What kind of copy writer would I be?

[fizix]

message deleted

[travlinguy]

Hi...

If you want to be a copywriter, first understand it's copywriter, not copy writer.

As for your sample, it's way overdone. I'm clicking away after the first couple of sentences. Without going into much detail, you're using far too many adjectives.

For example, "astronomically luxurious..." Forget astronomically, luxurious is plenty. Then, "acrimonious of connoisseurs..."

Acrimonious means bitter or angry. Not fitting for your description. There's plenty more similar stuff in there. If I were you I'd edit that thing down to a readable piece because there is one there. Then I'd suggest that when you write, just be yourself.

Good luck.

[fizix]

thanks for the constructive criticism.

[The Copy Nazi]

With lines like -

Choose the El Bandido Planetary Tourbillon by Franc Vila to finally add the broadest stroke to your vogue repertoire.

you might have a future writing gags for "Family Guy" or "The Simpsons".

[fizix]

In the one you read, I intentionally wrote a lot because in the end, I figured it's a lot easier to cut, than to add because you realized you didn't write enough - similar to how its easier to cut hair rather than add length to it if that makes any sense.

would something along the lines of this be more ideal?

Chandler, Arizona possesses a meditative splendor that exudes onto its residents a beautifully delicate richness, tinged with a refined note of sunniness throughout most of the year. Do you love it when traffic is low, but not low enough to the point where you just have to wonder where everyone is? Then you will love Chandler, a populated city of over 235,000 people that takes pride in its high average median income of over $70,000. It is tidily dotted with an array of visually enchanting country clubs and golf courses, captivating lovers of golf with its vast expanses of rolling green hills. This town is ideal for retirees and young adults alike. Wine aficionados are likely to feel at home here, as there is a select variety of wine shops available, as well as three shopping malls, and the Chandler Fashion Center."

[fizix]

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

With lines like -



you might have a future writing gags for "Family Guy" or "The Simpsons".

i am known to be a hilarious person that takes humor to the extreme sometimes

[BrianMcLeod]

Originally Posted by fizix

Chandler, Arizona possesses a meditative splendor that exudes onto its residents a beautifully delicate richness, tinged with a refined note of sunniness throughout most of the year.

Way overwritten again...

"exudes onto its residents"?

"beautifully delicate richness"?

"refined note of sunniness"?

Quit trying to impress your inner English Lit professor.

Write more SIMPLY and CLEARLY.

[BrianMcLeod]

there is nothing inherently wrong with what I wrote
if those words are too big for you its not my fault LOL

Ok, hotshot. You're on your own then.

Good luck with your more intelligent humanistic copy career.

Brian

[fizix]

Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod

Ok, hotshot. You're on your own then.

Good luck with your more intelligent humanistic copy career.

Brian

i deleted my post because i didn't think it was appropriate to say what i said. but honestly, i was paid 1-3$ for each for those articles, and i saw it more as a way to exercise my writing skills than as a way of writing something serious. the last thing i wanted to do was write something trite, as i wanted to write something unique. the last words i wanted to use in describing a city or its homes are words such as "cozy" or "charming". if someone were to seriously pay me a lot of money for each hour that i work, instead of 5-6$, then yeah, i would have gladly cut some words out of the paragraph i wrote. like i said, its probably better to write excessively, and cut things out later, than to not write enough, and realize that you need to create more sentences and ideas.

perhaps if you realized that you were getting paid peanuts by the hour to write something, you'd experiment and try ridiculous things in your writing too. do you see where i'm getting at here?

[NickN]

Originally Posted by fizix

perhaps if you realized that you were getting paid peanuts by the hour to write something, you'd experiment and try ridiculous things in your writing too. do you see where i'm getting at here?

That's not the right mindset to be in. A good copywriter should put in a good effort...no matter what he or she is being paid. After all, you took the job. What's the difference if you're getting $3 or $300? Don't you want to want to put forth your best effort to show that, hey, you've got the chops to do this?

I'm not being mean. But you have to adjust your attitude a bit if you're looking to be a good copywriter.

[fizix]

Originally Posted by NickN

That's not the right mindset to be in. A good copywriter should put in a good effort...no matter what he or she is being paid. After all, you took the job. What's the difference if you're getting $3 or $300? Don't you want to want to put forth your best effort to show that, hey, you've got the chops to do this?

I'm not being mean. But you have to adjust your attitude a bit if you're looking to be a good copywriter.

i see what you mean, but i just wanted to experiment and try out new stuff (while writing normal stuff here and there). it just seemed safer for me to do this on really small stuff than something big.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by fizix

i i i i i was paid 1-3$ for each for those articles ...
perhaps if you realized that you were getting paid peanuts by the hour to write something, you'd experiment and try ridiculous things in your writing too. do you see where i'm getting at here?

Frankly not, no. This is a copywriting forum not an article writing forum.

Many of the guys trying to give you their advice have generated hundreds of thousands of dollars if not millions of dollars in a single copywriting campaign.

You on the other hand, you're getting $1-$3.

Your writing style needs calming down. Simple words affect emotions best and move prospects or potential customers to exactly where you want them to be. Not long convoluted expressions of fancy 'la di da di dahdiness'.

[arfasaira]

You should listen to the advice everyone is giving you here. I got a grade A in English lit, my Shakespeare project got the highest grade that particular year...but that means NOTHING in the world of copy.

When I write copy, all the fancy stuff goes out of the window unless I'm targeting a very particular niche that demands it.

The average homosapien would find deciphering articles like this a tad tedious, because you end up metamorphosing a simple 100 word narrative into a 200 word depiction by littering it with superfluous vocab.

I mean, how annoying was THAT to read?

You're not writing Wuthering Heights - you're writing an article for $3!

[fizix]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Frankly not, no. This is a copywriting forum not an article writing forum.

Many of the guys trying to give you their advice have generated hundreds of thousands of dollars if not millions of dollars in a single copywriting campaign.

You on the other hand, you're getting $1-$3.

Your writing style needs calming down. Simple words effect emotions best and move prospects or potential customers to exactly where you want them to be. Not long convoluted expressions of fancy 'la di da di dahdiness'.

uh, who in this thread has generated that much money? you make it sound as if they've generated hundreds of millions of dollars. i don't care if they've generated a million or even two, want to know why?

because i'm helping someone sell $150,000$ - $450,000 watches. i've been doing this writing stuff for about 3 days and i technically could say that i may very well have helped this guy generate a million dollars. i will get my opportunity soon enough.

i bet i could generate more of whatever you guys did as soon as someone gives me the chance and opportunity. and no, i wouldn't be stupid enough to write something with huge words, although my previous client did have this to say about me - "MUCH easier to read than the last one. However, could you please format it with spaces between paragraphs and break up that very long second sentence. It conveys two thoughts and should be separated. Otherwise, just awesome!" anybody who criticized me for my writing style beforehand can go shove a banana up their bananahole. certain objects such as half million dollar watches go hand in hand with a sultry, seductive style tone of voice with big words.

my writing style is merely to suggest that i am very well-versed in the english language, and that i am more than capable of persuading a diverse range of people, from your simpleton to your affluent, educated consumer.

i may be writing 3$ articles now, but a city wasn't built in a day. like i said, i started this three days ago, and i'm still looking around, reading about the ins and outs of this job.

by the way, i read that chris halbert water ad thing that was posted here. i liked it a lot, this guy was obviously good, and he claims he was the best. do i believe it? sure, but if this anywhere close to what the best have to offer, then i'm not worried at all. you see, what his statement told me isn't that he was really good, only that he was the best. the only thing this means to me is that most other people in this field of business must be quite average or mediocre if this guy is the best.


LMAO..."thousands if not millions of dollars in sales"
ok, i would be impressed if the millions directly went to the copywriter himself, but otherwise you know, it just sounds silly

[fizix]

Originally Posted by arfasaira

You should listen to the advice everyone is giving you here. I got a grade A in English lit, my Shakespeare project got the highest grade that particular year...but that means NOTHING in the world of copy.

When I write copy, all the fancy stuff goes out of the window unless I'm targeting a very particular niche that demands it.

The average homosapien would find deciphering articles like this a tad tedious, because you end up metamorphosing a simple 100 word narrative into a 200 word depiction by littering it with superfluous vocab.

I mean, how annoying was THAT to read?

You're not writing Wuthering Heights - you're writing an article for $3!

according to your rules, "all the fancy stuff" im writing is actually very appropriate. after all, im writing for an audience that has enough money to afford half million dollar watches. so yeah, i gues thats a niche market if there ever was one.

maybe it was annoying to you because you're not a billionaire steel mogul who has a couple million dollars to throw around.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by fizix

uh, who in this thread has generated that much money? you make it sound as if they've generated hundreds of millions of dollars. i don't care if they've generated a million or even two, want to know why?

because i'm helping someone sell $150,000$ - $450,000 watches. i've been doing this writing stuff for about 3 days and i technically could say that i may very well have helped this guy generate a million dollars. i will get my opportunity soon enough.

i bet i could generate more of whatever you guys did as soon as someone gives me the chance and opportunity. and no, i wouldn't be stupid enough to write something with huge words, although my previous client did have this to say about me - "MUCH easier to read than the last one. However, could you please format it with spaces between paragraphs and break up that very long second sentence. It conveys two thoughts and should be separated. Otherwise, just awesome!" anybody who criticized me for my writing style beforehand can go shove a banana up their bananahole. certain objects such as half million dollar watches go hand in hand with a sultry, seductive style tone of voice with big words.

my writing style is merely to suggest that i am very well-versed in the english language, and that i am more than capable of persuading a diverse range of people, from your simpleton to your affluent, educated consumer.

i may be writing 3$ articles now, but a city wasn't built in a day. like i said, i started this three days ago, and i'm still looking around, reading about the ins and outs of this job.

by the way, i read that chris halbert water ad thing that was posted here. i liked it a lot, this guy was obviously good, and he claims he was the best. do i believe it? sure, but if this anywhere close to what the best have to offer, then i'm not worried at all. you see, what his statement told me isn't that he was really good, only that he was the best. the only thing this means to me is that most other people in this field of business must be quite average or mediocre if this guy is the best.


LMAO..."thousands if not millions of dollars in sales"
ok, i would be impressed if the millions directly went to the copywriter himself, but otherwise you know, it just sounds silly

You need to do some homework. Research the people on this thread who have tried to help you. You posed the initial question remember?

Rather than getting all angsty and your knickers in a twist you might want to respond a tad more politely to the professional copywriters on this forum next time you ask for their advice.

Coming out with statements such as, "anybody who criticized me for my writing style beforehand can go shove a banana up their bananahole." ... isn't going to do you any favors here.

As I said you're getting at present $1-$3 per article. This forum isn't anything to do with article writing full stop. This forum is about copywriting - how to sell via the written word. Not simply informing others.

As for your claim about selling expensive watches, I call BS. If you were doing this you wouldn't be positioning yourself at between $1-$3. The amount of time involved in the game means nothing.

Oh and btw, you might want to start correcting your grammar. It's amongst the most dreadful I've seen of anybody on this forum.

As for asking for more advice from others here, I'd clean up your attitude if I were you. Subtle hint for you there.

Unless it's to apologize to everyone on this thread, I wouldn't bother retorting.

[fizix]

also, could someone explain to me why Gary Halbert would even bother to use obscure words such as "omoebic cysts, cryptosporidium, giordia"

if fancy words are so useless in copywriting, why would such a brilliant copywriter such as halbert himself use them then? they observe serve their purpose well in small amounts. the whole part where gary talks about how the very water in our own homes is contaminated with a medley of toxic substances is a very pivotal moment in his ad that forces the reader to conjure unpleasant images. maybe its you guys that don't know what you're talking about, but not even a thesaurus-lover like me would even use the word "cryptosporidium" in any essay, article, etc. any time soon

[arfasaira]

Originally Posted by fizix

according to your rules, "all the fancy stuff" im writing is actually very appropriate. after all, im writing for an audience that has enough money to afford half million dollar watches. so yeah, i gues thats a niche market if there ever was one.

maybe it was annoying to you because you're not a billionaire steel mogul who has a couple million dollars to throw around.

a million dollar niche is paying you peanuts?

[fizix]

Originally Posted by arfasaira

a million dollar niche is paying you peanuts?

yeah? what about it? im an umemployed student right now that just started writing for money as of 3 days ago. maybe in the future they'll want to pay me hundreds of times more, maybe not.

i have two choices right now, to write these silly ads for 30-40$ a day, or not write silly ads and get 0$ a day. which do you think is the better option?

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by fizix

also, could someone explain to me why Gary Halbert would even bother to use obscure words such as "omoebic cysts, cryptosporidium, giordia"

if fancy words are so useless in copywriting, why would such a brilliant copywriter such as halbert himself use them then? they observe serve their purpose well in small amounts. the whole part where gary talks about how the very water in our own homes is contaminated with a medley of toxic substances is a very pivotal moment in his ad that forces the reader to conjure unpleasant images. maybe its you guys that don't know what you're talking about, but not even a thesaurus-lover like me would even use the word "cryptosporidium" in any essay, article, etc. any time soon

Because he knows unlike yourself how to get away with using such language, you know being one of the world's top copywriters ever.

Whilst you are down charging $1-$3 and pretending to be some hot shot that everyone should listen to.

You're just setting yourself up to look very, very silly at the moment.

As I said above, you need to calm yourself down. Carry on like this and you won't last 2 seconds in this industry.

Adopt the right attitude and many of the top copywriters here will be happy to help you.

Adopt the wrong, current attitude and you'll go nowhere. And nobody will help you. Might be worth thinking about. For your own good.

[fizix]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Because he knows unlike yourself how to get away with using such language, you know being one of the world's top copywriters ever.

Whilst you are down charging $1-$3 and pretending to be some hot shot that everyone should listen to.

You're just setting yourself up to look very, very silly at the moment.

As I said above, you need to calm yourself down. Carry on like this and you won't last 2 seconds in this industry.

Adopt the right attitude and many of the top copywriters here will be happy to help you.

Adopt the wrong, current attitude and you'll go nowhere. And nobody will help you. Might be worth thinking about. For your own good.

and who says i don't know how to get away with such language?

you know, i dont recall myself saying i was a hotshot either. i came in here and asked for opinions on my writing, and it just seems like some people wanted to bash my entire style of writing by telling me to write only CLEAR and SIMPLE, so naturally, i had to defend myself. its funny how they insulted my writing saying it was not simple enough, but the client i wrote it for said that he thought the article i wrote was awesome. eventually, this led to me saying that "i bet i can make more than whatever you guys do as soon as someone gives me the first opportunity". whats the matter with saying that?

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by fizix

and who says i don't know how to get away with such language?

You're on your own sunshine.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

[fizix]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

You're on your own sunshine.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

let's be honest here, if i had made a thread just asking for help, nobody would even touch the thread. don't lie to yourself, ESPECIALLY someone who is a "top copywriter". Nothing in life is free, except rocks being thrown at you if you piss people off.

[fizix]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Because he knows unlike yourself how to get away with using such language, you know being one of the world's top copywriters ever.

Whilst you are down charging $1-$3 and pretending to be some hot shot that everyone should listen to.

You're just setting yourself up to look very, very silly at the moment.

As I said above, you need to calm yourself down. Carry on like this and you won't last 2 seconds in this industry.

Adopt the right attitude and many of the top copywriters here will be happy to help you.

Adopt the wrong, current attitude and you'll go nowhere. And nobody will help you. Might be worth thinking about. For your own good.

what you're saying doesn't make any sense.

"Whilst you are down charging $1-$3 and pretending to be some hot shot that everyone should listen to."

this is a subordinate clause. your sentence doesn't even make sense at this point. i asked a simple question, you answered it, and then you just say "whilst you are down charging 1-3$..."

what does this have to do with whether or not i know how to use language effectively in an ad? it seems like you're just trying to attack my character any chance you get.

lets count how many times i've attacked your character, or anyone on this board for that matter: 0

yeah, thats what i thought

[BrianMcLeod]

This thread needs a nap.