Hey Look Over There -->> Another Copy Critique Request

[robs132]

Hey Warriors of the copy room!

I'm releasing a wso on Tuesday and would love to get your expert opinions on some copy that I have put together for it.

I listened to Fladlien's 9 step copywriting webinar.

I read sales pages within the same niche and this is what I could come up with:

WSO COPY ATTEMPT

Is it clunky? Probably!

Will it make some sales? Probably!

But I want to set the WSO forum on fire, I want WSO of the day!

Any input is greatly appreciated,

Thanks Copy Warriors

Rob

PS. If anyone wants to quote me some reasonable prices for getting it re-written or interested in % share I would be interested in chatting

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi robs132,

On the strength of your screenshots and price, you're bound to make sales.

So, I'm not sure you need to 'knock' Sniper. Many of the folks here know George (and will be using Sniper), so you'll probably be more convincing if you allow the prospect to decide for themselves if it really is better than Sniper.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[robs132]

Great thanks for the feedback Paul. Will go easy on George then lol

[iva]

Hi Rob,

The product has a lot of potential and you'll definitely see sales.

As for the WSO copy, I am not an expert by any means, but here are 4 points that might be worth to think about:

1) X No financial investment

doesn't seem right. If your main audience are newbies, they would need essentials: hosting, domain name. They'll probably also need to pick up a copy of the CB product as well to do a proper review. So, some investment is required?

2) In the "What you get" section, you can actually show at least one screenshot with the titles of all the pdfs and videos, so people would know exactly what they are getting. Much easier to see a huge value that way.

3) Not clear why you are re-releasing the product again. What is different about the updated version?

4) Your testimonials (1 and 2), though great, do not appear to be written by newbies who actually used your course and got the results you promised. If you have something written from a newbie perspective it would be beneficial. Even if it's something about what a great teacher you are and how easy it is to learn from you, etc.

As I mentioned this is just my opinion. I'll buy your product but for a different reason then this sales copy. I actually watched a couple of your videos during the pre-launch, I know the quality of your work, and I am convinced that the product is going to be excellent.

Can I pre-order a copy? (LOL)

Evgueni

P.S. Maybe you can add at the beginning of the sales copy who will benefit from it. For example, if you've tried promoting CB products and are still struggling to make a sale - Google Smasher is fo you, because....

[robs132]

Hey Evgueni,

Thanks for the feedback, your not meant to "peak behind the curtain" just yet!

It was useful to get your perspective on what was working.

You can't wait another few hours to get into the course? I guess that is a good sign!

Thanks again,

Rob

PS. Re-releasing as I updated a couple of sections and wanted to make sure it was working perfectly with a few extra sites.

[robs132]

Originally Posted by msaqib301

update us!

Hey Copy Warriors,

So thanks for all your help and guidance!

the update:

the WSO has just come off the first page and converted as high as 20% and finished off converting at 16%.

Solid work guys, couldn't have done it without you,

Rob