The Ultimate Sales Page Copy!

[Dexx]

...is exactly what I thought I had on my hands...

however my lack of conversions seem to proving differently:

Countdown Conversions Software:ramatically Increase Sales & Business Leads.

Can someone tell me what I seem to have done wrong?

I thought I did everything right with the salespage!

Thank you for your feedback,

~Dexx

[jimmymc]

My quick thoughts.

Too many order buttons

get rid of that pop up

Seems to negative to me...that lead in needs to go and way to much failure story copy. The rags to riches subject is tired...very tired.

Anyone can roll a seven on occasion...people like to buy from a proven winner...so add more proof.

also, Your bonuses are in the wrong place...sweeten the deal before you ask for that sale.

You don't have it on your page but...I also don't like the idea of cross through markdowns on a page...it gives the impression that the product is not selling so the price has been reduced or put on sale and if they come back next week the price might be lower.Yet you threaten a price increase.

[tonyd13]

I think the pop-up is what is turning people away. It's right in the middle of the page so I can't even read the sales copy, and I didn't even see the countdown timer at the bottom until I was ready to close the whole window. I like the idea of the timer but I would put it to the side of the page so it's not in the way of the rest of the copy.

Then I would say the standard stuff that as already been said above. More proof, less order buttons, etc...

[procopywriter]

I believe the problem is more than just the copy... it's with the product itself. People have been using countdown timers since like 2002 and anyone with any level of sophistication knows it's simply a manufactured urgency tactic.

This script seems to have an extra level of sophistication by enforcing the countdown--something the "old" countdown timers couldn't do. (Although I'm assuming it would be easy to get around it simply by deleting my cookies and clearing my cache--something my browser is set to do automatically every time I close it anyway.)

The real issue is one of perception. I'm a full believer in using every persuasive tactic in your disposal to make a sale. However, you've got to consider the perception your prospects have about you and your tactics.

If they feel they are being manipulated--a very easy conclusion to come to when using a countdown tactic--then they'll either leave a little pissed off, or buy reluctantly. And reluctant buyers is NOT what you want. You want to build lifetime customers who become raving fans.

What's MUCH more powerful is appealing to your prospect's own internal sense of urgency in solving a problem. Add that to a legitimate urgency tactic (deadline, limited amount, etc.) and you have a much more powerful combination that doesn't leave your prospects thinking you're a sleazeball.

(I'm not saying you're a sleazeball... I'm simply pointing out the PERCEPTION that these kind of tactics create.)

If you're determined to use this tool, then COMBINE it with copy that appeals to your prospects own internal sense of urgency to solve a dire problem they're having. You'll get much better results with it.

BTW, I recommend reading Sylvie Fortin's "Internet Sins Manifesto" or whatever she calls it. She makes some valid points.

Aaron

[Dexx]

Wow, thanks for the quick responses guys!

Gonna have to go back to the drawing board on this one it seems then. :S

Thanks!

[andrewharrison]

I'll just add my 2 cents. . . You have black for your page. . . I would change that colour to something a little happier. . . Colours DO affect how people Buy. . .RBC is blue because? Royal, & Trust. P/C makes yellow packaged products because? Yellow is signal for LOW PRICE. And now for you Americans. . . SORRY. Pizza 73 Have Blue & Yellow. . . Trust, Royal, Low Price. . .(Hey you live in Edmonton as well, that is why I used examples that are near us. . .)
Regards
Andrew
P.S. For any skeptics on colours. . . Companies PAY BIG dollars to make sure they have the correct colour combos and the right colour for their products. Just my thoughts.

[TheMagicShow]

1. That popup is annoying, also what good does it do if you give someone 10 seconds to sign up for your list?

2. I see no testimonials or credibility anywhere for your or your product.

3. You instantly say " price increase coming", this is a mistake because, you don't want to paint a image of price or more expensive product without tell your story first and getting your readers interested.

The price of a product should come near the end of the copy after you have given enough reasons and assured the readers that they need to invest into your product, then you hit them with the price or the idea that a price increase is coming soon.

4. Your PS needs to be stronger

5. As others have already noted, you have too many buy now buttons

Cheers,
Magic

P.S- have you considered putting maybe an audio message, or video in your sales letter? How about a picture of yourself? Make your audience connect with you in anyway you an, this does help .

[David Raybould]

Hey man,

I think that popup is killing you. Your headline is usually the most important part of the whole page, and you're stopping people seeing it with a big awful popup. And it's not even like it's easily closed.

I was ready to read more of this and see if I could offer any help, but in all honesty the idea of sitting there waiting for the popup to disappear before I could properly read it was just to much to bear and I bailed. There's a lesson there.

Do yourself a favor, head over to the clickbank marketplace and see how the guys with the huge gravity manage their popups...you'll see a definite trend, and chances are the trend's there because it works.

Hope that helps

David

[Dexx]

Thanks for the amazing feedback guys! I'll make those changes ASAP

Question about the pop-up...on my screen the pop-over slides all the way to side of the page (so it should be on the colored part sliding along) and not covering anything.

Are some of you experiencing the pop-over stopping in the middle of the screen preventing the reading of the page? I hope not, that's a pretty big bug then!


Another Question, I actually don't have any "proof" so to speak for the product since I basically just had it created and put it up as a CB product. I figured eventually testimonials would could come in that I could use...

any suggestions in this case?

I'm thinking I might just need to scrap the product all together, I mean the pop-over AND the countdown timer for the price *IS* the product and it doesn't seem to be leaving much for a positive impression. :S

No point getting a bunch of refunds if ppl aren't satisfied by the working example as is... what do you guys think?

[David Raybould]

I wouldn't consider scrapping it just yet, it may well just be a simple fix or only on some browsers or whatever.

For what it's worth I'm on IE and it started on the left hand side, but once the page was loaded it moved to the center, blocking out most of the headline.

Surely this can be fixed though?

I've actually just gone and rechecked it, and moved all the way to the right this time, completely out the way of all the copy...

Maybe some others can let you know what happens when they view your page?

David

[Dexx]

Ugh this is the problem with website java / php scripts :P

Thanks for the feedback tho! On a side note, what screen size is your desktop set to?

[jimmymc]

Don't give up on the product....the copy can be fixed and don't demo the product on the sales page. Make demo page. A timer/counter is better used as a pre launch sign up incentive or a dime sale counter.

If you want to create a sense of urgency say something like: a limited number of products are available at this low introductory price...act now as the price will increase without notice...blah,blah,blah

If you want to add to a list make an intermediate page/upsell between the order button and the pay page.

Some copy points: The best sales letters are like a four legged animal or a table with four legs...remove one and the animal/table will likely fall over.

Benefits-Ideas-Credibility-Track Record

This is the basis for most...but, not all good sales letters.

[Dexx]

Okay I've made some changes to Countdown Conversions Software:ramatically Increase Sales & Business Leads., and can someone also take a look at the new example page:

Almost Here

and see if that loads properly for them, or forwards them directly to Google? Seems to be acting up in my Internet Explorer 8 browser.

I removed the multiple order buttons, and just have the two at the bottom once all is said and done, I changed the background color, re-did the headline with something different, removed the pop-up...

Still working on tweaking the copy etc now

Any other observations?

Thanks guys!

[maximus242]

I thought the blue was KILLING the readability, you need wider margins for your headline.

Use the same background color as on clayton makepeaces site, i read test results for this color, it might of been from Bencivenga.

Anyways, The Total Package Use his format for salesletters, he knows his stuff and its all been TESTED rather than just the byproduct of the opinions.

Overall I thought your opening was strong, your headline was weak and once your got down further into the body copy it weakened a lot. It went from really strong to weaker, weaker, weaker, dead.

[AndyBlackSEO]

Originally Posted by Magic Mel

1. That popup is annoying, also what good does it do if you give someone 10 seconds to sign up for your list?

What ya talkin about Willis?

[Dexx]

Originally Posted by Glenn Bradley Cooper

Hi Dexx, I like the blue you have changed to... was there a theory to that from a researched physiological point or you just like blue ?? I remember reading about restaurants and warm colors that promote the appetite ect. I wonder if there is a study for IM's on the best color?
cheers and good luck, would love to see how your going later with an update.
Glenn

I actually chose blue as per the recommendation made by andrewharrison above

[Dexx]

Originally Posted by maximus242

I thought the blue was KILLING the readability, you need wider margins for your headline.

Use the same background color as on clayton makepeaces site, i read test results for this color, it might of been from Bencivenga.

Anyways, The Total Package Use his format for salesletters, he knows his stuff and its all been TESTED rather than just the byproduct of the opinions.

Overall I thought your opening was strong, your headline was weak and once your got down further into the body copy it weakened a lot. It went from really strong to weaker, weaker, weaker, dead.

I appreciated this feedback a lot! Thanks

I was trying to find a good blue, I had settled on the previous one, but I do like this darker one better, thanks for the recommendation.

I agree with the copy, I'll be working on it throughout today to try and get straight to the point with more benefits, any suggestions of what was really big "copy killer" on the page?

[Dexx]

Originally Posted by AndyBlackSEO

What ya talkin about Willis?

I think he was referring to the pop-over opt-in form that was on the main page that worked like this:

http://www.countdownconversions.com/ss/

Except it was 30 seconds not 10 :P

[jimmymc]

Great link Maximus...Lots of great copy info...plus, for those who seek the truth, a great article by Clayton Makepiece on the mortgage debacle.

Thanks jimmymc

[Dexx]

Alright changed the headline from:

"Access the Secret Software of the Gurus for Massive Product Launches and Increased Sales"

To:

"Skyrocket Product Launch Profits and Boost Lead Collection using the Secret Software Used by Top Marketing Gurus"