Could you please critique my sales letter?

[Melanie Mendelson]

My sales letter is at http://www.10HourWebsite.com

Your help is really appreciated!

Thanks in advance,
Melanie

[Hans Klein]

Hi Melanie...

You're on the right track. But, here are some notes for you to make your sales copy even better...

First... the biggest objection you face is... "I can't do it." Your target market may struggle operating Microsoft word. So building a website is scary.

So, yeah, it might be easy for an IT professional, but can someone who didn't grow up with computers do it too?

You touch on this, but you can improve what you've got.

Prove that they can with case-studies/testimonials from those who didn't have the skills at first.

You've got some testimonials, but they're all lumped together and they aren't written in a way that helps you as much as they could.

Instead, you mght ask a few people if you can take their testimonial and create a case-study out of it. You might even personally help them create a website in exchange for letting you use it as a screenshot of what can be done part-time in a weekend.

Sell the final result of what your product teaches.

People don't just want a website. They want to have one with the looks and functionality that professional who charges thousands would create.

Moreover, website designers don't just suck because they charge an arm and a leg. They suck because they can take MONTHS of back and forth trying to get them to create your vision. Then, when you finally give-up, it's not what you hoped for and you don't have the skills to do anything about it.

That's why they MUST get your course... filled with shortcuts to get the site you want in only a few days. So, your course really is the quickest, easiest, and cheapest option to get what they want.

[Mark Pescetti]

Originally Posted by Melanie Mendelson

My sales letter is at http://www.10HourWebsite.com

Your help is really appreciated!

Thanks in advance,
Melanie

Hey Melanie!

So I read until you introduced the system...

...And I stopped because the copy, tone and organization is too far off.

I would start by immediately introducing the system/brand identity in your h1/headline.

Then...

...Instead of "are you held back," you really need to take the opportunity to stimulate some real, deep down emotion about wanting to generate financial freedom.

"There are infinite ways to produce an online-based living in today's limitless marketplace... BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A WEBSITE!

If you've got that million-dollar-idea, you've got to have the ability to get it seen by the eyes who WANT WHAT YOU HAVE!

Otherwise you're just leaving an unspeakable amount of money on the table.

And since you NEED to have creative control over HOW your business is presented, there's NOBODY out there who can possibly meet your lofty expectations for less than $5000!

Doesn't it make sense to invest in a simple, easy-to-follow FORMULA for creating your own website...

...IN JUST 10 HOURS?!?!

After all...

This is your life!

This is your financial freedom at stake!

Sure, you might THINK that creating a website is hard.

But the simple fact of the matter is that getting a brand-spanking-new website up and running has NEVER been easier.

And the skills I'm going to teach in The 10 Hour Website Creation System can be used again and again...

...Giving you the ability to follow the blueprint of the rich and generate multiple streams of PASSIVE income!"

Anyway...

Just try to animate what's really at stake here, then go more into overcoming objections, describing bad designer/client experiences and blowing your wad on a website that doesn't cut it.

---Mark

[Mr. Subtle]

[NickN]

Mr. Subtle's post is kinda harsh, but he has a point: You're not going to instill people with confidence in your website-design system when your site looks so... blah.

[RickDuris]

Melanie,

Here's what I suggest:

1. No offense, but your webpage here looks rather dated. Not "sexy" at all, like the kind of websites you're describing.

People want a cool looking website. So there's a big disconnect here, looking at yours. Maybe show a portfolio of what other customers have created?

2. Romance the idea of owning a great looking website. What emotions will they feel?

3. Much of the time, you're describing features and not associating them with benefits.

I hope that helps.

- Rick Duris

[Mark Andrews]

To help you Melanie (following on from Rick's comment)...

A feature is one of the components, facts, or functions of your product or service. Describe what it does, how it works, or what it looks like. In short a feature is what a product actually does. What does your product or service do?

And a benefit?...

Benefits are different than features. A benefit describes what a product does for someone to offer a solution to a particular problem.

Best,


Mark Andrews

[thetrafficguy]

Mr Subtle is right on.

If you're gonna teach someone to make a website first of all yours needs to look better than it is.

Sorry but its the truth.

There are plenty of templates out there you can use.

Then if you're gonna sell it I'd make a video and post it on there showing examples of what you're going to show them how to create.

That is a large majority of the selling right there.

You have a lot of other mistakes in the copy, but the above is by far the most important.

"Would you like to make sites that look like this..." then take them to a video spread of the contents.

[homenotion]

Hey Melanie,

You're on the right track, you just need to pack a little more punch.

Your header is where it all starts so make it appealing. For example;

"How You Can Create your Own Website in 10 hours or less and with no experience Needed!"

Then under your headline create a sub-headline that expands on what your headline says, highlighting a few more benefits there as well. The sub-headline should be bolded as well but in a slightly smaller font with also a different font color.

Bold more of your benefit statements and use larger fonts for the things you want to stand out.

Here's a post I did that outlines the format that works the best for salesletters.
http://www.homenotion.com/blog/how-t...-sales-letter/

Hope that helps :-)

[sethczerepak]

The copy isn't that bad for starters, it should convert. The problem is, I'm looking at this and thinking: "If my website is going to look like this one, I'm out."

Keep the copy and get a decent design done.

[Melanie Mendelson]

Thank you everybody for taking the time to critique my page! I really appreciate all your help!

I have updated the look of the webpage - hopefully now it's more like 2012

My next step is to tackle converting features into benefits. Right now I'm stuck!

Could you please give me some ideas on how to change any of the following features into benefits:

* How to get a .COM name for your website

* How to put your website online

* How to create an unlimited number of pages on your website

* How to add and format text on your pages

* How to add pictures and links to your pages

* How to change the look of your website

Any ideas are much appreciated!

Melanie

[kayshaw]

Hi Melanie,
Just took a look at your webpage and its off to a good start! I always like to bold my subheadings or certain words in red that you want to draw a lot of attention to, but that's just me.
The biggest problem I had was that the price is not listed until you click the order button. I don't know why but it really makes me angry when people don't talk about their prices and just send you to an order page. Your product has a good price. Talk about why it is such a good price! You'll never convince anyone to buy the product if they feel like you are being sneaky with the price. Just my two cents, since you asked, but you really are off to a great start!
Kayla

[Steve The Copywriter]

Hi Melanie,

Yes your bullets need to be spiced up.

Sorry I haven't got the time to do it.

But try the FAB formula.

Feature - Advantage -Benefit

Better still have a look at this thread -

Do You Know the Difference Between Features & Benefits?

Hope this helps a bit.

Steve

[Andrew Gould]

Originally Posted by Melanie Mendelson

Could you please give me some ideas on how to change any of the following features into benefits:

* How to get a .COM name for your website

* How to put your website online

* How to create an unlimited number of pages on your website

* How to add and format text on your pages

* How to add pictures and links to your pages

* How to change the look of your website

To uncover benefits, you need to think about what the feature does for the customer, what the advantage is of having it, why it exists, etc.

So for your first one, what's the benefit of having a .com address?

For me, the number one reason is to look professional. Also it can be shorter and easier to remember than a free URL. And it helps to brand yourself.

Then you can take those initial benefits and repeat the process:

What's the benefit of looking professional, having a short and easy to remember URL, and branding yourself?

And you can keep repeating that process and drilling down until you get stuck or get down to something like "it makes me happy".

If you go through that for each of your features you should end up with a pretty comprehensive list of benefits for your product.

[NickN]

To add to Andrew's point, always put yourself in your prospects' shoes and ask, "What's in it for ME?"

For example, say you're buying a high-definition TV. One of its features is 1080p. Now, if you're like me, you don't give a crap about 1080p, what it does, or how it works. You just want to know how it will make your life better, happier, and so on.

In my case, 1080p will allow me to watch my favorite sports in crystal-clear resolution. I can see every bead of sweat drip from the players' faces, so it feels like I'm ACTUALLY there... without having to spends hundreds of dollars on tickets.

Go through this features --> benefits process, and you're on your way to creating some effective copy.

[Ross Bowring]

Maybe it's just me but ten hours seems like an awfully long time.

You can watch Titanic back-to-back three times in ten hours. How depressing.

Maybe you can find a statistical "average" of how long it can take the typical hired web designer. And then you compare your ten hours to their 2 months.

So as your claim, you get to say something like...

"How to easily create a GREAT website 144 times faster than it typically takes a lazy and expensive web designer... even if you've never created a single web page before."

--- Ross

[ewenmack]

Melanie,

My first reaction, "10 hours to build a website?"

A totally non techy person like me can have a Wordpress site,
using templates and free instruction videos on Youtube, up and running in minutes.

Gazillion of pages are on the net about it.

Why on earth would somebody pay for old information?

No matter how much you like steak, the fish aren't going to bite.

Best,
Ewen

[Don Schenk]

* How to get a .COM name for your website - so people will find your site quickly, because most people search for a .com first

* How to put your website online - I will show you how easy it is to upload your site so millions of people can see you

* How to create an unlimited number of pages on your website - because Google "likes" sites with a lot of content pages, and will send more people to your site

* How to add and format text on your pages - so you will draw attention to what you want people to read

* How to add pictures and links to your pages - to send your readers to the products you sell

* How to change the look of your website - to make your site look up-to-date, and appear more appealing to viewers

It's a start.

:-Don