please comment

bettyjeans · 12-22-2008, 01:49 PM

please give your opinion on this home page copy for my husbands painting website.

Your own personal house painting service, featuring helpful tips and ideas that will simplify the creative process and show you exciting new colors and patterns you can create so you will feel happier living in style in your beautifully personalized home.

You deserve to feel important, that's why your personal painter will listen to your ideas and help you figure out what you want, then complete your job using a strict schedule the way you expect it to be done.

Your life is complicated, you will value a simple well itemized list of services to be completed on a timely schedule that you will understand without learning anything and feel like your in control.

More Reasons to Hire Your Personal Painters-

* Sufficient liability Insurance
* Client, trade and banking references
* Friendly uniformed painters
* A written warranty on every painting job

It's hard to trust what anyone says these days, you don't need to do all that much to be a superhero. Just do exactly what you say you will do. If this level of service is something your not used to, call your personal painter and experience our WOW in service. at 800.234.5436.

Want to know who you're dealing with? There are no salesman here, Just painters that look like painters. All suited up and ready to work on your house, where your personal painters will show you how real business is conducted.

Rob Canyon · 12-22-2008, 01:53 PM

bettyjeans,

you need testimonials... the more the better

and feel happier, and feel important kind of imply that people are not
happy now or are not that important at the moment either.

Back to the drawing board.

Cheers,

Rob,
P.S. you should try to get some ideas from the competition... that'll work

bettyjeans · 12-22-2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob Canyon

bettyjeans,

you need testimonials... the more the better

and feel happier, and feel important kind of imply that people are not
happy now or are not that important at the moment either.

Back to the drawing board.

Cheers,

Rob,
P.S. you should try to get some ideas from the competition... that'll work

thanks rob, i will rewrite based on your insight.

travlinguy · 12-22-2008, 06:49 PM

Go straight to the heart of the biggest problem people have with contractors - the 'flaky' factor. When you say 'your life is complicated' follow that with something like, and we won't do a damned thing to make it any more complex because we show up on time and do the work to your satisfaction...

Explain why working with your hubby is different than working with all the nutbars out there. Then, follow up with testimonials that affirm what you claim. Good luck!

warriorkevin · 12-22-2008, 09:46 PM

Betty,

starting out is the toughest part.

No matter what you put up, you will (hopefully) continue to revise and improve.

One strategy I use is to

- just throw every idea out there onto paper, (word doc) whatever.
- Break every thing down into groups of related ideas, points, whatever.
- Find the core ideas you want to focus on and put aside the rest. (You don't have to use everything on this page)

this will get your points you want to make out there.

Then simplify down to strong points and use a small headline to focus.

If I am reading a website for painters ( and I have recently... are you guys in Orange county, Ca? - cuz I need some work done.) I want to feel that you will take my thoughts, and take care of the project and I can be happy. (and afford it)

What you have is a good start. I would organize it some and strengthen your points like below.
Also, add Lots of pictures or a flash picture rotator, or what have you. If you do paint (or landscape or beautifying work of any kind) I need to see pictures! It looks better and it sells well.

here is an outline I would read (I am sure I am not like everyone, but..)
and builds confidence.

A good painter...

- knows colors
1 -2 sentences how this is going to make me warm and fuzzy (you don't want your house to look like all your neighbors, we can be creative while working with HOA rules)

- can make suggestions
doesn't just say - ok - how about tuesday.

- asks questions
knows common questions homeowners need/want to know in similar situations.

- is flexible
Weekends, bad neighbors, kids soccer, we can work around or through it

- safe
bonded, insured, fingerprinted, etc. (testimonial from woman works here) even if no one is home, we are trusted, certified ....

You could throw 1 testimonial (or partial) under each if you have them, or get them up when you do.

Hit me with all the common questions and give me answers that arent the usual, "we are the best..." answer them like you were talking to me directly and you REALLY care. Add pictures, testimonials and a clean site with a BIG & EASY TO FIND phone # and you are off to a good start

Hope the above is easy to read and maybe a bit helpful.

K-

bettyjeans · 12-24-2008, 07:47 PM

thank you travlinguy and kevin your suggestions are gold.

recoup · 12-24-2008, 08:03 PM

bettyjeans you got a good read for a brochure.

Let the prospects know how professional your company is and experienced.

Get some testimonials and pictures (they're worth a thousand words and $$$$$)

Jamie Boyle · 12-24-2008, 10:14 PM

Yeah you definitely need testimonials. Testimonials will give that extra credibility and trust that consumers need and maybe offer satisfaction guarranteed? You got some good responses here from other people that will surely help you out.

Good Luck and Happy Holidays!

James A. Miller · 12-27-2008, 10:34 AM

Testimonials ARE overrated. Especially in non-IM and making-money niches. You need to have a solid copy first.

The text isn't engaging or inviting to read. The sentences are way too long and complicated -- just the first one is 3 lines long!

Always start with a benefit or a proble and there are none in your copy.

Quote:

More Reasons to Hire Your Personal Painters-

* Sufficient liability Insurance
* Client, trade and banking references
* Friendly uniformed painters
* A written warranty on every painting job

Are these really reasons?

Sufficient liability insurance? Warranties? So there's risk involved? That's more like a guarantee. Be more specific.

My life's not complicated. You lost me there.

I'd advise that you find a few similar websites with long sales letters and try to rewrite, mix and add to them. You'll have a nice copy in no time.

artwebster · 12-28-2008, 06:06 AM

Hi, bettyjeans,

I think your copy has totally missed the point.

Just WHAT are you offering - a makeover of the interior? a makeover of the exterior? both?

Don't forget that anybody looking at your site has a problem (they would not be looking, otherwise) so where have you addressed that problem?

The words are all very pretty but the message has been lost in trivialities.

Once you get a visitor to your site you need to hang on to them, not drive them to another site because the answer they seek is not on yours.

How about being simple and blunt?

We paint houses.
We do the best work in your locality.
We can be available at short notice if necessary.
We can advise if required.
We are professionals.

Only use testimonials if you have permission to give a contact telephone number for the client but do use images of the work you have done.

Your front page MUST grab the prospect by whatever part of his/her anatomy first comes to hand.

Most of your potential customers will not be internet marketers and they will not fall for sweet phrases and hogwash.

They have a problem - make sure you are their cure.

People wanting their house painted want to know about house painters, results, possibilities and get answers to their problems

Capone · 01-02-2009, 02:53 PM

Give people an irresistible reason to act NOW! A lot of people need painting work done but they never take action. Howe come? There are dozens of ideas you could use...

1. First 5 customers get a ___% discount!
2. Call TODAY and we'll even ________.
3. ___% off until the end of the month!

etc, etc, etc....

Good Luck,
Capone

PS: Pay someone on this forum and get a really well written sales letter. You're not awful but some of your writing sounds awkward. I think it would be $ well spent and it shouldn't break the bank.

UnityinAustralia · 01-06-2009, 06:41 PM

You need a punchy headline. Perhaps as someone above said, focus on the 'flaky' factor (my friend got his house painted and it took 2 weeks longer because the painter would stand around talking, or take his time showing up, etc)

And... Testimonials. Preferably by some notable figure in your locality, someone people know and can relate to. A famous shop owner in your area? Politician? School teacher? someone in a position of authority.

I got a client of mine (I'm in web design) to get 3 of her customers in a room, and video taped them talking about her service (aromatherapy), by asking them leading questions like "what do you like about my aromatherapy workshop?"
we then turned their answers into 15 second little videos, and posted them on the website in place of text version testimonials.
It adds a more powerful impression and believability.

OnlineWriter · 01-07-2009, 11:37 PM

If it's a woman visiting the site, she will love the first couple lines you have.

Who exactly are you aiming this business at? The suburban middle-class? If so, focusing on the "creativity" and "style" may work well. If you are trying to land your average homeowner who just wants to finally commit to a paint job they've been putting off for years, they will probably click BACK immediately.

It's a great start but you may want to break it up into two sections if necessary. You could have some kind of basic package and deluxe package maybe. Basic could cover average jobs where the client knows exactly what they want while deluxe may offer a more specialized service that could help the client make some decisions.

Tia010 · 01-08-2009, 06:48 AM

Testimonials will give that extra credibility and trust that consumers need and maybe offer satisfaction guarranteed? You got some good responses here from other people that will surely help you out.

Tia010 · 01-08-2009, 06:48 AM

It was fun reading articles,Forum discussions and people's comments.Thanks for the information !!

Tia010 · 01-08-2009, 06:49 AM

Interesting!!

MikeWords · 01-08-2009, 07:46 AM

Tighten it up. Start with a question that customers can identify with. Answer it. Throw a guarantee in at the end.

moises_pk2 · 01-08-2009, 06:04 PM

Like Rob says, more testimonials

westernseo · 01-08-2009, 07:33 PM

Do you realize the copy is going to be indexed on WarriorForum first, and not the site?

I dont think its a good idea to post the copy here....

Kevin AKA Hubcap · 01-08-2009, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bettyjeans

please give your opinion on this home page copy for my husbands painting website.

Your own personal house painting service, featuring helpful tips and ideas that will simplify the creative process and show you exciting new colors and patterns you can create so you will feel happier living in style in your beautifully personalized home.

You deserve to feel important, that's why your personal painter will listen to your ideas and help you figure out what you want, then complete your job using a strict schedule the way you expect it to be done.

Your life is complicated, you will value a simple well itemized list of services to be completed on a timely schedule that you will understand without learning anything and feel like your in control.

More Reasons to Hire Your Personal Painters-

* Sufficient liability Insurance
* Client, trade and banking references
* Friendly uniformed painters
* A written warranty on every painting job

It's hard to trust what anyone says these days, you don't need to do all that much to be a superhero. Just do exactly what you say you will do. If this level of service is something your not used to, call your personal painter and experience our WOW in service. at 800.234.5436.

Want to know who you're dealing with? There are no salesman here, Just painters that look like painters. All suited up and ready to work on your house, where your personal painters will show you how real business is conducted.

Betty

Just wanted to add my .02

.

When I look for a painter, plumber, mechanic etc I want to know:

Are they reliable?
Are they going to screw me?
Are they affordable?

Think about a time when you recommended a service provider to a close friend/family member or when one was recommended to you.

You probably talked about trust, value and a job well done. Your copy should bring out those emotions/feelings.

IMHO it's a bit too stuffy.

Testimonials will also help. The more the better and if you can get video testimonials even better.

Hope this helps

Kevin

12-22-2008, 01:49 PM	#1
bettyjeans Warrior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	please comment please give your opinion on this home page copy for my husbands painting website. Your own personal house painting service, featuring helpful tips and ideas that will simplify the creative process and show you exciting new colors and patterns you can create so you will feel happier living in style in your beautifully personalized home. You deserve to feel important, that's why your personal painter will listen to your ideas and help you figure out what you want, then complete your job using a strict schedule the way you expect it to be done. Your life is complicated, you will value a simple well itemized list of services to be completed on a timely schedule that you will understand without learning anything and feel like your in control. More Reasons to Hire Your Personal Painters- * Sufficient liability Insurance * Client, trade and banking references * Friendly uniformed painters * A written warranty on every painting job It's hard to trust what anyone says these days, you don't need to do all that much to be a superhero. Just do exactly what you say you will do. If this level of service is something your not used to, call your personal painter and experience our WOW in service. at 800.234.5436. Want to know who you're dealing with? There are no salesman here, Just painters that look like painters. All suited up and ready to work on your house, where your personal painters will show you how real business is conducted.

12-22-2008, 01:53 PM	#2
Rob Canyon HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Collingwood, Ontario Canada Posts: 284 Thanks: 44 Thanked 24 Times in 20 Posts	Re: please comment bettyjeans, you need testimonials... the more the better and feel happier, and feel important kind of imply that people are not happy now or are not that important at the moment either. Back to the drawing board. Cheers, Rob, P.S. you should try to get some ideas from the competition... that'll work
	Contact Me Here http://incrediblesupportdesk.com

12-22-2008, 06:49 PM	#4
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,438 Thanks: 978 Thanked 1,233 Times in 737 Posts Contact Info	Re: please comment Go straight to the heart of the biggest problem people have with contractors - the 'flaky' factor. When you say 'your life is complicated' follow that with something like, and we won't do a damned thing to make it any more complex because we show up on time and do the work to your satisfaction... Explain why working with your hubby is different than working with all the nutbars out there. Then, follow up with testimonials that affirm what you claim. Good luck!
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| Screamin' Deal On PLR MRR Graphics

12-22-2008, 09:46 PM	#5
warriorkevin Active Warrior Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 67 Thanks: 12 Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts	Re: please comment Betty, starting out is the toughest part. No matter what you put up, you will (hopefully) continue to revise and improve. One strategy I use is to - just throw every idea out there onto paper, (word doc) whatever. - Break every thing down into groups of related ideas, points, whatever. - Find the core ideas you want to focus on and put aside the rest. (You don't have to use everything on this page) this will get your points you want to make out there. Then simplify down to strong points and use a small headline to focus. If I am reading a website for painters ( and I have recently... are you guys in Orange county, Ca? - cuz I need some work done.) I want to feel that you will take my thoughts, and take care of the project and I can be happy. (and afford it) What you have is a good start. I would organize it some and strengthen your points like below. Also, add Lots of pictures or a flash picture rotator, or what have you. If you do paint (or landscape or beautifying work of any kind) I need to see pictures! It looks better and it sells well. here is an outline I would read (I am sure I am not like everyone, but..) and builds confidence. A good painter... - knows colors 1 -2 sentences how this is going to make me warm and fuzzy (you don't want your house to look like all your neighbors, we can be creative while working with HOA rules) - can make suggestions doesn't just say - ok - how about tuesday. - asks questions knows common questions homeowners need/want to know in similar situations. - is flexible Weekends, bad neighbors, kids soccer, we can work around or through it - safe bonded, insured, fingerprinted, etc. (testimonial from woman works here) even if no one is home, we are trusted, certified .... You could throw 1 testimonial (or partial) under each if you have them, or get them up when you do. Hit me with all the common questions and give me answers that arent the usual, "we are the best..." answer them like you were talking to me directly and you REALLY care. Add pictures, testimonials and a clean site with a BIG & EASY TO FIND phone # and you are off to a good start Hope the above is easy to read and maybe a bit helpful. K-

12-24-2008, 07:47 PM	#6
bettyjeans Warrior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: please comment thank you travlinguy and kevin your suggestions are gold.

12-24-2008, 08:03 PM	#7
recoup Warrior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Oak Park, IL Posts: 14 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: please comment bettyjeans you got a good read for a brochure. Let the prospects know how professional your company is and experienced. Get some testimonials and pictures (they're worth a thousand words and $$$$$)

12-24-2008, 10:14 PM	#8
Jamie Boyle HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: , , Canada. Posts: 204 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: please comment Yeah you definitely need testimonials. Testimonials will give that extra credibility and trust that consumers need and maybe offer satisfaction guarranteed? You got some good responses here from other people that will surely help you out. Good Luck and Happy Holidays!
	Learn The Secret To Making Money Online www.MakingMoneyForLife.com Make $3905 A Month Online - Making Money From Home Has Never Been So Easy Make Money Off People Paying Their Phone Bills, Cell Phones, Satelite TV, Hotels, Air Travel, Car Rentals Each and Every Month In Residual Income! www.FHTMFreedomCanada.com Want Cheap Web Hosting? www.hostingwebsitesworldwide.com

12-28-2008, 06:06 AM	#10
artwebster Brutal honesty's me Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Coín, Spain Posts: 1,032 Blog Entries: 4 Thanks: 33 Thanked 251 Times in 138 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: please comment Hi, bettyjeans, I think your copy has totally missed the point. Just WHAT are you offering - a makeover of the interior? a makeover of the exterior? both? Don't forget that anybody looking at your site has a problem (they would not be looking, otherwise) so where have you addressed that problem? The words are all very pretty but the message has been lost in trivialities. Once you get a visitor to your site you need to hang on to them, not drive them to another site because the answer they seek is not on yours. How about being simple and blunt? We paint houses. We do the best work in your locality. We can be available at short notice if necessary. We can advise if required. We are professionals. Only use testimonials if you have permission to give a contact telephone number for the client but do use images of the work you have done. Your front page MUST grab the prospect by whatever part of his/her anatomy first comes to hand. Most of your potential customers will not be internet marketers and they will not fall for sweet phrases and hogwash. They have a problem - make sure you are their cure. People wanting their house painted want to know about house painters, results, possibilities and get answers to their problems
	You might not like what I say - but I believe it. Build it, make money, then build some more Some old school smarts would help - and here's to Rob Toth for his help. Bloody good stuff, even the freebies!

01-02-2009, 02:53 PM	#11
Capone Active Warrior Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Central New York Posts: 94 Thanks: 2 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: please comment Give people an irresistible reason to act NOW! A lot of people need painting work done but they never take action. Howe come? There are dozens of ideas you could use... 1. First 5 customers get a ___% discount! 2. Call TODAY and we'll even ________. 3. ___% off until the end of the month! etc, etc, etc.... Good Luck, Capone PS: Pay someone on this forum and get a really well written sales letter. You're not awful but some of your writing sounds awkward. I think it would be $ well spent and it shouldn't break the bank.

01-06-2009, 06:41 PM	#12
UnityinAustralia Looking for JV partners Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: please comment You need a punchy headline. Perhaps as someone above said, focus on the 'flaky' factor (my friend got his house painted and it took 2 weeks longer because the painter would stand around talking, or take his time showing up, etc) And... Testimonials. Preferably by some notable figure in your locality, someone people know and can relate to. A famous shop owner in your area? Politician? School teacher? someone in a position of authority. I got a client of mine (I'm in web design) to get 3 of her customers in a room, and video taped them talking about her service (aromatherapy), by asking them leading questions like "what do you like about my aromatherapy workshop?" we then turned their answers into 15 second little videos, and posted them on the website in place of text version testimonials. It adds a more powerful impression and believability.

01-07-2009, 11:37 PM	#13
OnlineWriter Dark Side User Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Northwest United States Posts: 36 Thanks: 2 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: please comment If it's a woman visiting the site, she will love the first couple lines you have. Who exactly are you aiming this business at? The suburban middle-class? If so, focusing on the "creativity" and "style" may work well. If you are trying to land your average homeowner who just wants to finally commit to a paint job they've been putting off for years, they will probably click BACK immediately. It's a great start but you may want to break it up into two sections if necessary. You could have some kind of basic package and deluxe package maybe. Basic could cover average jobs where the client knows exactly what they want while deluxe may offer a more specialized service that could help the client make some decisions.

01-08-2009, 06:48 AM	#14
Tia010 Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 13 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: please comment Testimonials will give that extra credibility and trust that consumers need and maybe offer satisfaction guarranteed? You got some good responses here from other people that will surely help you out.

01-08-2009, 06:48 AM	#15
Tia010 Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 13 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: please comment It was fun reading articles,Forum discussions and people's comments.Thanks for the information !!

01-08-2009, 06:49 AM	#16
Tia010 Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 13 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: please comment Interesting!!

01-08-2009, 07:46 AM	#17
MikeWords HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: South Florida Posts: 112 Thanks: 1 Thanked 19 Times in 18 Posts Social Networking	Re: please comment Tighten it up. Start with a question that customers can identify with. Answer it. Throw a guarantee in at the end.

01-08-2009, 06:04 PM	#18
moises_pk2 Banned War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 2 Posts	Re: please comment Like Rob says, more testimonials

01-08-2009, 07:33 PM	#19
westernseo Active Warrior Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 48 Thanks: 7 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: please comment Do you realize the copy is going to be indexed on WarriorForum first, and not the site? I dont think its a good idea to post the copy here....
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