Critique my free ebook/list optin page

[Chr]

I'd appreciate any advise on how to improve the optin page of my website SharedHostingRevealed.

Thanks for the help,
Chris

[sandrasims]

What jumped out to me was the size of the text. It's tough to read since the text is small. I think it is better to have the text automatically be the best viewing size instead of having the enlargement buttons. Most people won't see those, or take the time.

Pages shouldn't have dates, tags, author or hits. Only blog posts should have dates and author name. Never display "hits" or use hit counters.

Good luck!

[OutOfThisWord]

You have no headline and the opt-in is below the fold.

Readers will not work that hard, they will simply take the path of least resistance and that is to click away.

[robsterhews]

Second sentence - the word should be "advice" - not "advise"

[Crystal_Jobs]

Hey Chr.

You did a great job.

It's just that the content of that page does not show so much excitement. I think you should rewrite that page. Tell the your prospects what they stand to gain, how much the free ebook is worth in $dollars, and why they should get it.

I hope this helps.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by Crystal_Jobs

Hey Chr.

You did a great job.

It's just that the content of that page does not show so much excitement. I think you should rewrite that page. Tell the your prospects what they stand to gain, how much the free ebook is worth in , and why they should get it.

I hope this helps.

I actually deleted the first reply to this thread when first it appeared.

My advice then was to simply start again from scratch. No easy way to say it. It's awful. Plain and simple.

But... I'm confused by your reply above Crystal. You first stated that this guy has done a great job and then you contradicted this with an addon advising the OP to rewrite it.

Which is it and why do you state such opinion?

[jaiganeshv]

This doesn't look like a squeeze page. the optin form should be seen above fold. There should not be too much clickable links making users slip away...

remove the navigation links form the top right corner.

Just the description of the ebook, image and the optin form code will alone do, all others are unwanted.

Thank you
Jai

[Mel White]

I agree. "Home" should not be showing at the top of the page.

Free Ebook should not be the title. Ask a question or offer a solution (like "Is Your Webhosting Service Working as Hard For You as You Are working for it?" -- or something similar.) Intrigue the person.

Your first sentence is "The shared hosting industry is very screwed up. " -- there are a lot of people hitting that page who will go "Huh? What is shared hosting? do I have it? Who says it's screwed up?" Put a little meat on that.

"Questionable business practices like overselling and unlimited hosting add to the confusion." isn't a good sentence. (perhaps make it "add to the problem of deciding whether a host is worth using.")

In not putting anything unusual in the ad, there's no reason to think you might know something that the casual traveler doesn't know -- add in some "secret" or "little known fact."

[Mark Andrews]

Given my reply above - a constructive critique is in order...

You want to know what's wrong with this squeeze page?

Excuse my bluntness but take heed of my advice and your conversion rate will rise.

The design of the page first is absolutely awful, just dreadful. Change it out immediately.

Look on the web or indeed other marketers squeezepages on this forum and ask yourself why their squeezepages are designed the way they are.

How many squeezepages do you see which are pulling a very good response rate which are designed very similarly to yours? Precisely. None whatsoever. And for bloody good reason!

Want to know why they're designed the way they are?

Because most marketers, and copywriters especially, are pretty fanatical about testing all copy elements as well as the sales copy used on their squeezepages to extract the best possible conversion rate. And this is exactly what you want. The best conversion rate possible.

At the moment... your approach just looks utterly unprofessional and positively amateurish.

Now as regards your 'sales copy' if one can call it that. (Probably over-doing a compliment)

Where is your benefit driven headline? You haven't got one. It's non-existent. Nothing there. Zilch. Nada. Why?

All you've got is... Free Ebook. Wow! Is that mean't to entice your target audience? (Raises an eyebrow questioningly)

Your first sentence... how can you qualify this very negative statement? How are you backing it up? What facts or proof do you have that this is the case? You can't just come out with such an obscure statement without qualifying it instantly!

This first sentence should also compliment your benefit driven headline. But without one you'll find this obviously rather difficult...

This first sentence should also naturally flow into youir second sentence. Which, incidentally, in your case, doesn't make any sense.

And your third sentence, well, the only thing adding to the confusion in this case is your use of chosen words to explain whatever point it is you're trying to make.

Obviously you've put this page together with an objective in mind. To gather names and email addresses for your list. But ask yourself honestly... if you personally came across someone else with a squeezepage like this - would you give your name and email address away on the basis of what is in front of you here? Exactly. Of course you wouldn't.

So the question is... why are you insulting your target audience thinking you can get away with such an appalling squeezepage yourself? Think about it. (It shouldn't take more than a couple of seconds to work out the answer.)

Next are your bullet points...

Go to Google or use the advanced search function on this forum and type in something similar to... "purpose squeezepage bullet points" - This should give you some useful pointers / advice on what exactly your bullet points are supposed to achieve.

The ones you're using are about as useless as a chocolate fireguard btw.

And that is as far as this critique is going to go for whatever you've got down below the fold - I don't want to even look at it. Why not?...

Because on a squeezepage you need to have everything above the fold including the opt-in box.

I doubt you'll thank me for my knowledge but it's your loss if you don't take this advice to mind and act on it.

Best,


Pete Walker

[JasonD2]

I have been lurking WF for a while (perhaps "gleaning" is a better word), and I am amazed at how many qualified people contribute to this community. I am encouraged by the extraordinary number of users freely posting excellent tips, suggestions, and in the case of this thread, specific criticism.

Although it appears that the OP was banned (perhaps this was a spam post intended to increase traffic?), as a beginning copywriter, I have received great value from your time and critique.

Thank you for your time and advice...

Jason