Critique My Promotional Website for a Local Subdivision

[JoshuaG]

The site is 90% complete, I'm not a professional copywriter but I think I've done a good job.

I'm looking for some constructive criticism, but please, no elitist or aggressive replies.

If nothing else, answer me this:

If you were looking for a new place to live, would this site pique you interest enough to explore the idea further by calling a rep or filling out the opt-in?

http://wb.joshuag.ca/


P.S. The site currently isn't displaying properly in IE.

[Mark Pescetti]

Hey Joshua,

To answer your question... no.

You might want to check out accelerated marketing techniques for real estate disposition. The whole point is to generate critical mass and "make" your audience have an emotional attachment to the assets (e.g. home, community, lifestyle.)

Really sell the people; the community.

What kind of lifestyle would potential buyers have the ability to enjoy as owners?

What activities are around the development?

How is this opportunity special or unique?

Another fun thing to do is create a facebook page for the development and have people you know talk about all the cool stuff that's around for them to do, like golf, restaurants, coffeehouses, tennis, etc.

You aren't just selling a house or piece of land... you're selling a dream, a lifestyle, life-long friends... you get the point...

[JoshuaG]

Originally Posted by Reflection Marketing

Hey Joshua,

To answer your question... no.

You might want to check out accelerated marketing techniques for real estate disposition. The whole point is to generate critical mass and "make" your audience have an emotional attachment to the assets (e.g. home, community, lifestyle.)

Really sell the people; the community.

What kind of lifestyle would potential buyers have the ability to enjoy as owners?

What activities are around the development?

How is this opportunity special or unique?

Another fun thing to do is create a facebook page for the development and have people you know talk about all the cool stuff that's around for them to do, like golf, restaurants, coffeehouses, tennis, etc.

You aren't just selling a house or piece of land... you're selling a dream, a lifestyle, life-long friends... you get the point...

Thanks for the reply.

To follow up...

What kind of lifestyle would potential buyers have the ability to enjoy as owners?

I'm surprised that the "Relaxed Country-esque" lifestyle isn't coming though with all the mentions of:

"country-esque living"
"Meadows" (being in the name)
"Conservation area"
"Strolling trails"
"panoramic creek"
"living is easy"
"pristine wilderness"
"peaceful community"
Images of adirondack chairs
Images of a golf course

*shrug*

But thanks for your input.

What activities are around the development?

These are provided on the community features page.

How is this opportunity special or unique?

I've got some ideas on how to make this more clear, thanks for pointing it out.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by JoshuaG

The site is 90% complete, I'm not a professional copywriter but I think I've done a good job.

I'm looking for some constructive criticism, but please, no elitist or aggressive replies.

If nothing else, answer me this:

If you were looking for a new place to live, would this site pique you interest enough to explore the idea further by calling a rep or filling out the opt-in?

WestBrook - Just another WordPress site


P.S. The site currently isn't displaying properly in IE.

Not even a, "Please would you be so kind..."

Just, "Answer me this..." (And bolded too) along with some further instructions.

Why don't you show some manners instead of virtually demanding a copywriting critique Joshua?

Why Not Offer Something in Return for a Copywriting Critique?

A Wacky Idea For Those Wanting Critiques

[Ken_Caudill]

I like the report abuse tag next to the opt-in. Did you think of it?

[JoshuaG]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Not even a, "Please would you be so kind..."

Just, "Answer me this..." (And bolded too) along with some further instructions.

Why don't you show some manners instead of virtually demanding a copywriting critique Joshua?

Why Not Offer Something in Return for a Copywriting Critique?

It was never my intention to be demanding. There is no need to be offended.
I appreciate your suggestions however your tone is completely unwarranted.

I don't feel the need to offer anything. Some people enjoy the process of helping others just for the sake of it. I help others simply for the good feelings I get from sharing knowledge.

Respectfully, I asked for no aggressive responses.

I think you would do well to take some of your own advice.

[JoshuaG]

Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill

I like the report abuse tag next to the opt-in. Did you think of it?

I did not think of it, and also, I don't like it

The service I'm using adds it by default but it goes away once the validity of the website is verified by the services algorithm.

[redlegrich]

I live in Seattle and have for 8 years. I notice this a lot in print and TV ads. They don't say WHERE the place is! There is nothing on this ad that says where the community is. Ottawa is a decent size place and many potential buyers may be from elsewhere and not know the area. They may just shrug their shoulders and leave. This site could be about a community anywhere people speak English! There is nothing distinctive, no reason to call, nothing at all to make anyone do anything.

Also, I'm confused. Are you selling lots, completed homes, homes under construction.

One thing I'd recommend. A well done video of the area. It would help immensely.

Your ROI on a potential converting lead is substantial, put some effort into this or you're not going to get a single bite. If you do then you'll get the rewards.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by JoshuaG

It was never my intention to be demanding. There is no need to be offended.
I appreciate your suggestions however your tone is completely unwarranted.

I don't feel the need to offer anything. Some people enjoy the process of helping others just for the sake of it. I help others simply for the good feelings I get from sharing knowledge.

Respectfully, I asked for no aggressive responses.

I think you would do well to take some of your own advice.

You think this was aggressive?

Pffft. Blimey! What a cheek.

What Makes The Warrior Forum Special?

[JoshuaG]

Originally Posted by redlegrich

I live in Seattle and have for 8 years. I notice this a lot in print and TV ads. They don't say WHERE the place is! There is nothing on this ad that says where the community is. Ottawa is a decent size place and many potential buyers may be from elsewhere and not know the area. They may just shrug their shoulders and leave. This site could be about a community anywhere people speak English! There is nothing distinctive, no reason to call, nothing at all to make anyone do anything.

Also, I'm confused. Are you selling lots, completed homes, homes under construction.

One thing I'd recommend. A well done video of the area. It would help immensely.

Your ROI on a potential converting lead is substantial, put some effort into this or you're not going to get a single bite. If you do then you'll get the rewards.

Thank you for the helpful reply. I can't believe I overlooked the obvious with regards to the location! It was kinda tucked away in there. I'll definitely be making that more clear. Also, I'm seriously considering adding a high quality video with voice over. Great idea!

[Mark Pescetti]

Hey Joshua,

Got your PM... Couldn't reply due to lack of posts...

Check out this link: Accelerated Marketing Partners, LLC

I did work for them a couple years ago. These are auction style campaigns (on the left sidebar), but this should give a ton of ideas.

[Joe Ditzel]

I work with a lot of clients that have similar websites. Usually they have a lot of feature statements and very few benefits.

The first thing I recommend is that you add a lot more benefits.

For example, you say, "You’ll have more time for the important things in your life thanks to short commutes."

I would expand on that. Spell it out for them.

"Thanks to our short commutes, you'll have more time to enjoy backyard bar-b-ques and family movie nights with the whole gang."

Or "With our short commutes, you'll be home playing with the kids rather than sitting in traffic wasting money on gas."

If you add more specific benefits to all your feature statements, your web visitors will more readily picture themselves living in and enjoying your real estate development.

You have a decent start with some areas:
"Relax and enjoy the outdoors in Westbrook Meadows conservation area, complete with strolling trails and a panoramic creek!"

I would just push it more- pile on the benefits with specific imagery. When you think there are too many benefits it is probably about right.

[JoshuaG]

Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel

...I would expand on that. Spell it out for them.

Thanks for the advise.
I was trying hard to use benefit statements but like you suggest I could consider taking them further.

It was my concern that if I painted to clear an image, it would exclude people who did not fit that image.

By keeping it generic I thought people would be able to use their imagination to fill in the blanks.

Is that way of writing generally not powerful enough to capture peoples interests?

[Joe Ditzel]

Originally Posted by JoshuaG

Thanks for the advise.
I was trying hard to use benefit statements but like you suggest I could consider taking them further.

It was my concern that if I painted to clear an image, it would exclude people who did not fit that image.

By keeping it generic I thought people would be able to use their imagination to fill in the blanks.

Is that way of writing generally not powerful enough to capture peoples interests?

If you keep anything generic you are dead. It seems like you are trying to get every possible demographic- young families, people that are interested in building a custom home, etc. As a result, the copy is unfocused and flat.

Organize your content around your prospects, not the product. Put all the features for young families into one area, those that are interested in a custom home in another area, etc. Then expand the copy with benefit rich imagery. Don't make them think. Paint them into the scene.

Another thought- you have:
Discover All Westbrook Meadows has to Offer!
Receive a PRINTABLE Information
Package to Your Email Inbox!

I would make that more specific and benefit oriented. What do you have to offer?

Check out this site to see how they set up their lead generation:
http://www.brooklynnewyorkcondos.net/

[wilmath]

I think that you could add a little more flesh to what you have already. More detail.
Maybe you could eliminate the "building your dream home" link and put all that information
on the home page.
This type of product could benefit from a story approach, What if you had a "day in the life" type of story.

I didn't see any pricing information. If real estate in your area is anything like it is in Oregon/U.S. then prices have plummeted and that is something that should be brought to the attention of the reader.

Good Luck