Please help! Check out my sales page

[Daniel Daniels]

i'd like some advice and critism from you guyz. I have some nice, reliable and working information on "how to attract women" which is backed by psychological facts which i'd like to sell. I created an ebook based on the information and decided to sell it but before i sell it i'd like to invite you guys to critisize my sale copy.
you can find it at www(dot)attractingwomenimmediately(dot)com

replace the (dot) with .

Thanks alot guyz, any help will be greatly appreciated.

[Mark Pescetti]

You need to change the headline and rewrite/delete your initial questions. Although, I applaud you for diving into questions in the beginning. It's a great way to draw your audience in. You're just using the wrong questions.

You also need to make it more obvious who your target audience is:

Single men looking for love?

OR

Players that want to get laid?

Trying to appeal to both audiences will diminish sales.

...Provide more value with your two free tips. They aren't impressive in the slightest.

!!!!Take away the fake scarcity. It's an ebook. We all know you can sell as many as you possibly can. It's tacky and insincere. Also, eliminate the part where you talk about making a few extra "buck."

I like the simple design though, sans the header.

Bottom line:

The whole thing needs to be rewritten, restructured and have much more focus.

The value you're trying to sell isn't evident in the copy at all.

If you're going to present yourself as an authority, you need to write like you REALLY know what you're talking about... and so far, you're nowhere close to achieving that goal.

[OutOfThisWord]

DD Daddy...

...it's just not believable.

Best thing I can say, you open with boobs, a proven attention grabber.

But from there, it goes downhill.

Reader has to work too hard.

Site looks too homemade.

Copy doesn't make easy transition from section.

It's a start, but not ready for prime time.

[Rockwell]

Hello.

There are some things wrong with the site. Well, more than a few.

First, the text is too small and too blocky. It seems like a lot of people coming here have that problem. It really does not lead the eye.

Next, after the pictures of the "ladies," you have what looks like a picture of a guy and his wife trying to kiss.

I agree with the above post, the false scarcity is just dumb for this product. Why would you pull it? I don't know if this is going to be a clickbank product, but if it is you have to remove it.

The testimonials are too long.

Do not discuss whether this is a scam or not. If you gotta ask...

Good luck!

Lutzi

[Elle Davies]

I can't really pinpoint your target demographic. Who is this product aimed at? People who want to 'easily get a girlfriend' or 'easily get women on facebook'?. The pictures suggest that you're selling sex advice, but the picture of the couple suggest that it's relationship you're offering.

I would suggest being clear so that your potential customer doesn't get confused.
Also, this bit:

"I bet you felt good when i said You are really smart to be reading this
ha...haa..haa..."

...seems a bit harsh, don't mock your prospect! They definitely won't buy from you if they feel like they're being patronised.

I would get rid of the flashing 'Important Notice' sign too, it looks a little amateurish. Maybe just use a bold font to draw the eye to it.

And finally your P.S is a major let down - offer them something, don't say something that lets them down before they even purchase.

Good luck with improving your page!

Elle

[Daniel Daniels]

Thanks alot you guyz, all of you. Imagine what would have happened if launched the product with that copy! This is exactly why I love Warrior Forum. Thanks again to you all, let me rewrite the whole thing. cheers

[MarkJones]

Hey DD,

Whilst your copy isn't "bad", your design, font and layout is..

To get your offer to convert you need to have a quality design and not just a header and footer, you need your text designed, johnson boxes, testimonial boxes etc..

Even if you don't go for a redesign, you need to reduce your header size, don't get me wrong, the image you're using is great, but your header takes up way to much of your above the fold room without any real lead or headline. Reduce it by 40% and add in a strong headline.

Mark

P.S - A Headline like that below would help:

Instantly Attract Beautiful Women And Get A Girlfriend Following This Proven X Step Guide

[Mel White]

I agree -- ditch this: "First let me say you are really smart to be reading this. Very few people are wise enough or aware
enough to even sign-up for a weekly ezine that will help them attract women and
lead happier lives. You're the exception. You are probably a leading-edge
thinker and more aware than any of your friends or peers.
I bet you felt good when i said You are really smart to be reading this
ha...haa..haa..."

And... if someone wants to attract women IMMEDIATELY (I'm assuming you're looking for players and not people wanting long term relationships?) then you need a convincing hook about why they'd want a weekly newsletter. Otherwise, they've got the woman and they don't need you any longer.

Also... confusing offers. I see a weekly newsletter, I see a free ebook, then I see a $27 ebook?

Shorten the sales letter as well. Move the bullet points up. And the layout with pictures of what I assume are sexy women (sorry... I'm a woman. I loooooove sexy guys but girls just make me go "ugh") is not very effective.

Don't use the standard "this is a sales letter for an ebook" template. Look at how the front page of some of the dating sites are made. That's the kind of look you want.

[Daniel Daniels]

I'm right on it, thanks Markjones, Mel White and all the guyz who reviewd my copy.Thanks a million times i'll let you know when am done correcting it.

[Toe]

Originally Posted by Daniel Daniels

you can find it at www(dot)attractingwomenimmediately(dot)com

replace the (dot) with .

before I visit your site I'd like to say, that it will be much better to have attracting-women-immediately in your domain name