My Headline's a Headache! Suggestions needed as bad as Tylenol at this point

[shabit87]

Hey Warriors:

I really could use some help with my Headline and Subheadline. Any advice is appreciated. These are being used for a product...a plugin, that helps increase the amount of Facebook Likes you receive.

Your web visitor literally has a timer counting down before he/she can hit the Like button or be redirected to an URL that is possibly an offer to pay (as opposed to Like) for a product that would have otherwise been free.

Anywoo, here's what I've got:

Viral Plug-In Boosts Facebook ‘Likes’ & Explodes Traffic Using Proven Scarcity Methods Used by the Pros


Whether you’re on Facebook as a business, individual or group, you NEED more ‘likes’, the more ‘likes’, the more eyes, the greater success of your website and/or offer!

[Scott Lambency]

Whether you’re on Facebook as a business, individual, or group, you CANNOT trust your online presence to overseas workers with NO accountability…

“Heads Up! Your Facebook Reputation Is In The Hands Of Drunks, Drug Addicts, Blackmailers, Sex Addicts and Imbeciles...”

Read the story below to learn how a new viral plug-in boosts your page with 'likes', generates floods of targeted traffic, and gives you the credibility of an industry maven...

[amo992]

Originally Posted by Scott Lambency

...

“Heads Up! Your Facebook Reputation Is In The Hands Of Drunks, Drug Addicts, Blackmailers, Sex Addicts and Imbeciles...”

...

I scrolled down looking for the copy...but there was none.

[Scott Lambency]

Originally Posted by amo992

I scrolled down looking for the copy...but there was none.

...So you're saying I got your attention with that headline?

[Zero]

Originally Posted by Scott Lambency

Whether you’re on Facebook as a business, individual, or group, you CANNOT trust your online presence to overseas workers with NO accountability…

“Heads Up! Your Facebook Reputation Is In The Hands Of Drunks, Drug Addicts, Blackmailers, Sex Addicts and Imbeciles...”

Read the story below to learn how a new viral plug-in boosts your page with 'likes', generates floods of targeted traffic, and gives you the credibility of an industry maven...

Heh. I like that headline, but i'm curious as to where you got the "Drunks, blackmailers and Sex addicts" from?

Also, you should just put the headline up, send traffic to it and see how it does.

[fizix]

My opinion may as well be considered worthless, but that headline or whatever is not enough to convince an intelligent person such as myself to click on that link or whatever link that is being advertised. It looks like pointless spam. If I were you, I'd start out by removing the introductory "Heads Up!" interjection at the beginning. I think it would lend it a more humanistic quality by going straight to the reader's psychological thinking process. Also, I would put a word like "probably" in between reputation" and "is". You may think this is stupid, but there's a certain reason why. For now, I'll keep that reason for myself as it is a trade secret of mine.

I think it's hilarious how some of these millionaire copywriters made all of their money with texts that lack a human feel. No, I'm not saying that they're robotic, I'm just saying that they lack a sort of human feel to it, you know. Seems to me like they would be making an astronomically higher amount of money if they just knew how to do it. Like I said, my opinions are worthless.

[shabit87]

Originally Posted by Scott Lambency

...So you're saying I got your attention with that headline?

LOL thanks so much guys and thanks Scott for putting a huge smile on my face.

[BrianMcLeod]

Originally Posted by fizix

Like I said, my opinions are worthless.

Your opinions aren't worthless - they're just not borne out of experience.

Like many that are interested in learning copywriting, you bring with you a big old bag stuffed with biases and personal buying criterion. Then, you make the classic rookie mistake of allowing your own buying preferences to shape the message.

It doesn't matter what YOU think. It's not about YOU.

It's about the BUYERS in any given market and the language THEY use and respond to...

Self-described "intelligent people" seeking a more "humanistic" approach are not remotely representative of the core demographic that this promotion would be aimed at.

So, in the end, who gives a flying fig what you or they think or want or say?

And it's a headline, not a link...

The only job a headline has is to arrest attention and get the reader to read the next line that follows.. and so on, and so on.

Brian

[fizix]

Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod

Your opinions aren't worthless - they're just not borne out of experience.

Like many that are interested in learning copywriting, you bring with you a big old bag stuffed with biases and personal buying criterion. Then, you make the classic rookie mistake of allowing your own buying preferences to shape the message.

It doesn't matter what YOU think. It's not about YOU.

It's about the BUYERS in any given market and the language THEY use and respond to...

Self-described "intelligent people" seeking a more "humanistic" approach are not remotely representative of the core demographic that this promotion would be aimed at.

So, in the end, who gives a flying fig what you or they think or want or say?

And it's a headline, not a link...

The only job a headline has is to arrest attention and get the reader to read the next line that follows.. and so on, and so on.

Brian

yeah, too bad i know all of the things you already mentioned
the only thing i've really been doing so far is writing product descriptions for 150,000-450,000$ watches. its pretty obvious that the target audience for that kind of a product likes big words, and is more educated than your average citizen.

who said i am letting my own buying preferences shape the message? did i ever once state what my buying preferences were? all i said was that an intelligent person such as myself would not click on that link, but i am well aware that most people on this planet are certified idiots, which is the group that the headline is most likely targeting, much like spam advertisement that tells me about how i need to pay money for a "weird method" to increase the size of my penis. i get it, this stuff isn't rocket science.

[gjabiz]

OK, I'm going to give you two tools, in the form of links to a page and a post...

the first is a Pictogrigm which helps you answer BASIC questions about who your prospects are and how to get inside of their heads.

That would be this link: Pictogrigm Of Persuasion

This link takes you to a post I made today regarding THE secret to effective copywriting:

Here's a LIFE CHANGING definition, for those who want to change their lives. - SOWPub Small Business Forums

First you need to understand what EMPATHY is and Second you need to design your promoton and the headline knowing exactly WHO is going to be reading it...so as I usually always ask;

Who is going to be reading this? Where do they come from and WHY would they be interested in it? My opinion is if you can answer those questions, and use the tools I've provided, you can do a much better job than what you have done.

gjabiz

[Scott Lambency]

Originally Posted by Zero

Heh. I like that headline, but i'm curious as to where you got the "Drunks, blackmailers and Sex addicts" from?

Also, you should just put the headline up, send traffic to it and see how it does.

I got this from my swipe file...

The best way to use this headline would be to follow it with the perfect lead-in.

Dear Struggling Marketer,

The days of outsourcing social media campaigns are DEAD.

If you've been on Facebook for any length of time, I'm sure you've noticed how costly and time consuming it can be to get 'likes', add friends, and keep up with daily status updates...

This is why it's so tempting to outsource a facebook page.

But did you know... (here is where you weave an emotional story into your sales letter.)

Talk about finally gaining a respectable Facebook page with a good amount of friends and plenty of market exposure.... Then talk about how you felt when your trust was suddenly betrayed when you discovered you were LOCKED OUT of your own account by a rogue employee.

Talk about the shame and embarrassment you felt when you noticed that your online reputation was being maliciously shattered by some scammer who was spamming the hell out of your friends and contacts.

Talk about the headaches and struggles of dealing with support while trying to regain control of your account...

There are a lot of emotional buttons you can push with a story like this.

Then transition to talking about why using software to help manage your Facebook campaign is a much smarter business decision than leaving your online reputation vulnerable to some questionable employee.

Explain why software is actually superior when it comes to details like getting 'likes', adding friends, and building industry credibility in your market.

Now talk about your new viral plug-in that delivers these advantages...

Bullets go here

[lemonarian]

Originally Posted by fizix

yeah, too bad i know all of the things you already mentioned
the only thing i've really been doing so far is writing product descriptions for 150,000-450,000$ watches. its pretty obvious that the target audience for that kind of a product likes big words, and is more educated than your average citizen.

who said i am letting my own buying preferences shape the message? did i ever once state what my buying preferences were? all i said was that an intelligent person such as myself would not click on that link, but i am well aware that most people on this planet are certified idiots, which is the group that the headline is most likely targeting, much like spam advertisement that tells me about how i need to pay money for a "weird method" to increase the size of my penis. i get it, this stuff isn't rocket science.

To date I haven't written for a single crowd that would respond better to big words.

Nearly all great copy to nearly all markets read at a 5th or 6th grade level.

I saw your other thread. It's clear you don't have any real or significant experience writing direct response copy that has been tested and proven to... you know... actually sell stuff.

The fact that you're refusing to accept constructive criticism, and then go on to flame those trying to help you, really just kind of proves the point we're all trying to make.

So, yes, your opinion is basically worthless.

[Scott Lambency]

Originally Posted by fizix

yeah, too bad i know all of the things you already mentioned

i get it, this stuff isn't rocket science.

When you think you already know something, you close your mind to learning new information.

[iSoftware]

what are your biggest benefits? I recommend checking out Cashvertising - he has a list of 20 tested headlines.

Go with benefits + specificity?
[xyz specfic benefit] in [abc period of time]...

That's what people want - a specific benefit that will cost them what they can afford to pay in time and/or money....