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| | #1 |
| I am a motivated warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: israel
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hi guys and girls, i need some critique opinions on that site of mine Best Ways To Get Pregnant - How To Get Pregnant thank you for your time ![]() shlomi |
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| | #2 |
| I'm Kind of a Big Deal... War Room Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: North Carolina
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OK, for what it's worth: Personally, I don't care for the pea green - that may just be me. Also, you may want to have a couple of women (wife, mom, sister, etc) read it and tell you what they think. There were a couple of things that weren't bad, but didn't seem like a woman would write it. For example: PS. If you still think that you can't create your own miracles, please listen to this. When we began trying to conceive my second child, I had a miscarriage. It was awful! I ached for that baby that I lost and was anxious to start trying to have another. Miscarriages can be so upsetting. But should you start trying to conceive immediately after a miscarriage, or should you wait for a certain amount of time? The answer to that question became vitally important to me after my miscarriage. The one thing that glared at me in that paragraph was "Miscarriages can be so upsetting." I'm thinking that a woman who had a miscarriage may think of it as more than "upsetting". Like I said, it's not that it's bad, just may want to have some women take a look. One final thing (and I know this is nitpicking): These gifts not just filler These gifts are not just filler Like I said, I know it's nitpicking! Hope this helps. |
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| | #3 |
| Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts
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There is a principle called heuristics which I have found useful in selling. Basically: the more you tell the more you sell. There are many real books on the topic. What makes yours worth forty dollars? You have to tell that to get the sales. Better delivered as a recorded product perhaps -- higher perceived value. |
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| | #4 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: http://QuickMinisiteBuilder.com
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Well, for a non-IM niche this is good. I like it, it is simple but I think it's effective but you need to add the names of the people in your testimonials.
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| | #5 |
| HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Collingwood, Ontario Canada
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Only one buy now icon would be better. (however text hyperlinks are good) test not having the price on the page (only at the shopping cart) and many people still don't know what a pdf is especially if you're target market is not IM... I'd recommend removing the adobe pdf pic off your book pic. Cheers, Rob |
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| | #6 |
| Mícheál War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bretain
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Shalom, You seem to have the basics in place but you have not followed the tried and tested mini site sales copy formula. Here is a summary of it. 1) Headline - 90% success or failure depends on it. 2) Subheadlines - expand headline(main benefit of product) 3) Body Benefit(s) - salutation/greeting (i.e. Hello/Shalom/Dear ....) short paragraphs 3 to 5 lines building on the main benefit. bullet points useful 4) Reason(s) (to buy) 5) Free bonuses - adds value 6) Guarantee 7) Summary - (press those emotive buttons one more time) 8) Offer/Price 9) Your Name & Photo. Plus postscripts (the second most read part of a sales letter.) The headline should be the main benefit to the potential customer of having your product. Your current headline doesn't do that. Actually it has humorous double meaning as getting pregnant usually involves sex - so using "HARD, HARDER ... HARDER ... LONGER" is not a good idea. Especially on such an important and emotional subject to your targeted market. Consider changing it so as to emphasize the major/unique benefit that having your product would give an interested buyer. As this is a very sensitive and delicate subject for those that it affects I recommend that you ask a top gun woman copywriter to take a look at it. Generally men are not as astute or sensitive in subjects of this nature. Hope this helps you, I wish you good fortune. L'Hitraot |
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| | #7 |
| Warrior Member Join Date: Dec 2008
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Here is what I thought: 1) The header graphic is WAY too big. It's wasting precious "above the fold" space. Also, it's well known among online copywriters that losing the header graphic entirely boosts conversions. You should test it without the header. 2) the headline itself isn't doing anything for me. It has no exciting element to it. If there is a story behind your product, your headline should tell it. If there isn't, it should tell another "story". "Discover the 7 top secrets about getting pregnant... that even the doctors don't know!" - poorly written, and a bit of an exaggeration, but it's just an example. You get my drift Don't let the fact that this is a serious matter confuse you, nor ethics misguide you! Your prospect is ALWAYs waiting for something to take them away from their tedious and boring life and state of "quiet desperation" and ruttle them up and excite them. Your job is to do that, and than channel that excitement towards your product. Before You sell the product, you need to sell the experience. If your prospect wanted a serious advice she'd go to the doctor; she is browsing the net because she is waiting for someone to pop up with a magic bullet that saves the day. 3) You really MUST have a picture of a mother with a cute baby somewhere on the page. A pregnant belly doesn't do anything for a woman wanting to get pregnant. It's the cute baby she is after. That's her passion. That's her sweat spot. Hit it. 4) The copy is WAAAAY too short, and the benefits are generic and unspesific. 5) The entire left navigation bar should go. A SALES LETTER SHOULD NEVER HAVE ANY LINKS IN IT OTHER THAN THE LINK TO THE ORDER FORM. Every piece of communication you have with a customer should be strictly directed to the ONE action you want him\her to take - in this case, buying. Once you got them on your sales page, why would you want to give them a way out? Also, links grab attention.Lose them. If you have articles, put them on a blog parked on that domain. If there is something in those articles that you want them to read, than it's important enough to be on the sales page. 6) same thing goes for those quotes on the righthand and lefthand sides of the copy. Again, they just take the reader's attention off of your main sales massage, the only place you want her focused. The last thing is the hardest thing to say, so I'll straight out just say it - your copy is just plain boring... and wimpy. You should swipe someone else's copy. I'm not saying this (or anything else) to be harsh. It's just my opinion. pregnant-get.com - look at this sales page, and ask yourself: "What sales page would end up getting the sale? my sales page, or her's?" After you answer that question with the obvious answer, swipe that person's copy (it's actually very good copy by any standard). Find other competitors in your niche. Swipe them as well. I hope I was helpful... ve behatslaha ![]() Amir Dash |
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| | #8 | |
| I am a motivated warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: israel
Posts: 403
Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 39
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| Quote:
you made me laugh lol that's the way to get pregnant, i agree | |
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