What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter?

Matt Poc · 08-22-2011, 03:38 AM

Hey warriors,

I've just released a new WSO and I spent quite a lot of time writing the sales letter and I thought that the EPC will be at least $0.35, but it is just $0.15 at the moment...

Hrere's the sales letter:
YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL... You Have To Start Making $100 in 30 days... FROM SCRATCH!

What am I doing wrong? Maybe it's only because I did not have any testimonials?

Anthony Lex · 08-22-2011, 06:28 AM

Well for a start you have one of those annoying cheap looking videos at the beginning. The kind that you get from fiverr.com that try to imitate a trailer from a film with an equally ridiculously mind grating sound track. That instantly smacks of cheapness and doesn’t promote buyer confidence at all.

Your offer which appears to be pretty good as it seems to provide a lot of advice on a lot of different topics that people continue to struggle with. However this might be part of its downfall as you try to cater for everyone and are not specifically targeting the offer at helping any particular group.

If I were you I would have broken the WSO into lots of different smaller WSO’s each nicely targeting a different area where people might need help. So a WSO on how to rank well in the search engines, then another WSO on how to effectively do forum marketing and selling WSO’s and so on.

robsterhews · 08-22-2011, 07:43 AM

I'm no pro. Just a regular guy - I assume I am your target audience.

I don't believe any screen shots (income claims, subscriber proof, etc.) Screen shots providing proof make me less likely to buy - maybe I am not the norm.

If you believe in your product - put your face on it. The video at the top should be you talking about the product - not an intro video.

I personally love it and many times become a buyer of a product if I can connect with the creator. The best way to do that is to have a video of you talking about your product.

Good luck

Crystal_Jobs · 08-22-2011, 08:19 AM

Hey Matt.

I'm not quite sure that title is attractive enough for me - $100 in a 30 days?

If you insist on using it, 'Your Back is Against the Wall' sounds like a novel to me.

That's just my humble opinion.

All the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Poc

Hey warriors,

I've just released a new WSO and I spent quite a lot of time writing the sales letter and I thought that the EPC will be at least $0.35, but it is just $0.15 at the moment...

Hrere's the sales letter:
YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL... You Have To Start Making $100 in 30 days... FROM SCRATCH!

What am I doing wrong? Maybe it's only because I did not have any testimonials?

JasonParker · 08-22-2011, 08:28 AM

Hey Matt,

Here's what I would probably do first...

Simplify.

Take a headline like: Who Else Wants To Discover The Same "Bag Of Tricks" That Banked THESE Kind Of Numbers?

Then put all of those proof elements right underneath the headline.

Then tell them what you have and empathize with them.

Build the value and close er out.

Daniel Scott · 08-22-2011, 11:41 AM

First of all, I'd lose the video. I'm pretty confident that'll help your stats straight away.

Second big thing... there's no hook here. You've got the "$100/day from nothing in 30 days" thing going on in your headline... but then the guys you're interviewing all have access to massive resources. If you want to emphasize the "from scratch" concept you're going to have to prove why these guys can show a newbie how to make money.

-Daniel

Ashley Gable · 08-22-2011, 10:30 PM

If you take a look at your headline you will see you that in addition to your headline there is also a little box that says "headline".

I am guessing that your original headline was an image. So you might want to take a new screenshot firstly.

Could help considering you cant read the word that it is covering up.

Matt Poc · 08-23-2011, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JasonParker

Hey Matt,

Here's what I would probably do first...

Simplify.

Take a headline like: Who Else Wants To Discover The Same "Bag Of Tricks" That Banked THESE Kind Of Numbers?

Then put all of those proof elements right underneath the headline.

Then tell them what you have and empathize with them.

Build the value and close er out.

Thanks Jason! I know you're a copy writer and I've been following you for seven months now.

From your experience, for a low ticket product like this ($9.95 or $17), does short copy work better than long copy?

08-22-2011, 03:38 AM	#1
Matt Poc HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 382 Thanks: 93 Thanked 61 Times in 44 Posts	What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? Hey warriors, I've just released a new WSO and I spent quite a lot of time writing the sales letter and I thought that the EPC will be at least $0.35, but it is just $0.15 at the moment... Hrere's the sales letter: YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL... You Have To Start Making $100 in 30 days... FROM SCRATCH! What am I doing wrong? Maybe it's only because I did not have any testimonials?
	Something big is happening in internet marketing industry... Success With Anthony Morrisson will be released on May 8th. Will Success With Anthony Be The Biggest Launch Ever?

08-22-2011, 06:28 AM	#2
Anthony Lex Wordsmith Wizard War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 66 Thanks: 42 Thanked 15 Times in 11 Posts Contact Info	Re: What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? Well for a start you have one of those annoying cheap looking videos at the beginning. The kind that you get from fiverr.com that try to imitate a trailer from a film with an equally ridiculously mind grating sound track. That instantly smacks of cheapness and doesn’t promote buyer confidence at all. Your offer which appears to be pretty good as it seems to provide a lot of advice on a lot of different topics that people continue to struggle with. However this might be part of its downfall as you try to cater for everyone and are not specifically targeting the offer at helping any particular group. If I were you I would have broken the WSO into lots of different smaller WSO’s each nicely targeting a different area where people might need help. So a WSO on how to rank well in the search engines, then another WSO on how to effectively do forum marketing and selling WSO’s and so on.

08-22-2011, 07:43 AM	#3
robsterhews Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 64 Thanks: 69 Thanked 21 Times in 12 Posts	Re: What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? I'm no pro. Just a regular guy - I assume I am your target audience. I don't believe any screen shots (income claims, subscriber proof, etc.) Screen shots providing proof make me less likely to buy - maybe I am not the norm. If you believe in your product - put your face on it. The video at the top should be you talking about the product - not an intro video. I personally love it and many times become a buyer of a product if I can connect with the creator. The best way to do that is to have a video of you talking about your product. Good luck

08-22-2011, 08:28 AM	#5
JasonParker Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: USA Posts: 4,156 Thanks: 906 Thanked 1,050 Times in 433 Posts	Re: What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? Hey Matt, Here's what I would probably do first... Simplify. Take a headline like: Who Else Wants To Discover The Same "Bag Of Tricks" That Banked THESE Kind Of Numbers? Then put all of those proof elements right underneath the headline. Then tell them what you have and empathize with them. Build the value and close er out.
	Go OKC Go Boston

08-22-2011, 11:41 AM	#6
Daniel Scott The Cake Is A Lie War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Mackay, QLD, Australia Posts: 2,199 Thanks: 298 Thanked 685 Times in 390 Posts Contact Info	Re: What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? First of all, I'd lose the video. I'm pretty confident that'll help your stats straight away. Second big thing... there's no hook here. You've got the "$100/day from nothing in 30 days" thing going on in your headline... but then the guys you're interviewing all have access to massive resources. If you want to emphasize the "from scratch" concept you're going to have to prove why these guys can show a newbie how to make money. -Daniel
	Do You Want YOUR Next Launch to Pull in $164 249.59 of PURE PROFIT in just one week? Click here to discover how I can make it happen...

08-22-2011, 10:30 PM	#7
Ashley Gable Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: USA Posts: 856 Thanks: 172 Thanked 95 Times in 86 Posts	Re: What am doing wrong? What do you think about this sales letter? If you take a look at your headline you will see you that in addition to your headline there is also a little box that says "headline". I am guessing that your original headline was an image. So you might want to take a new screenshot firstly. Could help considering you cant read the word that it is covering up.