Disaster Piece to "Masterpiece" for $500? Any TOP Pitchman Up For The Challenge?

[RUSHYYZ]

I know, I know, before you insult, laugh, cry, begrudge....that your talents are worth FAR more than $500. I have read the posts, and I've seen the monetary critiques. Unfortuantely, because I am new to IM, and because my failed e-book has sold a whopping $0, that I do NOT have more than that to offer.

I was hoping, on bended knee, that some kind-hearted mentoring generous expert wordsmith, would completely re-do my entire sales page, and use me as some sort of "pro bono case study" to take my sales from $0 to $1,000,000's!!!!, and show the world the REAL power of good copy.

I have failed, my writers have failed (possibly because of the difficult seeming dichotomy of the niche). It's up to yuo Obi-wan, you're my only hope!

I can not PM (too low post count), so pm me if this sounds like yuo might want to have a crack at it. And please, I am not looking for simple "guidance" or "creative input". I need a REAL professional to completely re-create my sales page from ground-up, PLEASE! I'm desperate!

Thanks for your time. PMs will be answered with details

[Mark Pescetti]

The thing about beer (and alcohol in general) is how it functions as an accelerator and suppressant.

First it jacks you up, things the blood and increases heart rate...

...then it thickens the blood, creates heart stress (because it has to work harder to pump blood) and depletes numerous vitamins and minerals that are essential for converting energy.

The earlier in the day you drink beer, the faster and easier the body can metabolize it... and the less of a negative effect it has on the heart, especially for those who have tachycardia.

It's an interesting idea to put beer as the centerpiece of a "get ripped" shtick.

Email me the ebook and maybe I can help...

Links below...

Updated: Pete's (comments below) are right about the price... but for reasons that go beyond what you're expecting for $500... You also need to be concerned about the legalities of what you're saying/selling. You need to work with someone who knows how to properly address the potential problems and objections that coincide with your process here. That alone can cost over a $1,000 (for the expertise/consultations/collaboration.) Don't set yourself up for bankruptcy because you didn't stop and look at the bigger picture.

[Mark Andrews]

Graphics should compliment your copywriting not drown it completely.

What's with the main headline below the fold? Why would you want to force your readers into scrolling down instantly just to read your main headline?

Do you think the graphics above the fold are helping or hindering your conversions?

Simplify the page, your header is far too busy. The clash of colors is just ridiculous. That's one giant filter you've got going on right there. People will look at this instantly and click out faster than you can blink your eye.

Whilst graphics are important your sales copy is far more important!

About to check out the rest of this sucker now. No guarantee's at this stage that I'm interested in taking this on. $500 like you say is very much on the low side. But let's check it out, I might be able to give you a few pointers in the right direction whatever happens.

Back with you in a bit.


Pete Walker

[Mark Andrews]

Very fast glance through, nope, I'm not interested in this one, not for this kind of money. Way too low.

Btw... got to say it, I love Randy P's pose with his left hand, what the hell is he holding?

Don't tell me, it's a slug of brewers droop.

Hey, good luck man!

Best,


Pete Walker

[RUSHYYZ]

Pretty quick on the trigger Pistol Pete. Good luck to you as well, thanks for looking

[RUSHYYZ]

Thank you also Reflection, I appreciate your insights!

[Ken_Caudill]

The good thing about your product is that beer is a pretty cheap keyword.

Hint. Hint.

[Harlan]

I loved your site.

How are you getting traffic to the site?

[Alex Cohen]

Rush, you have a big believability problem. There's not a person on the planet with an IQ over 80 who will believe that beer helped create those male and female model bodies in the ad.

Alex

[John_S]

Rush, you have a big believability problem. There's not a person on the planet with an IQ over 80 who will believe that beer helped create those male and female model bodies in the ad.

As much as it pains me, I have to agree.

This violates the basic world view of 1) Weight loss seekers 2) Beer drinkers. Zero dollars is a very telling statistic that what you're doing is just flat our wrong.

No copywriter is going to multiply zeros. I don't care if it's $500 or $5K.

However, the solution is simple, and proven. The basic pitch is isolating what specifically in beer does reduce weight, and then pitch that ingredient. Not beer.

Basically this reads like a huge scam. Take a hint: When you are doing ZERO dollars, the expert advice is you're doing something fundamentally WRONG. You need a major rethink. Not a copywriting bandaid.

Any (ANY) top pitchman (or woman) is going to see zero dollars in sales as a big red flag that something is SCREWY -- fundamentally flawed with the offer. If they do touch it, there will be major revisions going far beyond copywriting.

You'd be better off selling hunting videos to PETA members, or computers to the amish community. There is something fundamentally contradictory to the offer that flat out invalidates every word you write. There is no secret phrase some top pitchman is going to write which changes this.

Which is not to say there won't be dozens of sub-$500 copy cubs willing to dispute this.

[The Copy Nazi]

Hysterical. Major credibility problem. Wild claims - even wilder photos of "cut" bodies holding beer and lifting 6-packs. As for your testimonials - very much on the nose. "Joseph, Australia" says "my friends and I love to pound the beers". No Australian would say that. He might say "My mates and I love to get pissed on beer".

The page layout is a mess. You don't need the flashing prehead and the main headline itself isn't exactly doing it. It would be better as a subhead. Here's your head -

Beer - breakfast of champions?

Good News campers!
Now you can get rid of your beer belly but still suck on a six-pack every night



p.s. best pic on that page is the "Doctor" holding an open beer. Wonder what his speciality is?

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by Harlan

I loved your site.

How are you getting traffic to the site?

Raises an eyebrow and looks at Harlan quizzically over the top of his spectacles.

[Harlan]

Sigh...

some of you guys need to go back to the Dan Kennedy / Gary Halbert / John Carlton basic lessons.

If you're a beer drinker and your over weight, this hook is amazing.

Add a little more information on the pseudo-science of it and you'd have a success.

Explain WHY this works.

Now that is on the copy of this.

Then there's the science of this.

If your program really DOESN'T work - and you have a great technique to hook people but the program is just a crock - then there is no upper limit to the negative karma you are bringing in to the world.

BUT if your program DOES work - you'll make a bloody fortune.

Based on the response rate from the members of the forum here - you have a major problem here.

But you are using John's number one favorite hook which is the juxtaposition of opposites.

If this is real - work it.

If this is fake - shame on you.

[John_S]

my failed e-book has sold a whopping $0

Sigh. Something is screwy here.

If it were not, the pitch would succeed in spite of itself. Might be low response. Not no respose.

[RUSHYYZ]

To all - Thanks again, and the "real truth" is that yes, it has sold copies direct, just no affiliate sales (for reasons too lengthy too discuss here). I have just left the station and it will be HUGE once I put proper marketing, content revisions and backing behind this. Hear me now and believe me later, lol. Harlan was 100% correct, in that this IS GENIUS, and you are all probably pissed at yourself for not coming up with it on your own!

I have no intention or need to justify the e-book, because to quote an earlier post, "anyone with an IQ over 80" would have done even minimal research and realized the scientific validity of this presentation before being critical. I am NOWHERE stating that if you guzzle a 12-pack each night you will wake up with bulging muscles, instead our approach is to utilize beer as a "healthy and viable" supplement to a SOLID work out regimen (which my book details), when utilized in moderation and with proper timing.

What I am most astonished at is the prevalent narrow-mindedness of the critics here. After all, isn't your job (as the supposed self-professed "elitists") to actually SELL something that is less than believable with your ethereal twists of reality? To make the unbelievable into the plausible? To open minds to new interpretations and ways of thinking with the magic of pen? Are you leaders or only followers?

If it was as easy as selling water to a dying man in the desert, I wouldn't be here, right? I came here expecting creativity, insight and intellect, but instead I get bombarded with naysayers and negativity "it can't be done". Open your minds people, it's already being done. Some little birdy tells me that you may be reading much more about this diet revolution in the near future. Remember, you heard it here first.

To those that were actually trying to assist, thanks again for all of your input.

[RUSHYYZ]

HARLAN - can you contact me directly, I think you will like what I have to say! cheers. Mike

[Harlan]

Originally Posted by John_S

Sigh. Something is screwy here.

If it were not, the pitch would succeed in spite of itself. Might be low response. Not no respose.

That's why I asked about the traffic.

[Daniel Scott]

Originally Posted by RUSHYYZ

After all, isn't your job (as the supposed self-professed "elitists") to actually SELL something that is less than believable with your ethereal twists of reality? To make the unbelievable into the plausible? To open minds to new interpretations and ways of thinking with the magic of pen?

Not really.

My most successful clients understand good copy is like an amplifier.

If you have something people want... it'll sell well regardless if you get the right eyeballs in front of it...

But good copy will make you a lot more money than poor copy will.

It's not about trying to completely change people's point of view...

It's about proving your particular product or service is the best to help them get what they want.

Having said that... the major problem I see with your page is a lack of credibility, and others have already mentioned that.

Not to mention the fact your testimonials are pretty obviously either a) fake or b) massaged beyond all get-out.

Finally, the FDA and/or FTC could have a serious field day with this one. You need to get a decent legal beagle to watch your back.

-Daniel

[gjabiz]

Rushyyz,

I don't think there is anything glaringly wrong with your ad. Except for the fact it isn't working...

that is, not working to pull in affiliates...and correct me if I'm wrong, but that is what you would really like this thing to do, right? Get people selling it like pints at Octoberfest as a clickbank affiliate...???

My advice is slightly less certain, less judgemental and more along the lines of an A/B split test. What you have now...against something totally different.

A couple of summers ago I had the opportunity to review the work of Ernest "Bud" Weckesser, founder of Green Tree Press and also founder of BIERHAUS INTERNATIONAL...

a little beer division that added to Bud's fortunes...considerably.

I actually found in the basement, buried in his archives, many of his original ads for his BEER making kits. A few even had the HEALTHY perspective added to it.

SO, here is my suggestion, take it for what it might be worth to you.

I'd write something more along the lines of an interesting story about how BEER was a superfood, in fact, the drink of choice among the ancient WARRIORS of early civilizations...of course it was safer to drink than most of the water they had back then...

but the tack I'd consider taking on your B promotion might look something like:

The Most Fit of Ancient Sumerian Warriors Had an Amazing SECRET Weapon to Remain Strong, Healthy and in Peak Physical Condition...

Their Secret Was Beer.

YES, beer.

Before you scoff at the idea of drinking beer as a healthy thing to do, consider this:

History reveals the the ancient Sumerians were some of the fiercest and fittest of all warriors. They were, in fact, health nuts.

And they considered BEER to be a health food. Crazy?

Not according to recent studies by the National Institute of Health, Dr.s (give citations here).

It sounds incredible. But it is true.

Beer, of course when used in moderation and with correct technique, can help you lose weight, get fit and be in the very best shape of your life.

NOW before you start thinking you HAVE to drink beer...NO, that's not the case.

The point is, if you LIKE to have a cold brew, there is a way to not only enjoy the drink, but there is a way to get a maximum health benefit from it. Here is the way:

The real secret to beer as a health food is found in the >>>>>>>>>>>>blah, blah, blah.

I'd write several different stories, take some of the testimonials and get personal...

"Boston Beer Drinker Loses 37 Pounds While Guzzling Cold Brewskies"

spread throughout the copy...

So, it would be more of an Ärticle looking (as in Newspaper Article, OLD world Copy) so as to inform...

inform, educate, be INTERESTING without the hype of the sales pitch...
draw the reader in with curiousity...

let them know the facts (citations)...

lead them to the bar...and let them buy ME a draft (buy the report)...

But, this is just my perspective on what you are trying to do. IF after testing these contrasting sales messages, you have a clear winnner, or NONE at all...then you can go to the next step.

Good luck.

gjabiz

Originally Posted by RUSHYYZ

I know, I know, before you insult, laugh, cry, begrudge....that your talents are worth FAR more than $500. I have read the posts, and I've seen the monetary critiques. Unfortuantely, because I am new to IM, and because my failed e-book has sold a whopping $0, that I do NOT have more than that to offer.

I was hoping, on bended knee, that some kind-hearted mentoring generous expert wordsmith, would completely re-do my entire sales page, and use me as some sort of "pro bono case study" to take my sales from $0 to $1,000,000's!!!!, and show the world the REAL power of good copy.

I have failed, my writers have failed (possibly because of the difficult seeming dichotomy of the niche). It's up to yuo Obi-wan, you're my only hope!

I can not PM (too low post count), so pm me if this sounds like yuo might want to have a crack at it. And please, I am not looking for simple "guidance" or "creative input". I need a REAL professional to completely re-create my sales page from ground-up, PLEASE! I'm desperate!

Thanks for your time. PMs will be answered with details

[RUSHYYZ]

GJABIZ, you are wise beyond your years, a TRUE scholar, and I thank you immensely for your wisdom and insight. You are RIGHT ON TRACK with my intended approach.

THIS is the type of input, creativity, information flow and ethical story-telling that I was requesting in my original post.

Beer has been, is ,and always will be a healthy beverage if consumed intelligently.

Kudos to you GJABIZ! A cut above the rest.

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by RUSHYYZ

our approach is to utilize beer as a "healthy and viable" supplement to a SOLID work out regimen

If that's the "big idea" of your pitch, good luck. Beer drinkers aren't the least bit interested in working out. So scratch that mass market off your target group.

Now you're down to work-out enthusiasts... and they believe that drinking beer works against their efforts.

So you're left with creating desire by educating... which is a recipe for failure in direct response.

You're ignoring two basic direct response principles:

1. Target a hungry market already looking for what you have to sell
2. Enter the conversation going on in the prospect's mind (not yours)

But... apparently you're emotionally attached to this product and determined to market it whatever the cost. So it really doesn't matter what "self-proclaimed elitists" (your term) say, does it?

Alex

[JakeDaly]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

If that's the "big idea" of your pitch, good luck. Beer drinkers aren't the least bit interested in working out. So scratch that mass market off your target group.

Now you're down to work-out enthusiasts... and they believe that drinking beer works against their efforts.

So you're left with creating desire by educating... which is a recipe for failure in direct response.

You're ignoring two basic direct response principles:

1. Target a hungry market already looking for what you have to sell
2. Enter the conversation going on in the prospect's mind (not yours)

But... apparently you're emotionally attached to this product and determined to market it whatever the cost. So it really doesn't matter what "self-proclaimed elitists" (your term) say, does it?

Alex

+1!!!!!!!!!

(I would have preferred to only say a casual "+1!" but there is a 10 character minimum per post.)

[Ricky Allen]

Well I think a weight loss, fitness arena is a potential winner.

There is already.

Beer Diet Book & Beerobics Shirt

And yes there are many sites at the moment saying how good beer is, in moderation I stress.

In some of my diet books I have included drinking small amounts of whisky and wine and beer does have many healthy properties (dependent on the type of beer of course.

Ricky Allen

[Alex Cohen]

You may be barking up the wrong tree. I don't think direct response is your best approach.

You'd make out a lot better using publicity instead. Get yourself on TV talk shows. Talk show hosts and producers are begging for subjects like yours.

Just have a simple product page on the web that people who see you on TV can go to and order.

I believe you'd make out a lot better if you took your $500 and hired a publicity expert who specializes in getting people on TV.

Alex

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by JakeDaly

+1!!!!!!!!!

(I would have preferred to only say a casual "+1!" but there is a 10 character minimum per post.)

Thanks Jake, but it won't help. On this forum, I'm hopelessly in the minus column. LOL

I have a 1.7 thanks to post ratio, so I guess that's something. :-)

Alex

[writeandreview]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

If that's the "big idea" of your pitch, good luck. Beer drinkers aren't the least bit interested in working out. So scratch that mass market off your target group.

I understand what you're saying, but in the interest of helping n00bs like me everywhere ...

Let's say he's already saddled this horse and has to get to the town barn dance before his betrothed Betsy Jean gets courted and carried off by some fast talking city slicker fella.

(We've all found ourselves in this exact situation before, haven't we?)

Would it be plausible to say that, while beer drinkers don't want to work out, they do want ripped abs and a body built for MTV's Spring Break in Miami -- without giving up the beer?

Could they be the targets for this product? Aren't they?

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by RUSHYYZ

What I am most astonished at is the prevalent narrow-mindedness of the critics here. After all, isn't your job (as the supposed self-professed "elitists") to actually SELL something that is less than believable with your ethereal twists of reality? To make the unbelievable into the plausible? To open minds to new interpretations and ways of thinking with the magic of pen? Are you leaders or only followers?

Leaders in this industry have their own code of ethics. We won't promote or help to promote just about anything which comes to the market. No matter how much money is on the table. It just won't entice us.

You could put another couple of noughts on the end of your $500 offer and I personally still wouldn't be interested in any way shape or form.

It honestly looks like you don't know this product altogether very well. And really you should know it inside out by now. Sure, positioned differently it might have some legs but when you're still struggling to find your USP and it's the sales copy only which can sell this rather than the quality of the product itself - I have no interest in it.

Take Harlan up on his offer. A $50k+ reduction from his normal copywriting fees to just $500 might well be worth it.

You forget many of us have been around the block doing this for years now. We've seen just about everything there is to market under the sun. Hundreds, if not thousands of products. It's based on this experience that you're getting a somewhat 'negative' (in your eyes) response here.

If the product was really as good as you make it out to be or whatever you decide the exact positioning is to be in the near future, by now you really would have had affiliates jumping all over this to get in on this brand new and enticing opportunity. But something is sorely amiss when your total affiliate take up on this product to date has resulted in a whopping conversion rate of precisely $0.

Something to think about perhaps.

Note: Look at your positioning very carefully indeed. You should have done this at the start in the planning stage not now in your latter stage launch phase.

Best,


Pete Walker

[Mark Pescetti]

There is a market here.

The reason I asked to read the ebook was to decide if there was any genuine value here.

Trust me though, there are plenty of beer drinkers who'd love to have a cut belly.

Just the idea of being able to continue their lifestyle AND become fit has a huge built-in audience and hook.

The problem isn't positioning so much as whether or not he's giving the buyer anything of true value.

Beer creates stress on ANY body.

Stress makes us gain weight.

If he's got information here that might actually be useful, it would be interesting to read.

I doubt it though.

[RUSHYYZ]

HI Reflection, If you could kindly PM me any copies of your "Killer Sales" work, I would gladly send you a copy of my ebook. Thanks, looking forward to your insights.

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by writeandreview

I understand what you're saying, but in the interest of helping n00bs like me everywhere ...

Let's say he's already saddled this horse and has to get to the town barn dance before his betrothed Betsy Jean gets courted and carried off by some fast talking city slicker fella.

(We've all found ourselves in this exact situation before, haven't we?)

Would it be plausible to say that, while beer drinkers don't want to work out, they do want ripped abs and a body built for MTV's Spring Break in Miami -- without giving up the beer?

Could they be the targets for this product? Aren't they?

If the OP's words, "SOLID work out regimen" make it into the sales copy, no way. And if they don't (selling blind), he should expect a high refund rate.

There's very few niches where the idea of hard work sells. You can be sure beer drinkers are not one of them.

Alex

[Harlan]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Take Harlan up on his offer. A $50k+ reduction from his normal copywriting fees to just $500 might well be worth it.


Pete Walker

Did I miss something here? Or have I guzzled way too many brewskis to notice?

Did I offer something?

Point that out to me while I sober up.

[EricMN]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

If that's the "big idea" of your pitch, good luck. Beer drinkers aren't the least bit interested in working out. So scratch that mass market off your target group.

Now you're down to work-out enthusiasts... and they believe that drinking beer works against their efforts.

Alex

How about every single college student? Not sure how much anyone remembers college life or is still experiencing it, but it's teeming with young adults that teem both the pubs and the gym.

Hint for your target audience btw.

[NikNikAndCauliflower]

RUSHXYZ... I think you've got a few ways to go with this. This is what came to mind when I saw it.

Last night I spent the best part of an hour... trying to find out whether drinking a couple of beers would effect today's strength workout... and I ended up giving up on the idea of unwinding from the week with a few brewskis... because I couldn't find anything to support it.

And then I felt like an uptight nerd about the whole thing.

So you could approach it from the:

Weight lifters...

"Are You Tired Of Giving Up Your Friday Night Beers... Having To Decline Social Invitations... And Spending Nights in By Yourself... Just Because of What They Told You About Beer... And How It Would Ruin Your Strength Gains?"

Scientists Have Now Discovered bla bla bla

Just my 2 cents worth.

-Nick

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by EricMN

How about every single college student? Not sure how much anyone remembers college life or is still experiencing it, but it's teeming with young adults that teem both the pubs and the gym.

Hint for your target audience btw.

Alex Cohen did say mass market to be fair to him.

Whilst what you say might be true Eric, it's still not a mass market. It's a sliver of the market potential. And then you've got to reach this specific audience and convince an even smaller market segment to buy into this.

What you end up with isn't a mass audience by any stretch of the imagination.

Best,


Pete Walker

[NikNikAndCauliflower]

Just something else from my POV... I do Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 program and have zero interest in changing that... but I am interested in the nutritional/beer timing thing. So I dunno, maybe that's a different product... but I'd say it could sell on its own.

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by EricMN

How about every single college student? Not sure how much anyone remembers college life or is still experiencing it, but it's teeming with young adults that teem both the pubs and the gym.

Hint for your target audience btw.

College students as a group don't have much money to spend. After tuition, room and board, books, and beer there's not much left.

Alex

[NikNikAndCauliflower]

"Joseph, Australia" says "my friends and I love to pound the beers". No Australian would say that. He might say "My mates and I love to get pissed on beer". (TheCopyNazi)

The Jersey Shore wannabes on the Gold Coast *might* say 'pound the beers'... but it's still a stretch.

[EricMN]

Originally Posted by Pete Walker

Alex Cohen did say mass market to be fair to him.

Whilst what you say might be true Eric, it's still not a mass market. It's a sliver of the market potential. And then you've got to reach this specific audience and convince an even smaller market segment to buy into this.

What you end up with is not a mass audience by any stretch of the imagination.

Best,


Pete Walker

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

College students as a group don't have much money to spend. After tuition, room and board, books, and beer there's not much left.

Alex

Very true. Perhaps it is just another place from which to draw traffic.

College students have a lot to pay for, but it doesn't stop them from buying beer pong tables, vu vu zelas and a slew of other useless items. Not to mention that people like to curb their cognitive dissonance to make themselves feel better. If this book could justify drinking habits that are otherwise frowned upon, all the more reason for them to their conscience. I mentioned students as well because many schools offer huge gym discounts that cull more people than the average gym.

That being said, I definitely see both your points. Just spitballin' is all (if not for the copy, then at least for viable markets to target)

[Mark Pescetti]

Originally Posted by RUSHYYZ

HI Reflection, If you could kindly PM me any copies of your "Killer Sales" work, I would gladly send you a copy of my ebook. Thanks, looking forward to your insights.

Ah, no.

Firstly, I'm not interested in your $500. Add a zero to get in the game.

However, I'm always open for interesting JV projects.

Honestly though, I'm over it.

I do think you have a market...

...but when something is this much of a hassle just to see if your product is actually of value, it's NEVER worth it.

BTW, if you're an entrepreneur reading this thread and you want to hire a copywriter to sell your product or service, insist they read it, try it, taste it... whatever it is.

[The Copy Nazi]

The thing with drinking beer - and any alcohol- is that it's a diuretic - something that promotes the formation of urine by the kidney. In other words, as every dedicated beer-drinker knows, it makes you pee a lot. Meaning you dehydrate - which is the main cause of the hangover headache. This is exactly what you don't want when exercising - to be dehydrated. But I imagine if you only had a few beers every day AND plenty of water, it shouldn't be a problem.

The problem with this page is you're using cut bodies which - to me anyway - implies that somehow drinking beer and exercising is going to give you the same result. In other words - Misrepresentation. Not helped by dodgy testimonials saying "my friends and I love to pound the beers". Know what "pound the beers" means? It means to drink beer to excess.

So...I don't think it will fly. Cute idea but needs a lot of work. Maybe if you showed some Before and Afters of beer-drinking people - and I mean people who regularly consume at least a six-pack a day - you might have some chance. But as others have pointed out, serious beer-drinkers aren't into working out.

[Ansar Pasha]

Originally Posted by NikNikAndCauliflower

"Joseph, Australia" says "my friends and I love to pound the beers". No Australian would say that. He might say "My mates and I love to get pissed on beer". (TheCopyNazi)

The Jersey Shore wannabes on the Gold Coast *might* say 'pound the beers'... but it's still a stretch.

I was going to defend the GC... but... it's true more often than not

Ansar

[max5ty]

Guess this gives new meaning to the phrase "12 ounce curls".

We might start seeing gyms in bars, or bars in gyms.

You could have "Misty" doing a pole dance on stage -- Larry and Bob doing bench presses by table 7, and Bertha doing sit ups by booth 12.

Seriously, I think it was about 2005 when a study came out saying a beer after a workout could be better than water - for the carbs etc.

These studies were quickly followed up with other studies that showed no benefits.

I think you could have the FDA all over you on this if you aren't careful of the advice you give.

Your sales letter is all over the place -- and loses focus in many areas.

Good luck with your quest.

[svensky]

I had heard a friend mention this to me a few years back, that a post-workout beer was healthy for the muscles - almost revitalizing the body (if done in moderation). Also, as was mentioned above, this was a person in college who told me about their constant post-workout beer routine. You definitely have a market out there who will enjoy the lifestyle (even without seeing results because it seems 'cool' at the time). Since I've heard people mention it before (in different countries I've visited/studied), you have a lot of younger potential customers I would say. I am unfortunately terrible at marketing, but wanted to give my 2 cents on the discussion.

Good luck on it though!!

[Mr. Subtle]

[RUSHYYZ]

Thanks again to all, you guys are great, with excellent advice. See ya on the other side! "All lies in jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest" AWESOME PIC, is that copyrighted? lol

Peace all and best of luck in your endeavors.

[Daniel Sanchez]

Rushyzz...Let me ask you this:

What's your market really thinking about?

is it having a beer?

Really...are you sure?

There's this guy. Let's call him Joe. He's a pretty happy go lucky fella. Works hard, has a nice family and works at an OK job - But man oh man: does Joe love his beer.

From watching TV at home to hanging out with his friends at the local pub, Joe always has a beer in his hands. He even loves watching other people drink beer! (and don't get him started on his lucky "drinking shirt"!

But you see....Joe has this problem.

He sees it every day when he stares at the mirror.

It haunts him wherever he goes, no matter how hard he tries to not think about it...he just can't escape.

"What is it?" you ask?

It's the last place Joe ever wants to look:

His beer belly.

Deep down, Joe's devastated by it. He worries about what other people think about him when they look at his stomach. Makes him feels like his the biggest loser in town. And no matter what anyone says... Joe knows how unattractive his beer belly is and he hates it. He'd do anything to get rid of it.

Sure Joe loves to drink...

But every time Joe grabs a cold one and presses it to his lips...

All he can wonder about is: "If only I could be as fit and healthy as some of those other guys I see everyday"

Now Rushyyz....

Let me ask you again. What's your market really thinking about?

You've probably already figured it out by now:

It's his beer belly...and how much he absolutely hates it. It's his pain.

Your market is hurting and in a depressed state - at least the ones who want to change.

Someone whose proud to speak up and call themselves a beer lovers aren't likely to be looking to lose weight.

Your market is what they call a "hurting" market and unless you connect with that first and offer them hope, your message will fall on deaf ears.

Now this is just the start.

You could use Gordon's approach as a way to hook someone and inform them. Less change to your product.

BUT check the SRDS...I believe there are more proven buyers for weight loss products for information products than beer drinkers.

You can use an informational/ gimmick hook approach and blend it with a story that connects.

Still I would focus on beating the beer belly (notice alliteration)

Step1: Find a list of buyers]

Step2: Research the market inside and out. Market awareness and driving core desire of your market as top priority.

step 3: The Offer. Make it irresistible

Step 4: The copy.

Step 5: Test and refine.


It's not a perfect formula ( and not mine) but your copy the one of the last and final pieces of the puzzle. Start from the beginning and see where you can make a change.

PS - Great copywriters help you with all the previous steps mentioned. If not, you're putting yourself at risk.

PPS - Make sure to test small before you roll out a product. You look like you invested money into web design and product development but didn't bother to test and see if there was a real buyers market first.

Prove to yourself people will pay for something first. Then launch it on a large scale.

[Courage]

I'll do it for free, i'm a newbie trying a get experience, my last letter converted at 1% (this is considered good)

1) who is your exact target market, who do you think will buy this

you need to target college kids, they drink a lot and many go to gym and
chase women.

This letter should be written in the voice of a frat boy etc.

joe.po.brown (AT) gmail.com