Disorganized Sales Page :(

[Andrew Maule]

Can anyone help? Here is my site:

VideoMarketerPro - Learn How To Drive Traffic And Earn Cash With Video Sharing Sites!

I feel I have the copy down pretty well and the general sales page, but it feels disorganized and cluttered, I'm not sure how to fix it either. It's kind of frustrating. Any tips or ideas on how I can improve the organization and flow?

Thank you in advance!

[Stephen Dean]

I saw this quote by Gary Halbert in a Michel Fortin blog post the other day.

"Copy that tries to make a freakin’ explosion is going to turn people off and makes the pitch so unbelievable..."

And I think it'd apply to your headline...

"Discover How To Turn Video Sharing Websites Into A Traffic-Sucking Vacuum That Will Put Stacks Of Cash Into Your Pocket! Use The Top Secret System That Shows You How To Get 37,366+ FREE Views To Your Videos. "

What do you think?

Cheers,
Stephen Dean

[Andrew Maule]

That's a good point I'll definitely keep in mind, what do you think about the organization though...?

[RedPhoenix]

The organization or layout is not easy on the eye. However that should not be your main concern - as Stephen pointed out your headline is way too long and it lacks clarity. Generally it should not be longer than 17 words. You can always use a sub headline to expand it. If your headline fails to capture a prospect's attention then what follows is of little importance.
1) Headline - 90% success or failure depends on it.
2) Subheadlines - expand headline(main benefit of product)
3) Body Benefit(s) - bullet points useful
4) Reason(s) (to buy)
5) Free bonuses - adds value
6) Guarantee
7) Summary - (press those emotive buttons one more time)
8) Offer/Price
9) Your Name & Photo. Plus postscripts (the second most read part of a sales letter.)

In the style of PPP - personal, passionate & pointed (clarity)
Layout should be simple & well spaced with paragraphs about 3 - 5 lines.
Take care & good fortune.

[Loren Woirhaye]

Readers will forgive a lot actually if they are interested.

I don't like headlines that talk about vacuum cleaners
which aren't selling them - but that is a personal
preference because I think the metaphor (er, simile?)
is cliched.

I would recommend you read Michel Fortin's recent blog
post on the subject of superlative-laden headlines.

In any case you most compelling benefit is buried down
in your body copy. You put so much hype on the front-end
perhaps you aren't just telling us what it is and what it
does in a clear and easy-to-understand manner.

If this product has a step-by-step plan for getting ideas,
making videos, standing out from the dreck on YouTube,
and getting worthwhile traffic then say so as soon as
possible.

I know a lot of newbies haven't been around the block with
video marketing but I have and I know what many of the
real issues are. I don't buy the hype.

[Andrew Maule]

"Discover How To Turn Video Sharing Websites Into A Traffic-Sucking Vacuum That Will Put Stacks Of Cash Into Your Pocket! Use The Top Secret System That Shows You How To Get 37,366+ FREE Views To Your Videos. "

Word count: 38


Test headlines:

"Find Out How To Drive Unlimited Traffic From Video Sharing Sites - You Don't Even Need Your Own Video!"

"Discover How to Drive Unlimited Traffic With Video Sharing Sites"

"Drive Unlimited Traffic With Video Sharing Sites - Dominate Google & YouTube With This Master Course!"


Any opinions, ideas?

[Andrew Maule]

Think I'm going with: "Drive Unlimited Traffic With Video Sharing Sites - Dominate Google & YouTube With These Techniques!" Unless someone else has an opinion on that...

[Raydal]

I did a 15 minute video critique for your website ...

http://www.viddler.com/explore/copywriter/videos/3/

Sorry that I couldn't embed it in this post.

-Ray L.,

[Andrew Maule]

Hey Ray,

Says the video is private!

[Raydal]

Originally Posted by mrsleep99

Hey Ray,

Says the video is private!

Ahh! Sorry about that. I really intended to use YouTube and then
it got rejected because of the length so I used Viddler instead.

You should be able to see it now. Let me know.

-Ray L.,

[Andrew Maule]

Ray, thank you so much. I'm not even half way through the video but the advice you gave so far is awesome and greatly appreciated, I'm going to make all of these changes! I just learned a ton. I'll report back with progress soon...

[warriorkevin]

@Ray,

I like the way you do that - do you do that often to sites.
I always enjoy watching people disect websites.

@MrSleep -

I have no input on the copy as writing copy is not my forte.
But I can echo some feedback
- the site header is distracting from the headline,
- I agree about the tvs in the background - a bit too heavy.
- lastly the font for me or the spacing is tough on my eyes.

Not a lot of help, but it is the visual parts that overwhelm me a bit and that usually makes me leave a site if the 'pull' is not strong enough to overcome.

K-

[Raydal]

Originally Posted by warriorkevin

@Ray,

I like the way you do that - do you do that often to sites.
I always enjoy watching people dissect websites.

K-

I do full length critiques of websites (see signature) but you may also check

Copywriting Secrets From One Of The Most Successful online Sales Letters Ever Written

for a very detailed dissection of one of my most successful sales letters.

Thanks,

Ray L.,

[warriorkevin]

Nice Ray...

the learncopy site is very good.
In fact I see a couple of things in there I don't think I have seen anyone else do.

Easy to read as well. and I personally don't like reading long copy, but this is not too long and well broken up into easy to read parts with good text size and fonts.

I only had 2 items to mention otherwise -
1) you have a 'special start' with "win a free critique July 13th-20" it seems too far out of date to make me believe the site is current (if it is meant to be)

2) While I am not a copy writer AT ALL, the only critique I could even possibly muster would be that you have a ton of bullet points. I tend to skim and skip over too much text (probably why I do not buy a lot from long copy sites) But I would be more inclined to read them if there were a few subheads breaking them up into say 'groups' of somehow related points?

Anyway, that is really what I felt. I read alot until I go to the bullets and then I just started to scroll.

K_

[Raydal]

Originally Posted by warriorkevin

Nice Ray...

the learncopy site is very good.
In fact I see a couple of things in there I don't think I have seen anyone else do.

Easy to read as well. and I personally don't like reading long copy, but this is not too long and well broken up into easy to read parts with good text size and fonts.

I only had 2 items to mention otherwise -
1) you have a 'special start' with "win a free critique July 13th-20" it seems too far out of date to make me believe the site is current (if it is meant to be)

2) While I am not a copy writer AT ALL, the only critique I could even possibly muster would be that you have a ton of bullet points. I tend to skim and skip over too much text (probably why I do not buy a lot from long copy sites) But I would be more inclined to read them if there were a few subheads breaking them up into say 'groups' of somehow related points?

Anyway, that is really what I felt. I read alot until I go to the bullets and then I just started to scroll.

K_

Thanks for your critique.

This copy prints to 12 pages which is on the short end of long copy. As to the dating,
this was just a WSO page I referenced you, not an active selling page, hence that
extra graphic.

Now as for the bullet points, while you make a good point about breaking them up
if they are 'too long', the more bullet points = more value in the readers mind.

Just look at the bullet points on the packaging of products in the store and you'll
see how the advertisers pile them on ...because the more points you have the
more the customer is getting.

-Ray L.,

[Andrew Maule]

Ok so I'm still working on making the updates but I've made some significant progress. I've updated the optins, made them more appealing, changed the "timid" style of the optins. Indented the header, made it more clear, I'm currently working on getting the new video up to replace the trailer. Ditched the background images and still working on others.

What's everyone think so far?

Do you think I should take ALL of the testimonials and group them TOGETHER or keep them spread out over the page?

[jayden.fellze]

Hi,

I think you have pretty much covered the sales page. But if I were you, I would make it aesthetically better. Personally, I am not a huge fan of such geometric fonts as from some distance they look very cluttered. You can use a more soothing font that looks smaller yet readable and beautiful. The font used in customer testimonial boxes are a great example of such a font. It is easy to read and looks smart.

[Collette]

Hey Sleep - I'm going to skip over the visual stuff for now, and just make a quick comment on a couple of things:

Headline and copy:

The copy isn't badly written per se. However, there's a glaring problem that jumps out at me. You're (apparently) targeting prospects who have some clue that video can drive traffic.

Yet there is nothing in your copy that makes you stand out from any of the dozens of "Me Too" traffic-generation-using-video products/e-books/courses already out there. There's nothing in your sales pitch that sounds any different from the stuff that's been said dozens of times already by dozens of marketers purporting to know "The Secret" to traffic generation.

So what makes YOUR method so different from the other methods that may/may not already work? Does yours save me more time? Generate more qualified click-thrus? Result in higher conversions? What?

What's YOUR distinctive point of difference? Why should the prospect pony up the battered plastic one more time for your offer?

To turn this into a powerful, kick-ass sales page you'll either have to :

- Find that exceptional point of difference (aka, your USP), or

- Target the product to newbies who haven't heard the pitch yet.

Be assured: I'm not dissing your product. Based on your contributions to the WF, I have every reason to believe that you're offering a quality product. But it's just not coming across in this copy.

And please, please, please - DON'T make the video start playing automatically on page load. I'm among the many, many people who find that incredibly annoying. Trust me, I'll click "Play" - if you give me a reason to.

[spressnell]

I like the list of what constitutes a good web site.

Shirley

[Andrew Maule]

Originally Posted by jayden.fellze

Hi,

I think you have pretty much covered the sales page. But if I were you, I would make it aesthetically better. Personally, I am not a huge fan of such geometric fonts as from some distance they look very cluttered. You can use a more soothing font that looks smaller yet readable and beautiful. The font used in customer testimonial boxes are a great example of such a font. It is easy to read and looks smart.

Changed the font to look better, I think it does at least.

I'm going to work on nailing down a unique selling point and stuff, I'm still thinking. I KNOW my product is the bomb, I just have to figure out how to tell people without giving it away...

Thanks for all the help guys, I'm also adding more video testimonials!

Andrew