Critique wanted for webpage sales letter!

[tayjuno]

Hi Guys,

I just did up a trial webpage and sales letter for my new ebook.

Warren Buffett Investing System

This is suppose to be a mock "run-up" before I release the actual ebook.

What do you guys think of the sales letter?

[travlinguy]

This looks like an opt-in page not a sales letter. As an opt-in page it's weak. I think you're in for a hurdle because most people won't relate to the stock market god, Warren Buffet unless you come across with some TRULY DYNAMIC CREDIBILITY which ain't there at this point. Still, there are some immediate adjustments you can make. When you say:

"There is little doubt that Warren Buffett is one of the world’s most successful investors, so I reckon that you agree with me that taking a leaf from his book is a wise thing to do."


What are you talking about? There's no reference to "his book" anywhere on the page. There's more confusing stuff there as well. You might consider hiring a copywriter. Good luck.

[gr8tocre8]

I agree with Travlinguy 100%. Your headline also needs to be much stronger. A headline should immediately (and cleverly) offer a benefit to the viewer. Right now it just tells people a fact - you need to offer up a benefit, otherwise you're losing them from the get-go.

[d3sign3r]

I have to agree with Travlinguy and gr8tocre8..

The graphics on there are also a bit cheesy and overused. I don't think designs with dollar-bills-flying-around are trusted anymore. My .02 cents.

[writeandreview]

Are you worried about the historical low interest rates and the ever rising threat of inflation?

Well I am. But where on earth are we going to put our hard earned money?

I didn't like this at all.

I won't pretend to be one of those credit card sucking, virtual cash printing, you can attract a bigger penis just by thinking about it (even if your name is not Richard Simmons) kind of copywriters. But I think this is weak sauce, my friend. Like for the realz n stuff.

One could emulate his investment strategies by reading his books & his annual reports ...

Yes one could, couldn't one? Should one be so inclined.

Are you aiming for "high brow" in your style? It feels like that in parts and then, it doesn't feel that way at all.

Your headline, "Seven Mental Habits that helped Warren Buffett make an average gain of 20.2% per annum REVEALED"

Doesn't really work with the "Don't read this page ..." thing. The two styles seem to clash.

It's like you're painting a Rolls Royce with racing flames.

I think there are some nuggets in the copy though.

[travlinguy]

Okay, I had a second look and noticed a live link to the actual book. Whoa... I know Easter is coming but is this page supposed to be an Easter egg hunt? How about a DOWNLOAD THE BOOK NOW notice. But wait! Don't do that at all. Why in the world are you letting your visitors get the book without opting in first? Not smart. Do you think people are going to get the book and then opt in to your list? Not likely.

As has been questioned above, who is your market? The page has the feel of a fast-buck IM offer. That would be okay if you were selling something to daytraders who definately have the fast-buck mentality. But Buffet is anything but a trader. He's one of those boring buy and hold dudes. Yep, he's made billions doing that but it sure isn't sexy. So a more conservative page is in order.

Still, the buy and hold thingy is okay. There's a massive market out there for people looking to get a high return with minimal risk. That's the Buffet style. You need to appeal to people who want what you're saying you have. So, I'd say you have a TON of work to do before going public with this. Good luck.

[prophetmktg]

Honestly,

The header is kind of tacky, and might turn some people off, but overall it's pretty good. I would emphasize the point about the comparison between using the Warren Buffet investing system compared with just investing in the stock market.

To me that's really interesting.

[tayjuno]

Hi Guys,

Appreciate your honest feedback.

Your right its really neither here nor there as an opt in page. Two many contradictions too. The template doesn't gel with the content and the writing isnt strong either

Its back to the drawing board for me. Will preserve the one or two few good points that were listed out though.

[Dean Jackson]

I agree with the header - the stacks of cash make it look a little tacky, and probably isn't very appealing to someone looking for legitimate info on something serious like stock trading.

I don't know this market well enough to comment on it in depth, but your bullets need work. A lot of work.

For example:

How Warren Buffett views risk and why hates it!

What??? Everyone hates risk, what makes Warren any different?

"much, much more!"

If someones going to give you their email address, you should tease them with more than just 3 vague fluffy bullets

Best regards,
Dean