Sales Page Feedback Request - Discover The Key Techniques To Grow & Build A Successful Business

[meetbryce]

Hi team,

Would love to get your thoughts on the following sales page for a $895 two day course for under 35 entrepreneurs.

http://www.the-entourage.com.au/test.htm

Many thanks in advance for the insightful feedback!

[OutOfThisWord]

You need a lot of work here.

It's not clear what your offer is... what your promise is...

...and most important, who are you and why should anyone listen to you.

And what were the results of people that did take this course.

[rkat55]

Yeah, your sales page still needs a lot of work, but one thing
you should focus on much more is who what where when and why.

Who are you
What are people going to learn (you need much more features and benefits)
Where is the training taking place
when " " " "
Why you're doing this, why should people be interested, why
should people do this and why should they do it NOW

[ThomasOMalley]

Your sales page is way too vague. Specifics sell.

You have to get some powerful bullets in there.

I recommend you hire a professional copywriter for your copy.

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

Your sales page is way too vague. Specifics sell.

You have to get some powerful bullets in there.

I recommend you hire a professional copywriter for your copy.

I agree with the above quote.

While I know you see yourself as strategic (because of your video interview), your strategy-oriented copy comes off vague and abstract. It's not you, it's just that's how strategic copy sounds without supporting detail. Meaning you could be writing almost anything business-wise.

I suggest you offer the strategy but you follow it quickly with specificsy. The comments like "I don't know what you're selling" are well founded.

- Rick Duris

[Dean Jackson]

If you were about to spend $900 on something, would this be enough for you?

You need to build some serious value if you want to sell this.

Dean

[ewenmack]

Hi Bryce,

Here's what's missing, in one word, No THEME.

All big sold out events have an over-riding theme which is
timely to a widely known problem.

Think of one word.

Bring the focus on why now this needs to be addressed
more than any-time in history.

List what has worked before but isn't now.

Give reason why broad subjects with multi speakers leaves the attendees
lost when it comes to implementation.

Break down in bite size parts to the theme which are the answers to the problem.

Tell what each speaker is covering and why he/she is uniquely qualified.

Give more reasons why there hasn't been anything remotely like this done before.

Paint a picture of them implementing this solution to this vexing problem.

Demonstrate through examples and case studies of this method working now.

Sweeten the deal further by having follow up webinars to make the implementation stick.

Examples of themes used and the possible...
Speed
Implementation
Outrageous advertising
Banner advertising
Website conversion
Facebook advertising
Backend sales
Offline and Online fusion
seo
Direct mail

...and so on.

Now you've got something for yourself, your speakers and attendees to
focus on.

Vague notions and ideas don't get acted on.

The words can now be written to convey this thinking.

Best,
Ewen

[MarkJones]

If any of these sound like you, this program might be the solution you need!

There is no "might" about it, this program IS the solution... If you aren't confident in your copy then there is no chance people are going to buy from you.

When writing it's always when not if, it's always is not might, be stronger with your copy.

Mark

[Daniel Scott]

There's not a lot of selling going on here. And for $900, you need to do some serious selling.

I just finished hanging out at the ClickBank event here in NYC. They put their event on for $697, though it may have risen to $997 later on.

You're charging a lot more than them and you have far less credibility.

Plus... the site's amateur hour. The design's awful... the copy stinks... and there's absolutely no compelling reason for me to sign up with you guys.

When I read it, the first thing I thought was...

"If these guys are so successful... why aren't they able to pay for professional design work and compelling copy?"

If you want to sell a high-ticket item, you gotta get serious about your marketing. Half-baked won't cut it.

-Daniel