Kindly Critique my Sales Pitch Video for a Software Product

[KabanaSoft]

Hello fellow warriors,

I am getting ready to launch my first WSO here soon for a new software product i made, and just had a friend of mine make a sales pitch video based on the content and screencasts i provided him.

Since this is the first time i've done a video like this, i'm not quite sure how well my message is getting across...and i know i'm not the best at creating copy with all the fluffed up and jazzy words...and i'm not an expert at video communication either....

So i wanted to see if anyone could have a quick watch of my video (2 mins long) and let me know if you have any comments or suggestions or ideas on how i can make this the best video possible. Here is a link:

Places Scout Intro Video Link

Basically want to know:

• Is my message clear?
• Can i get points across better (or more powerfully) with different terminology and phrases?
• Do you understand the what the software does and how you can benefit from it after watching the video?
• Does the video make you want to learn more about my software product (aka does it have a 'catch' factor)?

Any help would be greatly greatly appreciated....I've watched it like 100 times so to me at this point its like a broken record, and its hard for me to gauge the video's effectiveness because i already know everything about my product...i really need an outsider's opinion to help me improve the video.

Thanks,
Mark

[wcmylife]

Mark,

I am a senior contributor to one of the biggest IT/Telecom websites in the Industry and know a thing or two about selling and marketing software.

Advice: Kill this video - here is why

- Just took way too long to load
- Probably because of the amount of graphics/fancy stuff used
- You got way to much going on in the background - you will distract the prospect
from the message
- Keep it simple - take out the fancy work - tell it like it is and get to the point.
- I would also suggest reducing the screen size so that it loads faster and adding a short sales page of text beneath it - a one pager or less.

[Don Schenk]

Mark, it loaded quickly here, almost instantly. Looks like interesting software for the folks selling to local businesses.

I had to turn off the sound, it was waaaaaay too repititious - 2 chords over and over and over and over and... Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, and it drives you nuts all day.

But music isn't copywriting.

Exactly what is your USP? Better still, what are your USPs. After I watched, I knew the software does something for those who sell to offline businesses, but I am not sure what, or why I would want that. How does it benefit the user.

"Find local places with ease." The screen capture is too blurry to let viewere see what it is doing. I am not really sure what that is doing. Can you explain it a little more?

If you make the video any smaller, the screen images will be impossible to read. They are never really clear anyway, and making them tiny may render them unreadable.

At first I could not figure out what Places Scout was. I know you mentioned software, but the first part of the video does not say it is software. Maybe your sales page does so and tells readers it is a software before they begin to watch the video.

Having a voice-over instead of the music might let you do a little more explaination while keeping the same video.

:-Don

[Jake Gray]

Hey Mark,

Not sure what that other warrior meant when he said it loaded slowly. It was up and running within milliseconds.

Anyways, as for your video, I'd highly recommend not using any animations when trying to load the text. It's irritating to watch the text appear from the right-side.

Also, keep your graphics to a minimum. You want to sell them on your words, not your super-cool graphics.

Jake

[Afreidman]

Hello friend,

I'm not saying that i'm an expert copywriter but I have my own offer that ARE selling and I also use video...

Here's my take on it:

1- Use your voice and just read it out : It will look and sound authentic. your customers will be happy to hear who you are and it will also be easier for them to understand what the product is about.

1b- Use powerpoint and just read off the slides, it looks nice and clean and it WORKS!

2- If you aren't shy get out there and make a video of yourself just explaining what the software does and how people could benefit from using it. (what's in it for me?)

3- Use music only in the intro/outro. it's easier to understand the point without all the noise in the background. make the music soft if you want.

4- make a tutorial video and actually show your clients what the software could do.
I think its easier when it comes to software because its not a theory or info product.

5- Ditch the fluff, it may sell but in the long run it won't last.

6- be authentic and real and if the software is awesome it will sell!

Good luck with your software, I wish you tons of sales and success.

and p.s. don't be afraid to experiment with 2 or 3 different versions/styles.

Ari

[KabanaSoft]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and responses, much appreciated. And sorry for the delay in my responding to your comments, i was very busy getting my WSO off the ground the last few days.

I guess i should have been more clear about the intent of this video. This was meant to be a short commercial video, not a tutorial video. I have created tutorial videos as well, there are links to those in my WSO in my sig. This was meant as a teaser video to pull you in and want to learn more about my product.

Here are my responses to everyone's comments:

Originally Posted by wcmylife

Mark,

I am a senior contributor to one of the biggest IT/Telecom websites in the Industry and know a thing or two about selling and marketing software.

Advice: Kill this video - here is why

- Just took way too long to load
- Probably because of the amount of graphics/fancy stuff used
- You got way to much going on in the background - you will distract the prospect
from the message
- Keep it simple - take out the fancy work - tell it like it is and get to the point.
- I would also suggest reducing the screen size so that it loads faster and adding a short sales page of text beneath it - a one pager or less.

@wcmylife - As far as loading response times go, i can see the video loading slowly if you have a slower internet connection because it was recorded in a high resolution, not sure if that's your case or not. The video is hosted on Amazon S3 servers, which i know are very fast. For your other comments, i will take out alot of the fancy animations everyone has seemed to suggested that.

Originally Posted by Don Schenk

Mark, it loaded quickly here, almost instantly. Looks like interesting software for the folks selling to local businesses.

I had to turn off the sound, it was waaaaaay too repititious - 2 chords over and over and over and over and... Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, and it drives you nuts all day.

But music isn't copywriting.

Exactly what is your USP? Better still, what are your USPs. After I watched, I knew the software does something for those who sell to offline businesses, but I am not sure what, or why I would want that. How does it benefit the user.

"Find local places with ease." The screen capture is too blurry to let viewere see what it is doing. I am not really sure what that is doing. Can you explain it a little more?

If you make the video any smaller, the screen images will be impossible to read. They are never really clear anyway, and making them tiny may render them unreadable.

At first I could not figure out what Places Scout was. I know you mentioned software, but the first part of the video does not say it is software. Maybe your sales page does so and tells readers it is a software before they begin to watch the video.

Having a voice-over instead of the music might let you do a little more explaination while keeping the same video.

:-Don

@Don Schenk - My main USP is that Places Scout is one piece of software that can help you manage all the tedious tasks in doing Local SEO work. It will help save you time and land more clients easily. And i do agree that i need to make a better intro on exactly what Places Scout is at the very beginning of the video to get this point across...will work on this as well.

In regards to the music, i can see what your saying, it is very repetitious . But on the flip side, consider this argument. If your in my shoes, perhaps its a good thing that the song gets stuck in your head, then you will keep thinking about my product . Just throwing it out there...

I do need to make the screen captures more clear, thanks for pointing this out to me.

Will consider doing a breif voice over as well, again i wanted to make this like a commercial video that you would perhaps see on tv...something brief that will tease you with information but not go into detail...something that will grab your attention and want you to learn more about my product.

Originally Posted by Jake Gray

Hey Mark,

Not sure what that other warrior meant when he said it loaded slowly. It was up and running within milliseconds.

Anyways, as for your video, I'd highly recommend not using any animations when trying to load the text. It's irritating to watch the text appear from the right-side.

Also, keep your graphics to a minimum. You want to sell them on your words, not your super-cool graphics.

Jake

@Jake Gray - Agree on removing the animations, they are definitely distracting.

Originally Posted by Afreidman

Hello friend,

I'm not saying that i'm an expert copywriter but I have my own offer that ARE selling and I also use video...

Here's my take on it:

1- Use your voice and just read it out : It will look and sound authentic. your customers will be happy to hear who you are and it will also be easier for them to understand what the product is about.

1b- Use powerpoint and just read off the slides, it looks nice and clean and it WORKS!

2- If you aren't shy get out there and make a video of yourself just explaining what the software does and how people could benefit from using it. (what's in it for me?)

3- Use music only in the intro/outro. it's easier to understand the point without all the noise in the background. make the music soft if you want.

4- make a tutorial video and actually show your clients what the software could do.
I think its easier when it comes to software because its not a theory or info product.

5- Ditch the fluff, it may sell but in the long run it won't last.

6- be authentic and real and if the software is awesome it will sell!

Good luck with your software, I wish you tons of sales and success.

and p.s. don't be afraid to experiment with 2 or 3 different versions/styles.

Ari

@Afreidman - 1) See comment above on intent of the video.
1b) I like the powerpoint idea, will consider this.
2) I have already made tutorial videos, so those are up, and this was not meant to be a tutorial video, but i do have those videos as well.
3) Will consider turning the music down during the video, and perhaps doing brief voiceovers during the video.
5) I will better reword the fluff so that it makes my sales points more clear and effective
6) Thanks for your kind words of wisdom.

Once again thanks to everyone for the comments, has definitely helped lead me down a better road on improving this video