Ebook's introduction

[Souldja]

Hello. This is my report's introduction. I really want to hear a critique.
_______________________
Hello. This is Simon.

After reading this guide, please, think about what have you’ve just learned. It’s very important to consider all new information that you’ve got.

Passion probably is the most important part of relationship and if you are feeling that you started to lose it - act immediately! Even if your relationship is fine now and you have no any problems you should know how to keep them strong and passionate all the time!

You probably know that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success.

Many couples feel that their relationship starts to lose its passion after sometime. This is mostly because of the fact that they don't try anything new and feel that they have become bored of everything. What they need to know is that variety is very important for a healthy and passionate relationship.

There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship, but actually only few principles can really help you to revive passion. To help get you headed in the right direction, I have chosen 7 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.

Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big successes.

[John_S]

I think you can do a lot better. From the first sentence, this screams "Return for your Money Back."

Explain why this report is the best investment they ever made.

Get them excited. Not sleepy.

Tell the story of how their life will be after mastery of these simple steps.

In essence, you should be writing a little bit of a stick letter as your introduction. And no, I won't be explaining that.


P.S. If you want someone to think; then write something thought provoking. Don't lecture them. Point being, if you can't write at least as well as a $4.95 paperback author, don't sell $49.95 reports. This reads like the introduction to a Wikipedia scrape, not the secrets that are going to help solve my problem.

[Souldja]

Originally Posted by John_S

I think you can do a lot better. From the first sentence, this screams "Return for your Money Back."

Explain why this report is the best investment they ever made.

Get them excited. Not sleepy.

Tell the story of how their life will be after mastery of these simple steps.

In essence, you should be writing a little bit of a stick letter as your introduction. And no, I won't be explaining that.


P.S. If you want someone to think; then write something thought provoking. Don't lecture them. Point being, if you can't write at least as well as a $4.95 paperback author, don't sell $49.95 reports. This reads like the introduction to a Wikipedia scrape, not the secrets that are going to help solve my problem.

It's a free report. But thank you!

[John_S]

If you can't sell it you can't give it away.

If it doesn't work hard to get people to pay, then don't give it away free.

[Ken_Caudill]

You need an editor, dude.

Not being facetious, hire someone to edit for you. Everyone needs one. If it's good enough for James Patterson, it's good enough for you.

[Viramara]

Sorry.....but your intro speaks like a plain academic lecture....no offense. Relationship is something emotional to woman and you don't really *grab* it....

"After reading this guide, please, think about what have you’ve just learned. It’s very important to consider all new information that you’ve got."
Comment : put this in the closing page, not beginning.

"Passion probably is the most important part of relationship and if you are feeling that you started to lose it - act immediately! Even if your relationship is fine now and you have no any problems you should know how to keep them strong and passionate all the time!"
Comment : "probably"? and *why* should I keep it "strong and passionate" all time?

You probably know that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success.
Comment : dude, delete this. Seriously. It's lecturing.

Many couples feel that their relationship starts to lose its passion after sometime. This is mostly because of the fact that they don't try anything new and feel that they have become bored of everything. What they need to know is that variety is very important for a healthy and passionate relationship.
Comment : you can put this in the beginning paragraph.


There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship, but actually only few principles can really help you to revive passion. To help get you headed in the right direction, I have chosen 7 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.
Comment : this one grabs me. But what 7 ways? Tell your readers they're the best 7. And how it has worked to your life or other's too.

- Entice their curiosity
- Tell a story
- Download several relationship ebooks and learn from them. Or hire copywriter if you don't want to waste your time doing the finicky writing.

Good luck

[Souldja]

Originally Posted by Viramara

Sorry.....but your intro speaks like a plain academic lecture....no offense. Relationship is something emotional to woman and you don't really *grab* it....

"After reading this guide, please, think about what have you’ve just learned. It’s very important to consider all new information that you’ve got."
Comment : put this in the closing page, not beginning.

"Passion probably is the most important part of relationship and if you are feeling that you started to lose it - act immediately! Even if your relationship is fine now and you have no any problems you should know how to keep them strong and passionate all the time!"
Comment : "probably"? and *why* should I keep it "strong and passionate" all time?

You probably know that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success.
Comment : dude, delete this. Seriously. It's lecturing.

Many couples feel that their relationship starts to lose its passion after sometime. This is mostly because of the fact that they don't try anything new and feel that they have become bored of everything. What they need to know is that variety is very important for a healthy and passionate relationship.
Comment : you can put this in the beginning paragraph.


There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship, but actually only few principles can really help you to revive passion. To help get you headed in the right direction, I have chosen 7 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.
Comment : this one grabs me. But what 7 ways? Tell your readers they're the best 7. And how it has worked to your life or other's too.

- Entice their curiosity
- Tell a story
- Download several relationship ebooks and learn from them. Or hire copywriter if you don't want to waste your time doing the finicky writing.

Good luck

Thank you!

The funniest thing is that you like the part that I wrote by myself. All others paragraphs I copied!

[MissLizzie]

Hey Souldja - I'm not sure who your ebook is aimed at? It seems a bit 'unisex' to me, and in the dating/relationship niche, you often need to be aiming your product at either women or men, rather than both. For example, while I might be impressed with a surprise bunch of flowers, buying those for my boyfriend would be a write-off, as he doesn't have a vase in his flat! Do you see?

If I were you, I'd have a think about my target audience a bit more (what do they eat for breakfast, favourite TV programs, jobs, interests, families etc) and then, rewrite the introduction for your ebook. It'd make it more lively, and a much easier sale or giveaway.

Hope that helps and good luck with your project.

[Dannyboy12]

This.

You need an editor, dude.

Not being facetious, hire someone to edit for you. Everyone needs one. If it's good enough for James Patterson, it's good enough for you.

Without even considering the content, Your sentence structuring doesn't seem to be working properly.

Passion probably is the most important part of relationship

Should be, Passion is probably the most...

These seem small and insignificant but to any native english reader it subconsciously screams that the writer has no idea what they are talking about.

[Shadowflux]

You need to rewrite this introduction and don't copy paragraphs from anywhere else. I think this is why it feels so disjointed.

I like to treat the introduction almost like an article about the ebook. You need to introduce the topic, give a short overview of what the book covers, talk about who the book is aimed at, what the reader should get from the book and then, of course, introduce the book.

This works because you can also post the introduction as a free portion of the book. The introduction really needs to sell the reader on the book or they won't keep reading the rest.

I'd offer you a copy of one of my ebooks so you could read the introduction but if you're copying other people's material I'm going to keep it to myself.

[Cam Connor]

Hey Souldja,

Great question, from my experience, I just say make the intro doesn't need to be as perfect as Copy... just make it short and sweet and then dive right in to the value, a long drawn out introduction will only serve to bore your audience. Any special things you'd like them to know or do should be outlined there, for example, is it important that they don't take notes and just immerse themselves in the book? Is it OK for them to skip around? Just give them a brief intro to who you are, what you're about, and most importantly, what this book will do for them.

In the end, most readers just want to get to the meat and potatoes.

[Souldja]

Is it better?
_________________
Hello. This is Simon.

Many couples feel that their relationship starts to lose its passion after sometime. This is mostly because of the fact that they don't try anything new and feel that they have become bored of everything. What they need to know is that variety is very important for a healthy and passionate relationship.

There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship, but actually only few principles can really help you to revive passion. To help get you headed in the right direction, I have chosen 7 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.

Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big successes.
__________________ @7 ideas text@

Please, think about what have you’ve just learned. It’s very important to consider all new information that you’ve got.

Apply these ideas to your relationship and you will see the difference soon.

P.S. Read my newsletter where I will provide you very effective techniques to improve your relationship. It is my belief that you will get information that you simply won't find anywhere else. Don’t miss it.

Sincerely,
Simon Ricci, «Relationship Help for Women».