Need some tips on a salesletter

seokungfuguy · 07-20-2011, 07:00 AM

I worked on this it is boostyourimskills.com. I usally dont write copy so i wanted to see what the experts said. I would love anthing you could give.
thanks in advance

Drez · 07-20-2011, 07:17 AM

Just a couple of thoughts from a quick look at the site:

The headline does little to pull a reader into reading the rest of the copy. Is your target market lusting for Internet Marketing Coaching? Or are they searching for the RESULT / BENEFIT of the coaching?

You also claim to be a Ninja (check your spelling) but don't offer any proof of that. (Might want to say how you earned that rank" "marketing Ninja Who Sold XX Million of Widgets in only 39 Seconds)

In the subhead you ask if people want to become an "Internet Marketing God". What if they just want to make a few extra bucks ... should they look elsewhere?

Body copy: Lots of features ... few benefits or deeper benefits

Sorry to say you have a lot of work to improve this sales page.

You may wish to consider hiring a copywriter to help you out.

seokungfuguy · 07-20-2011, 09:02 AM

thank you for the advice

Weemz · 07-20-2011, 02:49 PM

There's only one "i" in Ninja.
Also, "less then the price off...".

It should be "less than". Then is referencing time, than is a definition of degree or comparison to an additional element.

In addition, it should be "An Internet Marketing...." not "A Internet Marketing"

Same applies for the first sentence of copy, which also has spelling and grammar errors.

"I did want to be internet marketing god and guru"

"I did want to be an internet marketing..."

I would remove the Marketing God line. Making over-hyped claims is a sure-fire way to come across as cheesy and fake. You lose all credibility before they have even got to the first bit of copy.

Sell benefits, not features.

Elle Davies · 07-20-2011, 04:20 PM

As mentioned above, the grammatical errors are the aspects of your copy that stand out the most. Rectify these and your page will instantly seem more credible to any potential buyer.
Having said that there are still a few things in terms of visuals on your sales page that could do with a little improvement.

For example the big gap between the 'Do You Want To Be An Internet Marketing God?' and the start of your first paragraph: 'I did want to be...'
It seems like a graphic or additional words are missing, so this will need correcting.
On a more general note, a few brighter colours on the page may make it more visually pleasing!
Hope this helps, and good luck!

07-20-2011, 07:00 AM	#1
seokungfuguy Banned War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 46 Thanks: 6 Thanked 8 Times in 5 Posts	Need some tips on a salesletter I worked on this it is boostyourimskills.com. I usally dont write copy so i wanted to see what the experts said. I would love anthing you could give. thanks in advance

07-20-2011, 07:17 AM	#2
Drez HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 195 Thanks: 24 Thanked 149 Times in 70 Posts Social Networking	Re: Need some tips on a salesletter Just a couple of thoughts from a quick look at the site: The headline does little to pull a reader into reading the rest of the copy. Is your target market lusting for Internet Marketing Coaching? Or are they searching for the RESULT / BENEFIT of the coaching? You also claim to be a Ninja (check your spelling) but don't offer any proof of that. (Might want to say how you earned that rank" "marketing Ninja Who Sold XX Million of Widgets in only 39 Seconds) In the subhead you ask if people want to become an "Internet Marketing God". What if they just want to make a few extra bucks ... should they look elsewhere? Body copy: Lots of features ... few benefits or deeper benefits Sorry to say you have a lot of work to improve this sales page. You may wish to consider hiring a copywriter to help you out.
	Mark "Drez" Dresner Swipe My Massive Copywriting Swipe Files Collection for FREE http://AdvertisingCopySwipes.com

07-20-2011, 09:02 AM	#3
seokungfuguy Banned War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 46 Thanks: 6 Thanked 8 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Need some tips on a salesletter thank you for the advice

07-20-2011, 02:49 PM	#4
Weemz Warrior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need some tips on a salesletter There's only one "i" in Ninja. Also, "less then the price off...". It should be "less than". Then is referencing time, than is a definition of degree or comparison to an additional element. In addition, it should be "An Internet Marketing...." not "A Internet Marketing" Same applies for the first sentence of copy, which also has spelling and grammar errors. "I did want to be internet marketing god and guru" "I did want to be an internet marketing..." I would remove the Marketing God line. Making over-hyped claims is a sure-fire way to come across as cheesy and fake. You lose all credibility before they have even got to the first bit of copy. Sell benefits, not features.

07-20-2011, 04:20 PM	#5
Elle Davies Active Warrior Join Date: May 2011 Location: London, UK Posts: 57 Thanks: 4 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Need some tips on a salesletter As mentioned above, the grammatical errors are the aspects of your copy that stand out the most. Rectify these and your page will instantly seem more credible to any potential buyer. Having said that there are still a few things in terms of visuals on your sales page that could do with a little improvement. For example the big gap between the 'Do You Want To Be An Internet Marketing God?' and the start of your first paragraph: 'I did want to be...' It seems like a graphic or additional words are missing, so this will need correcting. On a more general note, a few brighter colours on the page may make it more visually pleasing! Hope this helps, and good luck!