critique needed

[m30jake]

Hi all,

I was wondering if you could kindly have a look at my sales copy and give me some comments and pointers if necessary.

This is the link (short url used for seo purposes): bit.ly/hRnjRI

Thanks lots!

Best regards

Jake

[OutOfThisWord]

Jake... you need a dominating headline... something like...

LEARN ENGLISH AT HOME IN AS LITTLE AS 15 MINUTES A DAY...
Best Of All You Can Try It For Free!

It looks like you have a good course with lots of benefit, but you are asking the reader to work too hard... and they won't... they will take the path of least resistance and that is to click away.

[ehawkmarketer]

I think your testimonials box need to show more than 1 at a time. Now many people will click on "read more". I will have gone away already before seeing what your customers have said....

[m30jake]

Thanks for the comments guys, I do agree there needs to be a better headline, something which grabs the users attention and also I do see now that more testimonials wouldnt just fill up the white space but would also be very important on this page too.

[WebRank1]

Jake, make the title above the sections (on the left side) a slightly different color than the menu and the right side titles.
You want to draw the attention to the text.

Also, all throughout your copy I see not enough emotion. You want to take the reader onto a journey where they transform from being a misunderstood, ignored person to a person like Shakira. She started off hardly speaking English and she transformed in to a wealthy successful business woman.
Sell not methods, sell not techniques, sell not facts. Sell dreams.

Besides emotion, I see a lot of poorly chosen words like "being immersed in English" - No a single person that wants to start learning English is looking to be immersed in anything, it summons the feeling of drowning.
Another one: "You will constantly be in a process of repeating the same exercises" - Now I understand that repetition is key here but the prospect does not want to be told that he is going to do repetitive tasks, it brings back memories from being in school every day, listing to same old teacher, doing the same old homework.
Try to describe it as something fun, something with results to look forward to. "Sure, you need to repeat some exercises. But guess what? Every time you complete an exercise your English will be better and pretty soon you will be able to read magazine articles." Something like that.

There is a lot more to be done but I thought I leave you with this at least.

Hope it makes sense.

Regards,
Mark

[WebRank1]

Oh yeah... Why is the sales page in English? Who is your target here?

[m30jake]

Originally Posted by WebRank1

Oh yeah... Why is the sales page in English? Who is your target here?

Hi Mark, thanks for all your comments!

The sales page is also in Spanish, but assuming people here speak English I posted your the English version which is more or less an exact translation of the Spanish one.

Thanks again,

Jake

[Obelisk]

Jake,

Your best bet would be having a Spanish Speaking copy person critique this (If this is a translated version then it reads awkward).

The layout of your site is cumbersome as well (at least for my taste).

SEO wise it is a bit awkward too...not sure how to help you there as I dont speak spanish and am not 100% sure how it would display in the target country.

At the end of the day, good copy will hit emotions and tell a story.

Why do visitors want to acquire your product?

What do they get from it?

What will be the end result (paint a picture in words...Spanish words...)

I dunno, this is a tricky one as I dont speak the language, but hopefully you will get some ideas flowing. Shoot me a PM if you would like to speak more...

Chris

Originally Posted by m30jake

Hi Mark, thanks for all your comments!

The sales page is also in Spanish, but assuming people here speak English I posted your the English version which is more or less an exact translation of the Spanish one.

Thanks again,

Jake

[amag]

Hi Jake,

Here are the things you might want to consider:

1. The very first glance at your site fails to capture attention. That means you need to try a EYE-CATCHING design.

2. The headings/subheadings fails to grab the attention.

For instance, the heading "Our Experience" can be changed to "Why Should You Enroll In This Course?" or "Here's Why You Ought To Get Enroll In This Course". (these headings are my suggestion... which in my experience will definitely capture the visitor.)

and then elaborate the below points with more "persuasive words".
* 15,000 satisfied students
* 40 years teaching English
* 100% proven

Thanks,