My text on squeeze page.

[Souldja]

Hi everybody
Here's my squeeze page:
Improve Your Love Life!
Also I have a mobile version. And you'll see different texts if you will visit site on PC or mobile device.
Will people believe and subscribe to my newsltetter? Should I drive traffic already?
Your opinions are very important.

[Danielle Lynn]

Hi there Souldja,

At first glance: the formatting on your squeeze page is off, the words are too close together and formatted improperly. It's not easy on the eyes.

In the actual content, you write a lot of "I" statements:

"I have done a great job and now I'm satisfied with the results!
I have communicated with many married couples"

... which will turn off most readers.

Then there's problems with the header, you're not clear with the 'whats in it for me', there's the lack of a call to action, an irritating color scheme -

I'm going to stop there and suggest you check this first:

Use This Checklist Before Asking For A Critique

Once you go through those steps and make changes accordingly, lets us know so we can get into some of the deeper copy aspects with you.

[Souldja]

Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy

Hi there Souldja,

At first glance: the formatting on your squeeze page is off, the words are too close together and formatted improperly. It's not easy on the eyes.

In the actual content, you write a lot of "I" statements:

"I have done a great job and now I'm satisfied with the results!
I have communicated with many married couples"

... which will turn off most readers.

Then there's problems with the header, you're not clear with the 'whats in it for me', there's the lack of a call to action, an irritating color scheme -

I'm going to stop there and suggest you check this first:

Use This Checklist Before Asking For A Critique

Once you go through those steps and make changes accordingly, lets us know so we can get into some of the deeper copy aspects with you.

Thank you so much for your advices and link

[Viramara]

Hi,
I've been joining relationship mailing lists for some time in my life and saw tons of squeeze page, some awful and some well-done, I'll rate your squeeze page 4 out of 5 stars.

Trust me, I've seen uglier website in relationship niche that has 15.000+ subscribers (at least that's what's written in the email signature...not the squeeze page ). I'm a woman and your words speaks with emotion to me.

It's just you should emphasize the words that triggers emotion the most.
This is for example :
"You can save it now"

[Souldja]

Originally Posted by Viramara

Hi,
I've been joining relationship mailing lists for some time in my life and saw tons of squeeze page, some awful and some well-done, I'll rate your squeeze page 4 out of 5 stars.

Trust me, I've seen uglier website in relationship niche that has 15.000+ subscribers (at least that's what's written in the email signature...not the squeeze page ). I'm a woman and your words speaks with emotion to me.

It's just you should emphasize the words that triggers emotion the most.
This is for example :
"You can save it now"

Thank you so much! Your words inspire me! I will work much more to succeed!