What do you think of these headlines?

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 01:27 AM

Hello Warriors,

I am still studying on how to create good, eye catchy and effective headlines.

I will be making some banners for a particular site.

Now, please give me your honest thoughts about these headlines that I have just created:

1)
How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online
& Earning Money At The Same Time?

2)
You Can Now Protect And Educate Your Children Online And On Top Of That, You Can Earn As Well.

3)
Who Else Wants To Know How To Protect And Educate Children Online And Earn Money At The Same Time?

Am I doing the right thing? For these 3 headlines, which one do you think is better. Or these headlines are not appealing at all.

I have also a more specific one headline:

Finally! You Can Now Start Your Own Online Kids Club To Protect And Educate Kids Online and Make $$!

You may rephrase or rewords my headlines if it's okay with you.

Any information you may provide will be highly appreciated.

Thanks,
Louie

Allan Rich · 08-08-2011, 01:43 AM

I try to keep headlines as short possible... I like #2 but would word it like this "Protect And Educate Your Children Online While Earning Money"

To me the word "Money" is the most powerful word in the headline, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your niche. Money just grabs attention.

You could try "Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children"

I try to not give away too much information in headlines, give them a reason to click/scroll down to find out more info.

Hope this helps man

efurnitureshowroom · 08-08-2011, 01:50 AM

third one is good.
question and answer in the same headline looks more attractive

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allan Rich

I try to keep headlines as short possible... I like #2 but would word it like this "Protect And Educate Your Children Online While Earning Money"

To me the word "Money" is the most powerful word in the headline, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your niche. Money just grabs attention.

You could try "Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children"

I try to not give away too much information in headlines, give them a reason to click/scroll down to find out more info.

Hope this helps man

Thanks a lot Allan Rich for these wonderful inputs. Let me click the "Thanks" button for you.

UMS · 08-08-2011, 01:53 AM

Most of those titles are way too long.

Also, they are quite passive.

For example

How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online
& Earning Money At The Same Time?

isn't very challenging to the reader and could almost come across as someone asking the question when they really don't have their heart in it.

I think Allan's suggestion of changing it to:

Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children

is a very good one.

RubenJames · 08-08-2011, 01:57 AM

MagicLouie,

I agree with Allan that "Make Money" is the best part of your headline so far...that goes for the Greed Factor....

BUT... I don't think that on it's own that it's Strong enough!

Answer this: Protect and Educate your children...From WHAT?

If you can use FEAR in your headline all the better.

Scare the Pants off of them and you've REALLY got a chance!

FEAR and GREED together will multiply your Headlines Strength if you can tie them together!

"Your Children's Lives Are in DANGER! Protect Them And Make Money!"

Ruben

Karen Barr · 08-08-2011, 02:34 AM

As a parent, I'd say that the marriage of "child protection" and "make money" is an uneasy one. I would be looking for a headline that emphasized one without seeming like it was playing with fear.

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 03:03 AM

Thanks a lot for all your inputs Warriors. Now I have received a follow-up instruction about focusing first on this concept:

Start An Online Kids Club and Make $$

For my longer headline, I came up with these:

Finally! You Can Now Start Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online and Make $$!

Finally! You Can Now Earn Money While Starting Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online.

For my shorter one:

Earn Money While Starting An Online Kids Club.

Thanks,
Louie

colinjoss · 08-08-2011, 03:27 AM

Hey there,

You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

Colin

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colinjoss

Hey there,

You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

Colin

Nice point colinjoss! Thanks..

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colinjoss

Hey there,

You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

Colin

It's all about Starting An Online Kids Club that could protect and educate their kids and other kids out there. In that way they can earn money with our help and services offered.

hansherdel · 08-08-2011, 03:57 AM

The third one.
I was looking forward to that headlines.

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hansherdel

The third one.
I was looking forward to that headlines.

Thanks, I am considering the third one as well.

wvcopywriter · 08-08-2011, 09:15 AM

The first 3 didn't appeal to me much. Ruben had a great headline for this. It caught my attention. When writing headlines, just keep this in thought. Does it pass the 4 U's? Is it useful, unique, ultra specific and urgent?

Mark Andrews · 08-08-2011, 09:25 AM

Louie...

A simple question for you specifically...

What is the purpose of the main headline?

Best,

Pete Walker

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Louie...

A simple question for you specifically...

What is the purpose of the main headline?

Best,

Pete Walker

Actually, I am finalizing this headline for our banners with different sizes.

The main purpose of this main headline is to attract and convince the viewers to click to our banners.

Mark Andrews · 08-08-2011, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magiclouie

Actually, I am finalizing this headline for our banners with different sizes.

The main purpose of this main headline is to attract and convince the viewers to click to our banners.

In copywriting Louie, what is the purpose of the main headline?

What is it's function? Specifically?

In general terms?

Ricky Allen · 08-08-2011, 11:06 AM

Your $500 A Day Profit Bonus With Child Protection Peace Of Mind

Ricky Allen

Steve The Copywriter · 08-08-2011, 12:19 PM

Do remember you don't have to stick with just a Headline.

You can do deck copy as well - which can clarify so much more.

RubenJames · 08-08-2011, 12:56 PM

Again...Protect and Educate your children FROM/FOR WHAT???

I still have NO idea what you're trying to sell!

Ruben

RefundHost · 08-08-2011, 01:21 PM

The golden rule of high-concept high-response advertising is

ONE AD = ONE OFFER

Pick ONE per page as the main offer

- protect
OR
- educate

and pick the other one as an ADDED BENEFIT
===============
Build a page for each way
Build a page for the combination ( like you have now )

I assure you that you'll find that ONE of those one-offer
pages will outperform the other 2 by a landslide.
Only testing and time will tell you which one will work best.

Hugh Thyer · 08-08-2011, 05:28 PM

I'm with Karen. The two benefits totally clash.

Protecting your kids creates totally different emotions to making money.

When I read your headlines I didn't know what to think or how to feel.

Stick with protecting kids. Then work the money angle in later.

ASCW · 08-08-2011, 05:54 PM

Is there actually a market here?

Who else is doing something like this and winning big?

magiclouie · 08-08-2011, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubenJames

Again...Protect and Educate your children FROM/FOR WHAT???

I still have NO idea what you're trying to sell!

Ruben

Okay Ruben to answer that question, let me share you these:

Protect and educate children online.
We’ve spent the last 6 years building the ultimate kids internet.
And now for the fist time, you can share in our incredible educational gaming website kids, with over 100 games and adding more all the
time.

We are teaching your children about
Internet and technology safety,
Money and finance,
Health and nutrition,
Success principles and more.

In addition each child gets their very own
Kid safe email account and they have access
to our kid video sharing platform just like youtube,
but it’s safe.

I really appreciate all the inputs that you have given Ruben.

I have fully understood your main points.

rkat55 · 08-09-2011, 06:26 PM

It sounds like you are very passionate about the product. So,
rather than try to mix the business opportunity with it, I would
offer that as a side-note. Just a blurb off somewhere "Help
us spread the word about zzz.com and earn money doing it"

Something along those lines.

Blake King · 08-12-2011, 12:27 PM

How about "Protect And Educate Your Children Online
& Earning Money At The Same Time?"

Leave the question mark in.

08-08-2011, 01:27 AM	#1
magiclouie Feel The Magic War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Pearl of the Orient Seas, Philippines Posts: 728 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 103 Thanked 96 Times in 84 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	What do you think of these headlines? Hello Warriors, I am still studying on how to create good, eye catchy and effective headlines. I will be making some banners for a particular site. Now, please give me your honest thoughts about these headlines that I have just created: 1) How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online & Earning Money At The Same Time? 2) You Can Now Protect And Educate Your Children Online And On Top Of That, You Can Earn As Well. 3) Who Else Wants To Know How To Protect And Educate Children Online And Earn Money At The Same Time? Am I doing the right thing? For these 3 headlines, which one do you think is better. Or these headlines are not appealing at all. I have also a more specific one headline: Finally! You Can Now Start Your Own Online Kids Club To Protect And Educate Kids Online and Make $$! You may rephrase or rewords my headlines if it's okay with you. Any information you may provide will be highly appreciated. Thanks, Louie
	Everything You Need To Know About The Philippines including Philippine Outsourcing >> Looking for reliable and hardworking VA's? Well then, let me help you and hey, it's FREE! << -=:Check Our Wedding:=-

08-08-2011, 01:43 AM	#2
Allan Rich Googlebot <3 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: US Posts: 62 Thanks: 2 Thanked 23 Times in 17 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? I try to keep headlines as short possible... I like #2 but would word it like this "Protect And Educate Your Children Online While Earning Money" To me the word "Money" is the most powerful word in the headline, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your niche. Money just grabs attention. You could try "Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children" I try to not give away too much information in headlines, give them a reason to click/scroll down to find out more info. Hope this helps man
	Never judge a book by its post count :)

08-08-2011, 01:50 AM	#3
efurnitureshowroom Warrior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 25 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? third one is good. question and answer in the same headline looks more attractive

08-08-2011, 01:53 AM	#5
UMS Peter Sundstrom War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,864 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 178 Thanked 508 Times in 374 Posts Social Networking	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Most of those titles are way too long. Also, they are quite passive. For example How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online & Earning Money At The Same Time? isn't very challenging to the reader and could almost come across as someone asking the question when they really don't have their heart in it. I think Allan's suggestion of changing it to: Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children is a very good one.
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08-08-2011, 01:57 AM	#6
RubenJames HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Sunny California Posts: 99 Thanks: 57 Thanked 23 Times in 18 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? MagicLouie, I agree with Allan that "Make Money" is the best part of your headline so far...that goes for the Greed Factor.... BUT... I don't think that on it's own that it's Strong enough! Answer this: Protect and Educate your children...From WHAT? If you can use FEAR in your headline all the better. Scare the Pants off of them and you've REALLY got a chance! FEAR and GREED together will multiply your Headlines Strength if you can tie them together! "Your Children's Lives Are in DANGER! Protect Them And Make Money!" Ruben
	Last edited by RubenJames; 08-08-2011 at 02:03 AM. Reason: Thought of a headline...

08-08-2011, 02:34 AM	#7
Karen Barr HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Derby, UK Posts: 288 Thanks: 20 Thanked 65 Times in 58 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What do you think of these headlines? As a parent, I'd say that the marriage of "child protection" and "make money" is an uneasy one. I would be looking for a headline that emphasized one without seeming like it was playing with fear.
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08-08-2011, 03:03 AM	#8
magiclouie Feel The Magic War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Pearl of the Orient Seas, Philippines Posts: 728 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 103 Thanked 96 Times in 84 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Thanks a lot for all your inputs Warriors. Now I have received a follow-up instruction about focusing first on this concept: Start An Online Kids Club and Make $$ For my longer headline, I came up with these: Finally! You Can Now Start Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online and Make $$! Finally! You Can Now Earn Money While Starting Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online. For my shorter one: Earn Money While Starting An Online Kids Club. Thanks, Louie
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08-08-2011, 03:27 AM	#9
colinjoss Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: East Lothian, United Kingdom. Posts: 33 Thanks: 4 Thanked 18 Times in 10 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Hey there, You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it. As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation. Colin
	"You're exactly the kind of professional any business owner would be lucky to have writing his copy." John Carlton, the most ripped off, respected, and referred-to copywriter alive. Colin Joss, Direct Response Copywriter

08-08-2011, 03:57 AM	#12
hansherdel Warrior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? The third one. I was looking forward to that headlines.
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08-08-2011, 09:15 AM	#14
wvcopywriter Email Autoresponder Copy Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: WV Posts: 146 Thanks: 0 Thanked 14 Times in 13 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: What do you think of these headlines? The first 3 didn't appeal to me much. Ruben had a great headline for this. It caught my attention. When writing headlines, just keep this in thought. Does it pass the 4 U's? Is it useful, unique, ultra specific and urgent?
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08-08-2011, 09:25 AM	#15
Mark Andrews SmokingHotCopy@gmail.com War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: In Somebody Else's Shoes Posts: 1,685 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 1,587 Thanked 1,333 Times in 722 Posts Contact Info	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Louie... A simple question for you specifically... What is the purpose of the main headline? Best, Pete Walker
	"He struck the match. Fire flickered. The fuse lit and an explosion of emotional trigger words emanated like lightning through his fingertips..."

08-08-2011, 11:06 AM	#18
Ricky Allen Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: , , United Kingdom. Posts: 739 Thanks: 1 Thanked 158 Times in 19 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Your $500 A Day Profit Bonus With Child Protection Peace Of Mind Ricky Allen
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08-08-2011, 12:19 PM	#19
Steve The Copywriter Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK Posts: 739 Thanks: 725 Thanked 509 Times in 315 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Do remember you don't have to stick with just a Headline. You can do deck copy as well - which can clarify so much more.
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08-08-2011, 12:56 PM	#20
RubenJames HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Sunny California Posts: 99 Thanks: 57 Thanked 23 Times in 18 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Again...Protect and Educate your children FROM/FOR WHAT??? I still have NO idea what you're trying to sell! Ruben

08-08-2011, 01:21 PM	#21
RefundHost $5/yr Sales Page Hosting! Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 211 Thanks: 32 Thanked 27 Times in 25 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? The golden rule of high-concept high-response advertising is ONE AD = ONE OFFER Pick ONE per page as the main offer - protect OR - educate and pick the other one as an ADDED BENEFIT =============== Build a page for each way Build a page for the combination ( like you have now ) I assure you that you'll find that ONE of those one-offer pages will outperform the other 2 by a landslide. Only testing and time will tell you which one will work best.
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08-08-2011, 05:28 PM	#22
Hugh Thyer HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 341 Thanks: 84 Thanked 147 Times in 88 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? I'm with Karen. The two benefits totally clash. Protecting your kids creates totally different emotions to making money. When I read your headlines I didn't know what to think or how to feel. Stick with protecting kids. Then work the money angle in later.
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08-08-2011, 05:54 PM	#23
ASCW Andy Wilson War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 259 Thanks: 59 Thanked 94 Times in 60 Posts	Re: What do you think of these headlines? Is there actually a market here? Who else is doing something like this and winning big?
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08-09-2011, 06:26 PM	#25
rkat55 Lookin' Out For You War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: L.A. Baby Posts: 75 Thanks: 9 Thanked 16 Times in 14 Posts Social Networking	Re: What do you think of these headlines? It sounds like you are very passionate about the product. So, rather than try to mix the business opportunity with it, I would offer that as a side-note. Just a blurb off somewhere "Help us spread the word about zzz.com and earn money doing it" Something along those lines.
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08-12-2011, 12:27 PM	#26
Blake King Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: USA Posts: 40 Thanks: 9 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking	Re: What do you think of these headlines? How about "Protect And Educate Your Children Online & Earning Money At The Same Time?" Leave the question mark in.