I suspect this is going to hurt, but

[IbbyatLytham]

I'd be grateful if someone would critique this site:

valuevisionglasses dot co dot uk

The home page copy is exactly the same as a sales letter we are using for people in our local area. It's aimed directly at people 45 years old and above. Therefore there's a very strong possibility they'll be wearing glasses or will be soon.

Where practicable we've followed the checklist already posted but having said that: we are totally new to copywriting (if you can call it that) and it took us over two weeks to get this far.

Yep, I suspect this is going to hurt.

Kind regards

Ibbyatlytham

[Russell Barnstein]

The site looks great and I think it is structured well. The copy is written well, but it is not compelling at all. With all due respect, I was bored before I even got to the fold. However, I kept reading below the fold anyway until I was too bored to continue. During this time, you never asked me to do anything. You were just talking.

Remember that you need a compelling call to action ALWAYS within sight of the reader. You don't have to wait until the end of your copy to sell- ask for the sale in every other paragraph or whenever you just said something relevant and compelling.

I would move that bullet point above the fold- THAT's what people care about. No one is ever going to care how this woman came to believe she needed to start this service. That's material for the About Us page. Instead, your readers need to be reminded that what they are doing now SUCKS and that what you have to offer will alleviate those concerns.

However, scrolling through your entire sales page I can see that it isn't a sales page at all. Why? You never ask for the sale. Not once. Not one single time do you place a call to action, a contact button, a buy now button, or anything.

So while your copy is good and well written, it never asks me to do anything and therefore I'll bounce away as soon as I am bored with reading this woman's story because it isn't compelling enough and it doesn't ask me to do anything ever.

My analysis:

Good Site
Well Written Content
Never asks for the sale

Fix that last piece and you're good to go.

[IbbyatLytham]

Russell,
Thank you so much for this. I'm truly grateful for your considered and very helpful reply. I've printed it off and will go to work on this straight away.

Thanks again

IbbyatLytham

[Loren Woirhaye]

The formatting needs work. The blue on green is hard to read, especially
with the gradients.

The use of model heads combined with the real, named person is weird.
Use models or use yourself, but I don't think using both on the front page
works here.

The copy is not too bad for a start, but it does lack a strong call to
action. People are actually reluctant to pick up the phone. A better
approach is to offer a "kit" which you pop in the mail to the prospect.
People can fill out the form and you can get their number and then
after you mail the kit you have an excuse to call them and ask if they
got it and if they have any questions. Voila - you're in a selling
conversation and the prospect is happy to get your call because you
sent them something they asked for, for free.

See how that works, psychologically?

Of course some people will still call, but more will be embarrassed to
call outside of business hours and so forth, which puts them off.

Oh - and nobody is going to "keep my number" in case they have
a need crop up... but they might keep a book you've sent them or
a refrigerator magnet sort of thing.

[IbbyatLytham]

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

The formatting needs work. The blue on green is hard to read, especially
with the gradients.

The use of model heads combined with the real, named person is weird.
Use models or use yourself, but I don't think using both on the front page
works here.

The copy is not too bad for a start, but it does lack a strong call to
action. People are actually reluctant to pick up the phone. A better
approach is to offer a "kit" which you pop in the mail to the prospect.
People can fill out the form and you can get their number and then
after you mail the kit you have an excuse to call them and ask if they
got it and if they have any questions. Voila - you're in a selling
conversation and the prospect is happy to get your call because you
sent them something they asked for, for free.

See how that works, psychologically?

Of course some people will still call, but more will be embarrassed to
call outside of business hours and so forth, which puts them off.

Oh - and nobody is going to "keep my number" in case they have
a need crop up... but they might keep a book you've sent them or
a refrigerator magnet sort of thing.

Hello Loren, thank you for this. I truly value your feedback. I'll be looking into making some changes. Your kind help and consideration is exactly the sort of thing that I was looking for.

Thank you again

[Don Schenk]

The part Loren mentioned about the model's heads combined with the real, named person may be easy to fix.

Photography - photo means light, graph means a drawing - light is the main tool. The quality of the portait comes from the lighting and, to some extent the retouching.

A good professional photographer can make your image be of the same quality as those of the models. It is the harsh lighting and lack of retouching that makes your image look so different than those of the models.

I retired 3 years ago from the photo industry, but some of the images are still on line.

publicity portraits

Scroll down a little bit and go forward through more images, then go to "Enter Gallery" on the left sidebar, and select senior portraits.

The lighting is the key.

:-Don

[Bruce NewMedia]

Damn!..everytime I get ready to write my comments about a site, Loren has basically said most of it. :-)

I do strongly think the blue/green does not work at all. Having owners poorly lit head shot with model shots doesn't look right either.

I had to read too far down the page to figure out she is offering a deal on glasses because she works out of her home.
....and offers optical service in the clients homes? Have I got it right?

Anyway, I think its an interesting concept, but I would try to lead with that concept in the headline and include the benefit of 59% saved over the 'Old' way of shopping for glasses.
_____
Bruce

[Loren Woirhaye]

Probably we're both showing our ages a bit. When I started
doing this stuff the internet was a poor, poor medium so
it was all about print media. I still think you'll get the most
committed customers if you use the mail as part of your
process with most direct marketing niches.

[IbbyatLytham]

Thanks guys,

I'm really appreciative of your comments. It's just so fantastic that you take the time to help newbies. I'm going to re-write, re-colour? etc

Not too sure about the help pack though. I was trying to keep costs down. But I'll rethink it and certainly bear it in mind.

Thanks again.