Please critique my page. Ready for PPC

[Webghost]

Hey guys,

First time copywriting in English, so a bit unsure about the copy. I'm about to spend some money on PPC and before I do that I could use some warrior advice

Here's my page and service: madridbarajasshuttle.com

Thanks!
WG.

[robchapman]

Hi

Your site looks really good. It is nicely formatted, and since it is a serivce, instead of a product, there isn't a need to over do the sales page. You did a good job in using sub titles to break up the sales letter. You also did well in explaining exactly what the customer would get in a bullet point format.

You may want to use a red or green font color for your title, just to grab the customer's attention a bit more and make the title stand out. You can also do that with your sub titles. You may also want to share a personal story about trying to get from the airport to Madrid so the person reading the page will relate to your experience and make an emotional connection.

Hope that helps

[mowse73]

Hi Wg.

Your English is good although i did spot a couple of mistakes.

"so you can ride in complete confort." should be comfort.

"We have 100% availability which allow us to guarantee you’ll be picked up at the airport."

This sentence could probably be redone. Allows us.

I'm not sure about the photo of the airport, perhaps you should use a picture of the vehicle your clients will be travelling in.

I'm sure warriors, more qualified than I, can critique your copy.

Good Luck

Martin

[robchapman]

Originally Posted by mowse73

I'm not sure about the photo of the airport, perhaps you should use a picture of the vehicle your clients will be travelling in.
Martin

This is a good idea, you may even consider placing a picture of your vehicle in front of the airport.

[Mr. Subtle]

Originally Posted by Webghost

First time copywriting in English, so a bit unsure about the copy.

I see you're also a bit unsure of your math too. In your subhead you state: "You are about to save 40 Euros..."

In your second paragraph you say: "You see, a typical ride from Madrid Barajas Airport to Madrid could cost you up to 80 Euros. 80 euros you’ll not be seing again."

Let me see... 80 Euros minus 40 Euros is 40 Euros (yeah, I'm a math whiz) and yet you're selling your ride for 60 Euros instead of 40 Euros.

[Webghost]

Thank you!

I'm colorblind. Since the color red does nothing for me I stay away from it and always forget about it hehe. I'll try and see how it looks.

Awesome tip about the personal story!

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by mowse73

Hi Wg.

Your English is good although i did spot a couple of mistakes.

"so you can ride in complete confort." should be comfort.

"We have 100% availability which allow us to guarantee you’ll be picked up at the airport."

This sentence could probably be redone. Allows us.

I'm not sure about the photo of the airport, perhaps you should use a picture of the vehicle your clients will be travelling in.

I'm sure warriors, more qualified than I, can critique your copy.

Good Luck

Martin

Thanks Martin! I'll correct them right away

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by robchapman

Hi

Your site looks really good. It is nicely formatted, and since it is a serivce, instead of a product, there isn't a need to over do the sales page. You did a good job in using sub titles to break up the sales letter. You also did well in explaining exactly what the customer would get in a bullet point format.

You may want to use a red or green font color for your title, just to grab the customer's attention a bit more and make the title stand out. You can also do that with your sub titles. You may also want to share a personal story about trying to get from the airport to Madrid so the person reading the page will relate to your experience and make an emotional connection.

Hope that helps

Thank you!

I'm colorblind. Since the color red does nothing for me I stay away from it and always forget about it hehe. I'll try and see how it looks.

Awesome tip about the personal story!

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle

I see you're also a bit unsure of your math too. In your subhead you state: "You are about to save 40 Euros..."

In your second paragraph you say: "You see, a typical ride from Madrid Barajas Airport to Madrid could cost you up to 80 Euros. 80 euros you’ll not be seing again."

Let me see... 80 Euros minus 40 Euros is 40 Euros (yeah, I'm a math whiz) and yet you're selling your ride for 60 Euros instead of 40 Euros.

Mr. Subtle, your subtlety precedes you

I need to explain why is 40 (missed that one!). Taxis collect an extra charge for bags!

[RickDuris]

A few comments...

1. First, you run the risk of getting your PPC shutdown and banned. Google will think this is a low quality website.

2. Your "above the fold" is really lacking. For instance:

You're wasting all the space on a picture of an empty terminal? How is THAT going to help you get more reservations?

You'd be better off with a picture of smiling, happy tourists in Madrid. Even better, next to one of your sparkling clean shuttle buses and friendly drivers.

Where's the phone number above the fold? In fact, you don't really have a phone number at all! What shuttle company doesn't have a phone number? But you offer an email? Weird.

You might want to let people know all the languages spoken (above the fold)

You want to let people know all the payment options (above the fold).

You want to let people know your hours of business (above the fold).

3. Consider a mobile website. I suspect the majority of your traffic will be from cell phones, not desktops.

4. Your check out system is weird. FDS Consulting doesn't exactly seem like a shuttle business, does it? Plus you never really ask up front when they want to be picked up. How many bags. How many people in the party. Their destination.

5. You want to be paid up front before services are rendered? 100% of the time?

6. What happens if there is a no show, or a miscommunication between the driver and the customer in terms of when and where the pick up is? Especially with no phone #?

6. You have the opportunity to pre-book the return run and you don't. Why?

Bottom line, this website doesn't look legitimate.

This is one of the those situations where you should hire a programmer.

- Rick Duris

[scott_krech]

The above is a perfect example of how being Rick-rolled can be a GOOD thing! haha

[max5ty]

Originally Posted by Webghost

Hey guys,

First time copywriting in English, so a bit unsure about the copy. I'm about to spend some money on PPC and before I do that I could use some warrior advice

Here's my page and service: madridbarajasshuttle.com

Thanks!
WG.

Have you ever seen these commercials for The Mexico Taxi Project?

Mexico Taxi Project

You might get some ideas from their style of advertising.

[Carl Juneau]

Hola WG:

¡Lo has hecho muy bien!

What I'd do is add a call to action above the fold.

Some people are just hot, ready to buy, and just want to book your shuttle right now.

For those people, you could add a "Book a shuttle" or "Reserve your ticket online" button or link at the top right of your page.

Adding a call to action above the fold usually lifts response.

Good luck!

Carl

[tryinhere]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

A few comments...

1. First, you run the risk of getting your PPC shutdown and banned. Google will think this is a low quality website.

100% correct, that would be shut down and likley your account suspended as it falls over at every hurdle, you need to add all support pages, about us, contact us, terms, privacy etc etc.

and also loose the click bank copy your selling a ride in a car not a click bank ebook, that layout will just raise the hair on googles back.

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by Webghost

Hey guys,

First time copywriting in English, so a bit unsure about the copy. I'm about to spend some money on PPC and before I do that I could use some warrior advice

Here's my page and service: madridbarajasshuttle.com

Thanks!
WG.

Not good. Your positioning is completely wrong. As is your site design. Basically this fails on all points.

Why?

As Rick correctly pointed out above people are not going to search for this service from a desktop computer. They will more than likely be searching for this information using their smartphone or iPhone.

And they won't be interested in all the non relevant content (or current photograph) you currently have on your site. All these arrivals want is to know precisely how your service is going to benefit them.

What they want is a quick easy solution, a transportation service for a decent price which is going to convey them from the airport to their chosen destination 24/7. Quickly, easily and hassle free. Nothing more.

So give it to them. Be concise and to the point...

Here is who we are, this is what we can do for you, at this price, and this is how you can contact us instantly.

Use bullet points. And a displayed strong call to action i.e. your direct office telephone number / mobile number to make an instant booking there and then.

It just needs a good simple template with the necessary info displayed above the fold.

Keep it dead simple. Everything else is just clutter. You don't need it. Your potential visitors aren't going to be interested in all the extra whistles and bells. They just want the information they're looking for. That's it - basically a business card website. Nothing more.

You do this and your phone should be ringing off the hook.

Just keep it extraordinarily simple. This is all people want for a service such as this.

Best,


Mark Andrews

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by Mark Andrews

Keep it dead simple. Everything else is just clutter. You don't need it. Your potential visitors aren't going to be interested in all the extra whistles and bells. They just want the information they're looking for. That's it - basically a business card website. Nothing more.

Mark is exactly right. Great clarification. Except the comment about "Nothing more."

There IS one more thing. And it's VERY important.

What's the ONE THING tourists are concerned about--especially when traveling abroad?

Their safety.

That's why your safety record, license #, insurance and bonding information for the driver and vehicle should be prominently displayed. The driver's defense driver training emblems would be good as well.

You can't have too many of these type of credentials.

- Rick Duris

[Mark Andrews]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

There IS one more thing. And it's VERY important.

What's the ONE THING tourists are concerned about--especially when traveling abroad?

Their safety.

Rick is right except there's not one more thing to mention but two more things, the first of which he's mentioned above.

The other very important factor which you definitely want to include some information about is the condition of the vehicles themselves.

People will want to know what they'll be traveling in. It stands to reason after a long flight, stepping out into the heat of the day that they'll want to be conveyed in very clean modern vehicles not some filthy dirty clapped out old banger.

Make sure to mention something along the lines of...

"Our fleet of air conditioned brand new luxury saloons will convey you safely, effortlessly and in total comfort and of course, no smoking is allowed in any of our vehicles for your complete peace of mind."

(Or something similar along these lines).

Best,


Mark Andrews

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by Mark Andrews

The other very important factor which you definitely want to include some information about is the condition of the vehicles themselves.

Great point, Mark. That would really be great.

One of my Clients is a limousine service. Their advertising draws attention to the fact all the vehicles in their fleet are short or stretch Cadillacs under three years old.

In their case, it's a point of differentiation.

- Rick

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

A few comments...

1. First, you run the risk of getting your PPC shutdown and banned. Google will think this is a low quality website.

2. Your "above the fold" is really lacking. For instance:

You're wasting all the space on a picture of an empty terminal? How is THAT going to help you get more reservations?

You'd be better off with a picture of smiling, happy tourists in Madrid. Even better, next to one of your sparkling clean shuttle buses and friendly drivers.

Where's the phone number above the fold? In fact, you don't really have a phone number at all! What shuttle company doesn't have a phone number? But you offer an email? Weird.

You might want to let people know all the languages spoken (above the fold)

You want to let people know all the payment options (above the fold).

You want to let people know your hours of business (above the fold).

3. Consider a mobile website. I suspect the majority of your traffic will be from cell phones, not desktops.

4. Your check out system is weird. FDS Consulting doesn't exactly seem like a shuttle business, does it? Plus you never really ask up front when they want to be picked up. How many bags. How many people in the party. Their destination.

5. You want to be paid up front before services are rendered? 100% of the time?

6. What happens if there is a no show, or a miscommunication between the driver and the customer in terms of when and where the pick up is? Especially with no phone #?

6. You have the opportunity to pre-book the return run and you don't. Why?

Bottom line, this website doesn't look legitimate.

This is one of the those situations where you should hire a programmer.

- Rick Duris

Massive advice, thank you! (this is why I love this place)

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by Carl Juneau

Hola WG:

¡Lo has hecho muy bien!

What I'd do is add a call to action above the fold.

Some people are just hot, ready to buy, and just want to book your shuttle right now.

For those people, you could add a "Book a shuttle" or "Reserve your ticket online" button or link at the top right of your page.

Adding a call to action above the fold usually lifts response.

Good luck!

Carl

¡Muchas gracias! That's a great idea, I'll implement it right away!

[Webghost]

Originally Posted by Mark Andrews

Not good. Your positioning is completely wrong. As is your site design. Basically this fails on all points.

Why?

As Rick correctly pointed out above people are not going to search for this service from a desktop computer. They will more than likely be searching for this information using their smartphone or iPhone.

And they won't be interested in all the non relevant content (or current photograph) you currently have on your site. All these arrivals want is to know precisely how your service is going to benefit them.

What they want is a quick easy solution, a transportation service for a decent price which is going to convey them from the airport to their chosen destination 24/7. Quickly, easily and hassle free. Nothing more.

So give it to them. Be concise and to the point...

Here is who we are, this is what we can do for you, at this price, and this is how you can contact us instantly.

Use bullet points. And a displayed strong call to action i.e. your direct office telephone number / mobile number to make an instant booking there and then.

It just needs a good simple template with the necessary info displayed above the fold.

Keep it dead simple. Everything else is just clutter. You don't need it. Your potential visitors aren't going to be interested in all the extra whistles and bells. They just want the information they're looking for. That's it - basically a business card website. Nothing more.

You do this and your phone should be ringing off the hook.

Just keep it extraordinarily simple. This is all people want for a service such as this.

Best,


Mark Andrews

Fantastic, thank you!

[sethczerepak]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

A few comments...

1. First, you run the risk of getting your PPC shutdown and banned. Google will think this is a low quality website.

2. Your "above the fold" is really lacking. For instance:

You're wasting all the space on a picture of an empty terminal? How is THAT going to help you get more reservations?

You'd be better off with a picture of smiling, happy tourists in Madrid. Even better, next to one of your sparkling clean shuttle buses and friendly drivers.

Where's the phone number above the fold? In fact, you don't really have a phone number at all! What shuttle company doesn't have a phone number? But you offer an email? Weird.

You might want to let people know all the languages spoken (above the fold)

You want to let people know all the payment options (above the fold).

You want to let people know your hours of business (above the fold).

3. Consider a mobile website. I suspect the majority of your traffic will be from cell phones, not desktops.

4. Your check out system is weird. FDS Consulting doesn't exactly seem like a shuttle business, does it? Plus you never really ask up front when they want to be picked up. How many bags. How many people in the party. Their destination.

5. You want to be paid up front before services are rendered? 100% of the time?

6. What happens if there is a no show, or a miscommunication between the driver and the customer in terms of when and where the pick up is? Especially with no phone #?

6. You have the opportunity to pre-book the return run and you don't. Why?

Bottom line, this website doesn't look legitimate.

This is one of the those situations where you should hire a programmer.

- Rick Duris

Listen to this guy ^. Quality score is a bigger concern than copywriting in PPC. Once you get that taken care of, then you can worry about copy. But if you get banged with a low quality score, your URL will get blacklisted and no one will ever see it....then it won't matter how good your copy is.

Take this guy's advice, he seems to know what he's talking about.