alert! If I'm a real prospect now I'm wondering about your earnings and maybe more.

Good luck with your offer.

[Justin Quick]

Coz,

This site itself is visually appealing, but you are making such a huge mistake.

Imagine if I walk up to you and show you some "proof". Then when I start talking I say, "Now let me prove it to you."

What?

That makes no sense.

The entire beginning of your ad is PROOF, PROOF, PROOF, PROOF, PROOF.

Then when you start your sales letter you say about the worst thing you can say... "This sounds like a scam right? I get it."

Your desire to tell your personal story is getting in the way. Sell that amazing product my man!

Just sell.

You are making novice copywriting mistakes. Phrases like "Because a few years back, I was just like you." are unacceptable.

You don't even know me.

And guess what else? If you have software that can make me $300K per month, I don't give two ****s whether you're like me or not! Just sell the software!

Get rid of the fake scarcity. I don't believe you only have 297 left.

And when you a discount a price, give a reason why. Here your price is 17% of the "original" price... for no good reason. So I know that price was pulled out of thin air, dude.

In the end, I'm still not real sure what you're selling.

When you say "software" in the headline, I'm assuming you're selling software. But the bottom of the sales letter says otherwise. So when you re-do the headline, keep that in mind.

Good luck!

[Daniel Scott]

Coz (Andrew?),

I don't normally offer free advice but it's obvious you worked hard on this copy.

First off... although I only skimmed it... I liked it.

If you wrote it... massive congrats.

Is it perfect? Nope, far from it... but I think it's pretty damn good. Certainly good enough to sell your product.

Which makes me wonder if there's something else going on... something with the offer, price point, traffic source(s), checkout process, etc.

Plus... what do you call lousy conversions? 1% might be amazing depending on various factors.

-Daniel

[Jack44]

Well, If I was so smart,I would not be a newer than Newer than new newby(New Word,I guess) ,,But after reading every one elses,and alot of WF site!!!!!!! , The Jam down your throut seemed like a Kirby Vacumn cleaner salesman!
You have Great content In there, the 2nd fellow down,rote a Great sales Page,Id hire him!!!!!!, As I Caught every word he rote,IMO,

Best of Luck,Im Learning,and Your helping me!!! Big Time! And thank You! I have good friends that are used car sales men, and theres a toss up between Lawyer jokes and used carsalesman,,if a used carsalesman followed you around like a Puppy dog,would you buy,or just leave?? Just from a newbies look at it 3 x's and Yep, a rework,still has the same goodies in there! ,,,Thanks,and Best of LUCK!!!!!!!! Jack

[Jack44]

PS.. Nobody even asked if this Program even works????? All we did was try to help,, Has any one bought this,would love to here,Thanks,Jack