Need A Critique: HTML Landing Page With A Difference

[smallbusinessguy]

I have a landing page created with a different theme. I got this diea first from viperchill.

Start an Online Business: your Free Guide

This is my landing page. Let me know how good you think it is.

I'm looking for some constructive criticism.

I know the header needs alignment.

All feedbacks much appreciated.

Thanks a lot in advance

P.S: I have changed it from HTML and moved it over to my blog

[max5ty]

Originally Posted by smallbusinessguy

I have a landing page created with a different theme. I got this diea first from viperchill.

Start an Online Business: your Free Guide

This is my landing page. Let me know how good you think it is.

I'm looking for some constructive criticism.

I know the header needs alignment.

All feedbacks much appreciated.

Thanks a lot in advance

You seem to know html pretty well.

Some thoughts I have:

When I was reading your piece, I felt no emotion at all. Nothing stirred me to get excited about your product.

The text under "What will I learn", seemed to pretty much tell the reader they weren't going to learn anything.

I think you definitely need to work on your content.

I also think I would make it all one column and have the picture of your book much bigger.

I would put the sign up box at the end of your presentation.

I would make the print larger, it's way to small for a landing page.

I would add some testimonials.

I would add some proof elements, such as why the reader should listen to you.

I would add some bullet points.

I would make the headline larger - and also rewrite it.

Just a few of my personal thoughts.

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by max5ty

You seem to know html pretty well.

Some thoughts I have:

When I was reading your piece, I felt no emotion at all. Nothing stirred me to get excited about your product.

The text under "What will I learn", seemed to pretty much tell the reader they weren't going to learn anything.

I think you definitely need to work on your content.

I also think I would make it all one column and have the picture of your book much bigger.

I would put the sign up box at the end of your presentation.

I would make the print larger, it's way to small for a landing page.

I would add some testimonials.

I would add some proof elements, such as why the reader should listen to you.

I would add some bullet points.

I would make the headline larger - and also rewrite it.

Just a few of my personal thoughts.

Thanks for your suggestions. I will certainly look into it.

[Net Solutions]

you need to just add a video or two explaining more things about your site. That should set you up nicely..

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by JamesEdwards1

you need to just add a video or two explaining more things about your site. That should set you up nicely..

But I have heard video's for opt in pages do not work so well

[Souldja]

Originally Posted by smallbusinessguy

But I have heard video's for opt in pages do not work so well

I have heard different point of views but most people said that video works much better than text. Some marketers puts headline, video and opt-in form and says that it works very well!

P.S

I like your squeeze page. But as for me it is to many different colours in your text.

[Peterdeg]

Hi There,

Your landing pages looks pretty good above the fold. Good work

A few things that I noticed (some have been mentioned earlier):

1) Your Opt in Text

This, to me, seems a bit feature driven rather than benefit driven. Ideas and Guide doesn't make me think that this is going to be a game changer. In fact, having gone through the newbie process, this might be more distracting info rather than a help.

Maybe something like: "Get this FREE guide to Start Your Online Business TODAY! In one month from now you will be on $10,000 per month". I don't know what is in your guide or where your traffic is coming from but you can see what I mean. It sounds over the top (and maybe in this case it is) but you need to hit a hot button with the reader and benefits are the way forward.

2) Why start a business online

You open this with:
"More people are buying online lately. If you are missing out on the online sales, you are leaking money."
This to me suggests that you are going for people who have an offline business? Is that what the course is? If so you need to be more relevant to that market. If not, then don't use the copy "leaking money". Where is it leaking from?

"Online business is one of the most easy-to-setup and low risk business model you can possible come across. Now is a great time to get started on the internet."
Think you need to back up this point. Why is it a great time?

"There is no hype, no sales pitch and certainly no upsells. Just 43 pages of great content"
No one cares about content (sorry ). This is a feature not a benefit.

OK, so if you wanted to keep these points. Something like this might be better (this is an example that I am working out while I write. You will need to improve it, but it should put you in the right direction)

Why start a business online?

Tired of the commute to work everyday? Sick of being told to wear a suit and tie? Do you wish that you could choose to double your vacation, even when you are on it?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then you, like thousands before you, would have a much better standard of life by being your own boss.

Until now, being your own boss was risky. You needed cash and lots of it. But with an online business all you need is time.

Thousands of people are quitting their jobs everyday to make money with their online business and with my help, you can too.

(not very good but you can see how that might strike a cord. I would even make this into a story about what motivated you to start your own business and how much better life is now you have succeeded)

2) What will I learn?

I think you should maybe swap this with the why start a business. Fire people up first, then when they are thinking of entering their email address but need more info then they can find out. With any luck though they would have already opted in.

There are a few changes that can be made here:

- Don't tell people that you aren't going to reveal the secret!! Deep down, I think that people realise they know enough already to make a living online. It takes action and lots of it and so they are looking for a shortcut. Offer them this shortcut, or at the very least, don't tell them that you won't be giving them a shortcut.

Overview

I don't think your page speaks to one person. Who is it that you are going for. Is it "you" 6 months ago? In which case, what made you carry on with IM? What are your motivations?

Are you going for the Newbie that is struggling to make his first sale?
Then your opt-in bait should be: "Struggling to make your first sale?....." and carry on from that.

If you are going for someone who is making a bit of money but not enough to quit their job then speak to them: "Earning cash online but still in the day job?...." etc

You need to define who you are speaking to and speak to that one person. From your sales page I wasn't really sure who it was that you were speaking to.

Page Looks (what I would do):

Make the side bars bigger and have the text larger.
Put another opt-in under the picture of the book.
If it is a book that you are selling, have a picture of a book. This looks more like a software box.

Some of my message is confused and I certainly wouldn't use the rubbish copy that I wrote down but I hope that this has given you a few ideas.

All the best,

Pete

[smallbusinessguy]

Pete,

That was a very helpful suggestion. To be honest, I wrote that page in under 10 minutes. So I don't expect it to be a killer squeeze page.

I'll take more time or preferably hire my copywriter to write up a copy for my squeeze page.

I'm also looking to take my squeeze landing page away from the HTML side and move it over to my blog page. Maybe I'd hire a person to redesign the whole landing page and keep it in HTML itself.

I am yet to make the move or decide what to do. So your inputs and the rest of the warriors inputs are great.

Do you think I need a separate landing page? I have 3 optins on my blog. Home page 2 and on individual pages on sidebar and also below the post.

Do you think I should concentrate on them and skip the individual landing page?

Another problem I am facing is, I run my online business as part time. I haven't quit my job yet. So, i cant really advocate quitting job as I haven't done it. I believe I should walk the talk.

My target audience is really people who want to get started with an online business. It's geared more towards people who don't have an offline business because I include articles on brainstorming business ideas, and such basic articles in my free ebook.

I think, ideally, my main target is people who are blogging from one thing to another without having a clear focus nor a business model. Beginner internet marketers, complete newbies, beginner bloggers, etc should be ideal candidates.

[John_S]

I've written copy, and also scripted, and produced video. The script is harder to write.

Your copy isn't going to get better in front of a video. Video isn't magic. And reading your sales copy deadpan in front of the camera isn't recommended.

Why two colums? I can see a top page which begins to segment, like "Read This if You Consider Yourself An Entrepreneur" and "If Starting a Business Gives You Heart Palpitations, This Is The Most Impontant Message You'll Read." Otherwise there's no reason for dueling subheads and body text.

Everybody says copy is salesmanship in print. Okay, what is salesmanship?

Your copy has to develop an emtional connection, because the decision to buy is emotional. With video, double that. For a page that flat out says it's not trying to be salesy, this sounds suspiciously like "the pitch."

The title of this thread is " HTML Landing Page With A Difference" Okay. I read the page. Where's the difference. It looks like half a million other pages. HTML with a difference suggests more.


P.S. Be part of a billion dollar industry sounds like a MLM leaching off a brand name with absolutely no connection. Sounds like a sales pitch.

[Peterdeg]

That is fair enough. You can tell your story about how you can make extra money to supplement your income. Maybe a holiday that you bought that otherwise you wouldn't have been able to afford. Etc

If you want to know about the best places for opt-in forms this is great post about it (tried some of them and they work): The 7 High-Converting Places to Add Email Sign-Up Forms to Build Your List

Not sure about whether or not to have a landing page. I think you need to split test it. Can see why not though, as long as your copy is good.

Hope that helps,

Pete

(ps. Saw that you wrote a comment on our blog. Thanks for that)

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by John_S

I've written copy, and also scripted, and produced video. The script is harder to write.

Your copy isn't going to get better in front of a video. Video isn't magic. And reading your sales copy deadpan in front of the camera isn't recommended.

Why two colums? I can see a top page which begins to segment, like "Read This if You Consider Yourself An Entrepreneur" and "If Starting a Business Gives You Heart Palpitations, This Is The Most Impontant Message You'll Read." Otherwise there's no reason for dueling subheads and body text.

Everybody says copy is salesmanship in print. Okay, what is salesmanship?

Your copy has to develop an emtional connection, because the decision to buy is emotional. With video, double that. For a page that flat out says it's not trying to be salesy, this sounds suspiciously like "the pitch."

The title of this thread is " HTML Landing Page With A Difference" Okay. I read the page. Where's the difference. It looks like half a million other pages. HTML with a difference suggests more.


P.S. Be part of a billion dollar industry sounds like a MLM leaching off a brand name with absolutely no connection. Sounds like a sales pitch.

Thanks for the tips John. Really appreciate it.

I understand the mistakes.

HTML landing page, yes, I do think this is quite unique. There are not many html landing pages like these. I mean, isn't it a bit different from the normal squeeze pages?

I'll re consider the billion dollar part..

Thanks

[John_S]

HTML landing page, yes, I do think this is quite unique. There are not many html landing pages like these. I mean, isn't it a bit different from the normal squeeze pages?

Different from fifteen thousand (unique) squeeze pages, maybe. Different from a half million pitches for starting a web business -- pages that are not pulling in sales that well -- not at all.

I notice you use the word different. Which carefully avoids effectively different based on sales results compared to any layout, including the highest pulling squeeze pages. The entire history of business misfortune on the web is aided and abetted by designers who threw out any results tracking or salesmanship.

And just so we're clear, traffic isn't a result. That returns to my previous comment about customers.

That you do not like squeeze page layout is one thing. It's not different, there are a million web designers who do not like squeeze pages. What would be different is finding the one who produced an effective squeeze page that did more than not offend web designer sensibilities while flushing money down the toilet.

HTML with a difference would be what single change in a CSS file, without changing one sylable of copy, boosted sales 327% (Completely possible, because it happened)

That's the sort of difference no diehard web designer will touch with a fifty foot pole. And the alpha and omega of what's wrong with your offer. Different doesn't mean effectively innovative. And that is a common bit of chicanery the web development field has leaned hard on since its start.

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by John_S

Different from fifteen thousand (unique) squeeze pages, maybe. Different from a half million pitches for starting a web business -- pages that are not pulling in sales that well -- not at all.

I notice you use the word different. Which carefully avoids effectively different based on sales results compared to any layout, including the highest pulling squeeze pages. The entire history of business misfortune on the web is aided and abetted by designers who threw out any results tracking or salesmanship.

And just so we're clear, traffic isn't a result. That returns to my previous comment about customers.

That you do not like squeeze page layout is one thing. It's not different, there are a million web designers who do not like squeeze pages. What would be different is finding the one who produced an effective squeeze page that did more than not offend web designer sensibilities while flushing money down the toilet.

HTML with a difference would be what single change in a CSS file, without changing one sylable of copy, boosted sales 327% (Completely possible, because it happened)

That's the sort of difference no diehard web designer will touch with a fifty foot pole. And the alpha and omega of what's wrong with your offer. Different doesn't mean effectively innovative. And that is a common bit of chicanery the web development field has leaned hard on since its start.

To be completely honest, I did not understand what you are trying to say. Sorry about that.

I know there are lot's of issues with the copy. But considering the fact that the page received less than 90 visitors and around 35 people signed up from that page alone, I think conversions are decent.

The copy is flawed. Atleast, I need to spend more than 10 minutes I originally spent on coming with the copy. I wasn't sure I wanted a single landing page. It was just a trial.

Thank you for your tips...

[John_S]

To be completely honest, I did not understand what you are trying to say. Sorry about that.

There is nothing to be sorry about. No diehard web dev will understand what I wrote. It is from a totally alien, thouroughly discredited, mindset: The People Buying This Stuff.

... less than 90 visitors and around 35 people signed up from that page alone, I think conversions are decent.

I perceive my mistake. My points will make more sense in eighteen months and 900 visitors from now, with 150 people signing up ...and between one and two dozen actual "keep the lights on" sales.

So, see you in about eighteen months to two years from now. Try to hold on until then.

[Ken_Caudill]

Originally Posted by John_S

There is nothing to be sorry about. No diehard web dev will understand what I wrote. It is from a totally alien, thouroughly discredited, mindset: The People Buying This Stuff.



I perceive my mistake. My points will make more sense in eighteen months and 900 visitors from now, with 150 people signing up ...and between one and two dozen actual "keep the lights on" sales.

So, see you in about eighteen months to two years from now. Try to hold on until then.

I'm not being facetious. I'm genuinely interested. How would you approach it? Would you use a single column layout? Info on the left, opt-in on the right? I've always had good results from very simple opt-in pages --headline, bullet points, a line or two of text with the opt-in above the fold. The old what I have - why you should have it -here's how to get it.

[John_S]

I'm genuinely interested. How would you approach it? Would you use a single column layout? Info on the left, opt-in on the right?

If we are being totally honest, from "HTML Landing Page With A Difference" my expectation was to see something I have never seen before. Or imagined. That pulled X% better.

Not the same old "commerce is evil" design dogma I (and probably others) have seen countless times before.

How I would approach this is already explained. Want to use two column? Fine, use them to segment and pitch two -- distinct -- identified market segments.

Otherwise, grade "A" boring, done-to-death, one column. With optin fields on the right. Or bottom.

Point being, do what works. Innovate to improve upon what works. Then sell THAT as html with a difference. Do not start from the assumption you hate results producing squeeze pages, and ANYTHING different HAS GOT TO BE AN IMPROVEMENT.

Pulling **** out of your HTML and declaring "it works" got this poster to asking for advice. So my suggestions are not far afield. In programming or science this would be called returning to first principles.

When your stuff's not working, this would seem a reliable approach. When your stuff IS working, and you want to see how well it works, testing against a well constructed baseline seems a reliable approach.



P.S. My big flaw is predicting the future and then being correct about it. Seems to be an unforgivable sin.

P.P.S. I can't predict the future. Just calculate from probabilities. Anybody at any time can prove me completely WRONG. That's just not the way to bet.

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by John_S

There is nothing to be sorry about. No diehard web dev will understand what I wrote. It is from a totally alien, thouroughly discredited, mindset: The People Buying This Stuff.



I perceive my mistake. My points will make more sense in eighteen months and 900 visitors from now, with 150 people signing up ...and between one and two dozen actual "keep the lights on" sales.

So, see you in about eighteen months to two years from now. Try to hold on until then.

First of all, I am not a web developer at all. All i know to do is make changes to an existing code by removing a few lines here an there. but that's about it.

Pulling **** out of your HTML and declaring "it works" got this poster to asking for advice. So my suggestions are not far afield. In programming or science this would be called returning to first principles.

Why I told this one is better is because the design is focused on a proven conversion tactic "my name is.." "my email is...". This was not my find. I think I learned it from glen of viperchill.com.

I have been in internet marketing for long and to date I haven't seen a landing page like the one I have other than with viperchill.com (where I got the idea from). Maybe it's my lack of experience...

[John_S]

(where I got the idea from).

I went to viperchill. You seem to have departed from the idea. Viperchill has a bland narrow, header which almost blends into the background. One main column, with narrow right side column opt-in. Not a lot of similarities.

But hey, it must work, and therefore we aren't having this discussion.

[smallbusinessguy]

I just reworked my sales page completely and moved it over to my blog.

Learn to Start an Online Business

Would like feedbacks please.

P.S: I have redirected the old page to the new one

[ewenmack]

The site visitor has been given 6 options to take...which one do you want him/her to take?

Those options are...

About
Contact
SEO Consultant Service
leave a comment
sign up
leave

You mention e/book and emails...this creates confusion.

Then if you are wanting the reader to sign up, the value proposition is very weak.

So to sum up...

#1 you are giving the reader too many options

#2 you are confusing the reader on what he/she gets

#3 your value proposition is weak

They all lead readers to leave in droves.

Best,
Ewen

[smallbusinessguy]

Removed the nav bar, comments section, bookmarking options, and the fat footer.

Removed the mention of weekly mails in the headline and moved it down to include it as an additional weekly email.

How do you think I can increase value proposition?

[ewenmack]

Originally Posted by smallbusinessguy

How do you think I can increase value proposition?

Great question.

It's knowing the one thing your prized reader wants, over everything else.

It's knowing where your reader is at this point in time.

It's knowing what they have tried before and hasn't worked.

It's knowing the readers emotional state when he/she comes across you.

Once you have that knowledge, we create the message that meets their wants using language which they understand and act upon.

And finally it's about what you offer in return for the time and effort the reader has taken.

That's a value proposition.

Best,
Ewen

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by dabao

Great idea! I think the President himself would also appreciate this idea of the Food Bank App. By the way, you may then proceed and put forward your idea and suggestions to some good developers. And also please post updates about developments so that we may know and also contribute in any way possible. Thanks.

What are you saying? SPAM!!!

[ewenmack]

Originally Posted by smallbusinessguy

What are you saying? SPAM!!!

Been reported

Best,
Ewen

[John_S]

How do you think I can increase value proposition?

Outside the Warrior community, the only HTML with a difference is split-tested, iterated, money earning HTML.

As mentioned, a single CSS change that triples response without touching copy.

A button design that boosts orders 35% or more.

To clients sold a bill of goods by the web development community, that's a difference. Being different because you say it is -- that's every Web 2.0 site out there. Designers will swear it's not a template. Every visitor will swear it is.

[Hardy Chou]

Even bigger problem than your copy, your site takes more than 30 seconds to load.

[smallbusinessguy]

Originally Posted by Hardy Chou

Even bigger problem than your copy, your site takes more than 30 seconds to load.

Really? That's strange. I thought it was an issue with my ISP when I reported it to HostGator. Atleast that's what they told me. Can you PM me the traceroute to my site?

It might help

[seanpar]

I like it the only things i would recomend is spacing out the top title it looks like one huge word "You Don’t Have to Be Born An Entrepreneur to Start your Own Business". Remove the "sign up now" at the top, i think you should leave just 1 at the bottom for readers who read your content. They are more likely to follow through with it anyway, also remove no spam guarantee doesn't look so reassuring, maybe if you wrote it like "Spam Free" in the bottom right of the box to look more professional. Also I would bold where ever there is a "Free" as that is what people want to see.

- I hope this helps and your website becomes very successful.

[smallbusinessguy]

Thanks all for your great advice

[Toy Giraffe]

It's well-organized and clear, but the appearance is a bit "shabby". More importantly, I didn't catch anything that would distinguish your offer from the millions of other startup guides out there.

- Polish up the layout
- Immediately highlight your competitive advantage

[Mel White]

It's not really eye catching, and there's a number of grammatical problems (I'm a former English teacher, so I'm picky.) There's also no sense of "why should I listen to you rather than the zillion other websites out there." You don't establish any credentials.

[BassHost]

Be straight to the point

For example

The what you will learn and expect ... in the bottom I would have put on the top. But, be like what you will learn from signing up.

Otherwise it seems nice and simple clean ... the dark gray background(sign up no spam part) does not go well with the page maybe a blue of some sort.

Instead of an image button use some CSS and text man.
That is me I dev a lot of sites so I tend to be picky on that side.

Hope I helped ...

[moeatwa]

This might seem mediocre, but the thing that stood out the most on the page is that the word "business" is repeated quite a lot. It got a bit repetitive for me at one point. Perhaps you could try to use it a bit less? Use synonyms maybe? Good luck!

[RRMarketing]

Hello,

The first major mistake I see in your sales letter is assuming things. Your prospect is an unique being. He comes with his own set of beliefs about life and business in general.

For example, if your prospect believes that 1 + 1 equals 3, then it equals 3. You must use his starting beliefs and then move in what is true / right.

For example ...

"I don't know about you ... but all my life I have believed that it's hard to get rich. I have believed that all millionaires were born this way, came from good families or had some kind of advantages not available to me.

For example, Donald Trump was helped by his father. However, by reading auto-biographies, I've discovered that many of them were self-made millionaires.

They were people with no advantages ... poorer and even dumber than me. That blown my mind."

You should follow a clear persuasion structure.

This is:
Here's who I am.
Here's what I do.
Here's why it's important for you.
Here's what to do now.

This can be tweaked, developed, improved, expanded. But you must get this right before adding the other elements.

It's another way to present AIDA. I know, you must insert scarcity, emotional and logical justifications, guarantees, price justification, etc. But first, tweak to follow these steps.

Transform your features into benefits. For example:

Technical aspects of setting up your business ->

"How to set up the technical aspect of your business and become error free ... or risk joining the statistic that 95% of all business fall in the first year".

I guess that's all for now. If you have any questions, feel free to mail me at razvan.rogoz@gmail.com.

Thanks!
Razvan

[Tedel]

Hi,

About text:

1. Are you sure you need to ask questions here? I felt them more as affirmations.

What You Will Learn In This Free eBook?
How to come up with a killer business idea?
How to write a simple, yet effective business plan for your online business?

2. plural?

In addition to the instant ebook download, I will send you valuable weekly emails as well which contains

3. Common sense question: Can't I get your free e-book without receiving your unknown-number of weekly e-mails?

About the design:

- I was redirected for some reason to the final page. It did look suspicious.
- Your logo might be too small. So the book.

Hoping this helps,
Tedel